A violent emperor is not stopped by telling him what he should do. He knows what it is good and what is wrong but just forgets, forgets, forgets. He is so deep in feeling full of himself, so full of excitement, what people call madness instead. He is the victim who people hope him to be good but don’t help him out. I can’t control my feelings. I keep wanting excitement of laughter and keep feeding myself entertainments, keep watching people laugh and make jokes. I keep wanting excitement of anxiety and keep feeding myself self-conscientiousness, keep regarding people around superior and feel ashamed of myself. I keep wanting excitement of “that’ is life” and keep feeding myself contents of that, keep falling, falling, falling deep down and regard myself as a living creature. Yes, I am a living creature but maybe more than that. My feelings stop time, stop growth, stop exposure with nature and man. Internet helps a lot(of course not including writing here, you see I am sober and clear-minded now). Living environment really influences a man, from his birth to childhood to adolescence and to more after. I see I am shaped by my past which I hate but I accept it now. I see I can change the bad influence on me of my past through a long period of my rest of life. Which means I will be tortured by the influence until it stops influencing me. I am living with it everyday. I try to smile at it but sometimes let it ruin my whole day. As though I am set a programme, I just do what it writes. Yes, I am set a programme, I just do what it writes(what people call a lie or self-deception).

What am I going to be when I am thirty?Looking at who I am now, I CAN predict the man I will be--the same as I am, with only age number larger.The right thing to do is say I WILL meet the challengeAnd see how much and how long I can shoulder itAs days slip, with normal life, normal workBeing Ordinary is acceptable to me, right?Why seeing the peers find their good jobs, earn their success makes me feel misery?I look at storys of millionairs, the disabled of success, talented people and those with country-honoring jobs--scientists, teachers, and also eye-catching figures as actors and actresses and singers and dancers, performers if all in a group.But living an ordinary life as I am doing now gives me some sense of uncerternty--What I really should do and what I should challenge myself to do to earn a life which I long for?Looking at what ability I have, I stop imagining the glory of future as a successful man but feel the pain of difficulty changing me into a new me.Repetiveness is what really drags my legs from a new start. Repetiveness is a habit or even deeply turns to be subconciousness which is rooted in for years.But hope is a good thing, a very good thing. It give me power to face challenges and hopefully turns me into a successful person who I will love to be.

Still during days of CNY,....today's earyly morning around 2 a.m. I was up and could not fall asleep again(still staying awake till now of course).I was totally lost in moods. And I started to explore ways to get out of them but found myself standing in the sublime height, seeing the origin of the whole universe and its end(both of which of course I didn't actually see but put myself that high to see through the process). I also saw my as a little splash of wave in the long long river of human beings. I was glad that I thought myself as one splash. I also gained endless potentials which in my mind were powers as well that saved me from the sleepless night's sad moods.However, everything isn't the same now. I have to face up with daily life again to be a man! Yes a man, another name——human being.A splash's power has gone with the change? Perhaps. But maybe it just hides and pops up when I am low.Anyway forget it. A new day has come!

What position I am inleads to what work I should doDon't withdraw and say I don't knowFor your work should be done by youselfWhich should be taken for grantedOccupying a position alwaysComes with its responsible workDon't hold back and say take it easyYour career's success never came true If you didn't keep ambitious and say yesTo complete asignments on your ownFailure is the mother of successWhy not accept failures which may comeYou are not perfect BUTPlease don't block out the way to success Which comes from failure as always

The Same World to FindEat together, we are eat companionsNo matter boss and subordinatesSenior and youngsters Share stories together, we are story companionsNo matter noble or humbleRich or poor Live together, we are living companionsNo matter able or disabledGood looking or not When your mind is full about the idea thatYou and they are two worldsIt is never a chance to know the same oneBetween you and them

I want a faceFavored by anyoneNot too outstandingYet not too humble The natural mask I woreHad long been my faceBut not one to their mind The one they preferIs the one which makes them the sameBeing the same is the onlyTo be favored and accepted I want the face before anyoneBut put on my natural mask againWhen nobody sees However, strongly wishI wouldn’t lose the onlyNatural mask

kind of brain soaked in a small bottleshaped by a bottle but only a bottle's shapewhat if let the brain out, exposed in the airlet it freely grow, in or outthe brain will breathe free, stretch free and happylet my brain out, no matter winds blow, rains fallit needs to breathe freeit needs to stretch free and happyrelease the lion out of a cageif you want to see its naturality and goodnessin a cage, no more lion but catI am only skeleton if my brain is ina bottle

Jack London was so great. I love his stories about the wildness of life. Another story I got from him is White Fang. I didn’t read the book. It is a novel-adapted film. It is made by animation but pretty good. White Fang was a wolf brought up by an adult dog when he was small as a puppy. He was under protection by the dog which he regarded as mother. In one tough winter, it was too hard for them to find food. At that time, they traveled around and met with the Indians. White Fang followed his mother and lived under the hands of the Indians. Seeing his mother pulled sled for the man, he learned to pull the rope which was tied up with heavy stuff. When he grew up as an adult wolf, he became the lead dog of the sled team under the command of the Indian man. He learned to be a lead dog and was proud of himself. Yet, things happened. He was brought away by two evil men. They beat him with the rod which became his biggest fear afterwards. Then he was put in dog fights for them. The wins of dog fights brought huge amount of money for them. However, there were no generals who won every battle; Napoleon couldn’t, either. Then he had his third masters—a couple. They showed great kindness to him. He stay in harmony again with human beings. The two evils came to get White Fang and attacked the couple. In order to protect his masters, who showed him kindness, he was too angry with the two evils and not afraid of the rod any more. He fearlessly broke the rod in two with his fangs and saved the couple’s lives. Though the bad guys were caught by the police eventually, White fang was not heading to California with the couple. The call of the wild was aroused in his heart. He was finally able enough to come to the wild on his own. He didn’t need protections any longer. He wasn’t afraid of the world just alone. For he learned he had to survive on his own and he must learn to be able to live by himself. He went to the wild. Home was on the feet when he was able to live on his own.

So much to have a look in the world. Don't know why so. Finding fun is easy now with network technologies improving every day. With your cell phone, you can chat, you can entertain with music, movies, TV shows or mobile games. Fun is so demanding but don't know what is meant to be for me only. Be ordinary and absorb what is provided. Then everything that appears on the phone means fun. Or to someone means happiness. This is life of 21 centuary when fun is connected with science and technologies.For the other side, information is demanding, too. We don't just love information but need it. We need information to instill into our life and make it full that information becomes something like water which is so life-necessary. Which means without information we cannot live as we cannot live without water. Every medium on the Internet or TV or posters, on devices like cell phone or ipad or i-what, every platform like facebook or wechat or the likes. They are providing information just as cook, providing food.Last point is about entertainment. It is sure that every era has its entertaining way and entertainment should not be called devil even if it is so addictive or toxicating. It is not about entertainment itself. It is about what we think of entertainment. Entertainment to our life ought to be seen as seasonings to food. Food is the point.

Since how little a child was I, I've learned so much about the outside world. I learned basic knowledge of science and culture. I learned discipline and kindness. I learned everything from the outside world. A big HOWEVER it is that my inner world crumbles down piece by piece. No helping hands to come in, to build a harbor against the stormy sea. Long hope comes to an end. Long rest is never far.从多么小的我开始，我便开始学习如此多外面世界的东西：科学、文化；节律、友善。我所学的一切都来自于外面的世界！可是，让人吃惊的“可是”啊，我的内在世界却在一点一点地崩塌。没有伸过来一只援手，没有人为我营建一面海湾去抵御那暴风暴雨的海洋。长久的希望走到了终点，永远长眠就在眼前。