Only wanted to be with you 两种视角看世界 换位思考 pure love

(1) Details

Betty starts to count how many times she has been seen him accidentally this month and expectedly, she loses count. How could two people keep on bumping into each other and yet without any communication or even an exchange of polite greetings or gestures? She can’t say that she herself is a very enthusiastic or outgoing person and if others don’t approach or show kindness to her first, she would find it really hard to speak to them forwardly and initiatively. However, she has always got a strange feeling about him and she doesn’t understand why or how. It’s like a natural urge to try to be around and see him or even break her hopeless shyness to talk to him. Although she got it covered and hides herself quite well and successfully, she is still worried about what’s wrong with her and in order to contain her secretive desire better, she normally chooses to ignore his presence entirely on purpose. When she takes part in the morning running and she waits up in front for her friend, she would happen to see him running towards her direction. With the help of the morning slight daylight, he looks so fatally beautiful and hopelessly enchanting and then every time, she would turn her head away quickly or shift another position to avoid being exposed to his charm. She would always suspect that how would a human being look so flawless and perfect. When she runs at nights, she would often bump into him and sometimes, it would be really close, therefore, she decides to change the time so that she would be alone but she still would come across him more or less. Eventually, she is forced to cancel her plan of night running. And in spite of the fact that they are from different classes, she finds that they choose many same optional courses accidentally and she can’t run away from that. What’s more, at different locations in this campus and various times, she could always find him and it’s like in the next corner, he would suddenly appear in front of her, leaving her no chance to hide and run away for example in the library, in the classroom, in the same building and almost everywhere in this campus. She guesses that her only resort to be free from him is to drop out of this school, which is also the last thing she would do and that means that she still has got two more years to struggle at least.

It’s warm and lively spring time and at first, she doesn’t want to go but as soon as she hears that they are going to climb the mountain, she got really excited and interested; however, if only she knew that he is going too, she would never consent to come. In the beginning, it is all fine and pleasant but they lose the track of time and there is this kid missing out there so they decide to stay put and search for this reckless kid. Unsurprisingly, he is nowhere to be found, which got the majority of them really worried because the nightfall start to tick in now and if he can’t be recovered in time, the consequences would be really frightful and unthinkable. Therefore, Betty decides that she should try her great lengthy to find him and they are all trying really hard and that’s the time when she bumps into him again and unexpectedly, this time, he speaks to her in a sense. He says to her but more like mumbling into himself that: “Why are you here?” Isn’t that pretty obvious? He turns his flashlight away quickly in this dim and dark place. The night is really dark so that she couldn’t see him quiver and shiver a little bit in the darkness as if he were trying very hard to control something. His eyes are difficult and his voice is a little stiff.

“The same thing-as you’re doing.” She isn’t sure that she should reply to him.

“Right…” And he just walks away harshly as the ending of their weird and short conversation.

At last, the whole thing just solved and ended quickly as he found that kid successfully and they all went back to the campus by taking the special bus while he was going back to home and disappeared into the dark distance very fast. No one has ever known or seen his home. However, she still feels something is hollow inside of her and as if she were eager to split something out. She doesn’t understand a bit of it and just keeps on persuading herself that as long as she stays away from him and everything would be fine and worked out by itself.

(2) From Betty’s perspective

My name is Betty who you probably aren’t really interested in knowing because I am a very plain, ordinary and even a little silly girl. I’m currently a sophomore in this college and I major in international economics and trade, which you might find a little bit odd for a girl to learn such an elusive major but to tell the truth, I really love mathematic a lot. Anyway, that’s my academic life and my family… um… I don’t know what to say or how to tell you this. Let’s leave it here and maybe one day, we would get back to this problem. As for my character, I could only tell you that I’m more like an introverted girl, not able to express myself openly. I just couldn’t do it no matter how hard I have tried to be more lively or outgoing and I guess that’s what they say that old habits die hard. Nature is almost impossible to change once it is fixed and whenever I see a bunch of people walking towards me, frankly, my hands would sweat and my heart would beat very fast. Yes, I would be pretty nervous and intense and I don’t know if it is a sort of illness or not but I’ve learned to control and contain myself lately. I hope that no one would be able to see my weakness so I must hide it very well. In the past month, I kept bumping into that person-Frank and I had a strange feeling about him which I could not explain it myself. My only hope is that I could get away from all those stuffs as quickly as I can and in order not to think too much of it, I’ve decided to find some interesting books to occupy most of my time. That time, in the black forest, that was the first time we had a proper conversation in months and although, he only said five words in total to me, I found myself in a vicious circle of repeating his words and replaying the scenes of our encounters in my mind continually almost like a million times. I just couldn’t get him out of my mind. If you ask me why and what it is, how would I know the answer? And if I understand it, I wouldn’t be so miserable now, nor would I? However, despite the fact that our meeting’s rate and chance is unbelievably high, I haven’t seen him around for almost a month now-not at any classes we both enrolled in, not in the library or not in the playground. I wonder what has happened to him or would that be possible that it’s because of me that he finds very annoying and be compelled to drop out of school to avoid the chances of seeing me again? Sorry, sometimes, I am like that. I would always over think many things and make some supposed to simple problems even more complicated beyond all reason even if I know that sometimes, something is not my problem or that doesn’t concern me at all. I couldn’t help it. I guess that you have probably been bored by my numerous flaws and shortcomings. Initially, I thought that now, I no longer have to face him and then my mind would be much more relived and relaxing, however, on the contrary, I find myself even think about him more and worried about him all the time. I even wish that I could be granted another chance to see him again and ask him the reason why he would leave here but I know that it’s not feasible in my deep heart. I even think of the option of looking for his home to apologize or anything like that even though I assume that I have done nothing wrong and there is probably nothing wroth apologizing for. All right… I admit it that I just want to see him again. I feel like that I am going insane slowly and hopelessly and yet I have to withhold it all in my heart so that my friends wouldn’t be worried about me.

Inconceivably surprisingly enough, God did listen to my heartedly wishes and endow me with another opportunity to see him again. That is two months later, precisely two months later before he disappears abruptly from my world and now he is here, alive and real in front of me. I begin to hear my own taut, shallow breathing and I have hard time pulling myself together. He is here, standing at the dim daylight would vanish from the world and sky quite soon and the night is beginning to fall. He is standing under the verdant and wintry tree as if he were waiting for someone. I have a sea of questions to ask him but I’m not sure that I would have the courage and strengths to go up there and talk to him. I mean, should I come forward and then talk to him? It might be the last chance I’ve got and I can’t afford to lose it so I am determined to do so no matter what would happen. I am very firm and courageous at that moment and I inhale a huge wave of breath and decide to move forward, however, suddenly, he looks at here and he seems to have caught a glimpse of me because he is chucking with delight amusingly the next minute. I’m forced to recoil with a shudder once more. I never thought that it would be so difficult for me to go up there and just simply talk to someone. Why would it be so fantastically difficult way beyond my imagination? Could it be so hard? No, I can’t break the promise which I have made for myself so I encouraged myself once again. I clench my fists tightly and painfully and readjust my breath so that it would sound normal and this time, quite decisive that I could do it and steady to turn around, away from my hiding spot and move my steps towards him but I find myself can’t move this time. How frustrating it is. I feel that the entire world just plays a huge joke on me. However, the next minute, I am appalled that I would hear a voice which is so familiar to me ring in the air around me. That’s him and he is in front of me now but I didn’t see or detect him approaching even a little bit. He says amusingly in a delight tone that: “What are you doing here? Betty… Your name is Betty, right? I’m Frank.”

I try to hold my breath and keep breathing steadily and replies with calm and detachment that: “I know who you are. I’m here looking at the…stars.” I raise my head, staring into the black sky.

He looks at the black and starless sky as I did and says joyfully that: “Right… the stars… Today’s stars are so bright and beautiful. Then I suppose that I should leave you to it.”

Hearing that he would leave me again, I exclaim instinctively that: “Wait… I… I want to ask you something…”

He stops and turns around, looking at me with the leakage of smile around his smooth mouth. He seems to be very fond of smiling. I look away quietly and quickly, avoiding direct eye contract. I say to him that finally with courage: “Why wouldn’t you be at school for the last two months? You are not thinking about discontinuing your study here, nor are you?”

He seems to be pleased with my words again for no apparent and logic reasons. And he says that: “No, why would I? You shouldn’t be worried about me too much.”

(3) From Frank’s perspective

My name is Frank but you might have already heard of me. No, no worries. Because I would introduce myself now and first of all, I would like to make it clear that I’m not a good person and I have been done a lot of bad things in the last century. However, when I set my eyes on that girl-Betty and I started to bump into her at any time everywhere, I know that it can’t be good. I carve for her blood badly although I know that I’m not allowed to drink human blood again. It’s not like every other time and her scent, her blood and even her hair make it intolerable for me to be anywhere around or near her. She is so fascinating and enchanting to me and I feel like that I would lose control and my strong self-defense any second now. I know that I have to do something about it otherwise she could get hurt by me, which is the least result I wish to see. That night, at the black forest, unfortunately, she appears in front of me again and I know that I’m no longer capable of enduring her scent anymore so I decide that I should go home and calm down first and ask for my family’s help. Two months later, I think that I could handle the situation well so I returned. I am standing near the green tree to get some fresh air or at least pretending to obtain some fresh air and that’s when I smell of her scent once again. I see her hiding from that whole bunch of trees instantly and watch her struggling with herself back and forth a few times. I know that she maybe wanted to ask me something but I just want to wait here quietly to see whether she would actually come forward or not. At the length, the dark night and cold weather are closing in and yet, she is still here, not moving for at least half an hour. I almost begin to suspect her true intentions here, therefore, I decide that I should give her a lift and so I walk towards her very quietly. It is very lovely and cute to see her nervous and awkward behaviors and I just couldn’t stop laughing.

Finally, I escort her to her building of dormitory safely and leave for my home quickly. Honestly, it’s been much better since last time I saw her and I know that the crave or desire is under perfect control now but I still don’t want to take any risks and all I want is her to be safe and away from any harms and the best way to realize this is for me to stay far, far, far away from her. Keeping distance is the least thing I could do to her, therefore, in the next few days, I still maintain my distant and cold manners especially to her. She seems to be a little disappointed at first, which I could smell it from her scent but it’s always better to regret now than later. Yes, I have the special ability to smell someone else’s emotions and feelings from their scents but that’s so much lamer compared to my other family members’ skills. My father can cure any disease in this world and maybe that partly has something to do with the fact that he is an amazing physician. My mother can remember all the things she has just read, in other words, that mean that she has perfect flawless memories. My sister-Cora, who can move really, really fast and I highly suspect that she could literally compete with any racing cars in this world. My brother-in-law-John, who is more awesome and unbelievable and because that he had severed military back then and he has great strengths and he could lift up anything in this world. Having listening to their skills, mine is pretty lame and undesirable, right? I don’t know why can’t I be bestowed with a better and stronger ability to be fairer and more promising? I know that I’ve mentioned previously that I would do anything to avoid my direct contract with Betty and she probably has noticed my attitudes too, however, I never thought that an incident would bring us together again. It is two weeks later, the rumors circling around the campus in a rapid and frightful rate thanks to the developed technology and network that this place is being haunted by a horrible and hideous ghost and several people have already seen it in the playground during night times. It is said that a student died of heart attack when he was running in the playground, therefore, suddenly; it became a hot topic here. No one has the nerve and courage to approach that place again except that silly girl. That night, for no apparent reason, I’ve been worried about her and I decide to take a look at her and I see her walk out of the library at night and determined to return to her dormitory. However, the must-pass by areas includes the infamous playground. I follow her quietly and without her knowing. She doesn’t seem to be frightened of the idea of passing by and remains quite calm and self-contained. I wonder whether she has heard the news or not and anyway, when she walks beyond this dangerous area, I feel quite relived and a sense of inner tranquility but much to my surprises, she turns around and walks towards that library again as if she has forgotten something important in there. I have no option but to follow her because I don’t want anything happen to her. I just want to protect her in dark and keep her safe.

(4) From Betty’s perspectives

After our last exchange of words, one thing I have gained from it is that he will stay at this campus and he will not go, which brings great joys and happiness to me. The thought of keeping him here and I would see him more keeps of me very content in the next few years. I couldn’t help thinking about him and I can’t withhold my desires anymore. However, I still couldn’t let it all out because I don’t know what it is yet. Much to my disappointments, the things seem to go back to normal again and he seems to treat me like I’m some sort of invisible or intangible beings but honestly, I wouldn’t mind it as long as I could still have the opportunity to see him. Sometimes, when I’m reading a marvelous book, I would easily be distracted and lost in the thought of thinking about him and when I do realize what I am doing, I would look around and pretend as if anything was normal and right. Sometimes, the idea of forming his portrait gradually and vividly in my mind is enough to transform my downcast sprits and sadness all away into joys and bright moods. Sometimes, he would appear in my dreams, disturbing my sweet and light dreams, which I find a little vexed and angry the next morning when I recall what happened in my dreams. I don’t know what happened to me and how long this nasty situations are going to last. Nevertheless, I know that I can’t refrain myself from the passions and whatever it is thing though I’ve not known him for a very long time and he is really so distant and cold to me. That night, when I stepped out of the library, it was already pretty late outside. I just want to go to sleep my weariness all off me but when I pass the playground, I reach into my pocket where I used to keep my key and I find that it isn’t here. I must have left it in the library, which means that I must have to return to the library to retrieve it otherwise I couldn’t go inside the dormitory. I couldn’t loath my poor memories and negligent attitudes more and I am left with no other options at that time literally. But that’s when I see a shadow flashes across my eyes quickly and I feel a little light-headed. I know that there is rumor going on that there is a ghost lingering around here, wanting to seek revenge and normally, I wouldn’t believe in that sort of illusory things because I have true faiths in science, however, to be honest, at that moment and scary atmosphere, I am somehow a little terrified. I just hope that it would all be done really quickly. Then I start to quicken my steps and eventually, I am more like running. I am horrified when I suddenly bump into something solid and tough and I just close my eyes tightly, not dare to open my eyes to look or face the reality. It is like flesh and so cold. What is that thing? Gradually, I persuade myself to take a look out of my growing curiosity. And I see him despite the fact that the night is really dark but I know it is him when the moment I see him because he is always in my mind, couldn’t dispel his image out of my brain easily. I exclaim out reproachfully that: “You scared me… What are you still doing here when it’s so late and dark? Shouldn’t you be at home by this hour?”

He returned amusingly, like always: “Then what are you doing here in such a late hour?”

I stammered rather reluctantly that: “I have to find my keys otherwise I couldn’t get in… But that’s none of your concerns.” I didn’t wish to tell him the truth but whenever in front of him, I find myself lost the ability to tell lies and falsehoods. That’s strange enough but I never go so far to explore the underlying reasons.

“I will help you. That’s what a man would do.” I don’t know what to say. I am unable to put my thoughts in order and put them into words. I can’t afford to reject his nice offer because I am really appalled. Therefore, I let him help me at his disposal. We are walking side by side, only in total silence. I take a few glances at him when he is not looking and I am so confused about why he would always be here for me whenever I am in trouble. Why would he help me again and again? Being unable to think with clarity or act with understanding and intelligence, I decide to play dumb; doing nothing is the best defense. But the next minute I know or not know clearly is that I lose my consciousness and collapse in a cold embrace of arms. My brain seems to be in a whirl and I passed out, vaguely knowing a little about what’s going on the outside world. And when the next time I wakes up and sits up, I am bewildered by the strangeness and splendor of the surroundings, then memory slowly returns and I look at this place with a shiver. I faint out and it is Frank that brought me here. I could still feel some sort of dizziness functioning inside my brain and yet I go out of bed, picking up a coat and going downstairs. The queer thing is that it seems like no one is at home but that’s all right with me right now. I wondered that that’s Frank’s mysterious home would be like so I took the liberty of walking around it. The house is very exquisitely beautiful with a strong sense of classic atmosphere and some slightly euphonic pine flavors drifting in the air. It is very refreshing and the house is like surrounded by a sea of greens. But when I went to the garden, I would hear there are two people arguing inside it and I recognize Frank’s voice instantaneously and another one is more mature and rich, more like a forty old man. I want to cut in and say thank you to them but when I am near enough to hear what they said, I just wouldn’t move any further. I am throbbing with desperation and fear, but the insinuation fortified my resistance and sane and composed senses. I just couldn’t believe that the doctor says that I would be incurable and gone in a short time. I has never expected that this day would come so soon for I is still young and very much inexperienced about the world and life.

(5) From Frank’s perspectives

My father told me that Betty is going to die soon but I don’t trust him and I begged him to cure her. However, he said that he couldn’t do it like this under that conditions and I just kept asking him why. He is such a marvelous doctor and there is not a single disease he cannot cure in the world but why he is unwilling to help Betty, which is a puzzle I could never solve easily. He just keeps saying that the last resort to help her is to turn her into our kind-vampire and that’s the only way that she would still live in this world. However, one can’t possibly call that as living as far as I’m concerned. He of all people should understand that. How much have we all suffered from that misery and agony? That’s a bloody and ruthless business. We can’t breathe, can’t enjoy the life and can’t even love others but to be feed on disgusting blood and being cold all the time. That’s not living. That’s hardly one could refer to as living. That’s much worse than living. I could never let or tolerate that same cruel thing happened to my Betty, which also means that I would lose her ultimately. Initially, I thought that as long as I keep pushing her away and then when she is gone, I wouldn’t have to be so sad and miserable but only now that I find I have already been impossible to lose or leave her. She is in my heart, in every inch of my place, in every fiber of my body and in every motion of my mind. All I know is that I couldn’t lose her, at least not now. I saw her pallor and pale face and her swallow pale smile on her face every day; I saw her spirits going down and more down day by day; I saw her sitting at the parlor, motionlessly and awfully quiet. I don’t know what I could say to her to ease her anxiety and worries. I just sit with her in silence, hoping that would help her even a little bit. However, when it all turns out to be a plotted and well-arranged lie of my father, I am more than furious. He only wanted to me to embrace my true heart and spare me the worries and regrets by turning her into a vampire. Betty is not dying and on the contrary, she is more than healthy for she is just a little anemic. But that does help for the circumstances as well for at least Betty knows where I stand and I would never be together with her. In order to close all those madness to a complete end, I drop out of that college and hide in my home from her, planning to pretend that everything would be just fine. And here goes an entire year and I thought that I have been over it finally. Therefore, that day, when we decide to leave this place, I went to see her one last time in secret. It is a foggy and misty day and I stand in a distance watching her, the girl I loved so deeply that I couldn’t be with her to destroy her normal life. She is riding a bicycle with a bag on her back and some fruits on the bike. And suddenly, she falls down from the bike and the mist clears out a little bit. The books and fruits are out everywhere on the ground and she is terribly hurt. I just couldn’t believe that a girl like her age would still be so reckless to fall down like that and worse still, I can’t control myself to help her. She couldn’t walk and there is no one at that place right now. I have no option but to approach her but she keeps pushing me away.

She says to me coldly that: “Now you have turned up… Go away. I don’t need your help. I’m more than fine by myself.”

“Why can’t you just let me help you? You can’t do this…or at least, I wouldn’t call this as fine.”

“I’m fine with or without you. You don’t remember when you rejected me and sent me back home at that time? You don’t remember how I begged me not to leave me alone and yet you have been away for a year? But I remember it very well. I have understood your intentions fully.”

“Actually, I’ve come to say goodbye to you. We’re leaving-my family and I.”

“Now you’ve said your goodbye and done your bit, you could go and don’t pretend to care about me anymore. There is no need.” She just has to challenge my limit and torture my heart.

“Let me help you first and we could discuss everything later.”

“No… If you are determined to go, then go… Never mind me. I would be just fine. After all, I have done that. But if you truly want to help and save me, then don’t go at all.”

“Betty…” You know that I love you so don’t tempt me like this.

“You know that you think what you did for me was for my best and your love is so selfless but you’re so wrong. I only wanted to be with you no matter how short it would be. Why can’t you see that I’m no better than you leave me aside?”

“But it would be extremely difficult for you to be with me and I could hurt you if not careful.”

“I never cared about those even for a little bit.”

In 2076, Frank sits at the porch, sad and alone, miserable and grievous. That cold-hearted woman has left him for all the eternity now. She is so cruel that she promises to be with him and never leave his side and yet she has to die in front of him and even after she died, her sprits won’t bother to look at or be with him because he once told her that one’s afterlife is extremely beautiful and even more if it is a kind person. She must have sought her afterlife happily and forgotten all about him. Sixty years of companionship and every day, every minute, every second she has made it more difficult for him to leave her. I remembered you always lie in my arms, listening to me telling you the wars and all those things from my past. I remembered that I have helped you fulfilled your dream of becoming a mathematician and though it is hard, you have the ability and patience to do so. I remembered that I have gratified every wish of yours and yet you still are cruel enough to leave me.

It’s been ten years since you left me, Betty, your every image like it’s engraved in my mind. Can’t you listen to me one more time?