A Magnifying Glass
2014-04-06
After writing my first four blogs here, the first blogs in my life, I suddenly started to hesitate. Should I continue writing? Is it really so meaningful? Am I doing it for others or just for myself? Out of my own personal significance? I thought if personal significance is the first and the main factor, maybe I should just stop writing, erase the blogs if possible and do something else. I also was somehow not used to a feeling that what I wrote is being read by hundreds of people every day, by people whom I don't know, and who would react to my words in all different and often hard to predict ways. I got several days rest from writing, and now I decided that sometimes it does not matter that much what we think, but it is more important to listen to what "feels right". This "feeling of what is right", ultimately is also a thought, but a thought of a different kind. In simple terms, using the words from a famous song - "the show must go on" as well as the "blogging" has to continue.
If you have never heard of Jill Bolte Taylor's "Stroke of Insight", then I would recommend you to watch her 30 minutes talk on TED. I bet you will not regret doing that, and it even may bring changes to your life and the way you see it. If it does, I would be more than happy to hear your feedback either here or in private messaging. I watched that video talk quite a few times, and even have acquired her book with a similar name "My Stroke of Insight: : A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey". I am not going to be a "spoiler" and tell you in advance what it is all about, so for now I will just share a few details and a quote from the book. That woman has experienced a stroke in her left brain, to the extent that her left brain stopped functioning, and she could only perceive everything outside and inside of her due to her healthy and functional right brain. She was one of those who have survived and recovered after the stroke. Recovery has enabled her to share her experience to the rest of the world.
If it was just a disease, a medical issue, an accident in one's life, it probably would not be that important. But this accident has changed the whole way she perceived the world and herself. It was a spiritual experience, an enlightenment of a kind. Her strong background in neurological science made this case of cognitive transformation even more valuable and interesting. In her book when describing different aspects of her recovery, she said:
Emotional healing was a tediously slow process but well worth the effort. As my left brain became stronger, it seemed natural for me to want to "blame" other people or external events for my feelings or circumstances. But realistically, I knew that no one had the power to make me feel anything, except for me and my brain. Nothing external to me had the power to take away my peace of heart and mind. That was completely up to me. I may not be in total control of what happens to my life, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience.
What interests me most in this quote, and in the whole book itself, that she gave a very convincing and clear explanation about the fact that it is up to us how we react and interpret the world and events around us. It is not a dream, not a fiction, not a dry theory, but it is a fact of life: we are in charge of a choice to react negatively or positively to events of our life. Actually, I would say, not only we have this binary choice between "white" and "black", but we rather have a multitude or a rainbow of creative choices. There is nothing absolutely objective and negative outside there, it is only our minds, our left brains, our selfishness and egotism in us, that chooses to interpret and react to things more negatively than positively. And please understand me right, I am aware of all those evils of humanity in history and at modern times, they do exist. But before we start talking about global problems, let's look closer, let's look at what is happening around in our lives, as well as in our lives in China for those who stay here.
In my previous blogs, my dominant theme was various examples of rewarding and positive experience in China. I believe you can have similar experience in many foreign countries, if you visit them at the right time in your life, and you are carried there by a strong motivational cause. You could also have this experience in your own country, if suddenly some kind of a dramatic change came into your life. But going abroad, staying in a new environment, by itself is a favorable change, that can be used to rethink and rebuild yourself. And I am convinced that China, for some reasons that are hard to explain, often can be a very good catalyst for those kind of changes. As long as you welcome that change, and as long as you don't think that you are coming from the better and the more superior country.
I remember someone from a great country (let it stay anonymous), who had to live in China for a year or longer. I was open to finding new friends and people, and somehow I had to hang out with this guy for a few times. He was so upset about all his experience in China, that I didn't know what to say and how to point out that it is not that bad as he thinks it is. For example, he told me that Chinese people laugh at him all the time, and he really hates that. That was really surprising for me, because I have never experience Chinese people laughing at me in an insulting or disrespectful way. Yes, they do laugh a lot, but I was sure that in most cases it was a friendly laugh. How does it happen that someone treats that laugh as disrespectful and humiliating? It was beyond my understanding. When angry, he also used to comment, how stupid are people around. And every time he pronounced the word "stupid", it was obvious for me that he is the only one who is "stupid", and only because he thinks that way. He was a classical example on what an arrogance, an arrogance of your own, and an arrogance in terms that you think you are coming from a better country, can do to you. This arrogance distorts all your perception and senses. In different people there is a different amount of arrogance, in some it is very obvious, in others it is hidden and sophisticated. So every time you judge events around make sure your eyeglasses are not painted in color, it maybe that the world is not pink, but only your inner eyeglasses are.
My other personal discovery, based on my daily observations, was that depending on with which people, or strictly speaking, with which international students I hang out, my vision and perception of China can change rapidly and dramatically. Even to the extent that Chinese people will "suddenly" start treating me differently, not like before. I was a kind of "lonely wolf", in the sense that I would prefer to be by myself, and it was hard to find friends with whom I would have a deeper mutual understanding. Still, sometimes I thought that I should be more social, and hang our more with my international student fellows. Once for a week or two I was really trying to hang out with a particular group of students from two or three certain countries. So good, now I have friends, we do things together, I am not alone. But soon I discovered that this group of people have a certain and quite predictable view of China. They complain a lot and compare, they still somehow like it here, but at the same time there is this feeling of superiority, and lots of discontentment. And what they say and observe does sound very objective and true. Sometimes what appear to be objective is just a habit of certain thought pattern. You repeat thinking about the same thing in the same way, and sooner or later that becomes your "common sense" objectivity.
I don't say these student fellows were not nice people. No, they were very nice, and cool, and cute. But now, I also dare to say, that they were somehow strongly culturally biased. As soon as I stopped participating in all those talks with sophisticated and intellectual complains about experiences in China, my perception and view went back to where it was. And I am not saying I am not biased, who isn't, but still I prefer a view of China that is not based on complains and a feeling of superiority, but is grounded on a strive for a quest of a positive perspective. To paraphrase Jill Bolte Taylor "I may not be in total control of what happens to my life in China, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience." I would also add that depending on how you choose to perceive your experience, things and events would develop in a corresponding way, and in return will "happen" to you. Just do a little experiment, for an hour, think that you are coming from the greatest country in the world and nobody is equal to you. Try communicate with Chinese people that you meet daily, and see how they treat you. Now, think of every Chinese person as a potential carrier of an ancient culture, a potential treasure of life wisdom, and see the difference. The difference in smile, in gestures, in a way you and they talk about things.
I know most of us can't change our attitudes just by will, so that is why it is so difficult to research these kind of things and see the difference. Most of us are like trains on a railway, and we can't change our course of life. But still, every time you are in a metro, or in a bus, crowded with people you could do a little experiment of your own. Notice, in those situations how quickly we get bored, and tired, and everyone else is just a stranger, that we don't really care about. Sometimes we even look at those strangers with a judgmental eye, with discontent, we judge how they look, how they dress, or we find them weird. Now, just for a moment, realize that it is up to you how you treat those strangers. You could also emanate a feeling of gratitude. A feeling of appreciation. You could also look at everybody as a potential friend, or just a fellow human being. And then suddenly you are not bored any more, not even tired. You become open to possibilities.
I know what I said here, could be applied in any country, either foreign or your own, it could also be applied in any kind of situation. But at the same time, somehow, I found it especially easy to practice in China. And China is rewarding those who treat her with friendship. If it does not sound like an idea to you, practicing different attitudes does not hurt, why don't give it a try. Let me finish with a quote from a book that was written about 90 years ago:
As through a magnifying glass behold the good, andbelittle tenfold the signs of imperfection, lest youremain as you always were.
Thank you the feedback! After writing the post I haven't heard of anyone who would go and watch that video on TED. And TED videos also have Chinese subtitles! I either did a bad job in introducing the video or people just prefer to keep silence.
You do have a style to start a conversation!
I understand what you say about not having arrogance and not feeling that you are coming from a better country. I think that in real life we very seldom meet obviously arrogant people. I use arrogance in a broader sense. I also think that there are more latent or unconscious levels of arrogance, maybe it would be better to call them pride. Or just see them as having a very good opinion of oneself.
It took me time to find out that I myself have those hidden deeper levels of arrogance and pride. Often they just sleep, stay latent, but at some moments activate. After I started to reveal them in myself, I found that a lot of people have a similar problem. Usually we just don't care about that, why bother.
I don't have in mind only national superiority. There are different ways how we feel superior comparing to others. Men often feel superior against women just because they are men. In my observations I found that people from certain countries do often share the ways how they feel superior. And that national superiority is mixed with other kinds of superiority. Again, a lot of subjectivity here is involved, that is why you don't have to agree with me. Your observations maybe different.
That guy, who felt frustrated all the time, I am convinced he had issues with himself first of all. We once played basketball. It was him, me and another Chinese friend. The whole stadium was crowded with players, so new people would join those who already were playing, and different basketballs would get mixed. Chinese players would just share the basketballs with each other, but my foreign friend as soon as someone took his ball, got very mad and upset. He violently took back his ball, and didn't hide his anger. I thought, wait a moment, if this how you usually react, no wonder people see you sometimes as silly and laugh at you. If this how he regularly treats others, he will not get very nice feedback and behavior from others either.
I mean this guy was just an extreme "classical example" of having an attitude. Usually these attitudes are not so manifested, and it is harder to see how you sow what you reap.
Hope this explains a little and takes away our little apparent disagreements.
I haven’t seen the TED video yet, but you got me curious!
And I totally agree what you say about change, it’s about oneself. You can even have the same experience in your home country, rethinking and rebuilding oneself does not require going abroad.
I also like the way you interpreted how hanging out with other foreigners are. After repeating things, they become “common sense” and stuff… And I have to admit that complaining is a good conversation starter, so I do it very often even about things I don’t care. I can actually live without coffee but when I drink, I can’t even distinguish good from bad (if it exists). But I say “I really miss good coffee but it’s so hard to find in this country, and why so expensive? Do you drink coffee often, where are you from by the way?”, I know people I’m talking to are going to forget about what I said about coffee and start talking about their countries anyways
That you propose trying different standpoints is a great exercise. But I want to object to one thing about arrogance. I have no idea such as I’m from a superior country or what, the thing is I even forget where I am from, and tell people I have no interest in representing my country (sometimes I want people to know just because I want to broaden their minds). I don’t think I’m an arrogant person. However there have been times of utter frustration and anger that I was crying in helplessness, thinking how stupid Chinese people are. But remind you, I’m quite likely to have a similar reaction in my own country as well. Which doesn’t change the fact that there are stupid people that can get on your nerves everywhere in the World.
So, even though you're right about your friend's frustration being... wrong, (maybe you'd say mine is as well) reducing it to a national superiority is not realistic. I do agree that I've met MANY such people who apprach foreign people/things with the idea that they are superior to them though.
Now I clearly understand what you mean and I agree with you on that. However, my line of thought was, it is only meaningful to write something if that is useful to others. If it's not, then one is just writing it for himself.
If the blog has been viewed many times it is still not an indicator of its value. Its title maybe have been clicked because it happened to be on the first page, but one never knows how many of those viewers read the clicked blog till the end.
One is even less clear how many of those who read it till the end found it useful and rewarding.
Thank you for your nice comment! I know you are guys who are in charge here, at least to some extent, so I didn't respond to your other comments about "the post being highlighted", but I still wanted to tell you that I appreciate your work.
Good job, and we would make it to be read by hundred of people no matter which country they are from!
I just think that if we are making an effort to write interesting blogs , it is a shame if they are not being read by a good number of people!
Thank you for nice an interesting comments. However, why not having what you wrote read by many people is worse? Just want to see what you think.
Quote:"I was somehow not used to a feeling that what I wrote is being read by hundreds of people every day, by people whom I don't know, and who would react to my words in all different and often hard to predict ways." There is only one thing worse that having what you wrote read by hundreds of people everyday...and that is not having what you wrote read by hundreds of people everyday!
A lot of thoughts here and appreciated. Yes, I agree that going to another country can help re-start a life and perhaps put some problems behind one if one comes with an open mind and interested in making changes and experiencing change. It depends on what individuals bring to it. There is the old joke: how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change!
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