I WONDER IF THIS CAN BE CALLED MARRIAGE.
2014-01-30
Hi folks.i am increasingly worried of one thing and i wish some one can help me out or make me clear my doubts.
is amazing to see young girls and boys of 21 years getting married in china.it rescently happened to a girl i am used to.she is 21 and the husband 22.when i tired to ask her how they gonna live given that the husband is not having a good job and she too is taking care of their 6 months baby boy.she futher told me the mother-in-law forced her to have a baby much against her will.that she wasn't ready to be a mother yet.
in my country,marriage involves alot of expenditure and i think in china is even more.when i try to ask where did they get money to do their wedding she told me the husband's parents did everything.by everything i mean getting the house they are living in now,bride price and covering the wedding cerimony,even now the parents are still very supportive with basics.she said her in laws are not rich enough but she is very happy that only a small sum of money was borrowed to cover their wedding expenditures and they will try to pay off the debt as soon as they can.
here comes my worries.i used to think that easy come easy go.when these young people get married do they really know what marriage is all about?are they doing it because they really want or trying to please their parents?is it worth it to please some one and displease yourself?is not the a major contributing factor of many devorce cases in china?i see it this way and i wonder if i get a point year.because these couples spent virtually nothing but their time ,they just don't feel the burden of it and will certainly see no need to protect or persevere the marriage.it will be very easy for them to let go in the face of a minor dispute.imagine if you spend your life saving to get marriage,you will atleast think seriously before letting it go.you must try to exhaust all possible measures to stay in the relationship before letting it go.
i will tell you what.she has started complaining.she is not seeing enough of the husband since she gave birth.it seems chinese men are are only interested in women when they need a child not for themself but to be called a grand son or daughter.i think the situation is not as bad as it seems and is time the young guys start thinking and making some changes before they got caught up in fairy tale love.
i will appreciate if some one can make me understand better.thanks.happy spring festival to all
thanks for contributing.it sounds as if you fall in the same group of children helped to grow up.one question,what if mother and father becomes unable?who helps them?if only you know exactly what it means to be responsible then i don't think you can say that.marriage is not getting on a bed and make babies but is to take full responsibility of your house whole.let tem be awear of what they are going in for.after baby what next?no feels and there comes the big question.regrets.have a nice day though.
thanks for contributing.it sounds as if you fall in the same group of children helped to grow up.one question,what if mother and father becomes unable?who helps them?if only you know exactly what it means to be responsible then i don't think you can say that.marriage is not getting on a bed and make babies but is to take full responsibility of your house whole.let tem be awear of what they are going in for.after baby what next?no feels and there comes the big question.regrets.have a nice day though.
Of course it is a real Marriage. It is the very Chinese way of helping children growing up.
Tedm,thanks alot .i get a much clearer picture from your explanation.i still think marriage here is the wish of parents and grand parents not the real actors.thank heaven it is moving away as you said.
Given the political juggernaut assembled by Hillary Clinton, maybe we soon see Bill Clinton becomes "first gentleman" in US history. I am sure you are aware of the former vice premier ms Wu Yi in China, who was a single and well respected. She had been such an inspirational figure particularly to Chinese professional women. Things are changing even in China. Among Asian countries, Chinese women are far more in the working forces if you compare that figure with Japan and South Korea.
I understand your worry about Chinese young people and early marriage. However much you disapprove of the situation in many parts of China, you might come to understand that girls here feel they have to fall in love and marry before they are 30. The reason is often given that it will result in better health for mothers and babies. Grand-parents and parents worry about children who have no boyfriend (with a view to their marriage) in their 20's. It seems that the idea here is for girls to do girl things and boys to do boys things. Therefore a marriage is to make children and not so much a man/woman partnership. However, there are signs that modern women in the cities are developing a wish for careers and western style relationships. Such women adore the attention and gentlemanly behaviour of more Western relationships, So.... in many years time the situation will change. After all... behind every successful man there is a woman!
I agree with Dr Shen's opinion. It depends. Maybe it is more popular in rural areas. And education makes the difference.
This is a very common situation in China nowadays,i dont think it's good,people who got married in early age are tend to end thier marriage very soon,most of them may regret for thier early decision that got married too early.I am a chinese girl who disagrees this traditional view very much,i am not going to follow the parents' desire that they want me to get married at such a early age,though my parents are not going to do so,i am very lucky.Myebe it's because i am still a university student,and i would like to study further so that my parents will not push me on this matter.
People may get married for many varied reasons. I have observed in China that people get married at a younger less mature age. Many times due to the strong pressure from the family. I have also seen a high rate of divorce due to this fact. For me its not only a good job, money or age but maturity holds a big factor in ensuring the success of a marriage.
I can understand that the parents want grandchildren, but this is going abit too far. How are they going to be resposible parents when the parents of the groom does everything for them? To me, 21 and 22 years of age are just too young to get married.
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