Just go ahead, I'm your strong back-up always! ----Father's word My father, to me, is the best father in this world. My father was born in 1954 in a farmer's family, the seventh child. He had a hungry childhood. When I was young, he always said:" Don't waste any food. Although you are in a rich society, you don't need to worry your diners. Do you know? When I was a child, if I can find some leaves from the trees and some edible wild herbs in the earth, that was a wonderful thing for me." There are many members in his family, they can't have enough food all the time. During his childhood, he didn't need to go to school, but needed to look for more leaves or wild herbs for himself and his family. As we always eat the vegetables from the market, I often argue that I would like to taste some edible wild herbs, but unluckily there is no chance. Every generation has his happy and bad days.My father has only gone to school for five years. He said when he knew some words and knew how to count, his educated life was end. He went to a carpenter as an apprentice. My father is a genious person, he know a lot in this world. He can mend all the electric appliances and connect the wires, he can mend the tubes, he can build a house (we don't have much money, he and mom built the house by themselves.) After his marriage, he needed to get much more money to support his future family, so he didn't continue his carpenter. My father tried to sell chickens and vegetables along the train, he can't make any profit from there due to his character. And then, my uncle taught him to butcher pigs and sell the porks in the market. He can't make a lot because of his honest character. In a market, you should have a good tougue, but after 30 years' selling, my father doesn't know how to shout. Luckily, his honest can get some regular customers.Although his education is limited and he can't make big money, he always said to us, " Just go ahead and do what you like, I'm your strong back-up always." My confidence is from his words. Although I changed to inferiority after my university graduation. These words always lived in my heart and supported me all to look for the real life all the time. I like to travel because I believe that learn more and travel more are the same important things in one's life. My father said:" You can't travel with my money because I haven't enjoyed the journey by my money, you don't have the right to use my money to travel. If you need and would like to travel around the world, you should study hard and earn the money by yourself." Who earns, who can use for entertainment. I get this idea and approve it, I never ask my father to support me for my travelling.My father, little education from the school, but he learned a lot from the society. Many good ideas I learnt from him. Hope my father can have a good life after his retire. Love you all the time, Daddy.

If death can be handled all problems, I think everybody would like to choose this method for some sudden moments. Many friends thought that I was the one who never have this idea. To me, while before people, I think that is correct, life is so short, why should I waste my time and help the God to shorten it by myself? It is a very very stupid action, right? However, behind people, I am not the positive person, actually, a little tired of the world, a little hatred about myself. I can smile while facing people, but you never know, I never smile while alone. Luckily, I always stay with people and keep high-spirit to face the society. While seeing the news about the graduated committing suicide in the school, I told my colleagues that I finally understood why the parents can put up with the NEET Group (the children without education, employment, training) because they still have children to stay around. If the children can't have the positive ideas before graduation and only a wrong moment, they choose to say goodbye to this world. The parents should stay alone after 50s. It is very sad. Therefore, no-job is not a big deal while comparing with a dead body. As known, if we don't have the despair moment, we can't understand their feelings. I know these feelings because I have the same experience. I smile to everybody all the time and persuade people to look for the good sides while I learn their stories. That is to say, I'm the sunshine for my friends and I never say anything negetive to my friends. But I didn't have any directions while graduating from the university, just lost. All the world around me, is just black. It is a net around my head, don't know how to escape. This feeling is a devil, can't be said to anybody. The worst moment was to commit suicide and then everything would be handled after my death. The world can't stand me because I'm a failure. This thought is very despair, very very darkest. I can't breeth at that time. If there is another chance, I would like to be another myself, not like now. How to finish my life will be an easy way to accept? I stay in bed for 2 days to think the methods. Time is long at that moment, I thought if there is any answer for the suicide, there must be some methods to escape from the lost. Why I should help the God finish my short life?While in despair, I like to listen to the song "The rising sun" sung by Li Keqin again and again until I can feel the positive energy coming back. Living and death is a thought in sudden moment, keep positive.

Dear Mother,I would like to write a letter to you and say I love you forever by here, because I don't know how to open my mouth to say it face-to-face or by phone. In the reality life, I called you and sayed Happy Mother's Day to you in the very early morning. This is our culture, very shy culture for the people don't express their love to others directly. Although I know how the parents and children speak love aloud at home in European and American countries, I can't change the way at my home because my parents can't accept and will scold me loudly. The proverb goes, When in Rome, do as the Romans do. We are in China, so just follow what they do.Mother, in this special day, I would like to say a big Thank You to you. Without you, I can't come to this world. Although I don't like your strong feudal ideas all the time, I should appreciate that very much because without this, I don't have the chance to be your child. When I was little, I knew that you wanted to have one more son, so you tried to get the third birth until fifth birth. I can't understand why since whether boy or girl who will get the same percent genes from parents in the physiology factor. Why you discriminate girls? Just because the girl's children won't follow your husband's family name after marriage? Mother, thanks for providing me a happy childhood. After I entered in the society, I hate you for repeating things again and again and comparing me with others' children through study, salary and position. Sorry to be mad at you while I am in bad mood. However, undoubtfully, you created a happy and meaningful childhood for me. During my study period, we were a rich family in my mind because I could get what I want every time through some different methods. For example, I liked to have a bookshelf for storing my books in the primary school. You agreed. I thought you would take me to the furniture mall to select one. But you have bought me two goods' shelfs from a broke shopper. To a child, the bookshelf's dream has come true. Maybe you are not a perfect mother, but you are the best for us. Maybe you only have 5 years' study in school, but you know a lot about the world. You don't know how to make up because you save every penny for us. You don't know how to communicate with people, but you are friendly to everybody all the time. You don't know how to make money, but you work hard in the farming.Mother, please take good care of yourself while I don't stay with you around. Sorry to make you worried all the time. Please believe in me, I will become better every day!Dear mother, happy mother's day to you. Wish you become younger and happier!

Maybe the blog will be annoyed you guys, but I feel totally frustrated now. Not about the jobs, not about the salary, and not about the environment, it is just about my heart.Today there are two interviews for me. Both are near Guangzhou East Station and both in the high building, not a factory or in the appartment. The first one is to recruit a merchandiser, they sell gloves. The sweet girl gave me one pen and one paper, I should write my recume again and do some excercise. After doing these, I refused to give them my own CV because I have written on the paper, the girl told me that my own CV will be more detailed. To me, if I have spent 45 minutes doing the same paper, there is no need to waste my CVs. And then the supervisor has interviewed me and asked me to introduce myself in Chinese and English, why I choose their company, etc. Actually, I don't like this company, I'm afraid that. Everybody has a very small table, the space is very small for everybody. It is very tired around this condition. Just a feeling. The feeling is not good. Can't breethe! I like to work under a good and easy-going environment! The second one is to recruit a salesrepresentative, they sell service. The HR is a friend of my old colleague, so she gave me this chance. But it seems that I spoke too much and too honesty. She is not satisfied with me. How should I do now? If I don't start to work asap, I can't stand working in office anymore. If you have read the novel Mia, Run!, you can understand my feeling. Some characters are same as hers, except that I am not as clever as her. No work, no value; no value, no motion; no motion, no existence. A way-out is hard to find, keep working on it. The rainbow will come out after the rain. Although everybody knows the solutions, only one, that is I know how to help myself. Is it right? Changes will be come. Guys, pls wait for me.

Although I haven't found my favorite job currently, I like to try something new and know more about the society and the real life. Therefore, I accepted some partime jobs. Many colleagues can't believe that an English girl has never done any partime jobs in the university. My parents said that it is too dangerous to do the partime jobs in the society for a girl and told me not to care about money. I, the only person, haven't tried to look for any partime jobs in my class (my classmates said that I was the only person in the campus. I don't believe that because many parents will do like what my parents do. That is real Chinese parents, I totally believed in that.) The most important reason, my good friend told is that I was not eager to money. If I am anxious to get money, she believed that many ideas will come to my mind, if I don't have any idea about money, so I don't have any ambition to get money. My friend recommended me to a foreign customer and took him to the markets. He is an Indian who is very very fat, but he is the guy who can keep time. This is the different idea from Indian businessman because many Indian businessmen are best known for their no-time sense. I have worked for hime three days. On Friday, I waited him for 2.5 hours in the hotel, my friend said that her customer's phone was out of work (the tel number is invalid due to no use for a long time) and she can't contact him now, but if I wanted to get paid that afternoon, I should wait for a little long. I hated people to waste others' time. Under this condition, I should wait a little long and get paid, is that right? I hate myself totally at that time. After 2.5 hours waiting, my friend asked me to leave because there is no time to go to the markets if the customer is arrived. At night, my friend called and explained that the customer was stopped at Hongkong customs because the queue is very very long.On Saturday, although I don't like to go on time, that is not my style. My principle doesn't allow that. If other people don't cherish your time, you should do your best first. Once I was arrived at the hotel, I called the customer and informed him to be ready. Luckily, we have a driver who will take us where we should go. The driver is a soho driver who has many customers. If they need to use cars, they should call him and make the reservation. Do you know that, my dream job is a soho person. Envy him very much. I should find something interesting and useful in my life quickly. In the end of the day, I felt very tired because we have been to 4 markets and looked for many many products.On Sunday, I planned to have a video interview by QQ at 9:00 a.m. , but the company broke the word, they didn't show up. While I go to the hotel, it is a little late. We agreed to meet each other at 10:00a.m. I was arrived at 10:00, but before near there, I tried to play a clever trick. I called the customer and told him that I was in the lobby. Know what? He was sitting in the lobby. My face brushed while I saw him. Too stupid! Again, many shops, pick something new. From this job, I know that I should keep my good attitude all the time, can't change anything. Good job will come to me, if I keep a positive and confident heart all the time. Bon courage!

Do you know how many ancient villages are there in Anhui? More than one hundred. "AH" Can't believe it while I got this information from the tourist book. Long time ago, I knew Hongcun is one of the most beautiful villages in China. I was eager to visit it and enjoy her beauty. Hongcun is a village with long history and full of magic. If I haven't been to, I can't say any word about it. Before going there, I didn't care whether the history is real or not, I didn't care how it will develop, moreover, I didn't care whether it is much business-like area. Although I was there in Chinese New Year, there were many many people crowded. It is incredibly, isn't it? My parents won't leave home during this big festival. In my opinion, there should be few people going out for a tour during spring festival because it is a holiday for family-together. To my family, I'm a crazy girl who don't like be back home with family and go out to enjoy lonely. The water is very very clear here, but some places are with dirty water. It can't influence the whole view. I enjoy the peace and the view very much. It is a small village with a cow's design. If you come here, the first thing, you should listen to the introduction from the guide. You can learn a lot. While I see the sunrise behind the Mountain at 8:00 a.m., the sun will be back at 10:00 a.m.. I have never seen this before, I considered the sun will go forward and never backward.I have been to some ancient villages in China, but I won't go to visit them again, no worth it. However, if I have time, I would like to come to Hongcun again, but in off season of tour. And believe me, it is worthy to visit this village while you don't know where you should take a tour.

If you ask what is the most important thing for me currently, my answer is travelling. I don't care the company or the long distance.My wish was to enjoy the sunset in the last day of 2013 (based on Chinese lunar calendar) and the sunrise in the first day of 2014(based on Chinese lunar calendar) in Huangshan Mountain. My action is done, there are two results in the end. One is that I enjoy the wonderful sunset. The other is that I miss the sunrise due to standing in the wrong place.While I closed my eye, I can smell the green, hear the soft wind and see the golden lights under the beautiful sunset in Paiyun Pavilion. Lukily, I don't have a camera, only phone, so I can enjoy the views with my heart. That was the most marvelous moment for me in 2013. To me, it is a perfect ending. I got up very early in the first day in 2014, in orde to welcome the first sunrise. It is very cold and dark, but there are many people around us, you can feel a spirit strength in your body. Why, because everybody gets up early to wait for the sunrise together. Although I stood in the wrong place of Qingliang Pavilion, I missed the whole sunrise totally. I learnt something from it, so it is not useless. Huangshan Mountain is wonderful, you can miss other mountains if you have gone it. Although I have this feeling, I also like to climbe other mountains in China. If there is another chance, I would like to go to Huangshan Mountain again and certainly enjoy the sunrise in the right place.

While I graduated from university, I thought money is not a problem (because of no money concept in my mind at that time), all I want was to get a meaningful life. My knowledge and ability can be improved in my job, then I can feel my value and existence during my hard-work. All my friends and my family can't understand this feeling, they just always say that getting a good job and enjoying the high income is the only thing we should do in the real life. I can't get their idea at that time, and now I can't get too because I feel more vacancy in my life, no purpose in my daily life, especially quiting the job. OK, the last job I quited is with very little money, I can't afford my daily life. But it is my choice at that time. I would like to work as a merchandiser and use my own idea to handle problems and communicate with persons directly (I always translated the emails and documents for the other persons, so I don't know how to communicate and how to think as a main role.). Therefore, I can accept the low salary at first. To every person out of the job, hard-working can gain a lot from this position. The same idea came to me too. In the end, I know it is unreal, the manager lied to me. The basic wage can't afford my appartment, it is very terrible. I know money now and I realize money is in life now. To every boss, they like to hire people with very very low income. The opposite idea for the employees, the higher salary, the better the employees like. The bosses persuade the employees that if you work hard, the salary will come to you more and more. If you are boss, can you imagine how much you really want? and can you imagine how much the employees need to enjoy their life. As we known, today you can earn one penny, tomorrow, you will eager two pennies. This is peoson's natural desire. Although I don't know how important the money plays role in our life, I know if we want to get something from the market or the society, we should pay something first, maybe labor, mind, or idea etc. This time I would like to look for a job with challenge, of course, with high salary which can afford a normal life for me. Am I a money-seeker now? Am I still lost now? Yes, no idea about life, no direction, no purpose. Maybe seeking after money is a road or an idea.

As I had two interviews today, I should finish them together before going home. After my first interview, there are plenty of time to take a rest, but no time for me to be back home. The company is near Mausoleum of the 72 Martyrs. Can you imagine that I have never been Mausoleum of the 72 Martyrs before? Know why. Because it needs tickets several years ago. Now it is free, so I'm here. There is no mood to look around, just walk and see. I don't like myself very much, because I don't know what I should do and what I want in the real life. With my upset, I can see the elders singing, dancing, playing chess and Taiji. And some elders take care of their grandchildren. Life is simple here, but they are enjoying their happiness. Why can't I? There must be something wrong with me, or my mind. I feel tired with my high-heeled after 30-minute walking. A seat is the best now. Two old men are playing chess in the pavilion, I like to play chess, but can't keep calm all the time. One of them is very good at it, but the other is not who like to go fast without any thinking. The good one always told him to slow down and not go fast, but he just complained himself and laughed at his skill. After 5 games, I heard slow down many many times. Slow down the pace in life, we can see the green in the garden. Slow down the pace in life, we can hear the laughing around us.Slow down the pace in life, we can think deeper and change our attitude.Slow down the pace in life, we can have another vision about the world. I would like to slow down and go step by step steadily in the future!