In my two previous blogs Can Your Heart Think? and Insights into the Heart I introduced the idea that the heart is probably much more significant and important than what our regular education teaches and what common sense tells us. In other words I believe that the idea found in early Chinese medicine scriptures that heart is in charge of our thinking has a valid basis. All Confucian, Daoist and Buddhist thinkers who pointed to the wisdom of the heart were not just dreamers, they talked about something that is real. I also promised in my blogs that I will introduce recent scientific researches that may change how we understand and perceive our hearts. Heart is not just a metaphor for the center of feelings, but it actually can remember, learn, feel and even think. It can process information outside and inside of the body independently of the cranium brain.I will focus on the research that has been done by the Institute of HeartMath. I am sure similar research is being done in other places and institutes around the world, but this institute in particular attracted my attention about 1.5-2 years ago. I am not their affiliate, neither I am promoting them, I mean I don't get any material gain from that except the feeling of contentment that I could share something meaningful and important.If you are at least slightly interested in this topic I would recommend to go to their website and read their 70 pages e-book "Exploring the Role of the Heart in Human Performance" with subtitle "An Overview of Research Conducted by the Institute of HeartMath". If you don't have much time, just read the first part out of 12 - "Introduction" - and you will get an idea what it is all about. If you are too busy to read even an introduction, then jut let me try to give here a short summary of that. They also have a section of Research Publications, with scientific articles, many of which were published in peer reviewed journals. I found particularly interesting the section called "Intuition Research", and by reading my blog "Your Best Friend - Intuition" you will probably understand why.The section of "Intuition Research" tells that: "...studies show a surprising relationship between the heart and intuitive processes, suggesting the heart participates in receiving, processing and decoding intuitive information. Compelling evidence indicates the heart can receive intuitive information before the brain." You can go straight and read the article "Electrophysiological Evidence of Intuition: Part 1. The Surprising Role of the Heart", which actually recreates an experiment done before and gives a very interesting analysis and conclusions about that. In that experiment it was found that when people are being shown emotionally charged pictures, there is certain evidence that shows that hearts somehow respond and react to those pictures seconds before we actually see those pictures, and certainly before the brain even starts to process them. In conclusions it is being mentioned that: "This study presents compelling evidence that the body’s perceptual apparatus is continuously scanning the future."In the Introduction of the e-book the authors of the Institute say: "For centuries, the heart has been considered the source of emotion, courage and wisdom. At the Institute of HeartMath (IHM) Research Center, we are exploring the physiological mechanisms by which the heart communicates with the brain, thereby influencing information processing, perceptions, emotions and health. We are asking questions such as: Why do people experience the feeling or sensation of love and other positive emotional states in the area of the heart and what are the physiological ramifications of these emotions? How do stress and different emotional states affect the autonomic nervous system, the hormonal and immune systems, the heart and brain?""The answers to many of our original questions now provide a scientific basis to explain how and why the heart affects mental clarity, creativity, emotional balance and personal effectiveness. Our research and that of others indicate that the heart is far more than a simple pump. The heart is, in fact, a highly complex, self-organized information processing center with its own functional "brain" that communicates with and influences the cranial brain via the nervous system, hormonal system and other pathways. These influences profoundly affect brain function and most of the body’s major organs, and ultimately determine the quality of life."Yes, you didn't misread it, they are talking about the heart's "brain":"After extensive research, one of the early pioneers in neurocardiology, Dr. J. Andrew Armour, introduced the concept of a functional "heart brain" in 1991. His work revealed that the heart has a complex intrinsic nervous system that is sufficiently sophisticated to qualify as a "little brain" in its own right. The heart’s brain is an intricate network of several types of neurons, neurotransmitters, proteins and support cells like those found in the brain proper. Its elaborate circuitry enables it to act independently of the cranial brain – to learn, remember, and even feel and sense."Another exciting part in these introductory e-book is the section called "Head-Heart Interactions". Let me quote a few passages from there:"Traditionally, the study of communication pathways between the "head" and heart has been approached from a rather one-sided perspective, with scientists focusing primarily on the heart’s responses to the brain’s commands. However, we have now learned that communication between the heart and brain is actually a dynamic, ongoing, two-way dialogue, with each organ continuously influencing the other’s function. [...] Moreover, our research shows that messages the heart sends the brain can also affect performance."Their research shows that "the heart communicates to the brain in four major ways: neurologically (through the transmission of nerve impulses), biochemically (via hormones and neurotransmitters), biophysically (through pressure waves) and energetically (through electromagnetic field interactions)." The last 4th way and the statements they said about this way of interaction between the heart and the head really shocked me or rather amazed in a very positive way:"The final two studies in this section are concerned with energetic communication by the heart, which we also refer to as cardioelectromagnetic communication. The heart is the most powerful generator of electromagnetic energy in the human body, producing the largest rhythmic electromagnetic field of any of the body’s organs. The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain. This field, measured in the form of an electrocardiogram (ECG), can be detected anywhere on the surface of the body. Furthermore, the magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 5,000 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain, and can be detected a number of feet away from the body, in all directions, using SQUID-based magnetometers. Prompted by our findings that the cardiac field is modulated by different emotional states (described in the previous section), we performed several studies to investigate the possibility that the electromagnetic field generated by the heart may transmit information that can be received by others."Wait a moment, let's pause here, it is just too much to process in one take. Are you saying that the heart can communicate and send signals to the brain? And it has been doing it all the time for ages? And we never knew about it? Nobody told us in schools about that? Everybody was focused on all powerful and all dominating brain? So now it is not a true picture anymore? And it never was? I also never heard before that heart's electrical field is so much greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain. While magnetic field is ridiculously greater - 5000 times - than the magnetic field of the brain. And you can actually measure this field outside of the body? It is not science fiction, right? Don't you think that it shows the great potential of the heart? I know most of us have no clue what electric and magnetic fields are, and we don't know it is somehow related with our thoughts and feelings. But think about it again, every thought and feeling that we have must have some impulse of electricity, as well as electric and magnetic field. If these guys in IHM tell us that heart can process the information that is around in a form of electric and magnetic fields independently of the brain, it is just another way to tell that heart can think if thinking is ability to process information, make conclusions and send signals about that information to other parts of your body.I know I risk here to be criticized and even attacked by some people by maybe jumping to conclusions that reach much further than what was found in these scientific studies. If you do want to criticize and point any inconsistencies that you see here, you are welcome to do that. However, let's focus first on the idea itself and lets first get familiar with their findings by reading the articles I mentioned and the e-book that I am quoting here.Below is the last quotation from the booklet, which I think is the scientific explanation or an analogy of what ancient Chinese and not ancient only believed about qi or the subtle energy that is behind every thing, every event, and every phenomena. Again, this is my way of interpreting the findings, but please read it by yourself and make your own conclusions:"Thus, the last two studies summarized in this section explore interactions that take place between one person’s heart and another’s brain when two people touch or are in proximity. This research elucidates the intriguing finding that the electromagnetic signals generated by the heart have the capacity to affect others around us. Our data indicate that one person’s heart signal can affect another’s brainwaves, and that heart-brain synchronization can occur between two people when they interact. Finally, it appears that as individuals increase psychophysiological coherence, they become more sensitive to the subtle electromagnetic signals communicated by those around them. Taken together, these results suggest that cardioelectromagnetic communication may be a little-known source of information exchange between people, and that this exchange is influenced by our emotions."Here it was my first attempt in public to present in a little chaotic and free way the scientific findings about the heart by trying to integrate them with some simple and daily ideas that we may find dear. I know this topic is also the furthest away from our main direction here where we talk and discuss life and experiences in China. The most direct connection to this China topic here is that I found about the institute while living, studying and working in China. I found this amidst my research on Chinese thought and ways of thinking. It always seemed that Western science intimidated the philosophic knowledge that comes through Chinese culture. You can talk about the heart with people, with Buddhists and Daoists as well, but as long as science does not give any validation to their ideas, a lot of us don't trust enough these traditional ideas. Unless we are so strong in our experience, knowledge and thinking that we don't need any confirmation from the society and we can stand on our own.In my second year in China, I was wondering a lot what is this "Tao" or "Dao" 道 that so many people find important. Does it have any real meaning behind it? I just got to know my future master studies adviser, who is acknowledged in China in Confucian, Buddhist and Daoist studies, so in one of my first talks I asked him, what is "Dao"? How can I understand it? His answer was unexpected but left me a strong and positive impression. He said: "You need to use your heart to experience it." 你要用心去体会道。That was the answer from a distinguished scholar.Let's use our hearts, we have the right to do so.

In my previous blog Can Your Heart Think I promised I was going to introduce some recent scientific researches about the heart, that I think is going to change forever how we used to think about the heart before. I find that those researches are very significant and they confirm a long Chinese cultural tradition where the heart was always seen as an import center of consciousness. It is amusing to see that most of Western translators when translating Chinese works into English very seldom the character of heart 心 xin actually translate as "heart". Instead they translate it with words like "mind", "heart-mind", but avoid to use "heart" itself. I think that is mainly because of how we usually in the West understand heart, and we don't associate it with thinking or consciousness, we think it is just a physiological organ, so when we read Chinese texts we by default assume that when a heart is mentioned, it is not a physiological heart but mind, emotions, feelings and other sensations. I think that in the light of new findings we should restore the significance of this word, and start using it bravely in our translations.Before actually talking about those scientific researches, I think it is important first to have a look at some of those aphorisms of wisdom where a heart is mentioned. If we start with Confucius "Analects", we will find out that heart for the first time in that text is mentioned in a famous saying that almost everybody knows here in China without actually reading the text. Confucius said that "At fifteen, I had my mind bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was an obedient organ for the reception of truth. At seventy, I could follow what my heart desired, without transgressing what was right." 吾十有五而志于学，三十而立，四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而耳顺，七十而从心所欲，不逾矩。To paraphrase I would say that at seventy Confucius was able fully to follow his heart. What is charming here that nowhere he mentions striving to follow his head, but instead he followed what his heart desired.Another famous saying from "Analects", where Confucius has praised his best student Yan Hui: "Such was Hui that for three months there would be nothing in his heart contrary to perfect virtue." 回也，其心三月不违仁. Again this passage is usually translated as "in his mind", but not "in his heart". Here we also see the importance not only of behaving according to principles of benevolence and compassion 仁 ren, but also following them in our hearts as well. If in "Analects" heart was mentioned only six times, Confucius after all was not very much into talking. Then in Mencius this same character of heart is mentioned 126 times. I understand that for them heart indeed meant mental activity and it was related both with feeling and thinking. However, still a beauty and a mystery is that relying on their intuition and life experience they were associating and locating thinking with the heart. Here are just a few of them: "All men have a heart which cannot bear to see the sufferings of others." 人皆有不忍人之心。" There is a way to get the people: get their hearts, and the people are got." 得其民有道：得其心，斯得民矣。This one is really beautiful: "The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart." 大人者，不失其赤子之心者也。"That whereby the superior man junzi is distinguished from other men is what he preserves in his heart." 君子所以异于人者，以其存心也。"If you fully explore your heart, you will know who you are." 尽其心者，知其性也。Let's look what another famous Confucian Xunzi says about the heart: "For the gentleman junzi to nurture his heart, nothing is more excellent than truthfulness (sincerity, genuiness)." 君子养心莫善于诚。"Question: By means of what a man can know dao? Answer: By means of heart. Question: How heart can know dao? Answer: By becoming pure (encompassing) and concentrated (one) and thus reaching calmness (tranquility)." 人何以知道？曰：心。心何以知？曰：虚壹而静。"The heart is the ruler of your form (body)." 心者，形之君也。My favorite passage about the heart from Zhuangzi, is where Zhuangzi creates that dialogue between Confucius and his best student Yanhui:Yan Hui said, "May I ask what is the fasting of the heart?"Confucius said, "You must concentrate your attention. Do not listen with your ears, but with your heart. Do not listen with your heart but with your subtle energy.”回曰：“敢问心斋。”仲尼曰：“若一志，无听之以耳而听之以心，无听之以心而听之以气。When reading all these passages about the heart one can't but remember first of all "The Little Prince" written by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, where the fox utters to the little prince: "One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye." On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux. You can also see a lot of resemblance to these ideas in works of French mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal. Pascal in his famous book Pensées also expressed his thoughts about the heart: "We know truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart, and it is in this last way that we know first principles; and reason, which has no part in it, tries in vain to impugn them." "The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things...”. "Men lack heart; they would not make a friend of it."We could go on and go on, digging deeper and deeper into different thoughts of people who lived all around the world and expressed their most sincere insights into the nature of the heart. Chinese culture among many other here play an important role, because it seems that "heart" was a word of daily language, something assumed by default, something that could not be walked around. But they are not the only ones, and I am sure that all of you who are coming from different countries would be able to contribute by sharing what your culture says about the heart. The beginning of the first book "The Teachings of Do Juan" written by my favorite author Carlos Castaneda, whom I already mentioned in my first blog "The Birds Will Stay Singing", coincidentally also starts with a quote about the heart:For me there is only the travelling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worth-while challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.After having this little survey on Chinese and non Chinese insights and sayings about the heart, I think we are ready for my promised talk about the recent scientific researches on heart. I will do that in my next blog.

By means of what do you think? Can you locate your thoughts? Are your thoughts in your head? Or somewhere else? Are you like most of us, who have received regular education, and believe that according to modern science we think with the brain? Is it possible that your thoughts are not confined to that comparatively little round box that you always carry on your shoulders? Is it possible that we think not only with the brain, but also with other parts of our bodies?If some years ago you had asked older Chinese people similar questions, you might find out that quite a few of them, when asked about thinking and feeling would not point to their heads, but instead they would point to their hearts. Even in present days not only Chinese people, but people from other countries as well, when they want to express themselves, what they feel and sincerely think, would point with their hands to their hearts. In modern day China, if they occasionally do that, often they start giggling and say, yes, we know, science told us that we actually think with brains in our heads, but not with hearts like it was believed in ancient China and for thousands of years.Common sense and regular education tells us that intellect is our highest cognitive ability, and usually, on a biological level intellect is connected with the brain. If someone has other data, and if you know that we have abilities that surpass intellect, please don't hesitate to share. At least up till this moment, I assume, that most of us would agree with what I just said about common sense, conventional knowledge and intellect.However, contrary to popularly accepted idea, I don't think anymore that intellect and logic of reason is the best what we have. And I don't think anymore that it is only the brain which is responsible for thinking. My journey into this different direction, different idea about the intellect, thinking and the brain, started long ago, when I found a very intriguing chapter in a book written a little less than a hundred years ago by a Latvian writer. The chapter in that book was about the significance of the heart.The book was written in Russian language, and only some parts of it were translated into English, so I will do a little poor quality translation on my own, and I will use parts that have been already translated if I find them. In my later blogs, I also want to write more how important was the idea of the heart in Chinese history and culture. And I am planning to bring some findings from recent 20 years of scientific research that, I think, at least to some extent confirms ancient Chinese idea that it is the heart which thinks, feels and knows. But about that later, now back to that Russian chapter.The chapter in the beginning states plainly, that it is time for us to realize that heart can play a primary significant role in all areas of life and in the evolution of the whole humanity. "It does not matter how valuable was human reason, it is important to admit, that this value is not absolute, but is relative, in the same way as it is with any other human ability if it is separated or taken on its own. The absolute value human reason could have only if its all conclusions, statements and reasoning always were right, but we know the reality is far away from that. In the same manner we can't claim, that human reason can develop infinitely and that a man by using his reason can comprehend all phenomena and things. Namely, it can't do that, because it has a limit of its development, the limit that can't be crossed, meanwhile the perfection of human being as a whole does not know limits and has to continue further.""Thus in the evolution of humanity once comes a particular moment, when human reason, which up till now was unquestioned authority and the only judge in solving all questions, suddenly becomes incompetent. Its all ready made solutions and pattern based conclusions not only does not bring expected beneficial results, but worsens currently existing situation. [...] People painstakingly search for answers to arising questions of life, they feel a necessity of coming of something new, but they can't leave the path that was tread and start walking a new one, meanwhile the salvation lies in looking for new paths."The whole idea that human reason is not the highest what we can attain, sounded very new and fascinating. But what I found when reading further stumbled and inspired me even more: "A person can think with the heart or think with the brain." Think with the heart? Sounds interesting and new, even unbelievable for some of us, but how can we do that? "People have thought up a thousand ways to place limitations on the heart. The works of the heart are understood in a narrow sense, and not even always in a pure sense." "The heart thinks, the heart affirms, the heart unifies. One can always recall the significance of the heart, which for so long has been obscured by the brain. The heart will be the first to thrill, the heart will be the first to quiver, the heart will discern a great deal before the reasoning of the brain dares to begin thinking." "Even in the most ancient times people understood the significance of the heart. They regarded the heart as the Dwelling of God. When they took oaths, they placed their hands on their hearts. Even with the fiercest tribes, they drank the blood of the heart and ate their enemies’ hearts in order to acquire strength. That was how the significance of the heart was expressed. But now, in our enlightened times, the heart has been reduced to nothing more than a physiological organ."These quotes are just a few that I chose to share. Here is not the place to give a full translation. But I hope that some of these thoughts will find an echo in you, and it will make sense to you if you just think a little about it, and recall your daily experiences. Chinese cultural heritage gave me a lot of confirmations about the validity of significance of the heart that was being talked in that book. But I always felt as if Western science came to China and told Chinese people to stop thinking and feeling through the heart, because it is only the brain that thinks. Now, in recent years, I have discovered that this is not true anymore. The heart is much more sophisticated part of human body than we thought, it is not just a physiological organ that pumps the blood. In other words it is time for this Western science to bring the heart back to Chinese people. But about that I will write more in my next blog.Let me finish with the quote from Mencius. I guess you know that "learning" 学 xue has been always very important for Confucians as well as for Chinese people in general. The "Analects" of Confucius start with this very word "learning": "Is it not pleasant to learn with a constant perseverance and application?" 学而时习之，不亦说乎？xue er shi xi zhi bu yi yue hu? Or the book of Xunzi: "Learning must never be concluded." 学不可以已。xue bu ke yi yi. There is a lot of research and discussion what was "learning" for Confucius himself, because it was not just reading books and studying in a library. I found this passage in Mencius that gives yet another light on what learning is:Mencius said, “Humaneness is the heart of human beings. Justice is their path. To abandon the path and not follow it, or to lose the heart and not know enough to seek it: this is a pity indeed!” When people lose their chickens and dogs, they know enough to look for them, but when they lose their heart, they do not know enough to seek it. The way of learning is none other than the search for the lost heart.孟子曰：“仁，人心也；义，人路也。舍其路而弗由，放其心而不知求，哀哉！人有鸡犬放，则知求之；有放心，而不知求。学问之道无他，求其放心而已矣。”

Today I want to write about intuition. When I was still a teenager, I remember my father once was explaining to me what intuition was, using an example from soccer game. He said, when you play soccer game, intuition is a feeling that you suddenly get about doing a move that does not come from logic, but rather is like a sudden lightning. You suddenly know what to do to achieve a certain result without thinking much about that. English speaking people would say that my father was talking about some kind of "gut feeling".For a long time afterwards, intuition for me was just a mystery, something that comes uninvited, and goes away in a similar fashion. But later on, when I became interested in idea of self-perfection or self-cultivation, I once met a man, who was very extraordinary. I intentionally went to meet him and just talk about life and other interesting things. When leaving him, I suddenly realized I don't have his phone number, so I can't call him again if I want. I asked him for the phone number, but he instead said to me that I might still remember the number, I just need to try to recall it. Indeed, I made an effort, and I could remember his exact phone number. As soon as I said his phone number aloud, he told me: "your intuition works".I was surprised, because I thought that I just used my memory, but he referred to intuition. Observing my sensations, I realized what he said was true. That act of recollection was very similar to intuition, and even more, maybe sometimes what we call memory might be intuition. I was fascinated by this simple revelation, and I also found out, that intuition can actually be developed and improved. Which makes the whole story different. It is not always just a random gut feeling that comes uninvited and goes without being asked to leave.I found that as a rule, people don't think that things like intuition can be improved, they think it is something given, something outside of our conscious control. They are right, the nature of intuition is to some extent contradictory, because on one hand it is not something we can fully and consciously control, but on the other hand, if we don't pay any attention to it, it may die like a plant which is not watered.I guess most of you are familiar with a story of a silly man who was concerned about the slow growth of his crops so he pulled them up to help them grow: "You don't want to be like the man from Song. There was a man from Song who was worried about the slow growth of his crops and so he went and yanked on them to accelerate their growth. Empty-headed, he returned home and announced to his people: ‘I am so tired today. I have been out stretching the crops.’ His son ran out to look, but the crops had already withered." The story is also the source for the Chinese idiom 拔苗助长 ba miao zhu zhang - to spoil things by excessive enthusiasm.What I find exciting about this story, that based on my observations a lot of foreigners, and even Chinese people, know the story, but don't know that the story is from the book of Mencius - second Confucian sage. Not only that, most of us don't know that Mencius used this story to illustrate what he means when he talks about the cultivation of 浩然之气 hao ran zhi qi , concept which is hard to explain or translate, but which was for him of extreme importance and significance. Let's just call that qi or subtle energy.The other thing, that goes often unnoticed, is that soon as Mencius finishes that story about the man from Song he says: "Those in the world who don't ‘help their crops by pulling’ are few indeed." 天下之不助苗长者寡矣。What is this?! I thought he was talking about crops, and not all of us grow crops, not talking about pulling them. So is he using crops to point at something else? Why was he sure that there were few people who didn't pull crops? Does it mean that all of us on a regular basis are doing something that makes us appear very similar to that man of Song? What is that? Mencius adds: "There are also those who regard all effort as wasteful and don't even weed their crops. But those who think they can hurry their growth along by forcing it, are not only not helping their crops, but actually harming it!”. Let me paraphrase this, we all have those "crops" in ourselves, but we either forget about them and do not care, or we overdo by paying too much attention to that and harming them. Mencius advice is "You can't forget about it, but you can't force it to grow, either." 心勿忘、勿助長也。xin wu wang, wu zhu zhang yeWhat does this story of Mencius have to do with intuition? Mencius in his story about the man from Song, most probably uses the analogy of crops to refer to his hao ran zhi qi - the subtle inner energy or moral strength if you want. But I think the same story and a similar advice could be applied to intuition or our ability to feel things without thinking too much about them. If we completely ignore this ability we will not have it. If we overdo by focusing on it too much, desiring to develop it, we will not achieve much either. I think the first step in developing intuition is feeding it with our attention. We develop our inner abilities by first of all become aware of them and paying them proper attention.I don't want to come up now with all sweeping generalizations, but in my observations, women in general tend to be better at relying on their intuition. Some of them are even not aware of that, they just use intuition naturally. Intuition is also not something that belongs to a gender or a nation, but I still dare to say that Chinese people that I met in general tend to be more relying on that irrational inner feeling I call intuition, than people from Lithuania or other European countries. There are always exceptions from the rule, and you are free to disagree with my broad conclusions.I was also very glad to find out that Liang Shuming 梁漱溟 - a very interesting and charming Chinese thinker, who was once called by American professor historian Guy Alitto "The Last Confucian", had related the idea of intuition with Confucian thought. Liang Shuming believed that to understand better Confucius idea of benevolence 仁 ren, we need to understand intuition. Liang Shuming thought that to behave in a benevolent and compassionate way we need to rely a lot on intuition - 直觉 zhi jue.I am struggling with trying to make my blogs shorter, so I will finish my today's blog here. If I find that people are interested in talking and thinking about intuition, I may decide to write more about that. I think the best would be to give examples from life, this way we would see it is not something abstract or purely theoretical. Intuition is also related strongly to thinking through your heart, but I will write about heart thinking in my next blog.(I used A. Charles Muller's translation of Mencius, which you can find here).

Let's talk about the dreams. There are dreams that are beautiful wishes and desires for the future, dreams that we think during the day. And there are dreams that we dream when we sleep. Here I want to focus on the latter ones. The ones that are so often ignored, neglected and forgotten. As a quote says: "But those who think that visions and dreams are caused by indigestion, can easily sleep through the most valuable signs of reality."We know that the famous Russian chemist and inventor Dmitri Mendeleev created his own version of the periodic table of elements. However, what we don't know or forget often is that he saw the new periodic table in a dream. In "The Soviet Review" Journal issued in 1967 we can find Mendeleev's quote: "I saw in a dream a table where all elements fell into place as required. Awakening, I immediately wrote it down on a piece of paper, only in one place did a correction later seem necessary."An inspiring and influential novel "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" written by Richard Bach and published in 1970, contained fewer than 10,000 words, yet it broke all hardcover sales records since "Gone with the Wind". It sold more than 1,000,000 copies in 1972 alone. Information about the book you can easily find online, but you will probably not find out easily that the whole story was a result of series of dreams by the author.Using common sense, dreams are usually explained as some unconscious or subconscious activity of the brain that sometimes can be related to what we did and thought during the past day or at some earlier time. Regular education does not teach us much about the dreams. I don't remember any class or subject in school nor in university where someone would try to point our attention to dreams. 1/3 of our lives are spent in sleep, shouldn't there be something significant in that activity?This post is not an attempt to prove or demonstrate the significance of dreams, rather it is a hint or a suggestion to start paying more attention to what you dream at night. I know that a lot of us forget a lot of details of our dreams as soon as we wake up, and after awhile we may forget what we dreamed completely. If you put a piece of paper and a pencil near your bed and try writing down your dreams, like Mendeleev did, soon by reading your notes later you will discovered how well you forget the dreams that seemed so vivid and significant at the moment of awakening.Through many years I became convinced that dreams may tell us a lot not only about our past and present, but also about the future. And I don't care or worry too much if science can or have proved and explained how it is possible to have some future information in our dreams. I am not going to wait for an official scientific proof that validates my dreams and allows me to pay proper attention to them. By that time I might be gone from this earth.I like asking from time to time my different Chinese friends what they dream and whether they remember their dreams. I was amazed quite a few times how people, who may not look or appear very special, can have amazing and inspiring dreams. Some of them never even put any significance on their dreams, because nobody told them they can do it. Since we were trained by society in general to ignore our dreams, we also don't know very well how to explain and understand things and events that we see in our dreams.Some of my most impressive dreams I have dreamed in China. During the first year in China I actually saw very distinctly a Chinese character in my dream. After waking up I was wondering why this character and what it meant. I never saw any other Chinese characters in dreams, only this one. But the memory of that character in dream was following me through all my studies in China. Even today I keep thinking what was the meaning behind that dream.During my first years in China I had a dream that I dreamed repeatedly. In those dreams I saw that I have left China and I can not come back. After waking up I was always glad that I was still in China. I saw that kind of dream maybe more than twenty times. Certainly it is not difficult to understand that it reflected my wish to stay here longer and learn more.When I left China after the studies, for a few years I kept dreaming time and time again that I am coming back to the same city, the same dormitory where I lived. However every time I saw that dormitory it was somehow different. The arranging was different, people were different, something strange was about that. And soon after waking up I would be disappointed that I am not in China. Please don't laugh, those who can't relate to this experience, I am not exaggerating, such was the attraction to this place.However, after my final return here, and staying for another several years I started seeing completely different series of dreams. I dreamed that I was leaving Lithuania, my home country, and that I would probably never see it again. In that dream I felt all connections to my different friends in Lithuania, and I missed them knowing and feeling strongly that I may not see them again. It is because of those dreams that I realized that I have to accomplish something, to do something important that hasn't been done yet. The whole feeling that those dreams cause is beyond the description, and it is much more than I said here.Now, the interesting part is, that it is because of those dreams that I started to realize how I miss forests, rivers, lakes, the blue sky, all my friends and other people there in Lithuania. Before I actually started seeing those dreams I was not aware of my longing, I was too busy with my life in China. I always remember a winter in Lithuania, when it was full of snow, everything covered in thick pure white color, and I lived in a little village house far away from the city. That's the symbolic image of Lithuania - a far away village house in a country side among forests.Remember your dreams, they may carry an important message for you from within.

I think that most of us have something what could be called a magic time. A magic time is a period in your past which you remember from time to time very vividly with a sense of beauty and appreciation of all what happened during that magic time. For me one of this kind of time was during my three visits to United States. I lived in a small University town - Columbia in the State of Missouri. My last place was in so called University Terrace - a group of about twenty to thirty, two floor height, houses for mostly students and their families. That whole Terrace territory was inside of a not so little forest park. You could often see squirrels around, a few times I saw a few deer wandering not far away from the living houses. Once very late in the evening I even met a raccoon. He was so cute, standing on his two legs behind a tree, a watching me as I was walking by. He looked like a little alien being, or a gnome, who appeared conscious and intelligent. During that magic time I remember not only the nature that was around, animals who could be seen often, or an owl who would hoot late in the evening, but I also remember all amazing people that I got to know there. I miss a lot of them, and from time to time remember our talks or gatherings together. I also remember myself working as a delivery guy for a Chinese food restaurant. It was a special experience to drive around the city with your own car and deliver Chinese food to all those non-Chinese Americans. Often those little encounters when a door opens and you pass a bag of meal, take some tips, would become into a little conversation. And conversation may have turned out into a little new world with its own emotions, thoughts and feelings. I miss that magic time, but I miss it in a joyous way. I know that at then, it may have not looked that magic as it looks now, because life is full of little problems and issues, but now it does like certain magic. The worries have passed a way, and the beauty of experience has remained.Another magic time for me for was my first four months in China, then it turned into two years, and then even into a longer time period. I focus on those four months, because magic time usually can not last forever. It needs a break from time to time. During those four months in China, particularly Nanjing, I didn't see many squirrels running around. Neither did I see slowly walking deer, sneakily observing me racoons or owls hooting in the evening. There was also not so much of the forest around. But nevertheless the experience was not less magic as it was later in Missouri State. People say that you can't find nowadays mystery or ancient wisdom in China. Most of young people even haven't read "Analects" of Confucius. But I did find and could feel bits of that mystery in my daily life, especially in the beginning, while I was that unspoiled fresh foreign student, hungry for learning Chinese language and getting to now better Chinese people.On my first train trip from Beijing to Nanjing, where I had to sit for 18 hours during night and didn't have a chance to sleep, I had quite a few interesting conversations with passengers. A lot of them didn't hide their interest in me, and even finding out that I didn't speak much of Chinese they still did try to communicate with me in other ways. There was one youngster who knew English, so eventually he started to talk with me more and interpret for others. I always remember a father who was traveling with his daughter through the night, but the whole time he had this naturally happy smile, and didn't show any signs of tiredness, in spite of the fact that he was not even sitting, but standing most of the time. The guy who spoke English also admonished me later that if I wanted to experience China how it was before, I should get up early in the morning and go to the parks. I am so grateful to him for that advice.Soon after arriving, after a few days, around 5 o'clock in the morning or a bit later, I actually walked to a closest park in Gulou. I was pleasantly surprised to meet an old guy dressed in black martial clothes and practicing some kind of kungfu with a long stick. When you see these kind of morning events, especially if you haven't seen that before, it does look amazing and quite surprising. It does rise in you respect for the people and a wish to practice something similar. What is also special about the China mornings, that from 4:30 till about 7:00 am, everything is so different. The sounds, the rhythm, even how people behave and walk, all of that even remotely does not remind the busy life during the day. And it does feel quite strongly as if you go back into ancient times. If you haven't got up early in the morning and walked to a park, you don't know China, even if you stayed here for a few years.Every day was a new experience, a new word learned, a new idea discovered. Every person was also a new opportunity, a new chance into something that was unknown. How often a simple hello or "ni hao" in a street eventually would turn into a longer talk, a more intensive exchange of smiles and gestures of friendliness. How could one not call that a magic time? Not mentioning that what I wrote here are just little crumbles of all the things and events that happened.However, to put some salt into the magic, there was a time when suddenly a lot of charm at least temporarily disappeared. And for me that was after about 4 months of stay here. One day, the good positive mood that was accompanying me most of the time, suddenly had gone. From nowhere I started having these pessimistic thoughts. I realized that initially it seemed that I would make a lot of interesting Chinese friends, that would lead me into some kind of deeper understanding of Chinese culture and things around. But at that time I found that it only seemed that it was so easy to make friends with Chinese. When you look around yourself and count, you find out that you haven't made even one real friend, and that you are still a foreigner who does not understand well enough what is going around. And that you are not accepted as one among the many. You are not a Chinese after all. These thoughts were only part of my pessimism, some pessimistic moods come suddenly without being asked, without giving you a cause for their visit. I thought, maybe all that positiveness up till then was just a dream, just my imagination, inability to see what was real?Fortunately, the pessimism was just a matter of a few hours, or days, and things did went back to their brighter side. While I was in Lithuania, I came with this explanation once, that our life is like a spiral. Sometimes we walk on one circle of that spiral, and we meet only certain people, only certain kind of events happen to us, only certain experiences and moods visit us. But at some turning point, when we start a new circle of that spiral, we start meeting completely different and new people, new kind of events start happening to us, new ideas also begin coming into our minds and hearts. At that turning point you may find that in the same house, next door to you, lived someone whom you never met before, but who eventually became your friend or a teacher. Your potential friend or even a teacher of life can live for many years in close physical proximity from you, and you would never know until the time comes. Until you start making the right circle of your life spiral. Sometimes to start that circle you need to discover something, or to get rid of some old habit or shortcoming. The same in China, everything is in spirals. You stay one day, you see it one way. Two months - a big difference. Two years - and a lot of incredible things may happen, that you even could not imagine if you left her - China - in just a year. One needs time to dig deeper. Well can't be dug by jumping from one place into another. One needs to focus in one direction with one's whole strength, that is how the water under the grounds is being reached. Let's not be jumpers, let's go deeper. And thanks a lot to someone who pointed this to me long ago.After 5 months of my studies of Chinese language, my leaving time was approaching. I had a ticket back to Lithuania, my government's scholarship was about to end. I didn't have any work or additional income. And my parents were not in position to support me either. I was going into a depression. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave China after mere 5 months of studies. What can you learn in such short amount of time? I really wanted to stay longer, but I had no rational idea how to make it happen. No more scholarship, no income for tuition fee, no work. And if I somehow stayed longer I had no place to live, because the University's dormitory would start charging me 900 RMB per month. A situation without a way out, that is how it seemed.However, by that time, I had a strong believe, that what has to happen would happen, and you can't walk away from what is predestined. Still, often some conscious participation is needed for predestined to actually happen. We participate in our destiny. I knew that the wise thing to do is to gather my dissipated will and to stop worry and feel depressed. But instead to calm down, to become quiet, and listen for an answer that comes from within. At first, for a few days in a row I would just stay in my dorm feeling depressed about my inevitable leave. At some point later, a clear thought came about calming down and listening for a solution from within. I followed the thought, and instead of continuing to be passive, did manage to calm down and focus within. And soon after I acquired that quietness, I did see a solution. It was suddenly clear that there is one person who might help me. I just need to go and see her.Then I actually did go and see the person who I felt could somehow help me. And it was indeed the right person. She immediately told me that she had an idea to try, and her idea worked out well. As I see now, if I went to a wrong person I may have ended up going back on my plane to Lithuania. An unexpected help came, first from within, and then from outside. Gradually, step by step, I got a solution on how to stay longer, and to continue my studies, as well as living in China.Mission impossible was accomplished. A new circle of a spiral had started. And the magic time had been continued. Remember your own magic time and cherish it, it might be your source of strength in a difficult moment of your life.A friendly smile on my first train trip from Beijing to Nanjing in 2001 August:Two cute kids with their grandma, they have accompanied me most of the trip:The father who could stand most of the time during the night in the train and stay in a good mood (believe me it was so tiring not to sleep through the night even if you were sitting):My diligent volunteer Chinese-English interpreter:Me with some Chinese salesmen during my first week in Nanjing, on a road which turned out to be our main path from dorm to the classes. I didn't agree to buy anything from what they were selling, but it didn't affect their mood or friendliness. At that time I still didn't mind people taking pictures with me:

After writing my first five blogs here, my first five blogs in my life, I suddenly realized that I have no clue what else I can say here. Initially, I wanted to share my experiences in China. I found that the way I experienced things here was in many aspects quite different from other foreigners whom I knew. I think I never said this quite in straightforward way like I do it now, because saying something like that means calling for a challenge. But that is how I feel and that is what I am more or less convinced about. I think that to appreciate the beauty of another ancient culture, we need to have a similar culture in our hearts. Otherwise we will stumble upon different little stones on our way.I knew someone from abroad who was very much into practicing Taijiquan. He had been practicing for many years, had achieved a certain level of mastery, and even had been teaching others what he knew. He had never been to China before, and only about three years earlier he had a chance to come and stay in Beijing for a year. Just before his coming I wanted to warn him, tell him to be careful about his attitude. I found that we need somehow to be prepared to visit another country and our tone of experience and understanding of another culture depends on that preparation. However, I didn't have a chance to warn him. A year later, soon as he left China, I asked him in a letter, what was his experience, did he enjoy his stay. His answer shocked me, because he said: "I got disappointed with Chinese culture". What?! I didn't even know how to respond. You practiced Taijiquan for many years, you stay your first year in China and you get disappointed by its culture. I wanted to ask him: "Where did you see that culture which disappointed you?" But instead, I didn't ask anything, after more than two years I still wasn't able to reply him. I just have no words.I could write to him and ask what was that which disappointed him, but somehow I knew where that discussion would lead and what he would tell. I could more or less guess it. So I didn't want to follow in that direction, and I didn't think that by saying something, or to be more precise, by typing certain combinations of keys with my fingers, I could bring a significant change, because most of us believe in what and how we see with our own eyes in our lives.My first four months in China, about thirteen years ago, was somehow similar to a fairy tale. When I think of my childhood, my first five years of it, also was a kind of a fairy tale. Why? Because of the quality of that time, and the love and care that had surrounded me. Somehow the quality of my first four months in China, resembled the quality of childhood's early years. Maybe this similarity could be described in a more sophisticated and intellectual way, because both our childhood years and a completely new experience are multidimensional complicated cognitive processes, but the bottom line is simple as that - there is some significant similarity between these two.I had some stumbling stones as well. For example, I had never smoked, and I had been convinced that smoking is harmful in many ways. Even a slight smell of a cigarette smoke makes me feel uncomfortable and I can immediately register a series of unpleasant sensations in different parts of my body. Neither my head, nor my heart like sensations caused by nicotine, and I do feel that influence physically. I don't need a thorough scientific study that proves the harm of smoke, I feel it myself immediately. Sometimes, because of different life situations, when I have to stay in a place full of smoke, I need at least several hours if not a day to recover back to how I felt before experiencing that second hand smoke.That was my first stumbling stone in China, because here people could smoke anywhere - both outdoors and indoors. So you eat in a restaurant and suddenly someone decides to smoke. What do you do? Bear the smoke? Leave the restaurant in the middle of your launch? Or ask to stop smoking? Often I would ask not to smoke, and I didn't meet a Chinese person who would refuse my request to stop smoking. If you don't smoke, having constantly a risk of being exposed to second hand smoking can be quite annoying and even stressful. Sometimes half seriously I could tell to Chinese people that they really lost the Opium war to the West, because after more than a century so many people in your nation still use nicotine, a descendant of Opium war, a weapon of Western nations.I remember in 2004 in Dongbei, every time we would sit in a public transportation bus, someone would need to light a cigarette. It was so frequent, that as soon as I would get on a bus, I would be alert and listen until someone clicks a cigarette lighter, I knew it was better to ask not to smoke before someone actually starts, than afterwards.I also knew that it was not correct for me to judge the smokers or look down upon them. Some of my best friends in China, are addictive smokers, and I have nothing else but to tolerate them.My both grandfathers were very strong smokers. One of them died quite early - 50 years old - where smoking was a strong factor of his death. He would smoke several boxes of cigarettes a day, and it was so strong that doctors didn't allow him to suddenly quit smoking. They said if he did that, that could be dangerous to his life, he could only reduce the amount of smoking gradually. My other grandfather lived much longer, but once he also told me that after all he didn't like the effects of smoking on his health and he could definitely feel the harm. His will was so strong that even around 60 years he managed to almost completely quit smoking.Back to my first lines about culture, I think that the issue of smoking in China, in my personal biased view, could be a strong factor for me to get disappointed by Chinese culture. If a Taichi master smokes, he is not that good in my eyes. If a lecturer of Confucian philosophy smokes during his lectures (I had one case as that), then he is not a lecturer I want to listen to. If men smoke near children and even near pregnant women in a closed environment, I do think they have an issue with compassion and care of others. And I do think it is not a display of a high culture either.But if I decide to dwell on these memories where people around me smoked nicotine, the negative thought of annoyance would destroy me from the inside, and it would do much more harm, than the nicotine itself. Getting annoyed does not help to find a way out from that. So much about one of the stumbling stones for me in China. Back to the fairy tale.

After writing my first four blogs here, the first blogs in my life, I suddenly started to hesitate. Should I continue writing? Is it really so meaningful? Am I doing it for others or just for myself? Out of my own personal significance? I thought if personal significance is the first and the main factor, maybe I should just stop writing, erase the blogs if possible and do something else. I also was somehow not used to a feeling that what I wrote is being read by hundreds of people every day, by people whom I don't know, and who would react to my words in all different and often hard to predict ways. I got several days rest from writing, and now I decided that sometimes it does not matter that much what we think, but it is more important to listen to what "feels right". This "feeling of what is right", ultimately is also a thought, but a thought of a different kind. In simple terms, using the words from a famous song - "the show must go on" as well as the "blogging" has to continue.If you have never heard of Jill Bolte Taylor's "Stroke of Insight", then I would recommend you to watch her 30 minutes talk on TED. I bet you will not regret doing that, and it even may bring changes to your life and the way you see it. If it does, I would be more than happy to hear your feedback either here or in private messaging. I watched that video talk quite a few times, and even have acquired her book with a similar name "My Stroke of Insight: : A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey". I am not going to be a "spoiler" and tell you in advance what it is all about, so for now I will just share a few details and a quote from the book. That woman has experienced a stroke in her left brain, to the extent that her left brain stopped functioning, and she could only perceive everything outside and inside of her due to her healthy and functional right brain. She was one of those who have survived and recovered after the stroke. Recovery has enabled her to share her experience to the rest of the world.If it was just a disease, a medical issue, an accident in one's life, it probably would not be that important. But this accident has changed the whole way she perceived the world and herself. It was a spiritual experience, an enlightenment of a kind. Her strong background in neurological science made this case of cognitive transformation even more valuable and interesting. In her book when describing different aspects of her recovery, she said:Emotional healing was a tediously slow process but well worth the effort. As my left brain became stronger, it seemed natural for me to want to "blame" other people or external events for my feelings or circumstances. But realistically, I knew that no one had the power to make me feel anything, except for me and my brain. Nothing external to me had the power to take away my peace of heart and mind. That was completely up to me. I may not be in total control of what happens to my life, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience.What interests me most in this quote, and in the whole book itself, that she gave a very convincing and clear explanation about the fact that it is up to us how we react and interpret the world and events around us. It is not a dream, not a fiction, not a dry theory, but it is a fact of life: we are in charge of a choice to react negatively or positively to events of our life. Actually, I would say, not only we have this binary choice between "white" and "black", but we rather have a multitude or a rainbow of creative choices. There is nothing absolutely objective and negative outside there, it is only our minds, our left brains, our selfishness and egotism in us, that chooses to interpret and react to things more negatively than positively. And please understand me right, I am aware of all those evils of humanity in history and at modern times, they do exist. But before we start talking about global problems, let's look closer, let's look at what is happening around in our lives, as well as in our lives in China for those who stay here.In my previous blogs, my dominant theme was various examples of rewarding and positive experience in China. I believe you can have similar experience in many foreign countries, if you visit them at the right time in your life, and you are carried there by a strong motivational cause. You could also have this experience in your own country, if suddenly some kind of a dramatic change came into your life. But going abroad, staying in a new environment, by itself is a favorable change, that can be used to rethink and rebuild yourself. And I am convinced that China, for some reasons that are hard to explain, often can be a very good catalyst for those kind of changes. As long as you welcome that change, and as long as you don't think that you are coming from the better and the more superior country. I remember someone from a great country (let it stay anonymous), who had to live in China for a year or longer. I was open to finding new friends and people, and somehow I had to hang out with this guy for a few times. He was so upset about all his experience in China, that I didn't know what to say and how to point out that it is not that bad as he thinks it is. For example, he told me that Chinese people laugh at him all the time, and he really hates that. That was really surprising for me, because I have never experience Chinese people laughing at me in an insulting or disrespectful way. Yes, they do laugh a lot, but I was sure that in most cases it was a friendly laugh. How does it happen that someone treats that laugh as disrespectful and humiliating? It was beyond my understanding. When angry, he also used to comment, how stupid are people around. And every time he pronounced the word "stupid", it was obvious for me that he is the only one who is "stupid", and only because he thinks that way. He was a classical example on what an arrogance, an arrogance of your own, and an arrogance in terms that you think you are coming from a better country, can do to you. This arrogance distorts all your perception and senses. In different people there is a different amount of arrogance, in some it is very obvious, in others it is hidden and sophisticated. So every time you judge events around make sure your eyeglasses are not painted in color, it maybe that the world is not pink, but only your inner eyeglasses are.My other personal discovery, based on my daily observations, was that depending on with which people, or strictly speaking, with which international students I hang out, my vision and perception of China can change rapidly and dramatically. Even to the extent that Chinese people will "suddenly" start treating me differently, not like before. I was a kind of "lonely wolf", in the sense that I would prefer to be by myself, and it was hard to find friends with whom I would have a deeper mutual understanding. Still, sometimes I thought that I should be more social, and hang our more with my international student fellows. Once for a week or two I was really trying to hang out with a particular group of students from two or three certain countries. So good, now I have friends, we do things together, I am not alone. But soon I discovered that this group of people have a certain and quite predictable view of China. They complain a lot and compare, they still somehow like it here, but at the same time there is this feeling of superiority, and lots of discontentment. And what they say and observe does sound very objective and true. Sometimes what appear to be objective is just a habit of certain thought pattern. You repeat thinking about the same thing in the same way, and sooner or later that becomes your "common sense" objectivity.I don't say these student fellows were not nice people. No, they were very nice, and cool, and cute. But now, I also dare to say, that they were somehow strongly culturally biased. As soon as I stopped participating in all those talks with sophisticated and intellectual complains about experiences in China, my perception and view went back to where it was. And I am not saying I am not biased, who isn't, but still I prefer a view of China that is not based on complains and a feeling of superiority, but is grounded on a strive for a quest of a positive perspective. To paraphrase Jill Bolte Taylor "I may not be in total control of what happens to my life in China, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience." I would also add that depending on how you choose to perceive your experience, things and events would develop in a corresponding way, and in return will "happen" to you. Just do a little experiment, for an hour, think that you are coming from the greatest country in the world and nobody is equal to you. Try communicate with Chinese people that you meet daily, and see how they treat you. Now, think of every Chinese person as a potential carrier of an ancient culture, a potential treasure of life wisdom, and see the difference. The difference in smile, in gestures, in a way you and they talk about things.I know most of us can't change our attitudes just by will, so that is why it is so difficult to research these kind of things and see the difference. Most of us are like trains on a railway, and we can't change our course of life. But still, every time you are in a metro, or in a bus, crowded with people you could do a little experiment of your own. Notice, in those situations how quickly we get bored, and tired, and everyone else is just a stranger, that we don't really care about. Sometimes we even look at those strangers with a judgmental eye, with discontent, we judge how they look, how they dress, or we find them weird. Now, just for a moment, realize that it is up to you how you treat those strangers. You could also emanate a feeling of gratitude. A feeling of appreciation. You could also look at everybody as a potential friend, or just a fellow human being. And then suddenly you are not bored any more, not even tired. You become open to possibilities.I know what I said here, could be applied in any country, either foreign or your own, it could also be applied in any kind of situation. But at the same time, somehow, I found it especially easy to practice in China. And China is rewarding those who treat her with friendship. If it does not sound like an idea to you, practicing different attitudes does not hurt, why don't give it a try. Let me finish with a quote from a book that was written about 90 years ago:As through a magnifying glass behold the good, and belittle tenfold the signs of imperfection, lest you remain as you always were.

I want to continue the series of blogs on my, as a foreigner's, experience in China, but before I move on, I thought it would be meaningful and interesting first to focus more on my path of learning Chinese language, I mean Standard Mandarin, or 普通话 pu tong hua, or just 汉语 han yu. Because learning a language was one of the main important factors why I came here in the first place and that was a driving influential force that shaped the whole experience in China.I know that both Plato and Confucius were fond of Ancient Past. Not like now in modern times, where we think that we are somehow superior and more advanced than people who lived 2000 years ago, they believed that there was something essentially good in the past, something that can be learned and admired. At some point I got "infected" with a similar admiration for the ancient times, and I got a personal proof that knowledge and wisdom accumulated by ancient thinkers and doers was still very valuable and practical today, and that if properly understood it could be easily related to a present day life and cherished. It was inevitable that having such an attitude, sooner or later, I would realize, not without a help of my mentors, that it would be important for me to study one of those "old" languages coming from an "old" country. I could choose Sanskrit, Ancient Greek, Japanese or Arabian, but very soon I found out that somehow my strongest affinity was with China and Ancient Chinese. In Lithuania we didn't have too many original Chinese works of literature and philosophy translated into Lithuanian, but we had plenty of translations from Chinese into Russian. Russians did a very good job on that, and I think that they are among the leading ones in the field of Sinology, although not being properly exposed to English speaking world, they are not given this credit on a global level. However, in spite of that accessibility to Chinese heritage in Russian language, not talking about the fact that they have really good translations, it soon becomes clear that any translation is still first of all an interpretation and depends on the level of understanding of a translator. If one wants to study the original text he has to learn the original language. Also I liked the idea that knowing an original Ancient language may bring us closer to our roots, the roots of humanity I mean, the roots of our humane wisdom as well.My motivation for learning Ancient Chinese (I didn't know initially that in China it was called 文言文 wen yan wen or just 古文 gu wen) was indeed very strong and charged with enthusiasm. If it was possible I would have learned first the Ancient Chinese, and probably even skipped the Modern Chinese. But as soon as I came to Nanjing University, I was told that until I master modern Chinese I can't really learn anything else. And that even for Chinese themselves it takes at least 8 years to reach an initial mastery of Ancient Chinese. Well, it didn't discourage me too much, and soon I realized that motivation to learn and master Ancient Chinese was a good one for rapid learning of modern Chinese, and eventually I started to enjoy both the "old" and the "modern" language. I also learned to enjoy the process of learning a language itself. Learning Chinese was difficult, challenging, but at the same time never boring, most of the time enjoying and rewarding. Besides, it had a very good "side effect" - additional job skill - enabling me to work several years later as an English-Lithuanian-Chinese translator and interpreter. Before the Chinese language studies I never even thought of that utilitarian secondary aim. What I always found amusing is that to have a first break-through in learning of Russian language it took me 6 years of studies in school. And it took 10 years of studying English before I could really carry normal conversations. Certainly, I didn't have a proper native speaker environment for those two (Lithuanian is the primary official language in Lithuania), neither as a schoolboy I was motivated properly, but still in terms of letters, structure, sounds and even grammar these two languages are so much closer to Lithuanian than Chinese. Logically speaking it should be easier to learn them, but in my case it wasn't. Surprisingly, it took me only two months of studying in China, to have a first break-through in Chinese, where I could speak a little and understand, and after 5 months I already could, more or less, carry normal daily conversations. I know it may sound like bragging, and maybe to some extent I am bragging, but I realized that it was not something about me, it was about the China itself, about the way studies are arranged, and about the fact that almost any Chinese in the street can be your temporary language teacher, and they are quite willing to do that. Meanwhile, if you were in United States, you would be supposed to speak English by default, and if you don't - then it is your problem.I tried a lot of different ways and approaches of studying Chinese. But first of all I was in the state of mind that says: "I want to speak this language NOW", I don't want to study for years or months. I want to communicate NOW! I want to learn other subjects in Chinese. I really desperately wanted that, and I was conscious of the fact that I have only 5 valuable months in China, which I wanted to use as best as I could. My greatest discovery in this language learning process was after two months of studying. It was also kind of a secret. Not only because I didn't want to share it, but because there was no way how to share it. If I tried to tell it, most of "normal" people would probably not believe into that. I found that it does not matter how many words you learned, how much time you spent doing your homework (although it is important), as long as you somehow do not attune yourself to China in general and to Mandarin in particular you will not be able to comprehend what a Chinese guy says. I found that if one manages to focus in a certain way inside of himself, he can suddenly start to understand language, and not just keep doing Chinese-English or Chinese-Lithuanian mechanical translation in his mind. I found that in a class where some people studied Chinese only half a year, some a year, some a year and a half, what matters most is their general attitude, intensity of motivation, emotional mood and that inner focus or attunement. Sometimes that focus or attunement comes suddenly as if out of nowhere like an inspiration that can never be forced, but visits those who consistently put their efforts. That is why it is important not to take personal credit for this discovery, but thank something higher, what Confucius may call 天 tian. I believe anyone experiences these break-throughs and insights as long as they do sincere attempts to learn Chinese.Certainly some other factors also are very important. For example, I had a few foreign student friends, actually, only two of them, who offered from the beginning to try using Chinese only and forget English. They also were more advanced in language than me. I soon realized I had to avoid English speaking friends, but instead try to hang out with Chinese. However unfriendly it may seem, it did make a huge difference. I also started to call the whole International Students Dormitory a "Matrix" in honor of famous "Matrix" movie with Keanu Reeves. I realized that as long as I stay in the Matrix I will not do much progress in neither understanding better Chinese culture nor learning Chinese language. International Students Dormitory creates a foreign space inside of China. It seems you are in China, but you are not. And indeed I confirmed this to myself, at some point later, when I managed to escape the Matrix and start living with Chinese and among Chinese. The first day I woke up outside of the dormitory, I could take a relieved deep breath, thinking in my mind: "I finally came to China".

When I was around 20 years old, I have discovered Herman Hesse's book "Siddharta". I enjoyed reading the book a lot, however after the years were passing by, I also realized that I had missed a lot in the book. Some of the things that I missed, now seem so obvious and significant, but by that time they had disappeared among other "more important" things for my age. Thanks to my good friend, who the same as I, "got stuck” in China, I was reminded again of one such passage in "Siddharta", a small part of which I want to share here, having in mind my recent blogs about experiencing China. In that passage Siddharta was saying that in the past he would value a stone because of the potential it had inside. A potential to become a human being in the cycle of transformations. He also said that presently he valued the stone because of what it already was, not because of what it could become in the future. After his thoughts about the stone, he suddenly changed the tone and said:But let me speak no more of this. The words are not good for the secret meaning, everything always becomes a bit different, as soon as it is put into words, gets distorted a bit, a bit silly – yes, and this is also very good, and I like it a lot, I also very much agree with this, that this what is one man's treasure and wisdom always sounds like foolishness to another person.This is what I have been experiencing a lot recently and in the past - the difficulty of expressing adequately what we think, feel and experience. Sometimes early in the morning or at any other time during the day, we might suddenly get inspired by a new thought, a subtle idea or a vivid experience. It seems that if we hang on to that experience or idea, our lives would become more meaningful and more beautiful. However, often we are in a rush to share this new discovery with our friends or close relatives. To our surprise, as soon as the idea is spoken out, it loses a lot if not all of its inner power and charm. Also we realize how far away is, what we said about our inspiration, and inspiration itself. I know it is important to share our inner treasures, and sometimes they get intensified because of that share, but on the hand, some fresh experiences are like a seed of plant, that has to be hidden in the darkest of a soil until it grows and becomes stronger. Otherwise, if it is shared at a wrong time and place, then the "wisdom" starts sound like foolishness not only to "another person", but to ourselves as well. I also found that this is particularly true when sharing experiences and discoveries in a country that is a bearer of thousands years of Ancient culture, in our case - China. It seems that "the words are not good" for these experiences, and as soon as they are said "everything always becomes a bit different", even "distorted" or "a bit silly". Because of that, in the past I would withhold talking about those experiences, or I would only choose a few friends that I trust. But today, I think, let it be. If it gets distorted, or silly, it does not matter. Who wants to hear the message behind, will hear it anyway.Like Hesse's Siddharta was able to appreciate the beauty and value of a simple stone, in the first days in China, I found it was so easy to appreciate all little daily things and events happening around. It is not that I was advanced in self-cultivation, it was just China's way to greet a new guest. I always remember that sharp sound of cicadas when walking in the campus of "er wai". For me it was not just a sound, but it was also followed by certain nice emotions, however difficult to define and name. I also remember that a lot of simple encounters with Beijing people were refreshing and charged with meaning. For example, on the second day in Beijing, because of the jet lag, I slept only three hours and got up early in the morning. I wanted to take a walk around, but the dormitory doors were still closed and I had to wait until they get open. Together with me, there was a really tall Chinese man, I guess older than me 20 or something years. I could pronounce just a few incorrect words in Standard Mandarin, but he gave me a lot of attention and was sincerely trying to carry a conversation. And it did feel like a meaningful conversation, in spite of my baby-like vocabulary. We managed to understand each other on several points. By now I don't remember exactly what we were speaking, but I remember the whole encounter as a certain feeling, or energy, that was accompanied with subjective colors. That kind of communication I hadn't experienced before, neither I did later. Because there is always something unique in our encounters with others. And in this case it was particularly unique.I could recall a lot more communications with people that I met in the first days in Beijing, as well as those who would come for offering some help without being asked or just for a simple talk. The experience in general, the way it felt and the way it happened was quite different and incomparable to my life before. I felt like for many years I had to carry all these social and psychological skills of self-defense, a kind of armor around me. Suddenly I could smile without being afraid to look silly. I could exercise my kindness without trying to avoid feeling ashamed or insecure. And I could start communicate with almost anybody in a street, knowing that in most cases I will be kindly welcomed and accepted. I could go back in time being more of my genuine self without feeling insecure. I know this may have to do a lot with how Chinese in general accept foreigners - their guests - but at the same time I would not reduce all that hospitality to one mere aspect of Chinese-foreigner pattern.By the end of the third day, when I was having a rest in my friend's dormitory (technically I didn't have my own place as a student in "er wai", I had to go to Nanjing University for that), something strange happened. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt intensive sadness. A sadness that you only feel when you separate with your dear friend and when you know that you may not see him or her again soon, or worse will never see again. I know, we may attribute this sadness, to the fact, that Lithuanians in general, tend to be sad. I made a joke once, that Lithuanians are only happy when they are sad. They can't be happy without being sad. Look at all our folklore songs - most of them are so sad. I could say to a certain extent that we enjoy a certain aspect of sadness. But in this case, my sadness had little to do with me being a Lithuanian. It was a quiet deep sadness, still somehow indirectly connected with being happy or just feeling well. I realized I was sad about the fact that so soon - in 5 months - I had to go back home to my dear Lithuania. 5 months period appeared such an extremely short amount of time to stay here. What can you learn in 5 months about Chinese culture? How much language can you grasp in such short amount of time? At that time I knew that staying longer was hardly an option for me, I relied on my scholarship, and there was no other financial income or support. And indeed it felt so sad, as if I had to say goodbye to my new friends and experiences not in several months, but just in a few days.I know that for some people, it may sound even ridiculous or in-comprehensive, or just too sweet, but that was my "wisdom" at that time, which may sound like foolishness to another person. It seems that somehow deep inside I knew I had to stay here longer and I really wished to do that, but rationally I didn't see how that could be possible. And that made me extremely sad."But let me speak no more of this... everything always becomes a bit different, as soon as it is put into words, gets distorted a bit, a bit silly..."