Beginning from 2016, i was getting busier and busier, with my new house decorated, a lot happened. Back on 23th October, my son was born. and on 9th November, something very terrible happened to my sister,and changed her and all of our family members' life. We all had and are having a very hard and dark time. Anyway my son, named Harry by one of my most respected friend in UK whom i call grandpa, brought us a lot of joy and happiness.With my lovely baby Harry, times goes quite fast. It's now the middle of 2017. In the first half of 2017, i struggled hard, both in work and in family matters. I hardly have time to stop and think, and write something down. It's been a long time, i miss those days reading blogs of these chinadaily bloggers, and also reading the news and having some interaction with some of our bloggers.I think i will try to keep writing something and sharing the touching moments of my life here. Good luck to us, wish everybody have a good year 2017!

I haven't been here to share anything with our blog friends for a long time, having been busy with my wedding,and house decoration, it took me a lot of time and cost a lot . Anyway, i still haven't lost interest in writing and reading bolgs. Recently, i have been given a lot of work load, except for a lot of work that i have been doing, my boss asked me to do more export business, i have to develop overseas market. Work pressure made me busier, i got less time to do what i like to do, but spend more time to do what i have to do. Hope i can know more people who are doing international business, and we can share experience, and learn from each other, make progress together.

It has been about fifty days since my boyfriend’s 47-year old mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and according to the doctor, she might leave us anytime within one year. When I heard this, I feel like someone just throw a bomb to us, and we were destroyed by this truth. I always hope that there will be miracles for her, but every sad news from the hospital makes us feel desperate and hopeless. Life has been hard for us for a long time, especially for our parents. However, we always try our best to be positive, as we think that only if we smile, can life give us a smile in return, but how does it end like this? I am here saying this not for sympathy or help, I just want to share my experience and feelings here to encourage myself and also people who have similar experience with me to face the problem bravely. In the meantime, I’d like to share the very common but great story about our parents. My b/f is from the poorest area in the Northwest China, and his parents are very kind and honest peasants. It is very hard to make money for them living there, but they still send their son and daughter to the university, which is just like my beloved parents and many other great parents do. It is actually much harder for them to do that, but they never have any complaints for their efforts. No matter how hard it has been, they always put their kids first. After graduation, me and my b/f tried our best to repay our parents, one of our plan is to buy a big house in Xi’an, and let our parents move to the city and live a good life. We did buy a house in Xi’an, but almost the same time, we got the bad cancer news. There is an old Chinese old saying, “子欲养而亲不待”, which I would prefer to translate as “ time goes by, and one couldn’t stop parents getting old for more repay”. And it makes us heartbroken to accept the truth that our parents can’t live longer, and allow us a little bit more time to fulfill our filial duty. We knew that our parents will get old and leave us permanently someday, so we gave up further education, and start working as soon as we graduated from university, we thought we could have the chance and time to make they live a cozy and happy life, and we never know that the “someday” comes so quickly, so early. It is so cruel, we are scared. We may lose our beloved ones anytime, but how can we accept such cruel reality? I tried to be positive, and I believe in life, but I can’t accept that this is life. After all, after so much hardship she suffered, why not allow her to get old naturally? People living in the countryside don’t usually go to hospital when they feel uncomfortable, especially for those who live in the rural area where is far from hospital, and also in order to save money, they don’t go to hospital until they get some deadly disease. And that’s the main reason why it has been too late to cure when she is diagnosed with stomach cancer. What a tragedy! I tried to comfort my b/f, but I know whatever i say to him now is meaningless. Nobody can change the result. Me and my b/f have been together for almost 7 years, and from the first day I knew him, I knew he was very industrious and responsible, he studied very hard, and always tried his best to get scholarship, and he did get several scholarship several times, and he also had a lot of part-time jobs when he was in the university. We always encouraged each other to be strong and excellent, and try our best to make our parents happy, but now, what can I say? What can I do? It makes me desperate to lose my beloved future mother-in- law. Now, it makes me even lose my hope for hope seeing my b/f in deep grieve. Like what grandpa in UK told us that we should be strong for each other, and support each other, I tried, but it is really hard…….. Maybe what I am saying here sounds very negative with a sad tone, may not good for those who happened to read this blog, but I just want to express this out. It is a way of relieving our grief. I do not tell my bad feelings to my friends and people around me, because if I did, they will worry about us, and also feel sad. That is not what I want to see. However, I did tell this to some really important friends whom I knew for a long time but never met, just like some readers of this blog. I trust those kind friends, and they also gave me some advice and encouragement, which I really appreciate, and I would like to say that it is really wonderful to have those friends in my life. I will be their friends forever and they can count on me anytime. Life is so unpredictable, we may get a newborn baby bring us new life and hope, but we may also lose our beloved ones anytime bring us grief and taking our hope away. Sometimes, we are so hopeless, but we still have to go on for our beloved one, because if we are broken down, our beloved ones will be grieve and hopeless. So I really hope my b/f can be strong, and together with me to face this. Appreciate what we have, and go on, because this is life……… Last but not the least, for those kind readers, please do not feel sad because what I’ve said about the cruel side of life, at least, you have your beloved ones with you. Just appreciate and value your beloved ones, love them, and be loved by them. Live a happy life, that is my wish for all kind people.

I have been thinking about writing something down for almost one month, but i didn't do it until this evening, not only because i have been very busy with my work, but also because during this period, i can't control my mood and keep calm. When it comes Autumn, most people around me feel very happy and celebrate the ending of the torment caused by the high temperature in the Summer. However, my feeling for this so-called cool season is totally different,because i often feel upset and depressed without any specific reasons and what's worse,can't control mymood at all. When the Autumn falls on the earth, it brings cloudy and rainy weather together, and with its wind and fog, it makes the green leaves turn to yellow and fall down from the tree. Suddenly, a passionate and energetic summer disappears. Looking at the grey sky, i feel sad, and sometimes, i burst into tears. I try my best to control and adjust myself, i want to be positive and sunny, but it becomes hard in Autumn. On my way to and back from work every day, i always think and imagine a lot. I think of the time i had with my best friends in Shanghai last year. My best friend Michille, i miss her very much. Every day i think of her, and i always have conversation with her in my mind. I met her when i was having my probation in the company we both worked for, my salary was very low, and i couldn't afford to some daily necessaries, like quilt and clothes, etc. Meanwhile, i suffered great work pressure because i was criticized by my leader everyday for having no working experience,and i couldn't finish my work as my leader required. it was very hard for me at that time. I was thinking about quiting my job even, but luckily, she came into my life. As a postgraduate, she once studied abroad, and she has been teaching the west Point students in university before she came to the company. She is very excellent, and she is also very nice and kind. She offered me qulit and clothes, and also help with the problems in my work. Under her help and guidance,i gradually made a good performance, and won my learder's trust. During that priod, we went to work together and cooked together after work, and we encouraged each other when we met some challenges. I learned a lot from her, and we were just like sisters. We spent the 2012 Spring Festival together in Shanghai, and a lot good memories.......I haven't seen her for more than one year, i really miss her. I hope i can make enough money to travel to some places together with her in ther future. Autumn is also called the harvest time, but for me, i prefer to understand it as a thanksgiving time, and also a time to repay your beloved ones. Here, i would like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to my best friend Michille, i will always be here for her as her best friend with a grateful heart. In this repaying time, i also have to mention my best male friend.I knew him from the frist year of the middle school, and we studied in the same high school, then we were in the same city when we studied in university, and luckily, we work in the same city now. It has already been more than 12 years since we knew each other.So we understand each other very well and alway support each other. He is a very noble and gentle guy. I respect him, Meanwhile, he always trusts me and supports me. In this June, me, my boyfriend and him, we three went to climb Mount Hua, and we had a wonderful time. We had very beautiful school time together,and our friendship is very pure, and it will last for a lifetime. It is really my privilege to have such a friend, my great appreciation! Last but not the least, i want to do something to pay back my parents and my boyfriend. They are all my best families in my heart. After suffering so much hardship, my parents finally sent me to the university, and offered me an opportunity to change my life. I love them very much, and i will always try my best to let them live a good life. As for my boyfriend, we have been together for more than 6 years, we respect and love each other very much. For such a romantic love, i appreciate life. Our love story is full of warm and sweet. Though i couldn't stop feeling sad every now and then, i am still grateful for what life offers to me. I will pay back my friends and families just the way a good daughter and friend acts. And also i my appreciation for those friends i didn't mention here, they are always in my heart thanks for being my friends, i love you!

Last night i chatted with a foreigner friend while i was watching a Chinese newly released movie"Tiny Time". I hoped that the movie could touch and encourage me with its "positive energy", but i was't moved by the movied at all. On the contrary, Chatting with the foreigner friend made me think a lot about myself. I am now experiencing a period of changing and adjusting myself. Once when i was a little girl, i didn't think too much about myself, because i spent all my time studying and doing housework. I always ranked first in my study at that time. During my primary and middle school time, i didn't know myself too much, and i didn't pay attention to appearance and dress at all. I just dressed neatly and cleanly, but didn't dressed as beautifully as my other classmates and schooldmates. However, i was lucky that i didn't feel inferior during that period, but when i grow up gradually, i found that people always like those ones who is from rich family and has a beautiful face. So i gradually lost my small confident, and started to hide myself, and meanwhile push myself very hard on study. I tried to be invisible, and lived very lonely. The harder i pushed myself the worst i turn into. And at last i lost my confident completely and felt that i am the worst. I always cried when i felt lonely, I had no friends to tell how bad i felt, and committing suicide is the only thing i wanted to do. The only reason that kept me alive till now is my strong desire to make my pearents live a better life, and i think i have to do someting in return for them. When i graduated from university in July 2011, and undertook my first job in Shanghai, i started to change and save myself. I went to totally new places which are far away from my hometown, and met new people there with a totally different attitude. I made a lot friends there, and did very well in my job before i quit in July 2012. However, during that period, i still felt infrior,and pessimistic, i didn't get along well with myself. After a lot thinking and struggle, i started to find confidence through looking for my advantages, and tried to appreciate myself . I travelled to many places and took a lot of pictures, and i found that when i was looking a picture of me with big and warm smile, i felt very well and thought that i could be beautiful and lovely. Meanwhile, i also took part in many social activeties and had some excercise to make me happy and healthy mentally and physically. And through communicating with friends from dirrerent countries, i learned different ideas, and through helping and showing care and love to friends, i felt warm in my deep heart, and i started to love myself. Then i think it will not be so difficult to find my confident back. Once i always pushed myself too hard with study and work, and i was sick. Now i gave myself a 2-year leave to heal myself. And it works, i am at least very positive now. I really appreciate my friends who always be there for me, and trust me, love me. I will do the same for them, and try to be the one who will always care about them,love them and trust them most. All in all, i was honest and innocent, and i felt inferior and sad in the past, but now i am positive, and try to be as confident and beautiful as i can, and of course will be honest to everyone forever.

I can't remember exactly when i began to lose my dream and the courage to dream for bright and beautiful things. And i guess it must be the time that fear to the so called reality started to take the space over 50% in my heart, which broke the balance in pursuing a peaceful but positive and active lifestyle. Meanwhile, i began to lose confidence and always feel timid to be myself and express myself. Sometimes, i even thought it was a misery to live even though it is wrong and dangerous to keep such an attitude toward life, i just can't stop thinking in that way. It's really high time for me to make some change, though i know it will be hard and i should be brave enough to step forward and to get back my confidence and to get my dream, i will try as possible as i can. I will do this not only for myself, but also for my beloved ones and people who love me in their deep heart.It's never too late to learn, i believe i can make it.