Things are going OK.Ivy is sad at home, but she is getting more action. She has interviewed with my company. (which is also her former company) They are quite slow to finish interviews and decide, so she has applied with my company's competitors as well, and we're hopeful she'll have something within a month or two.She's got her driver's license now, and has a lot more freedom. She goes grocery shopping on her own now, and can help do some of the driving for the family.On the sad side, someone hit her car in the parking lot and smashed up the bumper. When we had it in the body shop to fix the bumper, we found out that the car has been pieced together. It had a serious crash in the past, and they cut off the rear half of an identical car and welded it to the front half of the old car. It looks really good on the outside, but cobbled together underneath. The body shop guy says it is not safe. We resolved to get rid of it and buy another car probably as soon as she starts working, and drive our other car most of the time in the meanwhile.LiFu (our 11 year-old son) is doing well. We just got his scores from some state testing, and he scored over 90th percentile in two areas and just over 50the in one other area. (50% being the state average) The area he scored only 55% in was verbal reasoning. Since he hasn't even been here a year yet, we're proud of him for doing so well.Constanze, my three-year old daughter from my previous marriage is also doing great. She is as smart as can be, and full of energy whenever she is awake. We just got her a "big girl bike" but she wants to ride her tricycle a while longer.Ivy still has periods of depression. But until she gets her green card and a job, I don't think she will be happy with life. She has been applying for jobs gradually. I am a little surprised that she seems to be getting passed over for her accent. Her accent is not too bad. I can understand over 97% of what she says, I just have to concentrate a little more. I would think that her skills in Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese, XiangYang local language) would more than make up for a Chinese accent. Also, she would be a great Equal Opportunity hire. (Equal Opportunity companies are ones that try to hire more women and minorities to appear that they are unbiased)Many of you have read my blogs here and extended your friendship through the site. Several also contacted me as penpals, and I'm glad to know you.For my next update, I hope to be able to post that Ivy has a job and is much happier.

Now, Ivy has been here, married to me for four months.Life is going OK so far, the only problem is that she is not working yet, and cannot drive yet. She's so depressed, staying at home all the time, and if I don't spend every waking moment with her outside of work, then she gets really really sad. Just now, at dinner, I asked why she is so sad, and she said: "Because I don't know why I'm alive." She said before that she "feels like an additional person." that she's "not necessary." After she said that tonight, I asked her what has to happen before she knows why she's alive, what has to happen before she feels necessary or useful. No response.Obviously, she is depressed. Only, I don't know how to help her. I work full time. Her son goes to school. My daughter visits a couple nights per week and every other weekend, which cheers her up. But the rest of the time, she's in bad shape. Just really sad here.She was a career woman in China; had a good job as a low level manager. But her son was lonely and sad, because he was either at daycare or school, never had much time to spend with her. Now, he's very happy here, but she's so very sad all the time.I think I need to get her in to see a psychiatrist so that she can be diagnosed as depressed and get some medication, before she decides to kill herself. :(There are lots of western guys here, who married a Chinese woman. Did you run across this situation? What did you do?

You can read my earlier blogs for the history: http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=1043537&do=blog&id=9564&cid=38846&goto=new#comment_38846_liA week and a half ago, my fiance from Guangzhou and her son finally moved in with me, after we got our fiance visa and had a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years.Everything is going really well now: her son had his first day in American school today. We got our marriage license Saturday and will marry this Thursday. After that, I can finally get them on my health, dental, and life insurance. Then, apply for the permanent resident status based on our marriage and also apply for a temporary work permit, pending the permanent resident status.For now, she is a housewife, which does not suit her. She is good at it, but she is the type who has too many career goals to sit at home and be a housewife. Also, in this terrible American job market, where people are laid off all the time, it will be better if we are both working; more secure.Wish us luck!If someone has some tips on how to get a hot enough flame for proper Chinese stir fry on a typical American stove, please let me know!

Based on some posts I've read here over the last year, it seems like white guys usually find Asian women attractive.Through this site, I met a few nice Chinese ladies, whom I consider friends. Some are "left-over" and some are divorced, and therefore, it is hard for them to find a good guy in China. They asked me to help them find a nice foreigner guy to marry.I know a few fellow white American guys who are single, or divorced, and about the right age. I approached them letting them know I could hook them up with a wholesome Chinese woman with honorable intentions. She would be a loyal, attractive wife, not spend money like crazy or act irresponsible, and be a good life partner. But the men are not interested.Maybe they suspect foul play; like a scam. Maybe they think it is too much trouble, that they are just looking for a passport or money, or that a long-distance relationship cannot work.But I think it is just narrow-mindedness. Just like the Chinese men are only open to a young, unmarried, beautiful lady, the American men are only open to other American women.Too bad, I think it is a good match. The American man sometimes has been mistreated and it resulted in divorce. Maybe the same for the Chinese woman. Only now, the Chinese woman's youth is gone, so she has a very tough challenge to find a new mate. For the American man, only the scope of his thinking (and maybe lack of patience?) is limiting him.One thing the Chinese women need to realize though, is that not all American men have money. The ones that are "left-over" and open-minded enough to consider a Chinese woman are often broke, since their previous wife beat them up in divorce court. So the Chinese woman should know that she will have to do it for love, and no other reason, and that she may need to work to help keep the family afloat.

Ivy and Anthony (that is the western name he chose) will be moving in with me for good on May 9th.Last week, she officially resigned from her job in China, effective April 30th. She is anxious about her one condo, which is still for sale. She was REALLY hoping to get it sold before she moved here, but we decided not to wait for that, as it could take months and months. She's not so anxious about the other (where she lives now) which she will rent for a while.It is hard to leave one's life in one's home country and start over in a new country with a foreigner. Very hard. I can see some signs of anxiety over this, even though she tries to hide it and appear 100% comfortable and confident. I can only try to be supportive.Now, it is less than 5 weeks until we will be together. It will be the longest 5 weeks of my life, I think.Thanks ChinaDaily Forum readers for your support and advice.

This year was my first time to travel to and within China during Chinese New Year. After losing one day in Beijing, due to the connecting flight being canceled by Hainan Airlines, we only had one day together in Guangzhou before getting on a train and heading back up to XiangYang, Hubei. Edited to remove non-working links to photos hosted elsewhere.I've uploaded them to my blog. When approved, you can see them there. Thanks for looking!This trip's purpose, aside from re-connecting with My One, was to meet her family and friends in XiangYang and WuHan before stealing Ivy away. So, kind of lonely for me, (as I don't speak Chinese) but a warm family time for her.I've never been so cold in my life. It is not too cold there, but very damp, and relentless, since it is as cold inside as outside.Here's a link to the pix, in My Album:http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=1043537&do=album&id=6083

I just got back from my 4th trip to Guangzhou, and do you know, I've never been to a KTV? I see a lot of negative comments about those places here. They are just karaoke bars, right? Sounds like it might be a good time.I'm unlikely to return to China for several years, so please tell me what I missed.

A few of you have wished me luck, and one asked for an update on our relationship, so here it is:Things are going well, overall, though we have had a couple of big fights. Sometimes, we get chatting or emailing, and there is a misunderstanding. Then, we get upset and end up fighting for a couple of days. Once a month, about "that time" she is easily filled with despair. If we fight about something, then she starts to look for the root cause and questions whether I love her. Makes everything just sound terrible. Then, we make up and go back to normal. Sometimes, we wonder is it because we are not together? We are missing all this non-verbal communication that we would have otherwise? I think so. But we also wonder during these dark fighting times if it means we are incompatible.Today, we talked about whether to get a pre-nuptial agreement. I have just come out of a bitter divorce, and I think I've gotten rather the worse end of it. So I would like to get this, on the off-chance that our marriage goes sour. I cannot afford another divorce like that. But her? She thinks that it would be like planning for our divorce, before we are even married. Says it would be a poisoned seed. I told her no, it is more like wearing a seatbelt in the car, just in case. It doesn't mean I think I'm a bad driver. Only that I admit there is some possibility I will need it. She said it is not the same thing. She said if I want to get it, she will accept, but it will plant that poisoned seed, which she cannot forget. I said that she would HAVE to put it behind us, just as we've put our previous marriages behind us. She says I should take the risk, to prove that I want to marry her. Wow. I don't know what to do about that. Stand my ground and plant the poisoned seed, or show my faith by not getting the prenup. We talked about bringing her money here. She is looking into how to invest it, in China. "Why China, if you are moving here?" I asked. She said because she doesn't know anyone here or how to do it. I said I think there's a way to bring it here as part of immigration, without too much penalty. So I'm looking into that now.It's a good thing I trust her, because otherwise, it looks very bad. Doesn't want a prenup, doesn't want to bring her money here with her, but manage it remotely, by computer, and fighting every month. I'm sure I will get some comments that say I should dump her, because she is just after a passport. But I really don't think so. She is very successful in China, and she'll be giving up her career and Chinese citizenship to bring her son to come live here, taking a big risk on me too!The above are the low points. The high points are actually most of the time. We text chat nearly every day. Talk on the phone at least once a week. Video chat once or twice a week. Send letters. This will be my third trip to China, and she has been to the US to see me once, with her son.The directors in our company are making plans to find a position for her in the US. She's not sure if she wants it; it might be a good chance to find something better. Also, they have been laying people off lately, and we're worried about what will happen if we're both laid off at the same time. It would be a crushing blow. More likely is that they would lay ME off. I'm a white male, who speaks one language only, and is an engineer. She is a Chinese female with an engineering background and management experience who speaks English and three Chinese languages. Even if she were only of average talent, (she's not) she would be valuable, for the Equal Opportunity Employment Act. They like to have minorities and women in power positions. I only worry that she will work and work and work, and neglect us, her family.

Sunday, weather-permitting, I'm leaving for Guangzhou to see my lovergirl. We'll stay there a couple days, then hop on the train to Xiangyang, Hubei. That will be a harrowing experience for a westerner, everyone tells me. Maybe not though, since I've heard it so many times now? Anyone here from that city? If so, I would like to meet you. I'm a friendly guy, always looking to meet new friends. However, last time I went to China and wanted to try to meet up with a Chinese friend on the internet, my Ivy was quite mad that I would even suggest spending any of OUR time with someone else. She's quite extreme, really. She said: "Oh, OK. Will you have any time left for ME!!?? >:( ) Wow!We will spend about a week there with her family. She couldn't get a direct ticket home, so we will go via Wuhan instead. Now, I will go and write a Hong Bao for her son, and one for her daughter's child.If you want to see some pictures of a Chinese family with a white guy who looks really out-of-place, then you will be in for some luck in a few weeks. ;)

Now, she just needs to sell her condo and piano, and resign from her job, then she will move in.We think it will be around March. It cannot come soon enough.When the schools open again, I need to find out how we can get her son started in school here, especially ESL. (English as a Second Language) He's been taking extra English for a long while, so it is pretty good for his age, but Ivy doesn't want him to miss much school at all, or to fall behind.