Strictly speaking, I am still a step away from turning 30. Here I just want to write down my feelings for the soon approaching 30.

30 in Chinese traditional culture is quite special which is shown in the Chinese saying that a man should be independent at the age of 30.

In many people's mind, someone should have already achieved some important things in life at this age including having formed his/her family, having climbed to a certain level on the ladder of career. Of course, own property and private vehicle are considered things we generally should possess at this stage of life.

In the past, I had imagined a few identities for my 30, a wife maybe even a mother or a relatively professional teacher.

But now it seems I am not becoming any of the aforementioned when approaching the age of maturity. Does this mean I have wasted my time in the past few years? Or does this mean that I am worthless due to my inability of meeting my own expectations?

Months ago, the sense of being powerless emerged in the bottom of my heart and it has never really left me ever since. And according to my conversation with a few of my peers, I am apparently not alone in this. Many a peer experienced exactly what I had felt. And we are both bewildered with respect to the near future.

Nothing seems quite certain presently in our life. Not like those freshly out of the ivory tower, we can't afford that much precious time to try, make mistakes and then learn. Time is to a certain extent, a luxury to us. I don't know since when I am starting to walking gingerly and being extremely cautious when it comes to making decisions. I have become too afraid to make expensive mistakes from which require a great deal of time to recovery later leading to the scenario that I am far behind others.

I don't why somehow aging is slowly turning me into a coward on some terms. This is quite the opposite to what people usually expect. It is believed by numerous people that the wisdom and maturity life endow us are supposed to make us better-prepared for life and consequently render us more courageous and confident.

I suppose it can be because the older we are, the fewer opportunities we have to start something all over again. The responsibilities coupled with aging are making it necessary for us to be prudent. We are not living solely for ourselves any more and can't be that fearless and carefree as when we were younger.

But this is not denying the beauty of getting older. The air of ease and certainty some middle-aged or senior citizens carry is just as charming as the youth embodied in young adults.

I reckon it's just not right or even pointless to write a specific plan for one's life as life is made up of a serious of random choices and life itself is never logical. Neither is life a science which can be analyzed in a scientific fashion based on data analysis. Thus, it's just absurd to predict what is going to happen in life.

There is no paved path in life that we are supposed to follow. But since multitudes of people start taking a certain path, it suddenly makes it the right path to take. We know that it doesn't necessarily make something right, just because everybody is doing it.

You may still be able to arrive at the same destination as they do even if you take a different road. But you will very likely suffer for taking the road not appointed by the group or the community. The pressure this society exerts on you may wear you down. Many people bend their wills to that sort of stress easily while many others continue their exploration even under extremely stressful environment.

When we live in a society, it is of enormous difficulty to not to be swayed by other's opinions or by the group you belong to. What I at present really want to do is to build a strong mind so that I can stay true to my cognitive awareness and so that I can stand bravely even when I am confronted with pressure from peers and family.

It's very likely that I will still be a nobody at 30;

It's also very possible that I will still have no improvement in my career, have no partner or child at that age.

But it's OK as long as I am stronger-minded; as long as I am content with my life.