When talking to artists about projects (their own projects or ones you are helping them accomplish), there are a few pointers I've picked up over the years that might be useful to the uninitiated...1) Artists are humorless, so make jokes sparingly. Generally, artists see the world from very pessimistic, sarcastic, hyper-critical points of view. There are countless examples throughout art history that can verify this point, so in finding yourself in the company of artists, speak when necessary. Don't make extraneous comments because they will either think you are insulting their taste or that you're just plain stupid. 2) Do not get precious when artists talk to you about projects. That means do not think you have some special connection with an artist because he/she comes to talk to you about a project. Artists ask everyone about their own projects. They are narcissists, and they are not listening to your opinion as much as they are listening for chances to speak more about themselves. 3) Artists have the last say. When an exhibition goes up, no matter how many times an artist has stressed a certain piece or point or lighting, if they change their mind last minute, just make the changes. Don't argue with them. Don't try to change their minds because actually every artist is a swirling pool of emotions and thoughts, and the slightest form of doubt can send them reeling for days, months, years. 4) Use "fabulous" often. Have you ever been asked by, say, a girlfriend if what she's wearing "looks good?" The correct answer is always "yes." And likewise, if an artist or curator has something already hanging on a wall, you should just say it's "fabulous." You can use any superlative you want. Just make sure that he/she knows you appreciate their unique aesthetic perspective, that it's exciting and fresh--even if it's cadaver eaten by feral cats fresh.So those are four small suggestions for when you're in the company of artists or art-minded people. Generally writers are not as nasty as visual artists. And architects are an entirely different story. Good luck!

These are some pictures I've had for a very long time. I thought I would share them with everyone here because it's fall and the weather is mostly bad, so we're all staying in and using our computers, right? Years ago, I took a trip to Fengtai to witness a Peking Opera Festival held in one of the parks down there. I don't understand a word of their singing or really even have a grasp of the meaning behind their costumes. BUT GOD, the costumes are so dazzling. I was the only foreigner there that evening. I must have looked so odd wielding my camera around, snapping shots like a maniac. At the time, my camera still felt new and I took it everywhere with me. I generally take a lot of cell phone shots now cause it's more discreet so people don't get offended. But real cameras take such beautiful photos, and I have thousands now that I should go back and process. Just wanted to share these with you guys cause they're some of my favorite memories. Nothing super embarrassing about that, huh?

There's a Beijing tradition that you might know and love. It's called lamb leg and it's sure to get your...approval. Sorry I've been so busy lately. Just haven't had the time for any thoughtful posts.

Last week my roommate, her friend, and I took a taxi down to Beijing's fabric market on the southwest side of the city. It was the first time I'd ever been there, and let me just say that Muxuyuan is not the prettiest part of town by any standards. Outside, roads become improvised flea markets as vendors sell seafood next to mounds of trash. Small men weave through the traffic squeezing over-sized bundles of bulk items back and forth. The day I went, rain clouds sporadically showered five-minute showers, so things appeared especially dingy.But once inside, the colors and materials all carried a light of their own. It was one of those moments that felt like seeing for the very first time. You know that feeling when a color, like red, sits next to another color, like blue, and the combination is profound in a way that's childish. But also amazing.And I got to meet my roommate's favorite shopkeeper, who could tell you anything about any fabric, and he gave such decent prices and knew exactly how much fabric one should get for a skirt or shirt or dress. He was just a brilliant craftsman and obviously so dedicated to his work. Even in a city I've known for so long, surprises are waiting just within reach. I always forget that.

That's what I've been hoping for since the beginning of this dreary, God-forsaken month. Maybe it's not God-forsaken. That's going a bit far. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's been waiting, considering national holidays fall at the beginning of October. I've tried to do every little thing I could to move time faster, to somehow rush the river, push the grains of sand down the hourglass. If there were another metaphor for time, I would be using it here...The cause of my bitterness toward this month stems from two culprits: the weather, which is turning cold; and my loss of a dear friend to what I can only describe as crippling anxiety. Unfortunately, both are out of my hands. I can prepare myself to encounter each one. I can wear warmer clothes, just as I can limit my interactions with this woman that I once considered a mentor and big sister. But that doesn't make me less bitter. It doesn't take the sting away from the cold. If there were another metaphor for inner-suffering, I would be using it here...But I will never regret finally letting someone go. Really. It never hurts to delete people out of my contact list. There are nights when I go through my WeChat, deleting people that I haven't spoken to since adding them. Feels good. Feels like I'm taking a shower. Years down the line, I'm never gonna think, "I just wish I still had [insert name] in my life because he/she would have enjoyed this." And you know why? Because life is already hard enough for me to enjoy, and trying to bring someone else along even when you have the best intentions, never works out. NEVER. You really can't make anyone have fun with you. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then move on. With that said, bring on October. Bring on the cold weather, the terrible horror films, and the proud proud proud Libra people. Everyone is hating on Virgo, but Libra, those people are load of work as well.

The time has come once again for the hippest of the hip and the slickest of the slick to wheel their wares down to one of Beijing's oldest alleyways, Dashilar. Despite the turbulence between the locals living in squatter conditions and the foreigners wishing to gentrify the area, people keep pressing for Dashilar to... be something, to really take off, like Nanluoguxiang or any number of similar areas in Beijing choked by tourists. With its proximity to Qianmen, I question whether or not "designy" endeavors could be sustainable in the area...but I'm a pessimist. As always, chic booths of prima donna fashionistas litter the streets. Abandoned or half-occupied hutong courtyards have been converted into surrealist-capitalist fantasies. I stop in one shop in which they've covered the entire floor in metallic, shiny wrapping paper. Each garment is handmade from lux materials, and it's only the designer's second line--although the prices might indicate otherwise. Beijing happens to be one of those cities saturated in fashion, yet I'm never sure if I'm looking too dowdy or too formal. A curious predicament. Another narrow corridor leads me to a courtyard that's been revamped by design team People's Architecture Office. Through a series of architectural interventions, the team reworked the space with prefab pieces they claim anyone can learn how to install themselves. Their idea is to bring affordable restoration to some of Beijing's oldest but least preserved areas. This is the BIG WOW show for me. I love this idea. I love the idea of reworking the hutongs. When I was in Cartegena, Colombia, years ago, I was so impressed with the methods used to reinvigorate the old Spanish colonial parts of the city. I would love it if Beijing could wake up and start taking care of its existing cultural relics before they are too forgone for repair. BUT...I'm a pessimist. My friend Yizhou had her booth for an ongoing project she calls Body Memory. She creates casts of visitors' body parts that she turns into jewelry and art objects. I think it's a cool idea. But I'm biased cause she's my friend. Quanyechang is the big exhibition building with over a dozen different shows to see. Apparently there was some confusion with the police and the hosts of the event because the police felt it was an illegal gathering as there was a guest lecturer. I never attend Design Week lectures, though, because they're always half-baked. My other friend Celine had a show in the building from a project she started earlier in the summer in which she creates graphic designs à la emoji that she's prints on plastic tiles and arranges in all sorts of patterns. I snuck past the policemen and it looks beautiful. There are several other areas participating in Beijing Design Week: Caochangdi, Sanlitun, etc. It'll be around until Oct. 3, so if you're in Beijing, try to see some of it. Or don't, you know. I'm not your boss.

This weekend I stayed with a friend living in Portland. He's got a standard-size studio--bedroom, kitchen, small bathroom--that's quite a bit more expensive than the place I'm staying in Beijing. That's not to toot my own horn, but when he complained about the price, I suggested his boyfriend moving in. Linus, my friend, has been dating the same guy for the past two years. They live on opposite sides of the city and usually only see each other on the weekends. To me, they could cut costs by planning meals and sharing bills. They could also see more of each other. Win Win WinBut Linus felt very differently. He thinks they'd drive each other crazy in the limited amount of space because they have different sleep cycles and habits. I understand the dilemma, but when money is tight, you have to try and economize. And if you've been with the same guy for as long as they've been together, I don't know what else they could be waiting for...I re-watched that movie Happy Together by Wong Kar Wai about a Hong Kong gay couple that moved to Argentina. They lived in this claustrophobically small apartment and put each other through Hell. You can really feel how that space becomes a pressure cooker as their relationship goes to new extremes of physical and mental abuse. Some spaces just through size alone can elicit strong emotional responses. Has China changed my perception of space and relationships? Or is Linus in denial about something? I sensed Linus had some fear about changing their current living situation. Everyone has a path to follow, so I understand that two years might not be enough to finally accept someone as a life partner. Marriage might not be a thing that they discuss or even want for the future. And a studio really might not be enough room for two people to share. I'm caught on my own fluctuating perceptions. Five years ago I would have agreed with Linus. Today I'm not sure what to think. Perhaps I'm just getting older and feel lonely.

So I'm in the States for a visit and one news story has caught my interest, that of 29 year old, HIV positive Thomas Miguel Guerra. According to reports, Guerra lied to over ten sexual partners, putting them at risk for contracting the disease. His boyfriend at the time was concerned about his HIV status and asked that they both take a test. The results proved positive for both. Guerra claimed he hadn't known he was positive. Later on, his boyfriend read some text messages stored on Guerra's phone in which he brags to a friend about giving the disease to others. In fact, Guerra had known since 2007. Guerra could face up to half a year in prison for a health and safety misdemeanor. His ex-boyfriend will spend the rest of his life with complications due to HIV. I'm shocked that this is a big news story for several reasons. There's quite a large subculture of gay men that enjoy the thrill of putting themselves and others at risk for "the bug" as they often refer to it. But generally I think this type of play is usually between consenting individuals and not a vicious blow as in Guerra's case. His actions to me seem very childish, and frankly so does the coverage of this story. But it's not only his actions. The adult men that chose to have unprotected sex with him are, to me, a little foolish. I mean, growing up gay post-HIV catastrophe gives me unrelenting shame/guilt for sex--I don't know if others feel the same way. So willfully having unprotected sex with someone even if they've told you they have a negative status is taking the wheel into your own hands so to speak. Especially if it's just casual sex. At the same time, it's 2014. There are over-the-counter, at home HIV tests that literally take minutes for accurate results. There's also been amazing developments in understanding and treatment of HIV. There's no reason for this fear/shock treatment of an HIV story. This disease has been well documented for over 20 years now. It's not Ebola. It's actually very common in some ways. To me, this news story plays into one of the oldest stereotypes of "gay man as sexual deviant". It's a way of incriminating innocent gay men for their sexual behavior. How many sexually transmitted diseases do straight men give straight women every year, every day? How many children are born into families without fathers because straight men don't want to take responsibility for their actions? When was the last time we publicly shamed a straight man for having sex? The coverage of this story is so irritating. It just makes me uncomfortable. AND I heard about it first on a Chinese news sight via WeChat, so it's become international news that's in some ways slanted against American gay men and their bad habits. UGH, disgusted with all of these developments.

My little cousin Iris got married this summer in Annapolis, Maryland. She and her husband chose the chapel at the naval academy where he graduated. There was a request for men in uniform a while back on China Daily, so I thought I'd share these photos...In America, we have a joke that men in the Navy are gay because they spend all their time on ships with a bunch of other men. I missed my opportunity to find a Navy man this summer by not attending the wedding...

Usually, most years, I don't spend the month of August in Beijing. And for a number of reasons... 1) Too Hot2) Too Polluted3) Too Many TouristsAnd if those three reasons aren't enough to send someone packing, most of my friends leave during the summer months as well, so Beijing can feel a bit lonely. As most of my work can be done from home, I just move my home for a while and then go back to Beijing in early September. But this year, my mom and her partner came to visit me at the beginning of August, and it was like an entire week went by in 10 seconds. I just don't know where the time went. Having family visit you in a foreign country is a big moment for an expat. It's a big moment for non-expats. I mean, if I were to move from my home town to a city across the country, I would consider it a big step to have my family come for a visit. And they didn't live with me. They rented a lovely suite in courtyard near Zhang Zizhong Road, very close to where I live. So there wasn't a lot of pressure for me to clean house and do all those things you forget to do until company is on the way--so I still have that stuff to do now.There were several moments that I'd like to share, but the editor in me wants to keep this blog short and (relatively) sweet, so for those of you out there that have family coming or have had family visit you in China, I think we can all agree that it's important to A) manage time wisely and B) prepare for guests with diabetes. There were several instances where I could do neither A nor B, and while no one panics over two hours wasted in an over-priced trinket shop, climbing the Great Wall without enough water or snacks is foolish and can take your trip from relaxing and carefree, to your mother's partner passed out in a remote region of Beijing, an hour from any hospital. Anxiety inducing to say the very least. So always remember that big bottle of water and a candy bar or two. You'll be glad you did.