Stumbling Stones in a Fairy Tale
2014-04-20
After writing my first five blogs here, my first five blogs in my life, I suddenly realized that I have no clue what else I can say here. Initially, I wanted to share my experiences in China. I found that the way I experienced things here was in many aspects quite different from other foreigners whom I knew. I think I never said this quite in straightforward way like I do it now, because saying something like that means calling for a challenge. But that is how I feel and that is what I am more or less convinced about. I think that to appreciate the beauty of another ancient culture, we need to have a similar culture in our hearts. Otherwise we will stumble upon different little stones on our way.I knew someone from abroad who was very much into practicing Taijiquan. He had been practicing for many years, had achieved a certain level of mastery, and even had been teaching others what he knew. He had never been to China before, and only about three years earlier he had a chance to come and stay in Beijing for a year. Just before his coming I wanted to warn him, tell him to be careful about his attitude. I found that we need somehow to be prepared to visit another country and our tone of experience and understanding of another culture depends on that preparation. However, I didn't have a chance to warn him. A year later, soon as he left China, I asked him in a letter, what was his experience, did he enjoy his stay. His answer shocked me, because he said: "I got disappointed with Chinese culture". What?! I didn't even know how to respond. You practiced Taijiquan for many years, you stay your first year in China and you get disappointed by its culture. I wanted to ask him: "Where did you see that culture which disappointed you?" But instead, I didn't ask anything, after more than two years I still wasn't able to reply him. I just have no words.
I could write to him and ask what was that which disappointed him, but somehow I knew where that discussion would lead and what he would tell. I could more or less guess it. So I didn't want to follow in that direction, and I didn't think that by saying something, or to be more precise, by typing certain combinations of keys with my fingers, I could bring a significant change, because most of us believe in what and how we see with our own eyes in our lives.
My first four months in China, about thirteen years ago, was somehow similar to a fairy tale. When I think of my childhood, my first five years of it, also was a kind of a fairy tale. Why? Because of the quality of that time, and the love and care that had surrounded me. Somehow the quality of my first four months in China, resembled the quality of childhood's early years. Maybe this similarity could be described in a more sophisticated and intellectual way, because both our childhood years and a completely new experience are multidimensional complicated cognitive processes, but the bottom line is simple as that - there is some significant similarity between these two.
I had some stumbling stones as well. For example, I had never smoked, and I had been convinced that smoking is harmful in many ways. Even a slight smell of a cigarette smoke makes me feel uncomfortable and I can immediately register a series of unpleasant sensations in different parts of my body. Neither my head, nor my heart like sensations caused by nicotine, and I do feel that influence physically. I don't need a thorough scientific study that proves the harm of smoke, I feel it myself immediately. Sometimes, because of different life situations, when I have to stay in a place full of smoke, I need at least several hours if not a day to recover back to how I felt before experiencing that second hand smoke.
That was my first stumbling stone in China, because here people could smoke anywhere - both outdoors and indoors. So you eat in a restaurant and suddenly someone decides to smoke. What do you do? Bear the smoke? Leave the restaurant in the middle of your launch? Or ask to stop smoking? Often I would ask not to smoke, and I didn't meet a Chinese person who would refuse my request to stop smoking. If you don't smoke, having constantly a risk of being exposed to second hand smoking can be quite annoying and even stressful. Sometimes half seriously I could tell to Chinese people that they really lost the Opium war to the West, because after more than a century so many people in your nation still use nicotine, a descendant of Opium war, a weapon of Western nations.
I remember in 2004 in Dongbei, every time we would sit in a public transportation bus, someone would need to light a cigarette. It was so frequent, that as soon as I would get on a bus, I would be alert and listen until someone clicks a cigarette lighter, I knew it was better to ask not to smoke before someone actually starts, than afterwards.
I also knew that it was not correct for me to judge the smokers or look down upon them. Some of my best friends in China, are addictive smokers, and I have nothing else but to tolerate them.
My both grandfathers were very strong smokers. One of them died quite early - 50 years old - where smoking was a strong factor of his death. He would smoke several boxes of cigarettes a day, and it was so strong that doctors didn't allow him to suddenly quit smoking. They said if he did that, that could be dangerous to his life, he could only reduce the amount of smoking gradually. My other grandfather lived much longer, but once he also told me that after all he didn't like the effects of smoking on his health and he could definitely feel the harm. His will was so strong that even around 60 years he managed to almost completely quit smoking.
Back to my first lines about culture, I think that the issue of smoking in China, in my personal biased view, could be a strong factor for me to get disappointed by Chinese culture. If a Taichi master smokes, he is not that good in my eyes. If a lecturer of Confucian philosophy smokes during his lectures (I had one case as that), then he is not a lecturer I want to listen to. If men smoke near children and even near pregnant women in a closed environment, I do think they have an issue with compassion and care of others. And I do think it is not a display of a high culture either.
But if I decide to dwell on these memories where people around me smoked nicotine, the negative thought of annoyance would destroy me from the inside, and it would do much more harm, than the nicotine itself. Getting annoyed does not help to find a way out from that.
So much about one of the stumbling stones for me in China.
Back to the fairy tale.
Both of my parents were smokers (and still are) and I think them telling me "Never start smoking!" and inhaling some more smoke was an interesting experience as a child. Introduction to cognitive dissonance? Their telling me if I try it once I would never be able to stop made me feel very curious about that feeling though. I tried smoking at the age of 9. Wasn't particularly good or bad. I smoked several times, in our balcony when they were out. And then I forgot having even smoked, didn't feel the urge to smoke again. Having tried it that early, I thought I had the right to look down on my peers who smoked when we were teens. They would pretend to have gone through lots of troubles and that they have to smoke to ease them, which was ridiculous since they really started feeling that way after pretending for a while.
What I noticed in China though, when I stay in a place full of smoke (which means ANYWHERE) I lose my eyesight. Thankfully people don't smoke on buses in my city, but any closed area can become smoke-filled pretty soon. I first thought my eye problems were because I wear contacts but no, the smoke stinks my eye even when I'm wearing glasses instead. I lose like 40% of my eyesight, and look "stoned" according to my friends with my half-open eyes. Alas. I never had the courage to stop people around me from smoking though. And I gave up my idea of not being around smokers quite fast because I met amazing people who happen to be smokers...
After reading your article, i got chance to see the Beijing Acrobatics. there was a fairy tale, i remembered your story.
Thanks a lot! I assume being highlighted means to have your post on the first page?
Long ago I had a friend who at some point complained that he can't smoke when I am around, because he thought I was judging him, and it didn't feel nice. I was surprised, I didn't think I judged him in my mind, but it seemed that my apparent judgment was a worse thing than his actual smoking.
Once I had a course on "fairy tales". Indeed, the most interesting part was to listen how the teacher told actual "fairy tales", her analysis however was not that exciting.
I have smoking friends too .. And it has to be accepted ..I hope they will learn at some point the impact.
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