Keep reading, bonus is there (一直看下去，有福利)Gradually, a girl's face turned clearer in front of my eyes.“You come round? Oh, so great!” The girl spoke in excitement.“Very good. So now we leave him to you.”I turned to look. A ranked officer stood up from beside and walked away to join a dozen of soldiers passing by.“What happened?” I still felt very dizzy.“You lost consciousness when a shell exploded nearby. Fortunately, you didn't get wounded badly. A shrapnel hit your helmet. You were lucky. It came along a tangent line and hit the tangent point at the top of your helmet. Had it hit the middle of the helmet, your neck could have been broken.”“Who told you that?”“Sergeant Li, the leader of your squad. The medic said you might have lost part of your memory for a short while.”“Who is that officer just now?”“That's Captain Lei Xiong, machine gun company.”“Where am I?”“Four Banks Warehouse.” The girl replied.“And who are you?”“I'm Yang Huimin, girl scout. I just crossed Soochow Creek and came here to deliver a national flag to Colonel Xie and you guys.”“Colonel Xie?”“Lieutenant Colonel Xie Jinyuan.” The girl helped me to sit up and lean against the wall. “Do you need water?”“I, …”“It's better to drink some. Here.” Yang Huimin unlidded a water bottle and passed to me.“Thanks.” I returned it to her after drinking. “Much better now. You come here alone?”“Yes.”“Just for delivering a national flag?”“It's important, isn't it? Well, I see all those Japan's Sun Flags around here every day and also a few Union Jacks dot on the other bank of Soochow Creek whereas there's no single national flag of China, I feel sad and furious. It's our land, it's the land of China. Is it right to any Chinese that the gangster's flags and invader's flags are everywhere and no ours is seen?”“You are darn right. Thank you so much! Appreciated! You are hero, a heroine.”“No, I just did what I believe is right.”Facing a heroine, how was I supposed to hide myself in the corner while I hadn't got seriously injured? I struggled to stand up.“Are you all right?” She helped to hold my arm.“Yes, I'm totally fine. A young girl like you even can be this courageous. One day, I will …”“You will catch Matsui Iwane or even Katsuki Kiyoshi for us?”“Who?”“Never mind. I was joking. Here.” She collected a helmet from beside, put it on my head and buckled it. “Ha! A soldier again.”“Thanks. Uh, where's my …”“Here. All your gears are here.” She walked to a pile of stuffs a few yards beside on the ground and picked up a rifle and an infantry pack first.I walked fast towards her to collect the gun and then put the pack on my back.“Your bayonet, grenades, bullet clips, shovel, and, what is this? Sun glasses? Where did you get this?”“I don't know. It's mine?” I took a look outside. “Wait. Why is it so quiet now?”“Attack stopped. Guess those Japanese really need to take a break as you guys have already repelled six attacks. It's awesome! Well done! All Shanghai citizens are excited!” The girl smiled while still studying the glasses.“The job you've done is extraordinary. It's so heroic, so patriotic, so amazing!”“Oh don't mention it too much. Actually, Mr. Cao Juren also offered a helping hand in it.”“Who? Cao Juren?”“Yes, that newspaper reporter.”“I know him. I think he is my relative, well, indirect relative. I'm hailing from Shaanxi while he is from Shanghai or Zhejiang.”“Oh yah?”“Yah, he's a relative to my relative's relative.”The girl laughed.“No, no, I'm not lying. Serious.”The girl was still laughing. “Then every one is every one's relative after all.”“Where are we? I mean, where exactly are we in the warehouse?”“Third floor. We are facing north. Colonel Xie has talked to Captain Lei about blocking all the openings on the ground floor around midnight except keeping the south exit open. Oh, Major Yang wounded too.”“Who?”“You really lost part of your memory. Major Yang Ruifu, 1st Battalion, 524th Regiment. And Corporal Chen Shusheng sacrificed when he carried a dozen of grenades and pulled the strings after rushing into a group of Japs trying to blow the corner of this building.”“Chen Shusheng?” I was greatly touched at the words. “What a hero! His blood is not shed for nothing, but for our nation's independence and freedom. His death is heavier than Mount Tai. He will be put into our Valhalla after the war and will be memorized by us, by our sons, grandsons, great grandsons, and on and on.”We lowered our heads, praying in silence for the martyr's soul resting in peace.“Is he a Nationalist or a Communist?” I lifted up my head.“Nationalist, Communist, or neither this nor that, does it matter?”“No, I'm just asking. Where's Sergeant Li and my squad?”“They are downstairs, on the ground floor. I saw them there when Colonel Xie asked Captain Lei to show me around.”“All right, I want to go back to join them now.”“Are you sure?”“Yes.”“I come with you.”“No, you stay here.”“Look, now you are not as familiar as I am with this warehouse. I just walk you through there. You want to see the national flag? It's also there, downstairs. Colonel Xie says we will put it above the roofing. Right now, he is in the meeting with captains and lieutenants. I'm not sure if injured Major Yang is in the meeting or not. I also heard Colonel Xie ask people to find certain string and a very long flag pole. So, before that, if you still want to take a close look at the flag. Come with me.”“All right, all right.”Fully armed, I came downstairs with Yang Huimin and nodded to the soldiers we came across. Each pair of eyes gleamed with bravery, constancy, and fortitude.The openings of the ground floor were not fully blocked yet, but preparation work was well ongoing. The air was permeated with mixed smells of sulphur and certain scorched material. Outside the warehouse flames were still burning at some places and many things couldn't be seen clearly as they were covered under heavy black fume.“There, that's Sergeant Li, the one with a white scarf around his neck. He said it's just a slight scratch. And the other two are Wang Wenchuan and Wan Lianqing.” Yang Huimin pointed at the three soldiers smoking cigarette behind the somewhat damaged fortifications outside the warehouse.“You can report to Sergeant Li after his smoking. But now, come, let me show you.” She pulled me aside and nodded to a national flag placed on a big table.“See? People already put it on this pole. We can use it when we launch attack and charge. But Colonel Xie says we need a very long pole and we hoist the national flag atop the building so that the people of Shanghai can see our flag from afar. What do you think?”“That's a great idea.” I replied in joy, feeling the national flag of Republic of China after I used a corner of my uniform to wipe my fingers clean enough. “I will be present at the flag-raising ceremony and salute to the flag when everything is made ready.”“Me too.” The girl's eyes turned damp. “We will fight until the day of victory.”“We will.”“And Captain Lei says …”“Sssh … Did you hear?” I gestured to Yang Huimin to turn down and asked in a very low voice.“What is it?” She murmured. “Just Sergeant Li and his guys chatting. Nothing else.”“No, that's not what I'm asking. I heard something else. Wait here. Let me take a look outside.” I unslung my rifle and walked on light steps towards the opening where Sergeant Li and the other two were standing nearby. They were still smoking and chatting in a low voice and didn't notice me coming outside.I looked around, but couldn't get a clear view because of heavy smokes all around. Then I heard certain noise again, from the left side. It was clearer and closer. I rubbed my eyes. In vagueness, I saw some shadows moving over. The reinforcement should come from south or east if any, but not from north or west.“My Confucius' mother!” I shouted out at my loudest voice, “Japs! From left!”The nearest Japanese soldier jumped out of darkness and rushed towards me. He was too close for me to take aim. When I pulled the trigger, nothing happened! A bayonet was thrusting towards my chin. I dodged aside by instinct in split-second, but lost the balance and fell on the ground. When I looked up, Sergeant Li had already been grappling with that Jap.“Attack incoming! Straight ahead!” Someone was shouting almost at the same time of the roars of machine guns and rifles and the explosions of grenades.I didn't know how to re-load the gun. I was so nervous that I wanted to pee. Both Sergeant Li and the Jap rolled down to the ground, but Sergeant Li was under the Jap.Yang Huimin was seen rush out and wave the flag in the air. But she hadn't told me where I could find the washroom. I wanted to pee, I wanted to pee. I couldn't hold it any more. I couldn't hold it, I couldn't…“Excuse me, Sergeant Li! Where's the washroom?” Notes:01. Sergeant Li, where's the washroom?: 李班长，茅厕在哪儿？02. Captain Lei Xiong, machine gun company: 机枪连连长雷雄，抗日英烈（1906-1943）03. Four Banks Warehouse: 四行仓库04. Yang Huimin: 杨惠敏，抗日少女英雄（1915-1992）05. Soochow Creek: 苏州河06. Lieutenant Colonel Xie Jinyuan: 谢晋元副团长，抗日英烈（1905-1941）07. Matsui Iwane: 松井石根（时任日本上海驻屯军司令官，后为中、美、苏、英同盟国按甲级战犯处决）08. Katsuki Kiyoshi: 香月清司（时任日本中国驻屯军总司令，1881-1950）09. Cao Juren: 曹聚仁，作家、报人、战时前线记者（1900-1972）10. Major Yang Ruifu: 杨瑞符营长，抗日英烈（1902-1940）11. Coporal Chen Shusheng: 陈树生副班长，抗日英烈（1916-1937）12. Valhalla: 英烈祠13. Wang Wenchuan: 王文川，524团战士14. Wan Lianqing: 万连青，524团战士15. “My Confucius' mother!” I shouted out at my loudest voice, “Japs! From left!”: “孔妈妈呀！”我扯到最大嗓门喊——“鬼子！左边！”

I opened my eyes, jumped off the bed, and rushed to the bathroom, and almost bumped into my mom carrying a bowl of sweet sesame-stuffing rice dumplings."Watch out!" Mom spoke loudly.When I finished brushing my teeth and washing my face, it was already a quarter to eleven."Holy! I might be late for the re-union party.""Party?" Dad was asking."Oh no, it's just a sit-in or eat-in or something like that. Why didn't you guys wake me up early?""We thought jet-lag hit you hard.""Well, I'm fine. Actually I had a weird dream, like, uh, I was in the middle of Shanghai Battle fighting Japanese. I was almost killed. Holy! My pee saved my life.""Told you not to watch TV too much, especially those TV series of Resistance War, too violent." Mom reminded. "Here. Be careful. The sweet rice dumplings are very hot. Eat slowly.""Wow! It's hot." I blew one puff after another at the rice dumplings floating with dried osmanthus flower and dried wolfberries in the bowl."Go to bed timely so you won't sleep over. Told you many times. And going forward, try not to watch those war movies and TV series, too bloody. So you won't have bloody dreams, all right?" Mom joined in with Dad in the couch to watch livecast table-tennis match after the words.I puffed and puffed, but they were still hot. "Bloody or not, as long as there's a girl in my dream, I'm all fine.""What are you saying?" asked Dad."No, it's not my saying. I just quote a line from a TV show.""Which TV show is that?""Uh, Animal's World. Why is it still hot? Mom! Can I put the rice dumplings into the fridge for a minute?" I swore to Confucius and Monica Bellucci that I had loved pizza even more than any Italian had. In addition to macaroni this, spaghetti that occasionally, I used to eat pizza almost 8 times every week for a long period until one day in the week right before I came back to China for vacation, I had suddenly felt like throwing up when eating it. Since that day, I had said goodbye to my long term favourite food although pizza shouldn't be supposed to be the direct reason for my vomiting.Every one stopped chatting on the topic of travelling now and the sitting room burst into cheers though my emotion stayed unchanged when Pizza Hut delivered our order to Ling's home. Scratch that. Their order and Ling's parents' home. Regardless, I was still moved because I knew they had ordered that just for me. Of course, who else didn't like pizza in this world after halal pizza and Buddhist pizza (veggie pizza) were invented?"Bye, Uncle and Auntie." We said, all standing up when Ling's parents waved back to us and closed the door.The last time I had said that to Ling's parents or any of my classmate's parents was like a century before, as in the country where I currently lived, I only said something like "goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. McGuire" to my colleague's parents or "goodbye, Mr. O'Connell and Mademoiselle de Chénier, have a nice day" to my buddy's father and the father's common-law, but not "bye, uncle and auntie". Furthermore, my buddy's father's common-law Miss Françoise de Chénier was too young to be an auntie to me. My buddy always complained in front of me that his father's woman was weird because she started drinking Cognac or Scotch from 8 o'clock almost every morning, and she didn't work, and she was only 5 years older than my buddy, and she always stared at him, and the way she stared at him was very unusual, and one day ..."Are you all right?" Tingting turned off my meditation."Yeah." I nodded."You really looked lost just now." She smiled and gave a pat on my shoulder."When did you find he didn't look lost last time?" Zhen asked ironically, as usual."But at least not lost very long this time, right?" Yang tilted her head to ogle at me."It's very nice of you to notice that. So touched am I. But why do you always keep a close eye on me? Take a break.""Because ...""Because we both have a secret crush on you." Yang butted in Zhen's mid-sentence.I instantly rolled up my left sleeve a bit and pointed at my forearm. "See? See? Goosebumps, goosebumps.""Okay, we need your help." Ling pulled me aside.I joined in with her and Tingting to move a big table to the centre of the sitting room and to make it ready. This re-union lunch was organized to welcome my hometown visit by my classmates - the 4 girls of Ling, Tingting, Zhen, Yang, and the 3 boys of Nipple, Fatty, and Skinny, at Ling's parents' apartment, because this was the most convenient location to every one and it even had extra parking space around the building, which was quite rare nowadays."Thank you so much! Thank you guys! Appreciated!" I sat down and tried to look as excited as they were as well in front of American Special (a new name for pepperoni in China), Hawaiian, Garden Veggie, and Cheese Lovers, none of which I had appetite to eat this moment."You are welcome." They said and then placed three bundles of beer, 1 bottle of red wine, 1 bottle of white wine, and two bottles of liquor on a tea stand beside the table. The sight of the drinks instantly made me on tenterhooks."See? We didn't order Kung Pao chicken pizza, Korean style beef pizza, or seafood pizza, because those are too Asian while you are from Northern America. And we don't wanna go too fancy." Tingting explained."Thank you. Thanks a lot. But wait, Pizza Hut has Kung Pao chicken pizza, Korean style beef pizza, and seafood pizza?""Yes," Fatty replied, "not only those. They even have Sautéed broccoli with oyster saucer, stewed meat lettuce, Hongkong style fish ball rice noodle, roasted duck and preserved vegetable rice noodle, and Laksa seafood rice noodle.""And Singapore style chicken steak rice, Sichuan spicy beef rice, Korean style spicy pork chop baked rice, seafood rice in scallop sauce, fried rice with roasted duck," added Skinny."You are sure your order went to Pizza Hut? Holy! I wonder if they have soya milk and deep-fried dough stick.""Soya milk? Yes. Deep-fried dough stick? No, but they have preserved egg and shredded lean congee."Zhen's answer continued to surprise me on this American company's operation in China. "It's Pizza Hut or a restaurant in Chinatown after all?""Oh actually, there's Chinatown here, it's on Fifth Avenue West, no, sorry, it's on West Street.""What?" I could tell my eyes must be opening bigger at Yang's words. "A Chinatown in China?""Yah." "Holy! That's totally hilarious. By the way, whose idea is it? I mean, pizza.""Mine." Nipple unbundled the beers and passed one over to me. "Are you fascinated?""Uh, yeah." I didn't want to disappoint my friends."Ha! I knew it. See?" he elbowed Ling, "I told you how he would be when seeing these and you didn't believe me."The most intelligent girl in our class and my high school confidante - Ling, on the opposite seat across the table, didn't reply to him, but merely cast me an I-know-he-is-wrong smile. Accordingly I knuckled the table twice."So it snows often in winter, especially between December and February, right?" asked Zhen sitting beside me on the left."Yeah, I also heard about that." Yang on my right echoed.I knew they couldn't check internet through their cell phones this moment. Every one's cell was collected away and locked up in a drawer by Ling when the pizzas were delivered. She claimed that every attendant had to abide by the new rule - to get totally disconnected. Only Ling's parents had the access to the drawer, but wouldn't be back in hours. Her parents didn't have computer at home - they only linked themselves to internet by cell phone."Who said it often snowed in winter there?" I put down the spring roll Ling's parents had cooked for us as dim sum and stood up, looking ticked off. "No! Fabricating rumours is illegal in China now. This is foreign hostile forces' unvaried tactics to smear Canada.""Sorry, sorry." The two girls said.Shocked by their apologies which could hardly be heard before, I sat down and cleared my throat a bit. "That's okay. You know what, it doesn't snow often in Canada's winter at all. It only snows twice a week. The first snowfall of the week lasts four days. The second, only three days."Zhen and Yang instantly punched me when every one else at the table laughed loudly."Ouch!" I dodged and tried to look hurt. "How old are we now? We are not teenagers any more."My words didn't stop them and caused another two punches instead."My pee was discontinued at your words." Nipple came back from the bathroom."Don't you close the door while peeing or you've already soused?" Tingting asked."Don't worry," I explained, "as much as I remember, the sound Nipple's pee hits the urinal or the toilet is always very feminine. That's why we heard nothing from the bathroom just now even though the door was open.""I closed it, I just didn't lock it. And my pee sounds very masculine." Nipple defended."Oh come on. Every body knows the way you pee is more civilized than the way we girls do." Zhen shot him an eye-blink."No shame on that," echoed Yang."Hakuna matata, buddy." Fatty gave a pat on Nipple's back when he returned to the table after turning the TV volume a little down with the remote control on the couch.Right on the second Nipple was about to open his mouth, Ling demanded, "hey you guys, like, what are we doing here? Are we using the bathroom or are we eating and drinking now? Change the subject, people."I felt like talking to Ling about quite a number of things, so I waved to Nipple. "Can we switch the seats, buddy?""No way," Yang opposed."Unless, you finish this, this, and this." One by one, Zhen pushed 3 bottles of beer over in front of me.I was told that Zhen and Yang had experienced a lot since our graduation from high school. Many things including their hair styles had been changed, but never their characters. Externally, they tried to look girly; internally, they still stayed as what they were during teenage - tomboy. To copy Washington Irving, if sitting beside a tomboy might in certain aspect be considered a special blessing, I was twice blessed. I wondered how Zhen's husband and Yang's boy friend stood them in their daily lives. But of course, people were different and it would be a completely different case if they were born to be intoxicated with tomboys."With you beside makes me more than myself," Zhen grinned to me."Shall I will go back home and tell my mom?" I rubbed my arms to fight back another wave of goosebumps attack."Oh yeah." Yang gave a high five to Zhen across me. "It reminds us of those sweet high school days. Every day I saw you, I forgot whom I was.""Monkey King's mother, help!" I murmured.These two girls, to quote Fatty, were not only tomboys, but also liked to be tigress, shrew, and Xanthippe. They used to bully us boys and the home-class teacher had never said a single word just like nothing had happened. In our class, there wasn't a solid occurrence that any boy had fought back against them verbally and physically, simply because amongst us boys was there a common rule to abide by - girls are not worth a true boy's bickering with.Ling took a sip of beer and was speechless in the whole course but only looking at me and smiling.Tingting, sitting between Skinny and Nipple, lip-talked to me, "they are a bit high.""How's your English now, buddy?" Fatty asked me."In terms of listening comprehension, speaking, and reading, it is good, I think, but not as good as I wanted it to be. Writing is still what I've been working on to improve.""So how's your Chinese now?" Skinny picked up a slice of Cheese Lover."What kind of question is that?" Zhen tapped the table."Yah, what made you inquire of him that kind of question?" said Yang."No, no, it's actually a good question. Serious. A right question. Honestly, my Chinese language turns worse and worse year by year. This visit, I found that I misunderstood many Chinese expressions while talking to the people. Moreover, there are so many words, phrases, and expressions I don't understand or I haven't heard of, like 'bu ming jue li', 'shi dong ran ju', 'huo qian liu ming'. And it was my parents who explained to me last year, the meaning of 'louzhu', which had absolutely nothing to do with 'superintendent of apartment building' as I had thought. And also 'wumao' (half yuan). So if you guys find that I make mistakes again, just go ahead and correct me, even make fun of me, so that I will know where I can find myself back. I think I shall make a plan to keep my Chinese up, or to get it back up.""Okay," Zhen laid her index finger on my shoulder, "wherever you are, or no matter how bad your Chinese language will be, never ever forget the most important line. Under no circumstances should you forget it. If you were to forget it, then you wouldn't eat well, sleep well, walk well, stand well, sit well, and live well.""What's the most important line?" I was confused."Our party is a great party, a glorious party, a correct party.""R-i-g-h-t! How is he supposed to forget that?" Fatty spoke to Zhen. "We all were raised up by Mama Party's sweet milk-feeding.""But I kind of forget when was the last time Mama Party fed me with her milk. I'm so sorry." I apologized."The last time I saw you drink milk is when we were 17. Yah, that afternoon, after you had had a soccer game with a bunch of boys from another school."Yang's reminder was truly funny. But at the same time, she even remembered the last time she had seen me drink milk? That's kind of unusual."Look, that milk was not from Mama Party, but from Mama Cow." I clarified."Hold on!" Skinny cried out. "Is Yang innuendoing our great party is a cow? Oh my god! Guy, guys, against our party is the class enemy launching another furious atta..."He didn't even finish the word 'attack' when Yang's fist had already fallen on his knee. Yang was never less violent than Zhen. The two tomboys matched perfectly."Haha! Doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt at all." Skinny smiled first and then suddenly began to rub his knee with both hands and shouted, "oh my god! Call 120! My knee! Ambulance! Ambulance!""Is this the way you refuse to grow up and old?" I asked Yang."Affirmative!""Oh yah! Of course." Zhen also said."Guys, knock it off!" said Ling. "Any one needs more spring rolls? There are plenty more in the kitchen." "Do you guys watch Hollywood movies or American TV series here?""Sometimes. But yes, I watch." Ling replied to me."I watch them all the time," said Nipple."Me too." Fatty echoed."I want to. But I can't. Honestly, I have tons of housework to do, like endless. Otherwise, my mother-in-law would go quack, quack, quack on me again." Tingting puffed a long sigh."How is your hubby?" Zhen inquired after Tingting's husband. "I mean, can't he help?""You think I can count on him? Hehe, he is just a dork, not a husband, he never is." Tingting complained. "You guys don't know how hard it was that I managed to slip out with an excuse to come here today. Okay, let's not talk about my misery. Otherwise, people would get affected with marriage-phobia and misogamy.""Hey, Tingting," I waved to her."Huh?""Don't worry too much. Just take it easy. Everything will be fine.""Thank you.""Why do your parents-in-law still live with you guys while they have their own home in Guangdong?" Yang's question made Tingting give another sigh."My hubby said, 'they are my parents and I'm their only son. I need to take good care of them. So do you, as my wife. This is filial piety and this is our China's culture and tradition. If you don't do this with me, you are a person without filial piety, which means, you are not a Chinese.' But he doesn't do anything to live up to his 'filial piety' and never gives a helping hand. And his parents never say a single word. I'm the only one working like a non-stop working bee in the honeycomb.""How about your father-in-law?" The question was from Zhen."My father-in-law is ok. But he is so addicted to char siu that the whole family have to eat char siu all the time. Char siu, char siu, every meal is char siu, every day is char siu. I admit, char siu doesn't taste bad, but who else starts with char siu for breakfast every morning in our province?""Nipple." I tilted my chin."Okay, here," Nipple poured a full glass of red wine accordingly and gave to Tingting. "This will help you forget about your household chores, your mother-in-law, and your favourite char siu for a while.""Thank you. I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Hey Skinny, you like American movies and TV series, right?""Right. I love to watch them and honestly I seldom watch our movies and TV series." Skinny picked up a tissue to wipe a bit of ketchup off his lips."Yes, our movie and TV products have too huge a space for improvement. We don't have Hollywood in China. Pity," said Ling while her eyes were set on me."We really don't," agreed Nipple."We do."The folks traced the voice to look. It was Fatty who came back from the kitchen with a knife in his hand. He sat down between Zhen and Ling after giving a re-slice on the pizza that was not well sliced at delivery. Fatty was the lightest student among us boys, never weighing over 50 kilos during high school days. But now, he was okay and looked quite fit. It was the same story for the nickname of Skinny who was the heaviest boy in our class. Skinny hadn't changed much in figure. It was said that he still ate little yet stayed over-weighted as before. It was rude to nickname the people and it was banned by the school authority. But the 15-year-old I couldn't help. So I had figured out to do that with opposite characteristics. As a result, Fatty and Skinny were very much pleased with my rude creativity and the names continued to get carried with them in their remaining life. To my surprise, the way I had nicknamed my pals was also found in Taiwanese director Edward Yang's movie A One, A Two - a skinny boy was named Fatty."What are you talking about?" asked Yang, taking back her hand from the Hawaiian.Fatty looked around and said, "we have Hengdian.""You are cute." Zhen reached over to tweak his cheek."Ou-ou-ouch!" Fatty's head followed her fingers and he yelled, "let go!"The folks laughed when Fatty scowled, rubbing his cheek. I inquired, "so what's your favourite Hengdian movie or TV series, Fatty?""None. You can hardly find any good one. Especially, those TV series about the War of Resistance against Japan are quite shitty."Zhen collected a bottle of beer, unlidded and placed it in front of Fatty."But where is Hengdian? In which province?""You don't know Hengdian? Look, ex President Jiang told Chinese people to be in the moment. But you seem to be quite out of date."Tingting's words amused me. "I'm so sorry. I should heed his words and follow his instruction. But serious, where's Hengdian?""In Zhejiang. Just a small town designed for movie and TV products." She explained."An unarmed partisan can tear apart into halves from the middle a fully armed Japanese soldier, with bare hands, just as simple as tear apart mutton, just like this," Skinny gave a fingers-snap. "A girl can kill a whole bunch of Japs with her kung-fu right after being group raped. That's what Hengdian is.""Hengdian annihilates Japs every day as if Hengdian wiped out a million Japanese troops in the war." Nipple further explained."Well, that also counts, in foolish fantasy."Ling stood up with the beer right after my words, "to foolish fantasy!"All rose. "To foolish fantasy!" The sunshine of noon was nice and bright outside. A sparrow alighted on the branch nearest to the window, chirping and trying to check out what was going on at the other side of the shining glass."What's your favourite Hollywood movie?" Tingting asked me."I'm fond of many of American movies, like, Ben Hur, Schindler's List, The Deer Hunter, and I also like Flipped so much that I've watched three times.""Yes, I love that too." She looked a little excited now. "But I only watched it once. What is your most favourite one?""Uh, hang on, let me see.""You don't like Once Upon A Time In America?" Ling chimed in. "That's my most favourite. But if you regard it as an Italian movie, just like The Last Emperor rather than a Hollywood one, and you don't count it in, well, that's fine.""You said it, yes, Once Upon A Time In America is my most favourite, no matter it's American or Italian." I could always find something in common between Ling and myself. "And what's yours, Tingting?""Gone With The Wind. And I read the book several times when we were in high school.""Nah! That's too old." Zhen commented. "My favourite one is Titanic.""Here!" Yang raised her hand and gave Zhen another high five."What's yours?" Tingting asked Nipple."Redemption of Shawshank.""Also mine, pal." Skinny raised his bottle."That's definitely a great one, buddy." I confirmed."As for my favourite Hollywood movie," Fatty chuckled and rubbed his cheek again, "maybe you guys will laugh at me and think I have no taste.""No, no one would think so." I said to Fatty. "What is it?""Air Force One.""Oh come on, Fatty. It's an excellent one!""You also think so?""I would say I love it as much as you do, no matter some people say there's a few glitches in the movie, like not a rifle or pistol bullet hits the fuselage, like Russian missiles are all fired in a very close distance, like the prisoners start to singInternationale when the warlord general is released from the jail, but that's hilarious. Nevertheless, I was told by my colleague that movie made the audience applaud and stand up to cheer in the cinemas from West Coast to East Coast in Canada when it was on show in late 1990s. Imagine that. Which movie can reach that stage nowadays?" I shook my head to reply to Ling gesturing to ask if I would like some more spring rolls, and continued. "I like Harrison Ford, I like Air Force Once. In particular, I like that movie's music. I'm a music fan and fascinated with any good music. Serious. The music in Air Force One is fabulous. The main theme sounds so patriotic that you would watch the movie with your heart afire every time.""Spectacular it is." Nipple said, "and the music for the hijack part also excites me. I had goosebumps when I watched it first time.""I love it too," agreed Skinny. "The music there is dominating!""Especially when the vice president's helicopter approaches White House, I was like, 'holy thunder!'" I was surprised by myself for I even suppressed using an f-word here."Yah," Fatty almost jumped up from his seat at my words. "and the camera just follows the backs of the two assistants running outside of White House to pick up the vice president. The music for that part is stunning! And so is the music for F-15's scrambling and the engagement between F-15's and Mig-29's.""No, it's Mig-31, not Mig-29, buddy," said Skinny."It's Mig-29," Fatty insisted, "it's Fulcrum.""No, it's Foxhound." Skinny turned to look at Nipple for support. Nipple shrugged. "Sorry, buddy, I forgot because the last time I watched the movie is 8 years ago. But I'm on your side because I always hate Fatty and you know that. Haha!"Fatty seemed to wait for me to clarify the case."Actually," I said, "the last time I watched it is also long ago, but it is Mig-29. And don't forget, Fatty is the expert of World War 2 in the whole high school, this guy even knows some secrets Himler didn't even know.""Well, maybe he is the expert of World War 2. But Air Force One is not World War 2.""But, buddy, like ... you know what I mean." I had never doubted grown-up Skinny would be much different from teenage him."Who is Himler?" Yang frowned."Easy, let's check internet to see if it's Mig-29 or Mig-31. Give me my cell-phone back." Skinny stretched a hand out to Ling."Okay, stop, you guys. Whatever it is, does it matter? Honestly, I don't even know what is Mig-29 or -31 and what is F-15, or who is god damn Himler, who cares? Plus, will the result of you guys' stupid argument make the design of LV more fancy, kinky, punky-funky or what?" said Zhen, head aslant."Right," Yang said to Zhen, "look what they are arguing on. Boys in our class are always stupid, especially the ones at this table, and it's not something you just know by today.""Sorry, are you talking about Lockheed-Martin?" Fatty asked Zhen, in bewilderment."She said LV, not LM." Skinny corrected in a tone as if Fatty was hearing-handicapped."What does the acronym stand for?" Nipple's voice sounded quite serious."Louis-Vitton!" Yang answered, "Oh my god! What else can that be?!""What is that?" Skinny didn't seem to know either and turned to look at me."Skinny, you drink too fast. It won't do anything good to your liver if you keep drinking like this." I reminded, wondering if he was too happy, too excited, or a bit gloomy as he had almost emptied two bottles just momentarily."Are you boys dumb?" Zhen jeered, "doesn't your girl friend or wife have an LV bag?""My wife has many bags, but," Skinny uttered a belch, "I never know which is what, what is which. None of them were bought by smart me. Besides, she has tons of shoes. The total of her shoes can at least equip 2 companies, if not 1 battalion, just 20 times mine.""How many people are there in a company? 130?" Tingting was seen inquire Ling in a low voice when Nipple bent down to pick something dropped under the table."Yes, about that, I suppose," answered Ling."So, that is to say, the shoes Skinny has can only equip a squad?""Well calculated!" Ling gave her a thumb-up before dipping her spring roll into the soy saucer."I bought an LV last month and I hid it. Otherwise, my mother-in-law's round-the-clock nagging would kill me.""What's worse is," Skinny went on, "my wife's new bags and new shoes keep coming non-stop. I'm really disgusted on that. She's insane simply because she's from a rich family. I feel so regretful and marrying rich is nothing but a disaster. No other fatties has such an unlucky marriage as mine. And she bullies me all the time. I'm simply a slave serving her as a princess. You know what, I wash my face with tears every night."Skinny's exaggerated complaint amused us all.I raised my bottle, "cheers for washing face with tears every night!"All including Skinny raised beers with louder laughters - "With tears every night!"I didn't drink the beer and merely put it down. Tingting looked at me. I stared back at her, asking a soundless "So?""Oh," Tingting wiped her lips a bit with a napkin tissue, "whom did you say the music composer for the movie was?""Jerry Goldsmith. Pity," I shrugged, "he passed away.""Never heard of him, and didn't watch that movie." Yang commented and then nodded to Zhen, "does it ring a bell to you?""Unheard of." Zhen shook her head. "So what else had he composed?""Most of his works are for movies. Many nights though not every night, I hum to myself Carol Anne's Theme when I'm ready to be parallel to the earth. Almost every Saturday and Sunday morning, I'm greeted to with pre-set Kay's Theme when I start to be perpendicular to the earth, brush my teeth, wash my face, and prepare my breakfast."They looked at each other. No response.I added, "you guys should try that and will feel how I feel.""Well, I'm waken up by those stupid red songs when those retired aunties and grannies dance their stupid square dancing every early morning." Fatty grumbled.Skinny collected a tissue and said to me, "I'm not familiar with this composer or his music. Which movies are the two themes from?""Carol Anne's Theme is from Poltergeist and Kay's Theme is from Capricorn One.""What kinds of movies are they?" Tingting asked."Poltergeist is a horror movie and ...""What? You hum horror movie theme when you go to bed at night?" Yang took a close look at me from top to bottom."Weird guys, weird things. So what's wrong with that?" Zhen questioned Yang.In my fantasy, I was now giving Zhen an association football's direct free kick and kicking her to hit the crossbar and then bounce to the ground and then bounce into the goal net and then break through the net to fly all the way to Pluto. But in reality, I was saying, "well, well, well, thanks a lot for defending for me"."When were the movies released?" Ling was asking me."I don't know exactly when, but it must be last century for sure. I haven't watched them myself either though they are available on line.""We haven't heard of this composer. We don't know the songs you mentioned. And we haven't even heard of the names of the movies, needless to mention watching them. None of your tips help here." Yang opened her arms and held out her palms upside. "Oops.""Wait. Uh, have you guys watched the Disney movie of Mulan? The music is composed by Jerry.""Yes, I believe all of us have watched it." Tingting confirmed."The music in Mulan is fantastic," Ling said, "especially the part Mulan walks to her room and cuts her hairs short to look like a man and armours herself into a soldier.""So that's his music?" said Yang."Yah. Also, I'm not sure if you guys have watched these old movies, like Tora! Tora! Tora!, Chinatown, The Cassandra Crossing, Star Trek, and Total Recall, not the new one, but the old Total Recall. They are available on line as well, like, on YouTube. Those movies' themes are also his music.""Ok, don't mention any website outside China. There is no internet in China, only intranet is available. Many thanks to the jerk who created god-damn Great Wall firewall!" complained Zhen."I guess we still might find them on certain websites within China. I'll let you know a few websites later." Skinny reminded."But, I mean, haven't any of you guys watched any of them?" I asked."Yes," Fatty shouted while the girls' heads except Ling's were shaking, "I've watched Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! twice on CCTV. The score is so Japanese, especially the opening when Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku inspects the honor sailors on Yamato Battleship, I mean, like authentic Japanese one, even more Japanese than Japanese.""Me too." Said Nipple. "But I didn't notice the composer and wasn't aware the Japanese style music was composed by an American."Ling responded affirmative to watching this old movie about the attack of Pearl Harbour."Yah, that's what I'm talking about, that's how talented that American was. And look Mulan, we can't even do a wonderful job like that ourselves. Look Romance of Three Kingdoms, I mean the new version one. Basically, this TV series is not bad at all itself, but the theme songs are unbearable. Hongkong people composed their own starting theme and ending theme for Cantonese-dubbed version when the series was on TV in Hongkong, and the Hongkong version theme songs are 100 times better than ours, I mean, the mainland one. Look, as an American, Jerry Goldsmith could do European one, like The Cassandra Crossing; Japanese one, Tora! Tora! Tora!; Chinese one, Mulan; and he could even do non-earth one, like Total Recall and Star Trek. I wonder what else music he could not. Oh, sorry, sorry, I'm wrong, I'm wrong." I paused, every one watching me. "For sure, there is one music style he couldn't do.""What music style is that?" asked Tingting."Pick a guess.""Oh come on, just shoot." Skinny put down his beer."Story of Spring. Did Jerry Goldsmith possibly have capability to do that? No way!""Eww!""Yak!""How gross!""Stop disgusting us!""We are eating."It seemed that no one at the table could stand that song."The main theme in Air Force One sounds so patriotic, and Story of Spring?" Skinny said, "what else does it make people feel other than ass-sucking and throwing up? But the aunties and grandmas living in my neighbourhood play it as background music for their square dancing almost every dusk though there's no square literally. Not just noisy, but stupid and annoying.""Oh they do that every dusk on your side?" Fatty shook his head. "Oh, actually, almost forgot, there's a new song the square dancers are using on my side. It's called something like 'If You Want To Get Married, Marry A Man Like Xi Big Big'.""What? Serious?" It seemed there's a lot I didn't know."Yah.""Do they have a song called If You Want to Get Married, Marry A Woman Like Peng Mother Mother?" asked Tingting."As far as I know, they haven't got that yet. But maybe soon, who knows?""Wow! It's really something new to me." I said. "So how is that song? I mean, Marry A Man Like Xi Big Big.""The lyrics doesn't even sound rhymed. But you got to hear it. You got to hear. Nothing will impress you more than that song will. Moreover, I'm pretty sure those old people's hearing are not as good as when they were young. The music is so loud. My ears are raped every early morning. But seriously, I won't mind at all if those dancers dance Jerry Goldsmith. Actually I would love to see that. I just don't know which themes of his can be used to play as square dancing background music.""Thank you, Fatty! You are more creative than I think you are!" I shouted in joy. "Those aunties and grannies dancing Jerry Goldsmith would be the most exciting view ever! Love Theme from Forever Youngand Carol Anne's Theme can be for slow dancing, The Dream from Total Recall and The Hijacking from Air Force One for fast dancing, and Kay's Theme and the main theme from The Cassandra Crossing are very good ones for intermediate dancing. For the mixtures of both fast and slow dancing, Back on the Field from Rudyand Short Hair from Mulan would play a good role.""Oh you really know that composer well." Ling commented."I love Jerry more than any American does. He's so underrated. Actually, American people don't seem to know much about the very composer of their own. In their brains are only an Italian and a German called Hans Zimmer, or plus two John's at the most, for music industry now.""Who ...""Hey, what about Tora Tora Tora? Can it be used for square dancing?" Tingting's words held back Ling's inquiry.I thought over quickly and said, "that can be used as background music for those old papas and old mamas' morning exercising of shadow boxing.""What?" Skinny laughed. "You ask them to exercise Taiji with that?""I can't wait to see they go dancing with Air Force One and go shadow boxing with Tiger Tiger Tiger." Fatty commented excitedly."But those grandpas and grandmas are kind of conservative and stubborn. They would refuse to use Tora Tora Tora for sure." Skinny brought out."You don't need to tell them it's Tiger Tiger Tiger." Said Fatty."But every one can tell that's Japanese music, obviously." Skinny continued. "There's no way you can hide it.""Then just tell them it's American music and Jerry Goldsmith is not Japanese, not Japanese American, not American Japanese, but American and American American.""What is American American?" Fatty's words triggered my question. "You mean Indian? Like, Pocahontas?""Well, you know what I'm trying to say. I mean, American English if he was.""Kidding, buddy. Goldsmith sounds all English name to me.""Yah! We should popularize Jerry and play his music for square dancing nationwide." Nipple suggested. "People also say, square dancing is very popular in the countryside nowadays as well. Can't imagine how fantastic it will look when tons of peasant aunties and grannies dance Jerry in remote inland area and rural area.""But would he mind?" Fatty spoke out his worry. "Also, if those peasants dance Jerry, do they have to pay patent fee or something to the United States before they dance?""I think," said Ling, "if Beethoven and Mozart wouldn't mind when people around the whole world dance their music, then why would Jerry? Leaving alone that they all left us, I believe they would be more than happy to see their own works are so much loved and fascinated with by us mankind.""Or maybe Jerry would be weeping tears and crying in the cemetery. Maybe he would say, 'look, I didn't do anything bad to you Chinese and I tried all my best to make great music for Mulan, why do you Chinese want to ruin my music on purpose by using it for square dancing?' That's what I worry about.""That isn't gonna happen, Skinny, that wouldn't happen. The artists like Jerry Goldsmith, Beethoven, and Mozart wouldn't mind the way people love their music or who love their music. They are not us. They don't think the way we think. All they think is the art in their heart. Just like, if any one plays the theme of Star Wars at his funeral or any one plays the theme of Mission Impossible at his wedding ceremony, John Williams and Lalo Schifrin would never mind at all.""But who would do that? Play Star Wars at the funeral and play Mission Impossible at the wedding?" Tingting gave me a strange look."Does any one pay patent fee to Germany and Austria before dancing Beethoven and Mozart?" Fatty asked. "If the answer is no, then Chinese grand-parents and peasants can officially dance Jerry.""So any legal dispute comes out, Fatty is held fully responsible." I winked at him."Hey, hey, hey, you boys talk as if you were really handling some serious business. Take a break." Zhen's words stopped the topic."Let's do real serious business now." Yang proposed."Yeah! Let's start." Zhen gave another high five to Yang."What, what real serious business?" I asked her."Okay, real booze now!" Nipple laid two bottles of liquor on the table.Skinny stood up and poured every one a cup of liquor. It smelt so strong that I wondered the alcohol volume would go as high as 50 percent. This was fairly crazy because we did this again after all these years - to drink beer, red wine, white wine, and liquor altogether at the same time. Besides, I hadn't eaten anything so far except a tiny spring roll.Zhen stood up when Skinny sat back down. "Okay, game on! Let's do bottoms-up. I will check who will not finish it in one gulp and who will go sissy. To show my respect, I do it first.""But wait!" I tried to stop her. "For what do we do that? We don't have to. We can simply help ourselves and take it easy, right? And you don't even have a proper toast to go ahead with.""Sure I do. So, here! It's a very cherishable re-union today. Uh, wait, how to say that?" Zhen asked Yang."This is a meeting of solidifying, a meeting of pioneering, and a meeting of moving from victory to victory." Yang reminded."Thanks, Yang. So, here's a toast to our great, glorious, correct party. Sorry, what am I doing? A toast to our everlasting friendship!" Zhen finished the liquor in one gulp.I was being kidnapped again? The liquor in each cup was at least as much as two taels. Lord, two taels! It's 100 grams of alcohol or 100 millilitres of alcohol! One gulp! This was insane! Even the heroes on Mount Liangshan and the top fighters in Sicily Mafia wouldn't go like this because people said the liquor during Song Dynasty was made up from glutinous rice and the alcohol volume was very low and such rice wine was very mild - I could also drink eight bowls or nine bowls of that at a time and then go out to Jingyang Heights to find a tiger to play with - and people said that those top fighters in Sicily Mafia were very gentleman in modern society nowadays. For liquor with 50% of alcohol volume, they wouldn't go 100 millilitres alcohol a gulp like a polar bear for sure. A toast to everlasting friendship? Since when had killing each other become everlasting friendship?Yang had already dried hers even before I was done with the calculation. Skinny came next. And then Fatty, and Nipple, and Tingting, and Ling, and ...I looked at the liquid in the cup as if I was looking at my own tears, wondering how I should go tricky and cheating though I never meant to go that way. There were only two bottles of liquor and the remaining liquor must be no more than 4 taels which could not afford another same round for sure and it meant this liquor bottom-up would only go once. So, as long as I passed through this, I would be safe. I was never a drinker and was never good at drinking at all. If 30 millilitres, I might stand a chance. How could I do bottom-up for this much in one gulp?I raised the cup, checking and smelling. "Uh, what's the percentage of alcohol volume?""45." Skinny replied. "The liquor is very expensive and it's from Nipple by the way.""Actually, my mother's old student came to visit her last year and gave her these as gift. That student is a big boss now.""Thanks a lot, buddy. Appreciated. How's your mom? How's her life of retirement?""She's good. Occasionally still writes articles on education reform.""Time flies. I still remember ...""Hey, hey, don't try to distract us and don't play for time. I'm watching, I'm waiting, friendship is waiting." Zhen's reminder sounded rather like a warning."Just do it. Don't ruin the friendship." Yang was pressing. "You are not holding a cup of potassium cyanide.""Or maybe you need to take a pill of Viagra first?" Zhen started teasing again."Don't push him. Give him some time." Tingting was trying to help.How could they still act and talk normal after that drinking? Needless to mention how much beer they had already drunk. To me, they looked as though nothing had happened at all, as though they had drunk a cup of Sprite instead of a cup of spirit."Serious. You don't have to if you can't drink it." It was Ling's words that stimulated me to make the decision - not go sissy, but go half manly and half cheating, because I didn't have a mouth big enough to hold 100 millilitres for a while and then spit out later. But I could drink 50 millilitres and hold the remaining in my mouth until a right moment, at least being a little gross was better than being dead or being sissy in public. Plus, drinking 1 tael in a gulp already meant a big hero to me."I do it." I put down the cup and started to roll up my sleeves like I was about to dig a trench of ten metres long."What does rolling up your sleeves have to do with drinking?" Yang asked."Oh, that makes him feel he already took 10 tablets of aphrodisiac." Zhen's explanation also made herself laugh.Ignoring her and shaking my head, I raised the cup. Holy! It was so strong. And to hold a mouthful of liquor was not a joyful thing at all.God! My sweetest God! THE DOOR BELL RANG!Zhen already went to answer the door when I stood up as we were the two nearest to the door."Is Sister Li in?""Hang on." Zhen turned around. "Ling! The auntie likes to talk to your mom. Come on in, auntie."A woman stepped in, a small bowl in her hand.Ling walked over. "Hi, Auntie. You wanna talk to my mom? They went out.""I just need some vinegar. I'm in the middle of stir-frying sliced potatoes and just realize I'm out of vinegar. Two spoonfuls would be more than enough. Urgent, urgent."I gave a crispy finger-snap in the air and walked quickly to the kitchen before Ling got any chance to say a word or react yet."Thanks a lot." The neighbour was heard say to Ling.Of course, the very first thing I did in the kitchen was not looking for the vinegar. "Enough, enough." The neighbour tried to stop me when I poured more vinegar into her bowl to express the life-saving appreciation of which she was unaware."Why did she ask for vinegar whilst she was cooking potatoes?" Fatty asked after I replaced the vinegar and sat back down."Are you from Mars?" questioned Tingting. Notes:01.layout of seats (座位)__________Ling (阿铃) Nipple (奶头) Fatty (肥肥)____________________Tingting (婷婷) Zhen (阿臻)____________________Skinny (瘦瘦) __________ I (我) Yang (阿扬)02. sweet sesame-stuffing rice dumplings: 芝麻汤圆03. Shanghai Battle: 淞沪战役 193704. dried osmanthus flower: 桂花05. dried wolfberries: 枸杞06. halal: 清真07. Kung Pao chicken pizza, Korean style beef pizza, or seafood pizza: 宫爆鸡丁披萨，韩式牛肉披萨，海鲜披萨08. Sautéed broccoli with oyster saucer, stewed meat lettuce, Hongkong style fish ball rice noodle, roasted duck and preserved vegetable rice noodle, and Laksa seafood rice noodle: 蚝油花椰菜，生菜炖肉，港式鱼丸米粉，烤鸭雪里蕻米粉，海鲜米粉09. Singapore style chicken steak rice, Sichuan spicy beef rice, Korean style spicy pork chop baked rice, seafood rice in scallop sauce, fried rice with roasted duck: 星洲鸡排牛扒饭，四川辣牛肉饭，蛤酱海鲜饭，烤鸭炒饭10. preserved egg and shredded lean congee: 皮蛋瘦肉粥11. This is foreign hostile forces' unvaried tactics to smear Canada: 这是境外敌对势力故意抹黑加拿大的一贯伎俩12. Washington Irving: 华盛顿·欧文，美国作家。原话是if a termagant wife may in some respects be consider a kind of blessing, then he was twice blessed (Rip Van Winkle).13. amongst us boys was there a common rule to abide by - girls are not worth a true boy's bickering with: 男生中遵循的规则是——好男不跟女斗14. bu ming jue li, shi dong ran ju, huo qian liu ming, wu mao - 不明觉厉，十动然拒，火钳刘明，五毛15. against our party is the class enemy launching another furious atta...: 阶级敌人又在向我党发起猖狂进……16. Yang was never less violent than Zhen. The two tomboys matched perfectly.: 阿扬的剽悍，比起阿臻来，没有丝毫的逊色。这俩假小子是绝配。17. dork: 棒槌18. filial piety: 孝道19. char siu: 叉烧20. Edward Yang's movie A One, A Two: 台湾电影《一一》，导演杨德昌21. Hengdian: 横店22. in the moment: 与时俱进23. foolish fantasy: 臆淫24. Air Force One: 《空军一号》25. Poltergeist: 《吵闹鬼》26. Capricorn One: 《摩羯星一号》27. "Weird guys, weird things. So what's wrong with that?: 怪咖有怪癖，你有啥好奇怪的么？28. Mulan: 《花木兰》29. Tora! Tora! Tora!: 《虎！虎！虎！》30. Chinatown: 《唐人街》31. The Cassandra Crossing: 《卡桑德拉大桥》32. Total Recall: 《全面回忆》33. Yamamoto Isoroku: 山本五十六34. Yamato battleship: 大和号战列舰35. Forever Young: 《青春永驻》36. Rudy: 《鲁迪》37. This is a meeting of solidifying, a meeting of pioneering, and a meeting of moving from victory to victory: 这是一次团结的大会、开拓的大会、从胜利走向胜利的大会38. two taels: 二两39. Even the heroes on Mount Liangshan and the top fighters in Sicily Mafia wouldn't go like this because people said the liquor during Song Dynasty was made up from glutinous rice and the alcohol volume was very low and such rice wine was very mild - I could also drink eight bowls or nine bowls of that at a time and then go out to Jingyang Heights to find a tiger to play with - and people said that those top fighters in Sicily Mafia were very gentleman in modern society nowadays. For liquor with 50% of alcohol volume, they wouldn't go 100 millilitres alcohol a gulp like a polar bear for sure.: 就算是梁山上的好汉和西西里黑手党的顶尖扈卫也不这样干啊，因为大家都说宋朝那时候的酒是糯米做的，酒精度非常之低，糯米酒非常之柔和——我也可以做到来上八、九碗，然后出去到景阳冈上找个老虎玩玩儿。而且，大家也说，那些黑手党的顶尖扈卫在如今的现代社会里也都很绅士了。喝50%酒精度的酒，他们不会像北极熊那样一口100毫升下去这么干的。40. potassium cyanide: 氰化钾41. "Or maybe you need to take a pill of Viagra first?" Zhen started teasing again.: “要不咱先来片儿伟哥，还是咋？”阿臻又开始逗弄我了。42. at least being a little gross was better than being dead or being sissy in public. Plus, drinking 1 tael in a gulp already meant a big hero to me.: 至少恶心一点儿要比死了强，也比当众显得自己忒“娘”要好。再说，一口喝一两下去，对我来说，已经是英雄得不得了了。43. Oh, that makes him feel he already took 10 tablets of aphrodisiac.: 噢，那样做能让他有那种自己已经服了10粒壮阳丸的感觉。44. Of course, the very first thing I did in the kitchen was not looking for the vinegar.: 我在厨房干的第一件事当然不是找什么醋。

"Hey, look at this." Nipple pointed at the TV. "The theme song of Water Margin is also horrible."I took a glance at the screen. "New Water Margin? Hmm. In the industry of movie music, we have nothing that can match Mulan and Air Force One. Moreover, the United States has a great lot more like these.""What in the sam hill is Air Force One all about?" Zhen cut in."Yah, what's the story?" followed Yang."I thought you two watched all famous and popular action movies and Air Force One is one," said Nipple."And why is that?" Zhen questioned."Yah," Yang added, "what made you think we two watched all famous and popular action movies?""Because you Siamese sisters are ACTION girls." Nipple blinked."Shut your butt hole up!" The two shouted at the same time.I had never tried to confront Zhen and Yang at school. Age failed to change their characters - they were what they are, they are what they were."Okay, you two still wanna hear the story?""Yes." Zhen and Yang turned back to me."Then don't cut me short until I finish the story."They sat closer when I cleared my throat a bit."For sure, as you all know, Air Force One is a chartered jet for US president, but much larger. It's huge. So, we have this US President James Marshall here. At the beginning of the movie, Comrade James Marshall delivers an important speech at a national conference of political ideology propaganda work.Marshall points out, 'Our propaganda and ideological work must aim at arming the people with scientific theory, guiding the people with correct public opinion, building the people with noble spirit, encouraging the people with outstanding artworks.Marshall emphasizes, 'We shall incessantly bring up and create one generation after another of new Capitalist people with Four Qualifications in ideal, virtue, culture, and discipline.'Marshall points out, 'our new Capitalist people with Four Qualifications shall firmly lay solid ideological foundations and provide favoured efforts of public opinion for the great cause of constructing Capitalism with American Characteristics.'And Air Force One is just the ideal of flexible learning Marshall Thoughts and applying it in a creative way so as to make political propaganda work perfect.And then, the real feature presentation is on. President Marshall's Air Force One is hijacked by terrorists. The bodyguards cover President Marshall to escape from the escaping pod. But, at the pivotal point, President Marshall chooses to stay with her fellow Americans in danger. With his extraordinary intelligence and courage, President Marshall battles wits and volition with the terrorists abroad, Soviet revisionist chieftain from Kazakhstan, and those Socialist Roaders in power at home, making no concession to and no negotiation with the reactionaries. For favour of American people's happiness, he lets common civilians escape safely first at the cost that he might lose his family and his own life. American people, however, can't allow him to lose his own life. If President Marshall were to sacrifice, who would be able to lead the Capitalist Revolution of the whole world? With the united efforts and striving of American people and European people, President Marshall eventually defeats all the enemies and comes back to his American people again.The movie successfully demonstrates the glorious achievements President Marshall wages inexorable struggles with Soviet Social Imperialism, Communism, Left Putschism, Right Capitulationism, Left Opportunism, Socialist Roaders in power at home, the terrorists abroad, and all the reactionaries, and wins the victory at last. As well, the movie thoroughly proves President Marshall's brilliant inference of ALL TERRORISTS ARE PAPER TIGERS. Meanwhile, in the movie, American people also find - "Communism has not given up the ambition to subjugate our country". Thus, American people shall heighten the vigilance to well defend the country, brace for attacks and all disasters, and live up to the guideline of oil priority while continuing to send out Color Revolution under the flag of democracy and freedom at the same time.All in all, the movie shows the unparalleled resplendence of President Marshall's glorious thoughts. Marshall Thoughts is a bright lamp on the sea guiding the direction of America and world democracy revolution. The release of the movie has triggered resounding repercussions throughout American people and is followed by dual harvest for spiritual civilization and material civilization.Long live to great mentor, great leader, great commander, great steerer - President Marshall!""That's it?" Yang asked while Ling, Tingting, and the boys were laughing."Yah, that's it.""I'm sorry. We shouldn't have let you drink the liquor that much. Your mind flew away. You are drunk.""No, I'm not.""Yes, you are.""No, I'm not. I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm good. And I feel great after drinking." I defended."Not fun," she shook her head."Fun." Zhen disagreed."Not fun." Yang repeated."Fun." Zhen insisted."Why fun?" asked Yang."Because he is still as sick as before in high school.""Thanks for telling me I'm still as dashing as a teenager in your eyes." I tipped Zhen a wink."But seriously, which boy in our class is not sick? None. Look what's in their brains every day." She sneered at all us boys in the class."Right. The boys in our class are just a whole bunch of wacks." Zhen's rhetorical questioning caused unvaried Yang's echoing."If so, then lucky us. But you two can't be serious," said Tingting, hesitating to choose between Hawaiian and pepperoni."Hey, I have something to say." Nipple raised his hand. "I'm a probationary Communist now.""What?! Are you serious?" Yang's small eyes looked very big now."You? No way. You don't believe in Marxism at all," Fatty emphasized, "every body knows that.""Hey, join the Party had nothing to do with political belief any more, long ago. Didn't you know that when you graduated from kindergarten?" Tingting passed a slice of veggie pizza to Skinny."You must be teasing us, buddy." Skinny crumpled his napkin tissue into a ball and tossed to Nipple.Nipple caught it dexterously. "No, I'm not kidding. Serious.""But why?" asked Fatty, "remember? You said, 'if the world were to be taken by Communists one day in the future, I would be the last non-Communist'. That's what you said, that's what you told us. And you also said, 'Communist Party's bible Das Kapital - volume 4 was formally and officially translated and published in 1982 while the first edition of the former three volumes of Das Kapital poorly translated by Wang Yanan and Guo Dali were published in 1938. But Communist Party of China formed in 1921 and they started Communist Revolution to fight Nationalists in 1927. In another word, they didn't even complete reading the bible of Marxism and didn't master the doctrine of Marxism when they started to launch nationwide revolution in China. They didn't know whether Marxism was applicable to China or not, because they didn't even read the whole bible of Marxism.' Thank you again for having told me all those. If my memory lied to me, correct me. Now you are, sorry, say it again, you are what?"I was always impressed by Fatty's memory."Commie." Yang gestured scissors with both hands up in the air."But those words about Das Kapital weren't originally from me. People enlightened me, so I merely repeated people's words to you." Nipple turned to look my way. It was me who had told him all those."It doesn't matter, does it?" Skinny questioned. "Fact is there, truth is there, history is there. Isn't it so?""Hey, say something," Zhen jabbed me in the shoulder, "your buddy is commie now. You have nothing to say?""Oh, I'm as sick as back in high school. And I'm a weird guy doing weird things. Who the heck wants to listen to a sick and weird guy? So, why bother?""Hey, hey, come on. Remember what you said to me before? Wait, how to say that again, uh, oh yah, 'I'm not Zhou Gongjin. Don't think I can be exasperated by one or two words.' Who said that to me? Who said that to me?""Okay, okay, you win, you win. But look, guys. It's the era democracy and freedom prevails nowadays. To join the Party is people's freedom and personal choice. People have all rights to do that. I'm sure every one here will respect each other's personal choice.""Buddy, I want to know your opinion on Marxism," Nipple said to me, "and then I let you know what's in my mind.""Serious?""Serious.""Oh come on, just shoot." Yang seemed a bit impatient again."All right, I do have a few words to say here. Well, honestly, it's very hard for me to understand why 21st century's China still takes, as bible of ideology, the theory of Karl Marx, a German Jew who was born during the period of Emperor Jiaqing. As Communist Party educates us, anything after Opium War is Modern History while anything before Opium War is Ancient History. So, that is to say, even by now, we Chinese are still using an ancient Westerner's stuff as our guidelines to develop today's China whilst the whole world has long said sayonara to Herr Marx. Can you guys understand why? Sorry, I can't. Now, the whole world is like a small village, we all live together. Thanks to internet. Today, Chinese people have opened the eyes. So, take a look around this world and see what's going on about Marxism. Marx's fatherland - Germany: German people spurned it away; Marx's ethnic fatherland - Israel: Israelis people spurned it away; Marx's cemetery country - England: English people spurned it away; Marx's class-struggle theory testing country - Soviet Union: no matter how many nuclear missiles, how many aircraft, how many tanks, and how many cannons the Soviet Union did have, nothing could stop the peoples of Russia, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, Ukraine, Moldova, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan from spurning it away. Needless to mention those Eastern European countries where Marxism regimes were established under bayonet. In a nutshell, the essence of Marxism is nothing that encourages you to create, to blaze the trail, to study science and technology hard, or teaches you to be Beethoven, to be da Vinci, to be Shakespeare, to be Michael Jackson, to be Tu Youyou and Yuan Longping, or guides you to upgrade and optimize the production line in factories or to research hybrid rice in farmlands, or inspires you to pick up hoes and sickles to crop, to harvest, to conquer great nature, and to climb the paramount of science, but everything that instigates you to damage, to destroy, to break into those landlords' homes, Thomas Edison's home, Bill Gates' home, Steve Jobs' home, Mark Zuckerberg's home, and other capitalists' homes to raid, to rob, to smash, and instigates you to go with "class struggle" and to "destroy the old world". Marx's stuff doesn't bring us human beings with creation, peace, love, and prosperity, but with feud, poverty, disaster, havoc, as well as endless insanity of so-called "man-kill-man fun". Good thing is, President Xi pointed out at a press conference in Europe - any orange planted in the south of River Huai is orange whilst the same thing transplanted to the north of River Huai becomes bitter orange. Well said, well thought of! As such, I think he is trying to tell the whole world that Marxism from the Western World - south of River Huai, doesn't apply to this Eastern land - north of River Huai. I will be much gratified when I witness the moment that our country eventually bids farewell to that German Jew.""Well said!" Tingting thumped the table."Agree!" said both Zhen and Yang.Skinny gave a thumb-up while Ling was smiling to me."You spoke out my words, buddy." said Fatty, waving a half-bitten spring roll."Actually, I have another word to add if I may. It's about the subject of practice." I said to Nipple."Go ahead.""Again and again, your Communist Party tells ...""Don't say it's my party, it's also yours.""Why mine? I'm not Communist. Well, fine. Our Party, happy? Again and again, our Party tells the whole country of people, practice is the sole yardstick of truth. Undoubtedly, this is darn right. I can't agree any more. How's the practice of Marxism theory in ex Soviet Union? Failed. How's its practice in Poland? Failed. How's its practice in Hungary? Failed. Czechoslovakia? Failed. East Germany? Failed. Bulgaria? Failed. Albania? Failed. Ex Yugoslavia? Failed. Romania? Well, I'm sorry Ceausescu and his wife can't give us an answer any more. The theory is tested failed by practice after practice, once, twice, thrice, again and again, failure after failure, here, there, everywhere. Does the United Nations require China to stick to this theory? No. Does the United Nations specify the theory must be tested on Chinese people on and on til forever? No. And why do our China and Chinese people still have to stick to this theory? Sometimes I really don't understand our Party. One hand, the Party tells us, practice is the only criterion of testing truth and theory. The other hand, the Party tells us, sticking to Marxism theory is the basic rule by which every single Chinese shall abide. What on earth are we doing? Which country's people is still sticking to this theory in the whole world today? As ex President Jiang says, BE IN THE MOMENT. I can't agree any more. Sticking to an out-of-date, ossified philosophy theory proposed by a Germany Jew born in ancient times is nowhere close to being in the moment, but everywhere close to the path heading to meeting Ceausescu and his wife. President Jiang is smart and intelligent and you guys know where he graduated from. And our Chief Designer of Reform and Opening-up Deng Xiaoping also told us, what matters to a good cat is to catch mice instead of what color its body is. That tells Chinese people, liberal democracy system or Communist dictatorship system, Capitalist marketing economy system or Socialist planning market system, we don't care, as long as it makes Chinese people richer and happier, as long as it works no matter what system and theory we use and apply. This is the key, this is wisdom and intelligence. Look what he also said - those who followed the United States have all become richer and richer. And look what ex Vice President Wang Zhen said after visiting the United Kingdom - this country is just amazing and the only thing that it lacks of is the leadership of Communist Party; with that added on, it's already the ideal society of Communism. So what system and theory have the US and the UK been using? Marxism theory? As practice proves again and again, Marxism theory worked nowhere and Socialist planning economy made those countries collapsed and disintegrated one after another. Who else is still abiding by Marxism? North Korea, Cuba, and Vietnam. Look at North Korea. The only fat guy in that country is Kim I, then Kim II, then Kim III while the whole nation is struggling on the verge between life and death. The whole country is all pitch dark seen from satellites at night while South Korea is all dazzling and brilliant. Same race, same nation, same people. Look at West Germany and East Germany. Do we still need more examples? And now, the army conscription benchmark for height is even lowered to 1.5 metre in North Korea. People already have nothing, nothing to lose. So what are they protecting Marxism theory for? Practice of Marxism in North Korea has turned to that Kim I passed the regime to Kim II, Kim II passed the regime to Kim III. And such practice in Cuba turned to elder brother Fidel Castro passed the regime to younger brother Raúl Castro. Is this a feudal dynasty or Socialist republic in modern civilized world? Cuba is still so poor after all these years. People still live in poverty. It's just a little better than North Korea. Oh I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I forgot a thing. That conforms to the actual situations of North Korea, starving to death conforms to the actual situations of North Korea, starving to death conforms to the north area of the 38th Parallel, even 1 inch north to that parallel."The friends chuckled, sighed, and shaking head."And Vietnam?" I continued, "that country is already on the way for political system reforming and heading to embracing democracy and freedom step by step. So who else is still practising Marxism theory?""You guys know what," Skinny said, "a new slogan was proposed recently. It's something like 'we are confident in theory, confident in system, confident in path'. But at the same time, another slogan of theirs is 'we have to wade across the river by feeling for stones on the riverbed' and they are still learning how to do things through trial and error. And these days, they say, the theory they have found is the truth in the universe, in the cosmos. Can you imagine that?""Whoever proposed this slogan, does he use bathroom every day?" Fatty asked."Why?" said Skinny."I wonder.""I really worry about these people too." Tingting said. "Hehe, one hand, feel for stones to cross the river, the other hand, confident in theory, system, and path. And even found the cosmos truth. As time goes on, I wonder they would turn psychopath and schizo."Nipple also laughed along with us after Tingting's words."Guess who proposed the slogan of confident in theory, system, and path." Ling spoke in a serious tone. "It's that Yi Junqing, director Central Compilation and Translation Bureau of CCCPC and standing director of China Society of History of Marxist Philosophy. And the post of that director is de facto equivalent to vice minister.""Oh, you mean the one who f u c ked Dr. Chang Yan many times and lied to her that in return, he could help her for domicile registration in Beijing? Is that the one?" Zhen shouted."Yep.""This is magnificent! Fantastic!" Skinny spoke out loudly. "How confident in theory, how confident in system, and how confident in path!""Well, too many ass-suckers." I looked around at them. "Instead of absorbing loafers, I truly hope the Party can do something as the patriotic poet Gong Zizhen suggested, 'O Party! Bestir yourself,I beseech you,And recruit men of all the talents'." "There was no Communist Party in Qing Dynasty. Okay?" said Tingting."Well, this is just what I think and what I feel, personally. If the Party asks for my opinion and point of view one day, that's what I'm gonna say.""You are right, buddy." Skinny echoed."You are telling the fact, the reality. You spoke out our words," said Fatty."Actually," Tingting combed her fringe aside, "any one with normal logical thinking would say the same thing. Jiang is right, be in the moment. China needs reform to follow the mainstream of the world. Mr. Deng is right. Practice is the sole criterion of testing truth and theory. Practice has told us, reform must be made. Thank you for sharing your thought with us."I smiled back at her."I'm not interested in these, but I've learned something today.""Same here," said Yang after Zhen.Surprised, I nodded acknowledgement to them. Noticing Nipple had been listening and thinking, I gave him a fingers-snap. "For your joining the Party, I would assume, maybe that's because you think the problem of corruption is very serious and you want to give a helping hand, no matter how teenie-tiny your hand is?""Yah, what's in your mind? What happened, Nipple?" Skinny asked."Just because Jina dumped you? I know that's a big disaster to you, but life has to move on." Now it was Tingting's turn to try to comfort Nipple. "Every one gets dumped once a while, but it doesn't mean that's the end of the whole world, does it?""No, not because of Jina. The truth is, I am bored outside the Party. I wanna go inside, to take a look, to see what's going on, to check out how the whole mechanism runs, and I ...""Take a break, man." Skinny broke in, unlidding another bottle of beer and then picking up a slice of Garden Veggie. "Don't you have anything else better to do in your life? You have tons of girls ahead on your road waiting for you to chase. Just leave the Party alone there. Don't bother.""Skinny, hear him out." I reminded."I think, basically I am a good person though I admit I like Miss Hatano and Miss Ozawa a lot.""Wait, who's Miss Hatano and Miss Ozawa? Your Japanese teachers?" I asked."Yes, Nipple's Japanese teachers after work." Fatty answered on his behalf while Zhen and Yang were already seen giggling."Hatano Yui and Ozawa Maria, Miss Aoi's colleagues." Skinny put down his beer. "Oh come on. Don't tell me you've never heard of Miss Aoi in Canada.""No, I haven't heard of Miss Aoi.""Ok, I know what you are." Zhen put her hand on my left shoulder."And I know what you are not." Yang laid her hand on my right."All right, all right, so what am I and what am I not?" I shook their hands off my shoulders by swinging my upper half body, but I suddenly realized such act was very feminine, at least not very manly."You pretend to look you like pizza, but so far you haven't eaten a slice.""You know, that will not only hurt Nipple, but also hurt all of us for we all love pizza." Yang added after Zhen's words."Hey, I love pizza more than any of you guys and even more than any of Italians. The fact is, right before coming here, I just ate a late breakfast and I ate too much. Had you guys informed me of pizza earlier, I could have stopped eating anything a week before if not a month before so as to make huge room for my favourite food.""All right, that makes sense. But you haven't heard of Miss Aoi? Are you serious? Who else hasn't heard of her in China?" Zhen still seemed to doubt."She even had a group photo with Yang Lan and Song Zuying. In China, I would say, she is the top celebrity in you men's eyes. Tons of men dream to meet her." Yang further explained."Oh, you remind me of something. Look, I've personally met three celebrities in my life. One was a star in Hong Kong, one was a star in Hollywood, and one was a star in world politics and affairs. And they are all dead. I was never aware my magnetic field was this big. Since then, I refused to meet any celebrity personally. But I don't refuse to go back to history to visit three celebrities when time machine gets invented. And the first guy is Stalin, the second is the Führer. But of course, I will call them first and persuade them to be nice to people, not to persecute people, and not to launch the war. If they don't listen, then I will pay a visit accordingly.""I know who is the third one you would visit." Ling smiled to me. "But shall we ...""Thanks for reminding. Let's hear Nipple out. Sorry, buddy. Go ahead.""Thanks." Nipple went on. "Sorry, where was I? Oh yah, Party should absorb more good people, right? I'm not a bad one. We can't just sit here and watch more and more creepy ones sneak into the Party and change the Party's nature bit by bit, day by day. Look what's going on there. If people like us don't get in, if we all sit idling here, then those ultra-leftists and Mao-leftists will dominate the Party, and eventually dominate the country and the nation. Look what has happened in Chongqing. See, ex Premier Wen Jiabao proposed the reform of political system for a number of years and he retired; now, no one is doing anything for that. Leaving Marxism alone, my Party membership role is to enhance the force of reformists in the Party. I surely know what we can do is so teenie-tiny, but it's better than nothing. Plus, democracy and freedom is not just something we talk about something and then we get, but something we do something and then we get. Practice, practice, practice, not talk, talk, talk. There has to be someone doing something, doing practice. There got to be. If you won't do, I won't do, he and she won't, then who will?"It surprised me that Nipple changed this much. Before, he had never cared about anything like this. It couldn't be Jina who had changed him."You made a point, buddy." I tipped the table."I will give a YES to my unit's Party secretary who has asked me to join them several times. What will you do?" Skinny looked at Fatty."You know I'm in the foreign company. But, count me in, as a reformist." Fatty raised his hand."Do you think these boys look very stupid in the eyes of the people in Beijing?" Yang asked Zhen."Why do we care what and how we look in the eyes of Beijing natives? Like, do we always ask what will Mrs Grundy say?" I questioned."See? Told you ah how sick and crazy the boys in our class are. And I kind of like sick and crazy boys now." Zhen replied.Ling poured a glass of red wine and raised it - "To our sick and crazy boys!""To sick and crazy boys!" Followed Tingting, and Zhen, and Yang, and then all.When every one put down the drink, Zhen said, "I really wish every day could be like this, not only because it's fun, but also because I can learn something.""So, what have you learned today?" I asked."Practice is the sole yardstick for truth." Notes:01. Water Margin: 《水浒》02. Siamese sisters: 连体姐妹03. "At the beginning of the movie, Comrade James Marshall delivers an important speech at a national conference of political ideology propaganda work.Marshall points out, 'Our propaganda and ideological work must aim at arming the people with scientific theory, guiding the people with correct public opinion, building the people with noble spirit, encouraging the people with outstanding artworks.Marshall emphasizes, 'We shall incessantly bring up and create one generation after another of new Capitalist people with Four Qualifications in ideal, virtue, culture, and discipline.'Marshall points out, 'our new Capitalist people with Four Qualifications shall firmly lay solid ideological foundations and provide favoured efforts of public opinion for the great cause of constructing Capitalism with American Characteristics.'And Air Force One is just the ideal of flexible learning Marshall Thoughts and applying it in a creative way so as to make political propaganda work perfect.And then, the real feature presentation is on. President Marshall's Air Force One is hijacked by terrorists. The bodyguards cover President Marshall to escape from the escaping pod. But, at the pivotal point, President Marshall chooses to stay with her fellow Americans in danger. With his extraordinary intelligence and courage, President Marshall battles wits and volition with the terrorists abroad, Soviet revisionist chieftain from Kazakhstan, and those Socialist Roaders in power at home, making no concession to and no negotiation with the reactionaries. For favour of American people's happiness, he lets common civilians escape safely first at the cost that he might lose his family and his own life. American people, however, can't allow him to lose his own life. If President Marshall were to sacrifice, who would be able to lead the Capitalist Revolution of the whole world? With the united efforts and striving of American people and European people, President Marshall eventually defeats all the enemies and comes back to his American people again.The movie successfully demonstrates the glorious achievements President Marshall wages inexorable struggles with Soviet Social Imperialism, Communism, Left Putschism, Right Capitulationism, Left Opportunism, Socialist Roaders in power at home, the terrorists abroad, and all the reactionaries, and wins the victory at last. As well, the movie thoroughly proves President Marshall's brilliant inference of ALL TERRORISTS ARE PAPER TIGERS. Meanwhile, in the movie, American people also find - "Communism has not given up the ambition to subjugate our country". Thus, American people shall heighten the vigilance to well defend the country, brace for attacks and all disasters, and live up to the guideline of oil priority while continuing to send out Color Revolution under the flag of democracy and freedom at the same time.All in all, the movie shows the unparalleled resplendence of President Marshall's glorious thoughts. Marshall Thoughts is a bright lamp on the sea guiding the direction of America and world democracy revolution. The release of the movie has triggered resounding repercussions throughout American people and is followed by dual harvest for spiritual civilization and material civilization.Long live to great mentor, great leader, great commander, great steerer - President Marshall!": “影片开头，是美国总统吉姆·马歇尔同志在全国政治思想宣传工作会议上发表重要讲话。马歇尔指出：‘我们的政治思想宣传工作，必须以科学的理论武装人，以正确的舆论引导人，以高尚的精神塑造人，以优秀的作品鼓舞人。’马歇尔强调：‘我们要不断培养和造就一代又一代有理想、有道德、有文化、有纪律的资本主义新人。’马歇尔指出：‘我们的资本主义四有新人要在建设有美国特色的资本主义的伟大事业中发挥有力的思想保证和舆论支持作用。’而《空军一号》就是活学活用马歇尔思想，做好政治宣传工作的典范。然后影片进入正题。马歇尔总统遇到恐怖分子劫机，警卫员掩护马歇尔总统从逃生舱逃生，但马歇尔总统在危机关头，选择和人民共患难，马歇尔总统发挥他那超乎常人的智慧和勇气，和恐怖分子、苏修头子以及国内走社会主义道路的当权派斗智斗勇，绝不向反动派妥协，为了人民幸福，他冒着不惜牺牲自己和家人的危险，让普通群众先走，但是，人民不会允许他牺牲自己的生命，马歇尔总统牺牲了，谁来带领世界资本主义革命？在美国人民和欧洲人民的齐心协力支持下，马歇尔总统终于战胜所有的敌人，重新回到了人民身边！电影成功地表现了马歇尔总统与共产主义、苏修社会帝国主义、右倾投降主义、右倾逃跑主义、左倾盲动主义、左倾机会主义、和国内走社会主义道路的当权派以及恐怖分子……等反动分子坚决斗争并最终取得胜利的光辉事绩。而且，影片还充分证明了马歇尔总统‘一切恐怖分子都是纸老虎’的英明论断。同时，美国人民通过影片也可以看到，共产主义亡我之心不死，必须时刻提高警惕，保家卫国，备战备荒，贯彻‘以石油为纲’的方针，同时在民主自由大旗下继续输出颜色革命。总而言之，影片反映了马歇尔总统伟大思想的光芒万丈，马歇尔思想就是大海中的一盏明灯，指引美国和世界资本主义民主革命的方向。影片一经播出，立刻在人民群众中获得了热烈的反响，取得了物质文明与精神文明双丰收。伟大的导师，伟大的领袖，伟大的统帅，伟大的舵手马歇尔总统万岁！”04. Das Kapital: 《资本论》05. Yang yanan and Guo Dali: 王亚男，郭大力06. I'm not Zhou Gongjin. Don't think I can be exasperated by one or two words. 我又不是周公瑾，不是一、两句话就能激得起来的07. "... honestly, it's very hard for me to understand why 21st century's China still takes, as bible of ideology, the theory of Karl Marx, a German Jew who was born during the period of Emperor Jiaqing. As Communist Party educates us, anything after Opium War is Modern History while anything before Opium War is Ancient History. So, that is to say, even by now, we Chinese are still using an ancient Westerner's stuff as our guidelines to develop today's China whilst the whole world has long said sayonara to Herr Marx.Can you guys understand why? Sorry, I can't. Now, the whole world is like a small village, we all live together. Thanks to internet. Today, Chinese people have opened the eyes. So, take a look around this world and see what's going on about Marxism. Marx's fatherland - Germany: German people spurned it away; Marx's ethnic fatherland - Israel: Israelis people spurned it away; Marx's cemetery country - England: English people spurned it away; Marx's class-struggle theory testing country - Soviet Union: no matter how many nuclear missiles, how many aircraft, how many tanks, and how many cannons the Soviet Union did have, nothing could stop the peoples of Russia, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, Ukraine, Moldova, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan from spurning it away. Needless to mention those Eastern European countries where Marxism regimes were established under bayonet. In a nutshell, the essence of Marxism is nothing that encourages you to create, to blaze the trail, to study science and technology hard, or teaches you to be Beethoven, to be da Vinci, to be Shakespeare, to be Michael Jackson, to be Tu Youyou and Yuan Longping, or guides you to upgrade and optimize the production line in factories or to research hybrid rice in farmlands, or inspires you to pick up hoes and sickles to crop, to harvest, to conquer great nature, and to climb the paramount of science, but everything that instigates you to damage, to destroy, to break into those landlords' homes, Thomas Edison's home, Bill Gates' home, Steve Jobs' home, Mark Zuckerberg's home, and other capitalists' homes to raid, to rob, to smash, and instigates you to go with "class struggle" and to "destroy the old world". Marx's stuff doesn't bring us human beings with creation, peace, love, and prosperity, but with feud, poverty, disaster, havoc, as well as endless insanity of so-called "man-kill-man fun". Good thing is, President Xi pointed out at a press conference in Europe - any orange planted in the south of River Huai is orange whilst the same thing transplanted to the north of River Huai becomes bitter orange. Well said, well thought of! As such, I think he is trying to tell the whole world that Marxism from the Western World - south of River Huai, doesn't apply to this Eastern land - north of River Huai. I will be much gratified when I witness the moment that our country eventually bids farewell to that German Jew."“……我实在搞不懂二十一世纪的中国干嘛要把一个出生在嘉庆年间的德国犹太人的理论拜为意识形态的圣经。党教育我们，鸦片战争以后的东西是近代史，鸦片战争以前的都是古代史。那么，也就是说，到现在为止，我们中国人还在拿着一个出生在古代的西方人的东西作为指导原则来发展我们今天的中国，而全世界早就跟马先生说再见了。你们搞得懂我们为啥还这样吗？不好意思，我搞不懂。现在，全世界就像一个小村子，大家都生活在一起。感谢互联网。今天，中国人民睁开了眼睛。那我们就来看一下这个世界，看一看马克思主义现在怎么样。马克思的祖国——德国：德意志人民唾弃了它；马克思的族裔祖国——以色列：犹太人民唾弃了它；马克思尸体埋葬地之国——英国：英吉利人民唾弃了它；马克思的斗争哲学试验场——苏联：无论拥有多少的核导弹、飞机、坦克、大炮，都无法阻止俄罗斯人民、立陶宛人民、爱沙尼亚人民、拉托维亚人民、乌克兰人民、摩尔多瓦人民、亚美尼亚人民、阿塞拜疆人民、格鲁吉亚人民、白俄罗斯人民、哈萨克斯坦人民、吉尔吉斯坦人民、塔吉克斯坦人民、土库曼斯坦人民、乌兹别克斯坦人民唾弃它。更不用说东欧那些本来就是在刺刀下建立起来的马克思主义的国家了。简而言之，马克思的东西，不是教你去创造、去开拓、去努力学习科学技术，不是教你去做贝多芬、去做达·芬奇、去做莎士比亚、去做迈克尔·杰克逊、去做屠呦呦、袁隆平，不是要你去工厂改进和革新生产线，不是教你去田间对水稻进行品种改良，更不是教你去拿起锄头、镰刀去开荒、去耕耘、去收获、去征服大自然、去攀登科学的高峰，而是教你去破坏、去跑到人家地主家里、人家爱迪生家里、比尔·盖茨家里、乔布斯家里、扎克伯格等等这些资产阶级家里去斗、去抢、去砸，教唆你“搞阶级斗争、砸碎旧世界”。马克思的东西给人类带来的不是创造、和平、友爱、繁荣，而是仇恨、贫困、灾难、毁灭，是无穷无尽的所谓“人斗人的其乐无穷”。幸好，习主席在访欧记者招待会中指出，橘生淮南为橘，淮北则为枳。说得好，想得妙！由此可见，我觉得习总是想告诉全世界人民，来自淮南——西方世界的马教并不适用在淮北——这片东方的土地。见证我们国家终将跟德国犹太人道别的那一刻，我会不胜欣慰。”08. practice is the sole yardstick of truth: 实践是检验真理的唯一标准09. Ceausescu: 齐奥塞斯库10. And our Chief Designer of Reform and Opening-up Deng Xiaoping also told us, what matters to a good cat is to catch mice instead of what color its body is: 而改革开放的总设计师邓小平告诉我们，不论黄猫、白猫，抓住耗子就是好猫。11. those who followed the United States have all become richer and richer: 那些跟着美国走的国家都变富了。12. And look what ex Vice President Wang Zhen said after visiting the United Kingdom - this country is just amazing and the only thing that it lacks of is the leadership of Communist Party; with that added on, it's already the ideal society of Communism: 再看看国家副主席王震在访英后说的话——这个国家太棒了，唯一缺少的东西就是共产党的领导，把这个一加，那英国就已经是共产主义社会了。13. confident in theory, confident in system, confident in path: 理论自信，制度自信，道路自信14. to wade across the river by feeling for stones on the riverbed: 摸着石头过河15. cosmos truth: 宇宙真理16. Yi Junqing: 衣俊卿 (查阅百度)17. Gong Zizhen: 龚自珍18. 'O Party! Bestire yourself,I beseech you,And recruit men of all the talents'.我劝共党重抖擞，不拘一格揽人才19. Miss Hatano: 波多野老师20. Miss Ozawa: 小泽老师21. Miss Aoi: 苍井老师22. Yang Lan: 杨澜23. Song Zuying: 宋祖英24. Ultra-leftist: 极左分子25. Mao-leftist: 毛左分子26. what will Mrs Grundy say: 别人会怎么说

"Do you think anti-corruption storm will save the Party?" Yang asked me in a low voice."Wow! That's a first." I replied in a lower voice."What?""The first time I see you ask such a serious question."Yang flattened her face and stared at me."Okay, okay. It's a good and sophisticated question. Honestly, I have no idea. Plus, I'm not a Communist. I think Nipple would give you a better answer.""But Nipple is not a formal Communist yet either.""I heard my name.""Oh nothing." Yang waved her hand."Actually I have something to tell." I didn't look Yang's way."Then tell openly to us all." Tingting demanded."Yah. One day I was on the GO train. Uh, GO means Golden Horseshoe region, Ontario. It's a transit system for Southern Ontario. By the way, the area of Ontario is little bigger than the sum of the areas of Shaanxi, Henan, Shandong, Jiangsu, Jiangxi, Zhejiang, Anhui, Beijing, Tianjin, and Shanghai.""Wow! That's huge." Yang commented."Yah. It is. So, a woman and her son around 5 years old came aboard and sat opposite to me, on the upper deck of the train. They are from northeast China, to be precise, Shenyang.""How did you know?" Zhen asked."The woman was on her cell-phone constantly and talked so loud that every one turned to look at her. I don't think she felt anything or sensed anything. She merely kept talking and talking. Very annoying.""What was she talking about on phone?""Hehe, she was like," I gestured holding a cell-phone by my ear and then gave play to my Manchurian dialect gift, "'Oh, I have been to Dalian. I also lived in Dalian for a while before. But I just couldn't get used to living in a small city. So I moved back from Dalian to Shenyang. Living in a big city is still my favourite.'""What?! Shenyang is a big city? I never know that." Zhen couldn't wait to comment."But at least Shenyang is the capital of Jilin." Yang argued."The capital of Jilin is Shenyang? Are you kidding me?" Zhen looked astonished."Then which city is the capital?" Yang asked."Harbin," answered Zhen. "How long haven't you been watching CCTV's weather report?""I've never watched that.""But at least we don't talk like we didn't receive proper junior high school education whereas we graduated from universities." Zhen suddenly talked to me, "why do you scratch your thigh so hard? What's wrong with your thigh?"I successfully turned emotionless the moment I raised my head to face her. "Nothing."All the others tried hard to control their countenance.To Yang and Zhen, outside our province was like overseas. Beside Shaanxi, they only knew something about Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, plus Hong Kong and Taipei. When they came back from travelling around in different provinces and cities, literally they could tell you nothing. Even when you picked up a photo they had taken by themselves and asked them where this place was or what name this historical site was called or in which city this park was, they could never tell. Their definition of travelling only limited to eating, drinking, sleeping, taking pictures, using bathrooms, and following the tourist guides so as not to get lost. Anything other than those were not their business. Fairly cute."Can I? Can I continue?""Yah. Yah.""And then, the woman began to talk about something between her and her husband. She was like, 'I said to my hubby, what the heck do they mean by the leaders must be the same as the masses? Why can't a leader be treated in a special way? If leaders are treated as masses and masses are treated as leaders, then who the hell are leaders and who the hell are masses after all? If leaders are not treated special, then what's the difference between leaders and masses? Leaders are leaders, masses are masses. It's always like this. Nice and easy. They don't get it, then they learn to get it. You well know, they always say leaders should shoulder more duties and responsibilities, then naturally, leaders should shoulder more profits at the same time. Isn't it always so? We are entitled to everything we are entitled to. So what's becoming a Communist leader for? Isn't it for some profits you make yourself, your wife, and your kid entitled to? What? ... Xi Jinping? Wang Qishan? ... F u c k it off! No worry. It's just a puff of wind. A gale. After the puff, everything will resume to what everything was. Thank god, my hubby was enlightened by my words long ago. How otherwise could I and my son be here today? Do I work? Of course not. I don't even speak English. Actually, I won't work even if I speak English. You know what, I've checked the life cost and level of prices here. To be honest with you, I won't have to work for at least 20 or 25 years. And who the heck knows where the heck I will be after 20 or 25 years? Actually I can simply live on the interests of the money I'm going to deposit in the bank or the dividends of the stock-fund I'm going to buy, forever, if I don't often go crazy shopping on those luxuries'.""That money can't be hers," Nipple broke in, "it must be our Chinese people's hard earnings.""Every cent of it." I nodded agreement."What did you do?""What did I do? Hehe. I did nothing but merely looked at that bitch in 'admiration'. Pardon me for the swearing word. Look, look, remember what she said? 'Isn't it for some profits you make yourself, your wife, and your kid entitled to?' Some profits? An adult with a kid living a life without working for 25 years is called 'some profits'. Damn it!""I swear to Confucius that if I were to come across that bitch, I would tell Wang Qishan on her," said Nipple."She and her husband are just teenie-tiny flies. There are still a whole bunch of big tigers waiting for Wang Qishan to catch ahead." Skinny reminded."Moreover, you don't have Wang's phone number. Actually, you don't even have Wang's subordinate's subordinate's number. Just how can you tell anything to him?" Fatty also asked. "Howsoever. No matter." Zhen answered on Nipple's behalf."But still, we don't have any clue other than the fact that we know it's a woman with a 5-year-old son from Shenyang. Maybe she lived in Dalian for certain period in the past, plus, her husband is corrupt official. That's it. That's all we know." Ling concluded."Oh, there's one more thing she mentioned."All turned to look at me."She said, 'even Li Peng's wife could take Rolex watch at extremely low price under the counter, then why can't we make profits for ourselves?' Does this help?""No, it doesn't help. Which Li Peng? Her husband's brother? Cousin? Boss? Any high official in Shenyang? Or ex premier? We don't know. There could be five millions of people named after Li Peng in China."Silence followed Ling's words."But how did she and her son get overseas from China with so much money?" Yang looked at me."I wish I could tell you.""How?" Skinny said, "'how' doesn't matter here, does it?""There are so many Communist officials who sent their wives and kids to the United States, Canada, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, and Britain. Those people never go abroad without money. At the same time, they give us a show and let us know how deep they are in love with our country, how loyal they are to the Party." Fatty further commented."And how clean their ass are," Zhen continued."And how little and tiny their properties are," added Yang.Tingting suddenly asked, "why are they so afraid of showing their properties to the public while other countries' public servants do?""Oh, because that doesn't apply to the specific situation of China. God! Why else? Once they show, the public will know their properties never match their salaries, and then Wang Qishan will come to kick their ass." Nipple took Wang as his hero."Are they proletariat or property hiders after all?" Skinny asked and gestured covering stuff."What? Proletariat? Oh my god. When did we hear this term last time? Before Pizza Hut entered into China?" Zhen waved a slice of pepperoni in her hand.Yang took a big gulp of beer. "F u c k them off.""Our home-class teacher had hoped that we would become hard workers for our society and patriots to our country." Ling took the floor now. "Somehow I think she can be proud of us now. We are what she expected us to be, generally. We haven't let her down, so she likes us.""Not me, not me. Miss Chen always hated me.""But you always made troubles for her." Tingting said."I made troubles for her? Excuse me. It's her who gave me hard time." I defended."But look what you had done to her. Nipple already told me."I turned to stare at Nipple."Chill, chill, buddy, chill." Nipple smiled to me. "It's already passed so many years. Who cares whatsoever any more?""What's that? What was it?" Now every one was asking, even including Ling."I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it." Tingting looked askew at me and prolonged her voice."Ignore him! Ignore him! Just say it." Zhen and Yang were hurrying Tingting."Go gossiping is not the core value of socialism." I spoke out loudly though I knew this sentence couldn't stop them."But you are someone hailing from capitalist country. Plus, as it is, I'm only gonna tell what took place. So!"Now my friends focussed all their attentions on Tingting as though she were the teacher giving them certain tips for upcoming exams."Remember that time, he got caught and punished by Miss Chen for he drew our English teacher into a nude woman on the English class?""Yes, yes." All echoed."And I remember the title of that drawing is The Woman of French Lieutenant, right?" Yang asked."No!" All shouted. "The title is Inclined Miss XXX.""The Woman of French Lieutenant is also a nude woman he drew, you are right about that. But it's Inclined Miss XXX that got him punished." Fatty clarified."Right, right, right. I mixed them up.""You shouldn't put the teacher's name in the drawing." Ling said to me."I didn't put her name there. I only wrote Miss XXX. How many times do I have to say this?""But every one knew XXX referred to our English teacher because that's the acronym of her full name." Zhen added. "And it's her in the drawing. That's all that mattered. Plus, you also falsified Miss Xiang's words into 'English class is finery art class. Drawing is allowed on my class' and put them in the drawing.""I didn't falsify anything. The two NOT's were actually blocked by her head in the drawing, what I wrote is, well, never mind.""There's no way you could escape from the charge.""And why did you use the word 'inclined'?" Ling asked again a question no one else had asked me before."If you go check those world famous art works, you will easily find those titles are always 'inclined this', 'inclined that'.""But Miss Chen really didn't know much about art. And you know she's quite conservative. To her, that word implied seducing and sex. Plus, you used XXX which obviously formed another charge against you in Miss Xiang's eyes because she's English teacher and she knew what that meant in English. So all these aggravated the penalty though these were still not the worst part.""The worst was," Skinny smiled, "buddy, you really shouldn't draw the two nipple rings on her.""We all thought this was very bad." Tingting said in a serious tone. "And Miss Xiang was a young teacher, just graduated from Normal University, and she was single. It hurt Miss Xiang badly.""But our home-class teacher should never have let Miss Xiang see that, first place." I argued. "And many thanks to you, Nipple.""You point your finger at me again? How many times do I have to explain to you that I already kicked the chair to warn you?""Yah! Yah! Yah! Maybe the tip of your shoe head touched the surface paint of my chair, but that's not kick!""But by the time I was trying to give another kick, she already moved away from the window and entered the door.""Where was your desk-mate that day?" Ling asked."She was sick at home. Otherwise, well, it was just a bad day that day. If such thing happened today, who would care what? Many years back, the whole society was not as open as today. Just like, if China had introduced the movie Grease in 1978, it could be a storm, a revolution, and an atomic bomb to high school students then. But today? Time just changed. Actually, a fortunate thing among these unfortunate things is, my dad was in the United States and didn't come back until 2 weeks later. So, I wasn't punished as badly as you guys thought I was.""Lying." Tingting said. "Otherwise you wouldn't have done that as retaliation to Miss Chen.""What did he do to Miss Chen?""Yah, yah, what happened after that?""Go on, go on."People got excited again."He stalked on Miss Chen and tailed all the way to her home. And he was very tired. Why? 'cause he ran and Miss Chen took ride on bike. But he successfully followed her unnoticed. Miss Chen parked her bike against the wall, and then opened the door to enter into her apartment which was on the first floor. No, he didn't do much this moment other than checking around and thinking how the whole operation should be optimized. Observation was important, patience was important, timing was important. So, he waited and waited. We all knew Miss Chen was Sichuan native. When the air was permeated with Sichuanese cuisine flavour, he knew it was time. Why? Because, first, Miss Chen was busy cooking and the chance she would come out was tiny. Second, the noise of stir-frying covered the sound outside, especially he knew how noisy cooking of Sichuanese cuisine was. But the smell was so irresistible that he almost gave up and intended to go home for food. However, his anger beat his hunger and the retaliation volition won. He walked struttingly to the bike as though no people were around and the bike were his. He lifted it up and laid the bike frame on his right shoulder. Why was he so fearless? Why didn't he worry about causing people's suspicion? Because, A. he thought he wasn't stealing, but merely shifting, and he was shifting something from Point X to Point Y. B. he wasn't carrying it away like bike thieves, but was carrying it i-n-t-o the apartment building instead, so this way, people's stereotype mind would tell every one around, 'oh, he just carries the bike upstairs back to his home or somewhere in the stairwell close to his apartment door like I do every day'. Honestly, we have to admit, he's a good actor. He acted with ease as an inhabitant of this community. And we still have to admit, the very insight and perception of a young artist is really something the people like us so much lack of. Oh crap! It was heavy. We all know Miss Chen's bike was a big Phoenix and it's a heavy-duty model. The second floor, then the third, then the fourth, stair after stair he ascended. If it was any of us, we would have given up. But him? No. Because fire of anger was burning in his chest. But in the meantime, he also complained that the design of the building staircase was so stupid because his father had once told him that the ratio between tread depth and rise height should be 9 : 5 while the ratio of the stairs he was now stepping on was 1 and it didn't have to be 24 steps in-between every two stories. Every joint linking the first flight of 12 steps and the second flight of 12 steps was a challenge because that place, as we all know, was always piled with stuffs or occupied by bikes giving the residents extremely limited room to pass through, many years ago. There was another question that kept bugging him - why does our home-class teacher ride such a bloody big bike, a bloody big heavy-duty bike while she is only 1.56 metre tall? When he reached at the flight joint between the fifth floor and the sixth floor, his energy depleted and his head spun. But right at that moment, Chairman Mao's instruction sounded up around his ears - when there's a will, there's energy...""Hey, I hate Mao. Why do you ...""Ssssh!" Yang slapped me on the thigh."Instantly, he was fully energized like automatically blood-refilled in web games. Nothing in the world could stop him now. Nothing. When he eventually completed the last flight and stepped on the sixth floor, sunshine, golden sunshine pierced through the clouds, through tall poplar trees' branches and leaves, through the grate of corridor windows, and spread on his victorious and wet face.""Lord!" I shook my head non-stop."Quiet." Demanded Zhen."Beside the ladder leading to the roofing hatch was there a space, fairly small, but big enough to accommodate 5 bikes. One by one he moved aside all the 4 bikes that were already there. Miss Chen's heavy-duty Phoenix was put innermost before everything got replaced. But in this process, his right foot instep accidentally hit the end of foldable stand of the Phoenix. Ouch! It hurt. It hurt so much that we saw him walk oddly the next day.""Where the heck is that from? I didn't ...""Focus." Yang slapped my thigh once again."That was the only bike Miss Chen and her husband had whereas her husband's company was very far and he had to take bus to go to work every day. As we all know, to a resident on the 1st floor, with nothing special or no important matter, who would bother to go to the sixth floor usually? Therefore, his conspiracy worked. As of that day, just as of that day, the small figure of our home-class teacher Miss Chen was seen walk to our school and walk back home in the wind and rain. In sympathy, the fellow students found a few extra grey hairs on Miss Chen's temples.""Can you stop?""Eight months later, Lunar New Year came. As per the customs of Spring Festival, Miss Chen and her husband paid New Year visit to the 17 neighbours from the 1st floor to the 6th floor like previous years. When the couple came to the 6th floor, Miss Chen surprisingly found her treasured Phoenix was right in the corner, quiet and dusty. She couldn't recall that she had ever done this. She explained to her husband that it wasn't her who had moved the bike here. The husband is a very nice man. He didn't complain to his wife at all after the bike was reported stolen. This moment, he didn't say a word but opened his arms. The couple hugged together affectionately as if a couple had found their lost baby.""You don't go to Hengdian? What a waste!" I swiftly shifted my thigh aside right after my words. Yang's third slap missed."The husband rolled up his sleeves to take the bike out and carried it back home. This time, the bike was carried inside. Why? Because they had to break the lock with certain tools as the key was long thrown away. Right on that Spring Festival, Miss Chen welcomed the second spring of her life."No matter her favourite classical literature work was Anna Karelina or was Gone With The Wind, reading, made Tingting so different from Zhen and Yang and made her close to Ling in spirit."This is hilarious!" Fatty shouted."What a pal!" Skinny reached over to punch me on the shoulder."Thank you Tingting. Nipple, you told this to Tingting, but didn't tell us? All right, I will bear this in mind.""Fine, fine, fine."Fatty ignored Nipple and said to me. "And you. Thanks a lot for telling Nipple and not telling Skinny and me.""Buddy, I just didn't want to get more people involved into this. What if I had got caught?""So amusing! But how did you know all the details? Like the key thing, like Miss Chen's husband thing?" Zhen asked Tingting."Miss Chen mentioned those to Nipple's mom when they both attended the teachers meeting at school together. The hug is my imagination by the way, but it's logical."Zhen turned to me. "Had you told me all these early, you could have been my idol, my hero for all these years. I was never aware there was a criminal among us. How exciting!""I didn't commit any crime. That's not a crime!""Oh, don't be too modest! Here," Zhen raised her beer, "cheers to juvenile delinquent!"Yang immediately lifted hers. "To juvenile delinquent!" Notes:01. Zhen suddenly talked to me, "why do you scratch your thigh so hard? What's wrong with your thigh?": 阿臻突然对我说：“你为啥使劲挠大腿？你大腿咋了？”02. I said to my hubby, 'what the heck do they mean by the leaders must be the same as the masses? Why can't a leader be treated in a special way? If leaders are treated as masses and masses are treated as leaders, then who the hell are leaders and who the hell are masses after all? If leaders are not treated special, then what's the difference between leaders and masses? Leaders are leaders, masses are masses. It's always like this. Nice and easy. They don't get it, then they learn to get it.' You well know, they always say leaders should shoulder more duties and responsibilities, then naturally, leaders should shoulder more profits at the same time. Isn't it always so? We are entitled to everything we are entitled to. So what's becoming a Communist leader for? Isn't it for some profits you make yourself, your wife, and your kid entitled to? What? ... Xi Jinping? Wang Qishan? ... F u c k it off! No worry. It's just a puff of wind. A gale. After the puff, everything will resume to what everything was. Thank god, my hubby was enlightened by my words long ago. How otherwise could I and my son be here today? Do I work? Of course not. I don't even speak English. Actually, I won't work even if I speak English. You know what, I've checked the life cost and level of prices here. To be honest with you, I won't have to work for at least 20 or 25 years. And who the heck knows where the heck I will be after 20 or 25 years? Actually I can simply live on the interests of the money I'm going to deposit in the bank or the dividends of the stockfund I'm going to buy, forever, if I don't often go crazy shopping on those luxuries'.: 我就对我老公缩（说），‘他们缩（说）领导要和群众一个样算啥意思啊？领导凭蛤（啥）不能特苏（殊）对待？雨果（如果）把领导荡（当）成群众，群众荡（当）成领导，那特么到底谁似（是）领导、谁似（是）群众啊？雨果（如果）领导不能特苏（殊）对待，那领导和群众害（还）有蛤（啥）区别啊？领导就似（是）领导，群众就似（是）群众。自古如耻（此）。简单明了。他们没嫩（弄）明白，就让他们学着去嫩（弄）明白。’你很了解的，他们总缩（说），领导干部要分担更多的义务和责任。那不就得了，领导干部也硬（应）该分担更多地（的）利益。可不似（是）咋？我们该拿我们该拿的，该得我们该得的。要不然捏（呢），咱当官似（是）为了个蛤（啥）？不就似（是）为你自己、为你老婆、孩子甑（整）点儿该得地（的）福利么？啥？……习 近 平？王 岐 山？……扯犊子吧！不用担心。仄（这）就似（是）阵风儿。刮会儿。风一刮过，一切造（照）旧，该似（是）蛤（啥）玩意儿害（还）似（是）蛤（啥）玩意儿。谢谢老天爷，我老公被我开窍的早。要不延（然），我和我儿子今天哪能在仄旮捏（这里呢）？。我工作不？当然不啦。我连个英文都不会。其笥（实）吧，即便我会英文，我都不去工作。你猜咋，我已经看了一下仄旮（这里）的僧（生）活开销和物价。老笥（实）跟你缩（说），二笥（十）或二笥（十）五年我都不用工作。再缩（说），谁又兹（知）道二笥（十）或二笥（十）五年以后我又在哪？其笥（实），雨（如）果缩（说），我不去经常买那个蛤（啥）、那个蛤（啥）、那个色次品（奢侈品）蛤（啥）玩意儿的，我就把钱前存银行里、再买些股票基金、就靠糍（吃）利息和糍（吃）分红就够了。03. Are they proletariat or property hiders after all?: 他们到底是无产阶级还是捂产阶级？04. home-class teacher: 班主任05. Go gossiping is not the core value of socialism: 八卦不是社会主义核心价值观06. Inclined Miss XXX: 《斜倚的XXX老师》07. But right at that moment, Chairman Mao's instruction sounded up around his ears - when there's a will, there's energy...: 然而就在这时，毛主席的教导在他耳边响起——“世上无难事，只要肯登攀”。08. "... When he eventually completed the last flight and stepped on the sixth floor, sunshine, golden sunshine pierced through the clouds, through tall poplar trees' branches and leaves, through the grate of corridor windows, and spread on his victorious and wet face.""Lord!" I shook my head non-stop."Quiet." Demanded Zhen.“……当他登完最后一段台阶，踏上六层楼的时候，阳光，金色的阳光穿过那云层，穿过那高大杨树的枝叶，穿过走廊上的窗棂，照在他胜利的、浸透汗水的脸上。”“卧靠！”我不停地摇头。“别吭气儿！”阿臻喝道。09. "... As of that day, just as of that day, the small figure of our home-class teacher Miss Chen was seen walk to our school and walk back home in the wind and rain. In sympathy, the fellow students found a few extra grey hairs on Miss Chen's temples.""Can you stop?"“……从那一天起，就从那一天起，我们看到我们的班主任陈老师那矮小的身影，风里来、雨里去的走路来学校上班，又走路下班回家。同学们心疼地发现，陈老师的两鬓增添了几许白发。”“你够了没？”10. "You don't go to Hengdian? What a waste!" I swiftly shifted my thigh aside right after my words. Yang's third slap missed.: “你不去横店，可惜了！”我一说完话，立刻把大腿一闪，阿扬的第三下没拍着。

Mussolini hadn't conquered the world. But pizza had. I could easily tell how delicious it must be to all my friends. They didn't even waste a crumb of the crust. Every bite was an enjoyment. Every bite was a blessing. Or to mimic the tone of our Party, every bite was an enormous superiority of Socialist society. Now I finally realized that pizza was not particularly ordered for me, but for themselves, or to be fair, I should say, for all. Nevertheless, I was amused, I was glad, super glad."Oh, sorry. I forget the other thing Nipple told me. Guess who did what to Miss Xiang the day she was late for ...""Okay, okay, let's not talk about old things, tedious things back in school. Guys, you wanna know what happened on the train afterwards? I mean, the Shenyang woman and her son.""Yah, yah." Yang responded."What happened next?" asked Zhen.I thanked the two tomboys in my deep heart. But I would really have to have a private talk to Nipple later."Did you talk to her?" Nipple's voice turned serious instantly."No, I didn't. She was on the phone all the time. And in a moment, her son began to be yelling, screaming, kicking, and smashing stuffs non-stop.""Didn't that woman say anything to her son?" Ling and Tingting proposed the same question."No. Not a single word. It was truly annoying. You know, I always try to understand people. People can do whatever they want to do and I don't give a shit as long as others are not bothered. At the beginning, I tried to understand this Shenyang woman and her son, and I believe the people around did the same. For example, maybe you talk loudly for a minute or even shout on the phone for 30 seconds, and then you are done, that could be kind of acceptable. Every one has something unusual coming up once in a while. That's understandable. But still, we are people, we are human beings, we consider many things that the animals don't consider. Aboard the train, people were reading, thinking, dozing, resting, watching the views outside, chatting in a considered voice, and even working on something in their laptops. That woman and her son never stopped and never took a break. They were so noisy that whenever I looked up, I found the passengers around looked our way and shot them ugly looks. I think I also saw Zha Jianying there, sitting not far from me. I think it's her though not hundred percent sure.""Which Zha Jianying?" Yang asked."A female writer and an old guess to Dou Wentao's Talk Show Behind the Headlines with Wentao on Phoenix TV channel." Ling answered on my behalf."I know about her. She has a special brother. So you saw her?" Fatty said."I think it was her when she also turned to look our way and check out who the heck was doing that phone talk.""Did you go to her to say a hi?" "No, I didn't." I replied to Zhen. "Because it would be weird.""As you mentioned, all others were doing this, doing that, but what were you doing on the train?" Tingting also asked, seeming to have forgot the topic she was about to trigger."Me? I was doing sudoku. But the woman talked so loud and her son was so noisy that I couldn't focus myself on it. By the way, I was doing devil level sudoku. And the boy accidentally kicked me on the knee several times. He yelled, kicked around, punched around, and smashed his stuffs like he was on his huge tantrums all the time.""Did his mother see him kick you?" said Tingting."Yah, she saw that at least twice, but said no word to her son.""Did you tell the boy to stop?""No.""Did you tell that woman?""No.""What did you do then?""Yah, what did you do with that venal official's son?" Nipple asked after Tingting's inquires."Ha! I know. You gave him a punch back." Zhen gestured with her fist."And a kick back?" added Yang."How did you two know that? Holy! Clairsentience and clairaudience! Just know everything across the ocean. Amazing! Yes, I punched, kicked, punched, kicked, and threw the boy out of the window. What the heck are you talking about? That's only an ill-behaved kid. Yah, maybe a kid like that deserves a lesson, but not a punch or a kick. I hate those parents beating kids more than I hate those parents spoiling their kids. I hate any act of violence on kids. Even if we want to teach an ill-behaved kid a lesson, we should teach it nicely, not punch and kick.""So what's the lesson you nicely prepared for that one?" Ling asked."I took out a bag of Maltesers and a bag of M & M chocolate candy from my bag. I'm not a person very much into those stuffs, but I always put some chocolate goodies in my bag and usually I don't eat them. They were put there just in case and I hardly thought of eating them. When I opened M & M first and poured out a dozen of chocolate candies on my palm, god, the boy instantly quieted down and sat still. Honestly, M & M was never something special to me, but that moment, my eyes were bedazzled as much as the boy's eyes were by the lovely colors of the candies. That Shenyang woman also ended her phone talk and looked at me. I put the chocolate candies into my mouth one by one and closed my eyes to feel every message M & M tried to deliver to its customer. The boy and the woman could see how sweet the smile on my face was. When I completed the first handful of the chocolate candies, I put the M & M bag on the seat beside my thigh and opened Maltesers. Unlike M & M chocolate candies, you don't have to bite Maltesers. All you need to do is just shrink the room of your oval cavity. When the first cocoa ball was put into my mouth uttering the very sound of crunch, I myself was completely amazed with the indescribable feeling I had never had. Crunch by crunch, I ate, tasted, and got intoxicated. And I let M & M and Maltesers play the role alternately. People around looked this way because they found the woman and the boy both turned silent and it must be something happening. People giggled, whispered, and smiled to me. The woman and the boy didn't say a single word or make a sound until they got off the train 10 minutes later at the next station while I was still crunching."All laughed out loud."It's, it's, it's just ..." Yang seemed trying to find an appropriate word to describe how she felt."This is much worse than a punch and a kick. Oh I love it!" commented Zhen."His parents didn't teach him. Someone else did." Fatty said."The kid of that corrupt official parents deserved every bit of it!" shouted Nipple. "I feel much much better. I no longer worry about how to tell anti-corruption department on that bitch now.""A great lesson for us all!" Tingting said. "Going forward, we know how to handle similar situations now.""Look, I didn't mean to do that, even to an ill-behaved boy. But at thought of his corrupt parents, I couldn't help. I think even Wang Qishan would say I did that right.""Of course! You did it right, buddy!" Nipple and Fatty replied."That served them right!" Zhen and Yang said simultaneously."Well done, buddy! Awesome!" Skinny raised the bottle."It's part of anti-corruption action and it's patriotism!" Ling concluded and I tried hard not to laugh. She raised her beer. "Here."Then Tingting did the same. Then all."Cheers!" A flight of twittering sparrows flew by outside the window. Wu Da in the TV hit my sight."Hey, buddy," I nodded to Nipple, "this guy did exist in history.""Really?" Tingting was interested."Yes, his name is Wu Zhi." Ling explained. "But not as short as described in the novel. A very nice guy.""I don't even know his name. I only know this figure does exist. You are good." I nodded agreement.Zhen turned to take a look at the TV set. "Boring.""Actually the character image design for Ximen Qing is very stupid here. He pins a flower on his head all the time." said Fatty."No, I think it's Okay." Skinny disagreed with Fatty. "Because, in Water Margin, the executioner Cai Qing also pins a flower on his head.""But are we talking about Cai Qing or are we talking about Ximen Qing?"The two pals started to argue again. They always argued with each other for nothing. As far as I remembered, they started doing that as of the very first day they got known to each other many years ago and they wouldn't stop doing that until their great grandsons were one hundred and one years old. I never knew how much time Nipple and I had spent on our efforts on stopping them doing that."Hey, what's Ximen Qing's sobriquet in Water Margin?" Nipple tried to stop their dispute."Edisen Chen of Yanggu county."My answer rocked the table."Look, what's that?" I asked, pointing at the TV. "Look, look. See? That woman's name is Jinlian (gold lilies in English). Obviously, the author has delivered the clear information that she has a pair of tiny feet which certainly means she is very sexy as per traditional Chinese men's weird fetish value dominating our country for a thousand years. But look how big the actress' feet are.""Yah, you are right," agreed Fatty."Don't be too picky. How can you find an actress with a pair of feet as tiny as 10 centimetres nowadays?" questioned Tingting."At least not that big, like this one. The director can use a stand-in's feet." Skinny tilted his head to the TV. "And look, that foot is even longer than Ximen Qing's face. How could that be sexy in Song Dynasty? The author must be crying.""Bound feet system in old China is very bad." Ling said in a serious tone. "It's simply a torture to all Chinese women.""I agree. But," I touched my nose tip, "I'm afraid Professor Tomson Ku had a whole set of theory to justify that just like he had a whole set of tea-pot versus tea-cups theory to justify old China's concubinage system.""Oh I hate that old fogy." Ling said. "Don't think because he came back with some knowledge and education to China from overseas, and then his theory was right.""I hate him too." Tingting echoed."I like him." said Skinny."Me too." Fatty confirmed."Don't make troubles for yourselves." Zhen said when Yang still seemed to try to figure out whom Professor Ku was."But why did tiny feet mean attractive? Do you guys think bound feet are really sexy?" Ling spoke out her confusion. "I just can't understand ancient Chinese men.""Why? Hehe, I have no idea," said Nipple."Yah, that's also my question," followed Tingting.Skinny shook his head. The girls turned to look at me."Ok, can I pretend that I know?" I made face to them."I don't know either. But," Fatty scratched his cheek a bit and continued, "I believe Yang must be very sexy with a pair of tiny feet.""Watch your tongue or I will simply kick you to death." Yang eventually used her high school pet phrase."Sorry, sorry, I triggered the topic, it's my fault or partly it's that actress's fault or we should say it's the director's fault. We shouldn't have come to this sophisticated topic. So," I raised the beer. "Cheers to Pan Jinlian's big feet!""Cheers!" The boys instantly echoed, but only the boys, this time. "Nipple, yesterday, I found a tiny factory, well, not a factory, but a small workshop, just a few simple bungalows.""Where is it?""Just half kilometre away from our school.""West to our school?""Right.""Yes, I know it. That's a private-owned workshop.""Well, it must be. But the problem is, I found people were still using electro-slag welding there and the ambient surroundings and conditions were very bad. Such welding only goes with proper protections and is strictly controlled to use in United States and Canada because of its contamination. But we are still using it with loose protective measures? I mean, they, the people in that private-owned workshop.""In large-scale state-run enterprises, environment and working protection is kind of okay, but I don't think many small private-owned workshops care that much. If you want to know the details for anything related to fabrication and welding, ask Skinny because his father-in-law owns a small fabrication factory about 5 kilometres away from here.""Does that factory do welding?" I asked Skinny."Yes, some. The protection, I would say, is kind of okay.""Then your father-in-law must be a good friend to Fatty's father 'cause his father is the manager of heat treatment workshop.""He was." Fatty clarified. "He retired last year.""No use. Even when Fatty's father didn't retire, my father-in-law always complained the quotation and pricing from his father were too high and too expensive for tempering and normalizing.""What could he do? He was not the one who could decide what was how much in the state-run enterprise." Fatty defended for his retired father."Okay, okay," Skinny dried the bottle in his hand, "that's why my father-in-law sent those welded parts to other places for heat treatment, and also for ultrasonic test with better prices.""How is your father-in-law's factory going?" Fatty asked."It's going.""Eventually, our Skinny will be the heir for the property. Right, Skinny?" Nipple smiled to him."Let's not talk about that." Skinny turned to unlid another bottle of beer."Yah. Let's find something more interesting to talk about." Zhen proposed."Sure. Look, I never repeat gossips. So now, listen carefully." Yang lowered her voice. "Yesterday afternoon I saw Ah Gang in ...""Wait! Which Ah Gang?" Zhen cut her out."Oh come on, the one who twined his dickie with iron wire at home and his entertainment was accidentally seen by his neighbour and also my desk-mate Nana when she walked into the door left ajar and came to ask Ah Gang for a pencil sharpener. You forgot?""Oh yah yah yah, that's when we were 9 years old. Go on, go on.""Ling, any boiled water and tea in the kitchen? Just let me know where." I stood up. To quote someone's saying - if you want to know a nation's comprehensive quality, check out their kitchens and bathrooms. Ling's parents' kitchen was nice and tidy."I also need a cup of tea myself." Ling followed me into the kitchen. "I'm kind of curious. You don't know know LV bag?""I didn't say that.""Well, there's another high-end brand for bags. It's called Ai Ma Shi. You know, right?""Yah, I guess. How to spell it in English?""It's, uh, H-e-r-m-e-s.""If it's not Belgian one, then it must be French brand, because the first letter H is silent.""Yes, it's French one. I'm not a fan so much into luxuries. But sometimes I take a peek.""Oh yah? You know what, I make bag with recyclable materials myself.""You do? Show me.""All right. I will e-mail you the pictures. You know I'm an art fan. I used those cases for chewing gums as the material for making bags.""That's interesting. Can't wait to see.""Yah. You will. Hey, could you do me a favour?" I lowered my voice a bit. "Uh, I bought Miss Chen and Miss Xiang something from Canada, I mean, some health care products for old people. I know Miss Xiang is relatively young. But still, those are good for her health. Oh, they are particularly good for osteoporosis prevention.""Osteoporosis?" Ling put the kettle on the gas stove and turned the fire on."Yah, I noticed they both got a little humpbacked when I saw them from a distance last time, especially Miss Chen, she even turned shorter.""Well, the hobby of art really gave you a pair of observer's eyes. You are right about that. But I can't help. I mean, I shouldn't help. You got to do it yourself. Sorry.""Oh come on. Don't be mean.""I'm not being mean." She opened the cupboard. "It's just something you'd better do it yourself. Don't you get it?""Fine. I can ask Tingting to do me the favour.""I'm pretty sure Tingting would say exactly the same thing to you. And you know Tingting would.""Serious? You don't want to help me? Look, I'm busy, uh, I have things to do, I have relatives to visit, and I have things to do.""You said 'I have things to do' twice. Where did my parents put it? Ah, here." She reached to take out a tea can from deep inside of the cupboard. "See? Jasmine tea. Your favourite.""Will you help or not?"Ling opened the lid. "Smell it."I stayed put."Mmmmmm. Fragrance of jasmine tea is really something that can change people's mind. Hmm. I won't help unless ...""Unless what?" I looked at her."You tell me who did what to Miss Xiang that day." Ling opened another cupboard and took out a tea pot and two tea cups."Look, many different people did many different thing to Miss Xiang many different days or even in a day. How am I supposed to know all those or which one did what on which day to Miss Xiang?""But you know the very one I'm talking about. Very well. I can ask Tingting and you lose your chance.""Okay, fine. I went to Miss Xiang's dormitory building. I tied a knot on the door handle of her dormitory with one end of a rope and tied another knot on the door handle of the opposite dormitory with the other end of the rope. The rope was straightened and tightened so that neither door could be pulled open. And those doors were designed to open inward. That's why she was late for ...""How dare you?! What if there was a fire?""I'm sorry.""What if in the opposite dormitory lived a 9-month pregnant woman?""I'm sorry. But, that's a single's dormitory building.""What did you say?""I'm sorry. I mean, that's a single's dormitory building is what was in my mind by then, not by now. I know I was wrong, I was naive, I was immature, and I was teenager.""But why did you do that to Miss Xiang?""Why else? When Miss Chen notified my mom of coming to the school, Miss Xiang told my mom many other things I had done. But those things were totally irrelative to this case.""Many other things totally irrelative to this case? Like what?""Like," I quickly picked the most minor one, "she said to my mom that she often heard me speak the English words of 'do you, do you' at school. She told my mom that it was very bad to say that when girls were beside. But I explained to my mom that I was learning English, as an English saying goes, practice makes perfect, I was merely practising speaking English, and actually it was not from me, it was from Michael Jackson. He kept saying 'do you, do you' in his Remember The Time. That's where I had got that from. None of them could understand how hard I was trying to learn English.""What did your mom say?""She said, 'yah! You are trying so hard to learn English that I'm even called by your home-class teacher and your English class teacher to come over to the school!' And Miss Xiang also told my mom that she had overheard me say to the classmates that Miss Xiang had already got an older look than her age and her permed hair had worsened her situation. She said to my mom that she didn't mind that, but to comment on other women was very rude, especially to a boy doing that.""What did you say to your mom?""I explained to my mom that it's not true, I wasn't commenting on her, I was merely telling the truth, and from the artistic view, she shouldn't have permed her hair because she had a pair of small eyes, plus her permed hair had truly made her much older and made her 52 instead of 25, so that was an artistic comment.""What did your mom say then?""'Who the heck wants to hear your shitty artistic comment in this world after all?' Well," I sighed heavily. "Miss Xiang just had nothing better to do, but simply enjoyed making an art fan's miserable situation worse.""But you shouldn't have drawn a nude her first place, and shouldn't have drawn the two ... and I'm not gonna repeat the worst thing you did. It's too much. Tieing Miss Xiang's door is bad, ugly, and nasty.""I know I was wrong. I was just as silly and naive as Gillian Chung." I sighed again. "But who else in this world didn't have a dirty period of history in the past?"Ling turned her body and then couldn't help laughing."Where did your parents get this tea set? So pretty, so elegant.""Yah, pretty, eh?" Ling put a spoonful of tea leaves into the pot."And it's china, right?""Yes, china. They were presented by the neighbour who moved away. Oh crap!""What?"Ling turned to look at me. "Both Miss Chen and Miss Xiang moved. I don't know their new addresses.""What a cunning stud! You just purposely hooked my story out.""Serious. You can go ask Nipple, Tingting, or Fatty, just any of them if you don't believe me. All we know is they bought new apartment. But we don't know exactly where. It's said that Miss Xiang's apartment is not far from her school. Oh, forgot to tell you. Miss Xiang transferred to teach in the school in New City District because her husband's parents live there.""Where's her husband?""He resigned, and it's said that he's running a business, something related to construction materials. That's what I heard a few years ago.""And Miss Chen?""She retired. You know it, right?""Crap!"The kettle beeped. I helped switch fire off while Ling poured boiled water into the pot and then lidded it."But don't worry. We can always try to find them. The expiry dates of those stuffs aren't tomorrow, right?""Right, not tomorrow, but yesterday. No, I jest. But I hope we will eventually find them.""We will. By the way, who is the Italian you mentioned just now?""Who's the, oh, I see whom you are asking. Ennio Morricone. I have to admit, he can beat Beethoven in certain aspects. I would still say the same even Herr Beethoven is standing in front of me right now.""I know about Ennio Morricone not just because he came to China for his concerts, but because of Once Upon A Time In America.""There you go. Hey, thanks for your mom's dim sum, I mean, spring rolls. And thank you for all these.""Oh, come off it. But literally you ate nothing. You only ate one spring roll and didn't even eat out a slice of pizza.""I ate too much for my late breakfast.""Do you often eat late breakfast on Saturday mornings in Canada?""I mean, usually I don't sleep over. I just watched certain TV series of Resistance War very late last night. Actually, you can't imagine how much I eat and drink for every Saturday morning breakfast.""I know everything on the menu of McDonald's breakfast.""Oh no, not that. Okay, here's my recipe. The food? A French loaf sliced into 5 buns, each of which is cut into halves from the middle and applied with nutella, strawberry jam, marble cheese, cream cheese, and low fat cheese or sometimes peanut butter respectively; an omelette made of two eggs seasoned with a little black pepper sprinkled on, and finger carrots purposely placed to make a smiling face on the omelette, and above the carrots are two strips of bacon as hairs to form a girl's head altogether. The drink? A small mug of orange juice, a small mug of Lipton green tea, a small mug of hazelnut-flavoured coffee, a medium mug of spring water, a big mug of English tea; and two scoops of ice yogurt with two lychees in a glass cup. So I have meat - bacon, I have eggs - omelette, I have veggie - carrots, starch - buns, fruit - lychee, diary products - yogurt and cheese, plus orange juice, tea, coffee, and water, as well as Jerry Goldsmith. What else do I miss for the breakfast for an art fan, cooking fan, and music fan like myself?""I knew you were kind of crazy before. But I don't know you still maintain the good habit of going crazy now.""And every Sunday, I make myself a big glass dish of fruit salad, almost as big as a basin. Of course I finish all of them in 3 times. Usually I lay Roman lettuce leaves at the bottom because I need them for the background color of fruit salad. Then, with my art passion, I cut and slice watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, orange, grapefruit, kiwi, and mango into nice shapes in an art way, and place them on the Roman lettuce leaves in the big glass dish, dotted with strawberries, raspberries, grapes, and a few slices of lemon or lime. I squeeze the lemon and let the juice drop on various fruits, you know what, the mixed taste is unbelievable when I eat them together with Roman lettuce. And the background music is the most favourite music of Shaanxi peasants - Shaanxi opera Three Drops of Blood, when I'm eating.""You are truly weird.""I know. But every one is weird once in a while in this world. The only difference between me and all the others is, I'm weirder.""No more comments.""But don't you think Three Drops of Blood is as musical as Italian song Funiculi Funicula?""To please you, I do. Where did my parents put chocolate wafer sticks?" Ling opened the kitchen cabinets one by one. "Ah, there they are. Here. Pick one.""Thanks. Hey, I'm really impressed by Nipple, Fatty, Tingting, and every one, I mean, do you see how every one love pizza? Even Skinny. He doesn't eat a lot usually. But look what he is doing now in front of pizza. Every one is like, well, I don't know what to say. Uh, the moment they saw pizza, every one's eyes were radiated with lewdness.""Lewdness is not a right word to define the situation here. You really need to improve your Chinese language now.""But look, Hua Qianfang could use 'Sima Zhao's intent' that way, why can't I use lewdness this way?"(Note for non-Chinese readers: the quote of Hua Qianfang, Vice Chairman of Writers Association of Fushun City - China's resolution to lead the time of information is already a Sima Zhao's intent. In Chinese language, an idiom goes: Sima Zhao's intent is well-known by each and every pedestrian. The thing is, in the history, Sima Zhao's intent is an ill-intent. So this Chinese idiom is only used to describe those conspiracy wagers. As such, people wonder if Hua Qianfang intends to warn the whole world - "Be careful. China's resolution to lead the time of information is Sima Zhao's intent and every body knows".)"You do know what's happening here." Ling beamed. "All right, you can, you can. But, if you really want to use our language like he does, it's all up to you.""I just don't understand those people.""Tea is now ready to serve. Here." Ling poured a cup of tea for me and another for her own."That guy even wrote a novel.""Do you mean the one he posted on Tianya Club website?""Yes, and the name is, is, ...""Our Journey Is Star And Sea," reminded Ling."Right. Look, the name, I mean the novel name is obviously pirated from Japanese writer Tanaka Yoshiki's novel and also Japanese anime Legend of Galactic Heroes: My Conquest is the Sea of Stars.""Wait. If Brecht can pirate the book name of Yuan Dynasty's Li Xingdao's The Chalk Circle for his play The Caucasian Chalk Circle, then Hua Qianfang can do that for sure.""Which Brecht?""Bertolt Brecht, the author of Der gute Mensch von Sezuan (The Good Person of Szechwan in English).""Oh yah? Then that is to say, I can also pirate the idea of Thomas Hardy's book name? Like The Return of the Native? Or maybe I can ony use Hometown Visit? Because I want to write one.""Of that I'm certain, you can even use the exactly same name or title for your book, story, or novel as long as the content is not the same.""I heard of Der gute Mensch von Sezuan, but honestly, I don't know much about Brecht, The Caucasian Chalk Circle, Li Xingdao, and his The Chalk Circle. See? You read much more than I did.""If that's true, then just a few books more.""Well, at least I keep reading and try to catch up with you one day. Oh, talking about reading, I was very upset because I got scolded by my parents again, yesterday.""What happened?""I merely mentioned to them that I really doubted the thing announced in an article I once read on Sina, or 163, or Sohu, or maybe ifeng. I can't tell exactly which website, I forgot.""But what's the thing?""The article says President Xi loved reading when he was very young. And the article even gives out a list of President Xi's readings which includes a novel called Les Chouans. I told my parents, the book Les Chouans was not published during those days, how possibly was President Xi supposed to read that? They got ticked off at my words right away. They told me, 'before the Cultural Revolution, a book called Parti Chouans in Chinese translation was published, that is Les Chouans, although the text is in traditional Chinese character, although the text arrangement layout is vertical instead of horizontal, although the copies of the book's impression is extremely limited, although the probability this book emerged in that tiny Liang's Creek reader's room in the remote and barren mountain area is extremely low, still, it should be believed that President Xi had read this book for sure.'Then they threatened me and said that going forward, if I were to doubt President Xi again, they would go out for square dancing. I was instantly freaked out at the words and swore to them that I dare not doubt anything of President Xi again in future."When Ling laughed badly, she was not as pretty as when she smiled."Your parents really believe in him. So do my parents.""Yah, I know. Actually I like Wang Qishan much much more. He is very intelligent, capable, and open-minded. But why are we here? We are off the track. What's the previous topic again?""Hua Qianfang or copying ideas something.""Oh yah. Thanks. I mean, even piracy or copying ideas requires intelligence. The original meaning of that Japanese book means that I'm going to conquer the sea of stars. That all makes sense. Because the structure of Tanaka's novel name My Conquest is the Sea of Stars is like, C is B of A. But look at Hua's novel name. 'Star and Sea' are two nouns and two concepts which are parallel to each other in grammar structure, like A and B, as object in Chinese or as predicative in English. So the structure of Hua Qianfang's novel name goes, C is A and B.""Or maybe he's trying to use the structure - C is AB, whereas A modifies B?""Ok, if he went with the structure 'C is AB', then the name would be Our Journey is Star Sea rather than Our Journey is Star and Sea. There is a difference between Star Sea and Star and Sea. In the phrase Star Sea, the word Star is for modifying the word Sea whereas in the phrase Star and Sea, the word Star is parallel to the word Sea instead of modifying the word Sea. Right?""Right.""But when he goes with C is A and B, then problems poses here. Journey is something linear, though not necessarily straight. So when we define a journey, we use a linear-natured or linear-related word because it's logical. But see? Star is something dotty while sea is something planar. So the book is trying to tell people that something linear is actually something dotty plus something planar? I always think, comparing to others, my Chinese language is horrible and even the worst among the people after these years and I also have told you guys so, right? But now Hua Qianfang comes out to prove I was lying."At my words, Ling's tea cup was shaking so hard that she had to put it down on the kitchen counter. "All right. Let's not talk about that any more.""Well, no wonder Nipple worries so much. Hua might be a good guy, but, well, just don't know what to say.""Just leave it. Hey, you know what happened to Zhen and Yang, right?""I know, I know. Not all, but some. Nipple and Tingting already told me. That's why I'm very kind to them. What am I talking about? I'm always very kind, nice, and friendly to them. I was, I am, and I will continue to be though occasionally their words might be kind of bugging, to certain extent.""Occasionally?""Well, sometimes, but just kind of bugging, not hideously repugnant. Sometimes they are kind of rude, but not ill-purposed, sometimes they are kind of over-relaxed, but not frivolous or giddy. Still, they are both good people. They are just special and sometimes don't know what they are doing.""I'm glad you say so. But I still remember, you were not always nice to them when we were back in school. Occasionally, you played your tricks to them as well.""Where in the world is this from? I was always nice to them.""Remember, you used to say to them 'oh you look like a picture'?""So?""But you never said a picture of what. Don't think you are the only one reading To Kill A Mockingbird. Moreover, behind them, did you once say they looked like a picture of fauvism?"I really wanted to give a special thank to Nipple. "That's just a tongue slip. Like, I was jesting. I didn't mean what I said. And fauvism is also art after all, isn't it?""Is that so? Well, for your information, I didn't mention it to any one. So, the story ends here.""Thanks.""But ...""But what?" I stopped sipping."Did you draw a picture entitled 'All the girls in Class 3 expect my emergence in the dreams'?""You know what, just tell the police, if anything bad happens to Nipple in the future, I'm responsible for that.""Sure, I will be more than happy to help. Oh, by the way, you know how much the mouthful of liquor you spat out costs? Well, friendship is never something that can be measured and evaluated by money, but Nipple is a very good friend to you.""Can I ever hide anything from your eyes? You are right and I know Nipple is a very good pal, but I don't know why I still feel like tearing Nipple's mouth bigger, just a little bigger. Well, Zhen's reminder is right, I'm not Zhou Yu.""You are not. I know, generally, you are nice and kind to Zhen and Yang. You see, they just talk to people their way. That's what it is. Actually, both Zhen and Yang like you.""Do they?" I brushed my hair back to get a better look. "Uh, excuse me, where's the mirror here?""Who would put a mirror in the kitchen?" Ling took a sip of the tea."Oh no, I mean, I just wanna take a glance at the as-beautiful-as-a-flower me."Splash! Ling spewed all the mouthful of tea out into the exquisite glass sink."But serious, don't you think mirrors should be provided available everywhere just for the devastatingly handsome people like me?""What on earth has Canada done to you?" Ling pulled out a napkin tissue to wipe her mouth and chin. "What a pity! Zhen and Yang missed it. But honestly, just now, your 'Marshall points out, Marshall emphasizes, Marshall points out' really amused me.""Ha! You are amused? But look, every time you watch CCTV or read the release of Xinhua News Agency or read the People's Daily, it's like this A-B-A pattern - Jiang Zemin points out, Jiang Zemin emphasizes, Jiang Zemin points out, and then Hu Jintao points out, Hu Jintao emphasizes, Hu Jintao points out, and now Xi Jinping points out, Xi Jinping emphasizes, Xi Jinping points out, always this pattern, always this stereotype, forever and ever, never change, never feel bored. You see, 90 percent of the time, I speak English there, but I always love my mother tongue and I always consider Chinese language is one of the most beautiful and intelligent languages in this world. Look what CCTV and Xinhua News Agency have done. They've made our beautiful Chinese language ugly. When you turn on your radio, you turn on your TV, pick up your newspaper, or click and open any gateway website to check the news, it's 'point out, emphasize, point out' there all the time, every time, every day, and every moment. You know, sorry, I mean, every Chinese knowing Chinese characters knows tons of expressions are available out there, dozens of expressions, if not hundreds, for one same meaning are just there. Let's say, even you want to suck a boss' ass, you suck the ass in a tactful way; you want to do propaganda, you do propaganda in a smart way. Maybe, Air Force One could also be considered a special kind of propaganda in certain aspects, right? But look the way American did. What a model of duel harvests on spiritual civilization and material civilization! Repeating 'point out, emphasize, point out' makes a point pointless. Are they stupid or are they just too lazy? Without using this pattern, will they die or what? Do you see what's too complicated for them to change that? 'cause I don't.""I also noticed this long ago. Actually I think I had noticed this even before I was born.""How?""My mom told me my dad used to read her the People's Daily when she was pregnant.""No wonder you beat all of us in the exams back in school. It's all attributed to the People's Daily." I gave a big clap on my thigh."R-i-g-h-t. Guess why I could not top the class in the university.""But you still graduated magna cum laude, right?""But I wasn't number one, no matter how hard I tried.""Big deal?""Well, anyway, I figured out why. I had stopped reading the People's Daily and had switched to reading Southern Metropolis Daily.""I like this joke.""And now they advocate that Chinese people need to have creative spirit. Repeating 'point out, emphasize, point out' is nowhere adjacent to being creative, but everywhere close to being stupid.""I can't understand anything of them.""So after living overseas all these years, you still care about our country and Chinese people very much, right?" Ling's eyes gleamed with her teenage days' innocence."No, I don't care. Sorry, where's China again? Of course I care about China and Chinese people. I pray for China and Chinese people for a tomorrow of goodness and happiness all the time. Every time something bad takes place in China, I'm sad, upset, and frustrated, sometimes angry. And anything good, I'm happy, excited, and proud.""See? Today, we still talk to each other the way we used to talk during high school.""True. I don't think any one would talk to their boss and to their colleagues this way.""No, no one would." Ling took out a lime from the fridge, washed it, cut off a slice, and put it into my tea. "Hey, anything interesting in Canada?""Well, many interesting people, things, and stories.""Tell me a few.""I've met and come across a lot of different people. Here's this woman. She works in Pizza Pizza which is franchised just like Pizza Hut, KFC, and McDonald's. Well, she's the owner of that franchised restaurant. She told me she was from Afghanistan, but she's Italian. Can you imagine that?""How did she get there from Italy?""No, she was born in Afghanistan. Her grandparents took his father, uncle, and auntie to go to Afghanistan along with their family's friends at the end of World War 2. And she came to Canada in late 1990's. Don't ask me why that Italian woman's grandparents moved to Afghanistan, because I never know if her grandfather was a Fascist, or a Communist, or an Italian loyal to Mussolini, or an Italian with some troubles in Sicily.""Well, that's rare.""Yes, it is rare. And another woman is my colleague. She's Indian, but she moved to Tanzania with her parents when she was a kid, and then came to Canada when she was a teenager.""Why did your Indian colleague's parents move to live in Tanzania?""My colleague is Indian, but she's Muslim, I mean, her parents are Muslims. I think that explains something. And you know what happened there in the history.""I got it. So these Indians came from Tanzania to Canada?""Uh, not straight to Canada. Actually, they moved to another country first. Sorry, I forgot the name. But she told me, they were actually kicked out of Tanzania.""How come?""She said, during the 1980's and 1990's, local people launched a movement and claimed that Tanzania is Tanzanian's Tanzania, Africa is African's Africa, not Asian's, not Indian's.""I didn't know that.""I didn't know that either. It did not just happen in Tanzania, but also happened in many places in Africa. Look, this is history, we were experiencing the history, but our government never told us anything about that. When we were kids and teenagers, we were educated every day how plunderous US imperialists and British imperialists were and how bravely the people of Asia, Africa, and Latin America fought against them, right? We were never educated how badly the people of Asia, Africa, and Latin America kicked each other's ass. What did we learn from our high school history books or world politics and affairs books any way?""I know." Ling nodded."Another colleague of mine is Pakistani. His parents took him to move from Pakistan to Guiana which is a country adjacent to Brazil, and then moved to Bermuda Islands before coming to Canada. They are Pakistanis, but they are not Muslims. I guess it's a similar case to my Indian colleague's.""You are lucky. They witnessed history directly and you witnessed history indirectly.""Yah. And I also told Tingting that I had a colleague from the former Communist country of Yugoslavia, and...""She is the neighbour of an actor in Valter Brani Sarajevo.""Oh Tingting told you already?""Yep.""From her, I heard a lot of stories about Titu, Milosevic, and the Allied's air raids in 1999 from her.""The air raids in 1999? Did you tell her our ...""Yes, I did." I answered before Ling completed her question."Canada is really a mosaic.""Yah. You wanna know the world and the history? Go to Canada and your colleagues will tell you everything you want to know. And I even have a Tamil Tiger colleague from Jaffna and he came to Canada after the government troops captured that peninsula.""Serious?""Oh don't worry. He's a nice guy and well educated although I can hardly stand the smell of curry after he uses the microwave to heat his lunch in our cafeteria every noon.""That's funny.""Yah. And I have a Finnish colleague. Guess what, this Finnish colleague's father was once a prisoner of war captured by Soviet army in the area north to Leningrad in 1944. And then, he spent many hellish years in the camp of POW somewhere deep in Siberia. My colleague said, according to his father, Finland joined the war because the ex Soviet Union had badly bullied Finland, and to Finnish people, that's an anti-oppression war. The only mistake Finnish government had made was choosing the Third Reich for help. And then my colleague was like, 'but look at ex Soviet Union, the collapse and disintegration served ex Soviet Union damn right. Today, Finland is much more developed and richer than Russia.'"Ling laughed. "So what did you say?""I said, 'calm down, calm down. That page turned over. Today, people in the world try all the best to live in peace and harmony together, just like every one in Canada.' And then he complained, sometimes he was upset because the ice hockey team of Finland was beaten by Russia team and he always cheered for Finland team.""Then what about the match between Canada and Finland?""Oh, he cheers for Canada on his face and for Finland in his heart. He told me so.""What a funny man! How old is he?""I'm not sure about his age. He must look quite younger than his age. His eldest sister looked much older than him. She came to our unit to pick up something from her little brother once, and she looked like around 60? I guess.""Tell me more.""And I have another colleague who is German. Actually he retired a few years ago. His father was a soldier in Wehrmacht and missed in action in Crimea, Ukraine in 1944. All his family, including his mother, his two sisters, and himself, came to Canada after the war. Guess what. His mother kept receiving his father's army service benefit payment every month from the government of West Germany until she passed away in Canada. Look, millions of Germans, killed or missed in the war like his father, served in the army during the Third Reich period, but the government of West Germany, which is now the government of today's Germany, keeps making the benefit payments to the war widows, no matter where they are in this world. Can you imagine that? What about those widows from Sino-Vietnam War in 1979? Do those widows receive the money every month until the ends of their own lives, from our government for the great contributions their sacrificed husbands made to our country?""You are right. Our government should take West Germany government's practice as a model to learn from. At least they can do something to make people feel, 'oh, I am really cared about. And if I were to sacrifice on the battlefield, my family would be well taken care of by the government'. Right?""Right.""You don't have any Chinese colleague?""Uh, yes and no, depends upon how you define Chinese.""Okay, let me say, Chinese from mainland China.""No, I'm on my own. I'm the only one there in my department. But amongst my colleagues, there is an ethnic Chinese from elsewhere though she's not in my team. She's from Myanmar. She was born and raised up there. She speaks both Cantonese and Mandarin because her parents were born and grew up in Guangdong province.""Why did they move to Myanmar from Guangdong?""Why? Hehe, why else? They didn't move to Myanmar from Guangdong, they escaped along with my colleague's grand-parents from there to there between 1966 and 1967.""That I know. Yes, tons of Chinese fled away during Mao's regime, especially during Anti-Rightist Movement and Cultural Revolution. They struggled hard to go anywhere, any corner in this world they could. Countless people tried to swim over to Hong Kong and many of them drowned in the sea, some even eaten by sharks.""Yes, our country has such a yesterday too painful to recall."We both sighed."I guess I should talk about something joyful, happy, or funny." I pressed the slice of lime with the tea spoon Ling passed to me and tried to squeeze out more lime juice in the cup."My Quebecois colleague used to complain how crazy his daughter was for Justin Bieber. She was a genuine Belieber. Good thing was, as he mentioned, his daughter couldn't even afford the trip to follow Justin Bieber's concerts.""How old is his daughter?""My colleague told me once. Hang on. Uh, she was around 16 or 17 by then and now she's in college. I see what you mean.""But didn't your colleague give his own daughter some help?""Well, my colleague said to his daughter that he would sponsor the trip for Taylor Swift's concert, but not for Justin Bieber's.""Why?""Because he hates Justin Bieber. Basically, his age can be that teenager star's father. But he just hates him.""What a funny father!""Yah, he's funny. And his father is also funny.""Oh yah?""You see, my colleague is an English-Irish-Welsh Quebecois, so his father is not even a French Quebecois, but his father is a determined Quebecois Separatist. Can you imagine that?""What about your colleague?""My colleague is not. So they used to engage in argument with each other. My colleague came to work in Ontario after graduating from his university in Montreal. But he loves his father.""That's interesting. Hey, how do you think about the music industry in Western countries now?""Well, that's a big topic. But, I mean, in pop music sector, Taylor Swift is quite someone and she's not only a singer just for country music. She is different from others. Adele is also different. But look what's going on in today's pop music world. Did you, by any chance, check out, on YouTube, Nicki Minaj's 'Anaconda', Shakira and Rihanna's 'Can't Remember To Forget You', Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea's 'Booty'? Just sex plus bumpin beat with an interlude of rap. That's all the pop music is, nowadays. And look at Miley Cyrus. Look what she's turning herself into. Comparing to the 80's, or even 90's, I don't know what else I can say about the current pop music.""Yes, people say, the 1980's is the golden age of pop music. I guess I can still find some MV's from domestic websites and make a comparison between the 80's, 90's and nowadays.""Yes, do it and check them out.""Do you go to cinemas to watch movies there?""Not often, only sometimes.""With your friends or alone?""Basically, alone. Occasionally, with friends. And once ..." I paused and watched Ling reach to pick up a short hair in dark red colour from my left shoulder and puff it away from her finger tip."That's not mine. But thanks.""It's Nipple's. Don't know why he dyed some of his hairs into red. But maybe because he just engaged in a singing show organized by the company's Labour Union recently. Thank God, not straight red, but dark red.""Guess that's his statement to be a Red.""Yes. He will officially be a Red and a red reformist.""Yah. I never know someone amongst us wants to be Kang Youwei and Liang Qichao.""Well, he wants to try, then go ahead and try. Sorry, you said 'once' before the hair thing?""Oh yah. Once, uh, one summer night, I went to a cinema alone because I was upset.""What happened?""China national men's soccer team lost the game to ...""What? You still watch ...""Oh crap! Yah, I watched, but just don't tell.""I won't. Go on.""Thanks. So I went to the cinema to cure my emotion. There weren't many viewers. I can't even recall the movie name. But anyway, right after I sat down, a Chinese girl came and sat behind me, not straight behind, but one seat off to my right back there. Guess what. She put her feet atop the seat next to mine to ease her sitting. There are two things I hate in daily life. One, gladiator sandals; two, sour feet. And the girl got both. I was totally, utterly, entirely, and completely handicapped with anosmia, or to be precise, everything smelt to me like Old Shanxi preserved vinegar after the movie.""But didn't you complain?""No.""Didn't you ask her to take her feet off away?""No.""Didn't you shift to sit elsewhere as you mentioned there weren't many people?""No.""Why?""Because she's very pretty." I made face to Ling."You are weird.""I know.""How hopeless!""Me or men?""I made this cup of jasmine tea for you, but after all, it smells to you as sour as the girl's feet. What a waste!""But I never said everything smelt to me like the girl's feet. What I said is, like Old Shanxi preserved vinegar.""Right! How different!" She was shaking her head hard. A ripple of tinkling laughter came. It sounded like Tingting's. And followed Fatty's and Nipple's."Would we get back to join them now or we stay here a further while to finish our tea?""Time flies." Ling didn't seem to hear my question clearly."Year after year it does. Oh, almost forgot. I have a question about year, I mean, something related to year.""Shoot.""From time to time I see on the internet that people use the regnal year name to define the time something happens to someone somewhere somehow and the regnal year name they use is Qingfeng. At the beginning I didn't pay much attention to that. I thought it might be the regnal year name during Northern Song Dynasty or Southern Song Dynasty or some other dynasty as I was pretty sure no emperor used that regnal year name in Qing Dynasty and Ming Dynasty. Then I thought it could also be a very short period I might have ignored, just like the regnal year name Qixiang which is the time for the three months between Xianfeng and Tongzhi, and if we go to the chronology of Chinese history table at the end of New China Dictionary, we won't find Qixiang between Xianfeng and Tongzhi there, right?""Right. I mean, in the brief chronology table, we won't. It might be there in some larger dictionary. But go on.""True. But when I read further on, I find the time people use to mention does not refer to the past history, but today, I mean, nowadays, because those things people describe are all current affairs. So I wonder where this Qingfeng is from and why.""Ha! I see what you mean. People like to go kidding. It's only a joke, nothing else. Actually, there's a song similar toStory of Spring and it's called ...""Ling!""Yep?""I need my cell-phone back!" It's Nipple."What is it?""I want to tell my mom Zhen is bullying me again.""I will tell that to your mom in person later."Laughters came from the sitting room again."Yah. I can understand that. People joke in daily life. That's usual." I said. "But regnal year name is very important. It matters a lot. Qingfeng, 'to celebrate harvest'. Nice name, eh?""Not bad at all to me. But did you say regnal year name is very important and it matters a lot?""Yes. Look, I have been studying Beijing. I'm interested in anything related to Beijing, its people, its dialect, its tradition, its climate, its culture, its history, its architecture, its roasted duck, and its sugar-coated haw stick. And ...""And its girls?""Uh, yah, its girls as well. I sent you my article Spring Hike and you saw the comments I made upon Beijing girls in Part 5, right?""Yes.""And I have found a secret from my studies on Beijing. Interested?""No, not at all. And I don't want to hear." Ling flattened her face."You don't?""But I'm not allowed not to listen to you, am I? So, go ahead.""Hey! Don't be like Zhen and Yang. They are them, you are you.""But they are my friends, my sisters. Don't you know 'birds of a feather flock together'?""But you are different from them.""Yah! I'm different from them, because I'm worse. Oh come on. Shoot, shoot."Now it was my turn to shake head. "The name of regnal year is very important to dynasties or regimes. As long as the name of regnal year does not have a character contained in the name of any of those southbound gates of the Inner City, then the regime is safe. As you well know, those gates are Zhengyang Gate, Chongwen Gate, and Xuanwu Gate. What is the regnal year name when Yuan Dynasty ended its regime in China proper? Zhizheng. When was Ming Dynasty toppled? Chongzhen. When did Qing Dynasty lose its reign? Xuantong. See?""That's an important discovery. But now, there is no regnal year name any more.""The name of the president also counts.""Does it?""It does. Well, first, let me put it this way. Let's make some examples, and let's say, Chairman Yu Zheng-sheng may be very good for the post of chairman of CPPCC and Chairman Zhang De-jiang may be very good for the post of chairman of NPC, but may not be good for the post of president of China, in terms of this gate name rule.""For Yu, I can understand. But what about Zhang?""Don't tell me you don't know which gate is also called Hade Gate. You told me your father used to smoke Hade Gate cigarette. And it was you who explained to me what your father had told you about Hade Gate.""I'm glad you still keep that in your brain.""Well, many thanks to you. And this rule might also apply to Zhang Gao-li because Zhengyang Gate was called Lizheng Gate during Yuan Dynasty and was shifted and re-constructed about 800 metres south to the original location during the period of Emperor Yongle in Ming Dynasty. Look, how do the detectives pick up a thread from various phenomena? What's the rule to trigger an investigation? If something happens once, it's normal; twice? it's coincidence; thrice? it's a case. Actually, what I'm talking about now is not even only three occurrences.""Not even three times?" Ling put down her tea."Who was the president when Republic of China ended in mainland China?""Chiang Kai-shek.""Right, Chiang is his surname, Kai-shek is his style name, but what is his given name?""Oh my god! You are so right!""Yah, that's what I'm talking about.""But wait, how about Dr. Sun Yat-tsen? Yat-tsen is his style name, his given name is Wen, and he's the Father of the Republic.""Good point, Ling, good point. Who is the first formal president of the Republic of China? Don't pretend you don't know.""Yuan Shikai. Oh, you are right. Sun was never the formal president, he was the temp.""Yah, he was a temporary president for only a few months, and even so, it was him who handed the Republic regime to Yuan Shikai who schemed to try to change the Republic regime back into the emperor regime system.""So right.""And I've checked those presidents of the Republic, from Yuan Shikai, Li Yuanhong, Feng Guozhang, Xu Shichang, Cao Kun to Wang Zhaoming, Lin Sen, and Chiang Kai-shek. The premiers don't count. That's how I picked up the thread.""Who else has studied so much about Beijing and cared about Beijing like you have in China?"Ling's words made me laugh. "Thank you. Actually, I found another thing through my Beijing studies. It's like a by-product if I may say so, although it's not related to Beijing.""What is it? The line of 'the revolution is not a social dinner, a literary event, a drawing or an embroidery; it cannot be done with elegance and courtesy. The revolution is an act of violence' is not from Mao, but from Confucius?"I grinned. "Well, you are right about one thing - it's about Mao. You know who was the Commander-in-Chief of National Revolutionary Army when Wang Zhaoming was the head of Nationalist Government, right?""Chiang Kai-shek.""Right. Guess who was Propaganda Minister of Nationalist Party's government? To my surprise, it was Mao Tse-tung. There was an election on the 2nd National Congress of Kuomintang (KMT or Nationalist Party). Wang Zhaoming won full votes for the chairman. Chiang Kai-shek also won 386 votes while Mao even obtained 193 votes and was therefore elected as Propaganda Minister. Chiang Kai-shek must be confused because in his mind he was worth all those votes, but to him, Mao was nobody by then. Chiang must be wondering, had Mao joined the Revolution of 1911 like he had? No. Was Mao an old member of Solidarity like he was? No. Was Mao the closest loyalist to the Father of the Republic Dr. Sun Yat-sen like he was? No. Had Mao led National Revolutionary Army to get rid of those warlords threatening the revolutionary regime and had solidified the revolutionary base in Guangdong like he had? No. So, how the heck had this young peasant from Hunan making no contributions to KMT got elected with so many votes as Propaganda Minister for KMT government? And this young peasant even spoke no Mandarin to you.""What an interesting thing! I wonder as much as Chiang.""Yah. So, that is to say, Wang Zhaoming had both Mao Tse-tung and Chiang Kai-shek as his left and right hand. Left hand, Mao held the pen; right hand, Chiang held the gun. Imagine that!""Well, that's the peak period in Wang Zhaoming's life.""Surely it is.""Wait! If Mao Tse-tung was Propaganda Minister of KMT, then isn't Mao the first man who eats the Party's meals and smashes the Party's wok?""What? What? What's that?""Well, there's a saying going around." Ling explained. "Someone announces on newspaper that we are not supposed to eat the Party's meals while smashing the Party's wok at the same time.""Holy! You are so right! Genuinely, Mao is the first man who eats the Party's meals and smashes the Party's wok." Every time I was with Ling, I could learn things."But the question is," she paused for 2 seconds and then said, "who on earth is eating the Party's meals whereas the meals are actually from Chinese workers, Chinese peasants, and Chinese intellectuals, I mean, each and every labourer in China. Isn't it 'no labour, no food'? Any food, any product, any grain of rice, any needle, and any yarn of thread is from each and every labourer, isn't it so? Only the exploiting classes don't labour, only the exploiting classes don't work. Weren't we educated so? Thus, who's eating whose meals after all? I wonder that guy is trying to imply that whoever eats the Party's meals all the time, belongs to the exploiting classes?"I always found Ling's brain was 1,000,000 times sharper than those ass-suckers'."Well, never mind. Hey, back to the gate name rule, how about Zhao Ziyang? His name applies.""Ha! You are a tough one. Thanks for pointing that out. Yes, I also checked him. Look what happened in 1989. To my surprise, Zhao was not the president, he was the premier first and then the secretary general of the Party. The president was another guy. But still, even that, the Party's regime was greatly impacted that summer. Good thing is, Deng Xiaoping quickly removed him from the leadership position. Well, it's a narrow survival.""Did you say 'good thing'?" Ling looked at me in strange eyes."Oh, don't take me wrong. I mean, good thing for certain people in the Party. For me? I stand by Zhao's side. I believe you too, and I know which side our friends, our classmates, our parents, our uncles and aunties, and our fellow Chinese are fond of.""All right then. Hey, wait!""What is it this time?""As much as I remember, Chiang Kai-shek quit his job for a few months in 1949 and Li Zongren was the president when the Republic lost the mainland. Isn't it so?""Ha! Very likely, you caught me there this time. Hang on," I looked outside the kitchen windows, trying to retrieve threads from my memory. A girl in red hit my view, walking closer and closer. She was pretty."What are you looking at?" Ling reached to look out.I immediately shifted my sight away from the girl, but it was too late."Uh-huh, a-ha. That's the one you were looking at.""No, basically, people like me don't look at girls on own initiative. She merely came into my sight.""She's my neighbour, I mean, my parents' neighbour. A nice girl.""Thank you!" I yelled with excitement. "You saved me again!""What?""What's Li Zongren's style name?""I don't know. Give me a tip.""When Li Zongren sent a delegation of Nationalist representatives to Beijing for peace talk with Communists, what did Chiang Kai-shek say?""How am I supposed to know? That's hard, that's not a tip.""Still remember that day, during the recess time, we boys were checking out who was the best in mimicking Chiang Kai-shek's tone and accent and you girls's conclusion went - I was Chiang Kai-shek myself, right?""Yah, right, I remember that. You said, 'I won't go, I won't go, tell Zhang Xueliang to come over'.""Yah! You are good, you are good, but that's for the Incident of Xi'an, not for the Peace Talk in Beijing. What else did I say? I mean, what else did we say? Every boy there quoted the same lines and the lines were repeated by different boys, and ...""'How betraying and humiliating of impotent Wenbai! Tell Delin to send a plane to get him back'?""Good memory!""Well, thanks to you guys and also thanks to our school for brainwashing us with red movies all the time. Delin is Li Zongren's style name?""Yah. Remember the lines in those Civil War movies. What did both Nationalist generals and Communist leaders including Zhou Enlai address Li Zongren? Revered Mr. De, right?""This is, this is ... does any one else know this secret? I don't know what I should say now. But wait, oh my god," Ling suddenly grasped my arm, her eyes round-open, "Zhengyang Gate is usually called Daqian Gate nowadays. Actually, Daqian Gate is the brand of the cigarettes my father used to smoke before the brand of Hade Gate. And now, people of the whole country call Xi ..."I immediately hushed her stop. Sunshine, the source of life, was warm and bright. The light blue sky was fleeced with white clouds floating slowly towards southeast. A big flock of birds flew in and out of a grove of trees, singing songs in their language. It is said that, in general, there are 27 kinds of sparrows, among which 5 are in China. Other than certain weeks in winter season, sparrow's breeding season can almost last throughout the year. The whole world has been very nice and friendly to sparrows except China in the 1950's. Sparrow is small, but a pregnant sparrow can have as many as 6 eggs in one delivery and she can deliver at least twice in a year. Usually, the hatching period is around two weeks during which the husband also gives a big helping hand. That is to say, hatching is done alternately by both husband and wife."Hey, what is that bird? That's not a sparrow." I put down the cup, pointed to the bird in the distance with one hand and collected another chocolate wafer stick Ling passed to me, with the other."Which one? Let me see.""That one, the one taking off from the spruce.""But which one is spruce? I don't see it. Or you mean that pine?""That's not pine, that's spruce. Oh, never mind, he's gone.""I can't never tell the difference between pine and spruce, just like I can never tell the difference between the English words 'help' and 'assistance'.""Okay, let's say, we are not in China now, we are in Central Park in New York City, and I'm gonna rob you, hit you, and do all those bad things to you now, will you yell 'Help! Help!' or yell 'Assist! Assist!'?""Then do it, I won't yell," Ling paused, looking at me."Stop it.""'cause I'm still struggling on which word I shall choose, ain't I?""S-U-R-E. But serious, how come there are so many birds? And they are different, not just sparrows. Look, look. I wonder the birds are more than the mah-jong players here now.""Yep. Shooting birds is strictly banned here. So the birds have babies, and babies have babies. That's how the number of birds grows faster than the number of mah-jong players living under the policy of Family Planning.""Very nice, very nice. Afforestation is very good for fighting haze and sand storm. I just hope my hometown gets better and better. That grove is new, right?" I put down the remaining half of the wafer stick on the saucer and looked into distance, but my question went unanswered.All in a sudden Ling put an hand on my arm and pulled me round to face her. She looked more serious than any moment I could recall. "Will that rule possibly apply this time? Will it happen? His think tank or at least someone should tell him not to allow people to call him that any more.""Are you guys okay?""Dad, you are back?" Ling instantly took her hand off my arm like getting an electro-shock.I turned around, trying to look an I-didn't-do-anything-to-your-daughter look in front of Ling's father. I couldn't understand why I had to try to look like that whilst I had absolutely done nothing."We are okay. Where's Mom?""I'm here, sweetheart." Ling's mother waved a hand out behind her husband and came over to give a slight tweak on Ling's nose. "Behave." Notes:01. Mussolini: 墨索里尼02. every bite was an enormous superiority of Socialist society: 这每一口，都是社会主义的巨大优越性03. Behind the Headlines with Wendao: 《锵锵三人行》04. sudoku: 数独05. clairsentience and clairaudience: 千里眼和顺风耳06. Wu Zhi: 武植，即武大07. "Hey, what's Ximen Qing's sobriquet in Water Margin?" Nipple tried to stop their dispute."Edisen Chen of Yanggu county."“哎，西门庆在《水浒》里的绰号是啥？”奶头想止住他们的争论。“阳谷县陈冠希。”08. Professor Tomson Ku: 辜鸿铭09. electro-slag welding: 电渣焊10. fabrication: 钣金11. heat treatment: 热处理12. tempering: 回火13. normalizing: 正火14. ultrasonic test: 超声波探伤15. concubinage system: 纳妾制16. osteoporosis: 骨质疏松17. "... I was just as silly and naive as Gillian Chung." I sighed again. "But who else in this world didn't have a dirty period of history in the past?": “……我那时只不过像钟欣桐一样又傻又天真而已。”我又叹了口气。“可是这世上又有谁不曾有过一段肮脏的历史？”18. ...the moment they saw pizza, every one's eyes were radiated with lewdness.: 大家看到披萨的时候，每个人的眼中都放射出淫荡的光芒。19. Sima Zhao's intent: 司马昭之心20. China's resolution to lead the time of information is already a Sima Zhao's intent.: 中国引领信息时代的决心，已经是司马昭之心了。21. Tanaka Yoshiki: 田中芳树，日本作家22. Legend of Galactic Heroes - My Conquest is the Sea of Stars: 《银河英雄传奇——我的征服是星之大海》23. Bertolt Brecht: 贝尔托特·布莱希特，德国剧作家24. Der gute Mensch von Sezuan: 《四川好人》25. Yuan Dynasty's Li Xingdao's The Chalk Circle: 元朝李行道《灰阑记》26. The Caucasian Chalk Circle: 《高加索灰阑记》27. Thomas Hardy: 托马斯·哈代28. The Return of the Native: 《还乡》29. Hometown Visit: 《探乡记》30. The article says President Xi loved reading when he was very young. And the article even gives out a list of President Xi's readings which includes a novel called Les Chouans. I told my parents, the book Les Chouans was not published during those days, how possibly was President Xi supposed to read that? They got ticked off at my words right away. They told me, 'before the Cultural Revolution, a book called Parti Chouans in Chinese translation was published, that is Les Chouans, although the text is in traditional Chinese character, although the text arrangement layout is vertical instead of horizontal, although the copies of the book's impression is extremely limited, although the probability this book emerged in that tiny Liang's Creek reader's room in the remote and barren mountain area is extremely low, still, it should be believed that President Xi had read this book for sure.' Then they threatened me and said that going forward, if I were to doubt President Xi again, they would go out for square dancing. I was instantly freaked out at the words and swore to them that I dare not doubt anything of President Xi again in future.: 那文章说，习主席年轻时酷爱读书。而且，文中还列出习主席的读书单，里边有一部小说叫《朱安党人》。我跟我爸妈说，《朱安党人》那书在那个时候都没出版过，习主席怎么可能读到这本书？我爸妈一听就来火了。他们跟我说，‘文革之前，出版过一本书，叫《朱安党》，那书就是《朱安党人》，虽然那书是繁体字的，虽然那书的文字排列是竖版排列而非横板排列的，虽然那书的出版印刷数量极少，虽然那书在那个时候出现在地处偏僻贫瘠山区的梁家河阅览室的概率极低，但是相信习主席一定读过这书。’然后，他们就威胁我说，从今以后，我要是再质疑习主席，他们就出去跳广场舞。我一听，立马吓得向他们保证以后再也不敢质疑习主席了。31. then the name would be Our Journey is Star Sea rather than Our Journey is Star and Sea. There is a difference between Star Sea and Star and Sea. In the phrase Star Sea, the word Star is for modifying the word Sea whereas in the phrase Star and Sea, the word Star is parallel to the word Sea instead of modifying the word Sea: 那么书名就应该是‘我们的征途是星海’，而不是‘我们的征途是星辰大海’。‘星海’和‘星辰大海’两者之间是有差别的。在词组‘星海’里，‘星’是用来修饰限定‘海’的，而在词组‘星辰大海’里，‘星辰’则与‘大海’是平行并列关系，而不是修饰限定‘大海’。32. So the book is trying to tell people that something linear is actually something dotty plus something planar?: 那就是说，那书是不是就想告诉大家，线性的某物其实就是点性的某物加上面性的某物？33. To Kill A Mockingbird: 《杀死一只知更鸟》34. fauvism: （绘画艺术中的）野兽派35. All the girls in Class 3 expect my emergence in the dreams: 《三班女生都在梦中期待着我的到来》36. Zhou Yu: 周瑜37. Southern Metropolis Daily: 《南方都市报》38. Sicily: 西西里39. Tanzania: 坦桑尼亚40. Guiana: 圭亚那41. Bermuda Islands: 百慕大群岛42. Valter Brani Sarajevo: 《瓦尔特保卫萨拉热窝》43. Titu: 铁托44. Milosevic: 米洛舍维奇45. Tamil Tiger: 泰米尔猛虎46. Jaffna: 贾夫纳半岛47. curry: 咖喱48. Siberia: 西伯利亚49. Wehrmacht: 德军50. army service benefit payment: 抚恤金51. Quebecois: 加拿大魁北克人52. Belieber: 西方流行音乐界贾斯汀·比伯的忠实粉丝被称为Belieber，主体人群是世界各国的高中女生、初中女生53. Kang Youwei and Liang Qichao: 康有为和梁启超54. Old Shanxi preserved vinegar: 山西老陈醋55. Qixiang: 祺祥(Aug. 1861 - Oct. 1861)，咸丰与同治之间的年号，时间极短56. Xianfeng: 咸丰 (1851-1861)57. Tongzhi: 同治 (1862-1874)58. As long as the name of regnal year does not have a character contained in the name of any of those southbound gates of the Inner City, then the regime is safe. As you well know, those gates are Zhengyang Gate, Chongwen Gate, and Xuanwu Gate. What is the regnal year name when Yuan Dynasty ended its regime in China proper? Zhizheng. When was Ming Dynasty toppled? Chongzhen . When did Qing Dynasty lose its reign? Xuantong: 只要年号中没有包含了北京内城朝南的那几个城门中任何一个城门名字中的字，执政就不受影响。你当然知道，那几个城门是正阳门、崇文门、宣武门。元朝是什么年间结束了在中国本土的统治的？至正年间。明朝是什么时候被推翻的？崇祯年间。清朝什么时候失去政权的？宣统年间。59. Hade Gate: 哈德门60. Lizheng Gate: 丽正门61. Yongle: 永乐 (1403-1424)62. Chiang Kai-shek: 蒋介石63. Chiang is his surname, Kai-shek is his style name, but what is his given name?: 蒋是他的姓，介石是他的字，但他的名是啥？64. Dr. Sun Yat-sen: 孙中山65. Yuan Shikai: 袁世凯66. Li Yuanhong: 黎元洪67. Feng Guozhang: 冯国璋68. Xu Shichang: 徐世昌69. Cao Kun: 曹锟70. Wang Zhaoming: 汪兆铭71. Lin Sen: 林森72. the revolution is not a social dinner, a literary event, a drawing or an embroidery; it cannot be done with elegance and courtesy. The revolution is an act of violence...: 革命不是请客吃饭，不是做文章，不是绘画绣花，不能那样雅致，那样从容不迫，文质彬彬，那样温良恭俭让。革命是暴动。73. the 2nd National Congress of Kuomintang (KMT or Nationalist Party): 中国国民党第二届全国代表大会74. Chiang Kai-shek also won 386 votes while Mao even obtained 193 votes and was therefore elected as Propaganda Minister. Chiang Kai-shek must be confused because in his mind he was worth all those votes, but to him, Mao was nobody by then. Chiang must be wondering, had Mao joined the Revolution of 1911 like he had? No. Was Mao an old member of Solidarity like he was? No. Was Mao the closest loyalist to the Father of the Republic Dr. Sun Yat-sen like he was? No. Had Mao led National Revolutionary Army to get rid of those warlords threatening the revolutionary regime and had solidified the revolutionary base in Guangdong like he had? No. So, how the heck had this young peasant from Hunan making no contributions to KMT got elected with so many votes as Propaganda Minister for KMT government? And this young peasant even spoke no Mandarin to you.: 蒋中正也获得了386票，而毛泽东竟然赢得了193票并且当选为宣传部长。蒋中正肯定感到非常困惑，因为在他脑子里，他得的所有那些选票是理所当然的，可对他来说，毛那时完全是名不见经传、默默无闻的人啊。蒋一定感到非常纳罕，毛像他那样是同盟会元老么？不是啊。毛像他一样参加辛亥革命了么？没有啊。毛像他那样是孙中山先生最亲近的拥护者么？不是啊。毛像他那样带领国民革命军扫荡威胁广东革命政权的那些军阀并且巩固了广东革命根据地了么？没有啊。那么，那个对国民党未立寸功、来自湖南的农民青年到底是怎么获得这么多的选票当上国民党的宣传部长的呢？而且，这位年轻的农民还不跟你讲国语哎。75. So, that is to say, Wang Zhaoming had both Mao Tse-tung and Chiang Kai-shek as his left and right hand. Left hand, Mao held the pen; right hand, Chiang held the gun.: 那么，也就是说，汪兆铭同时拥有毛泽东和蒋中正作为他的左右手。他的左手，毛握着笔杆子；他的右手，蒋握着枪杆子。76. "If Mao Tse-tung was Propaganda Minister of KMT, then isn't Mao the first man who eats the Party's meals and smashes the Party's wok?""What? What? What's that?""Well, there's a saying going around." Ling explained. "Someone announces on newspaper that we are not supposed to eat the Party's meals while smashing the Party's wok at the same time.""Holy! You are so right! Genuinely, Mao is the first man who eats the Party's meals and smashes the Party's wok." Every time I was with Ling, I could learn things."But the question is," she paused for two seconds and then said, "who on earth is eating the Party's meals whereas the meals are actually from Chinese workers, Chinese peasants, and Chinese intellectuals, I mean, each and every labourer in China. Isn't it 'no labour, no food'? Any food, any product, any grain of rice, any needle, and any yarn of thread is from each and every labourer, isn't it so? Only the exploiting classes don't labour, only the exploiting classes don't work. Weren't we educated so? Thus, who's eating whose meals after all? I wonder that guy is trying to imply that whoever eats the Party's meals all the time, belongs to the exploiting classes?"I always found Ling's brain was 1,000,000 times sharper than those ass-suckers'.:“如果毛曾是国民党的宣传部长，那他岂不成了‘吃党饭、砸党锅’的第一人了？”“啥？啥？啥意思？”“哎呀，就是有那么一句话。”阿铃解释道。“有人在报纸上讲，我们不应该吃着党的饭，而同时砸党的锅。”“呀！你说的太对了！毛是正宗的‘吃党饭、砸党锅’的第一人啊。”每次和阿铃在一起，我都能学到东西。“但是问题是，”她停顿了一下，然后说，“到底是谁在吃党的饭啊？事实是，这饭不是来自中国的工人们、农民们、知识分子们吗？我是说，饭是来自中国的每一个劳动者啊。不是‘不劳者，不得食’吗？任何粮食，任何产品，任何一粒米，任何一针、一线，不都是来自每一个劳动者吗？只有剥削阶级才不劳，只有剥削阶级才不作。他们不是这样教育我们长大的吗？所以说，究竟是谁在吃谁的饭呀？我在想，讲那话的家伙是不是想暗示说，不管是谁，一天到晚吃党的饭，谁就是剥削阶级？”我总是发现，阿铃的脑子要比那些阿谀奉承的马屁精们的脑子快得多的多的多的多。77. Li Zongren: 李宗仁78. recess time: 课间十分钟79. I won't go, I won't go, tell Zhang Xueling to come over.: 我不去，我不去，叫张学良来。（《西安事变》）80. How betraying and humiliating of impotent Wenbai! Tell Delin to send a plane to get him back.: 文白无能，丧权辱国！叫德邻派飞机把他接回来。（《风雨下钟山》）81. Revered Mr. De: 德公82. It is said that, in general, there are 27 kinds of sparrows, among which 5 are in China. Other than certain weeks in winter season, sparrow's breeding season can almost last throughout the year. The whole world has been very nice and friendly to sparrows except China in the 1950's. Sparrow is small, but a pregnant sparrow can have as many as 6 eggs in one delivery and she can deliver at least twice in a year. Usually, the hatching period is around two weeks during which the husband also gives a big helping hand. That is to say, hatching is done alternately by both husband and wife.: 据说，麻雀一般分为27个种类，其中有5种分布在中国。除了冬季的若干个星期外，麻雀的繁殖期几乎一年四季都可以进行。全世界对麻雀很友好，只有五十年代的中国除外。麻雀虽小，但一只怀孕的麻雀一次可以产下6个卵，而且，她一年可以至少生产两次。孵化期通常是两周左右，其间，男麻雀会出大力帮忙。也就是说，孵化是由夫妇二雀交替完成。

When Ling's parents went outside again, we were also done with the lunch. Kara-okie followed and drinking continued. I was excused for not joining them as I was so out of date that I didn't know those popular songs in China though I used to beat them in singing. I explained that I would like to take a look around. It was totally a whole new world to me now. They were very reasonable and tried to offer me a ride to anywhere I would like to go. I politely turned them off with great appreciation for I didn't want to affect their kara-okie passion. To my joy, Ling asked me to ride her bicycle out - a super cool mount bicycle for professional athletes. She even emphasized that the key part of the frame was made of titanium and aluminium alloy, not just aluminium alloy, and that she had ridden it along lakes and rivers, over hills and heights, through forests and groves, across valleys and gorges, as well as around post-harvest corn and wheat fields. I was grateful and excited. But there was a problem though not big - the colour was pink.The pace of urbanization was fast. I could hardly recognize the places I used to be so familiar with that I could tell every trail, every tree, and every blade of grass. I decided to go farther and go to the country. With my pants' legs rolled up, I pedalled harder and harder like I was going crazy as a teenage rider. People could see a pink mount bike on its fast shift run quickly and overtake one motorized scooter.About 50 minutes later, I was far outside the verge of urban area and came to a T-junction. As I could see, there's a pond by the side of the left path not far ahead and there's a bridge and possibly a creek as well near the right path far ahead. When I was trying to figure out which path I'd better choose, a slogan during Mao's regime hit my mind - to choose left rather than right. Accordingly, I decided to choose the right path as I believed it's the right path.When I came nearer and nearer to the bridge, I saw a railway and a river simultaneously. It was a railway bridge across the riverbend, a short distance off to the right-hand side of the way I was coming. The water level of the river was quite low because of the season. Suddenly, an alarm sounded and a red light flashed. At the same time, two cross bars lowered down slowly either lane at the road-and-railway junction. I stopped pedalling and let the bike roll forward on its own inertia before it came to a full stop in front of the bar. Now, the train was in sight. Like a teenager, I moved to sit on the rear seat of the bicycle and looked around, my right foot on the pedal and my left on the ground. The train came close, the big locomotive rumbling and growling. Flocks of the birds flapped their wings to take off from the farmland and the trees along the river shores. It was a military freight train. The noise was loud enough to tell you that it was much heavier than passenger train. It kept coming, the second car, and the next and the next. With each passing car was a loud thump as it hit the bridge. The first six or seven were enclosed ones. Then open cars followed. Tanks, self-propelled guns, armoured vehicles, howitzers, reconnaissance SUV's, radar wagons, rocket gun trucks, military helicopters with folded blades, everything and even something I couldn't name. Car after car it came thumping by. The train was really long. Just when I was thinking whether I should return and take the other path, the caboose was in sight. I moved my butt back to the rider's seat. Stuck to the side of the caboose was a banner with the slogan of 6 Chinese characters that interested me - born to fight, born to win.I stopped when I was about to pass by a small restaurant. It looked quite tidy and clean though a stove with a big wok on sat at the frontage. Nailed to the wall over the door was a plaque with four Chinese characters in gold color -姬记面馆 (ji ji mian guan). Across the bottom ran the English inscription in Gothic lettering: Ji's Noodles. Jizz noodles, serious? Further to my strangeness, there was a couplet hanging on the sides of the front opening, which read Sounds of Wind, of Rain, of Book-reading, I Am All Ears on its right and Affairs of Family, of State, of World, I Am All Eyes on the left. What on earth did that have to do with noodles? "What would you like to have?" asked the cook with strong local dialect, kneading the dough behind the stove."May I have two bowls of pull noodles please? I'm a big and fast eater." I was so starving now as I actually hadn't eaten the lunch."Come on in. Take a seat."I picked a table nearest to the entrance and sat down. "Excuse me. Are you the owner of the restaurant? Sorry, my question is, Ji is your surname?""Co-owner. And yes, that's my surname.""That's an old old old surname.""Yah. But there are quite some people under this surname in our province because it's Zhou Dynasty's emperor's surname and Shaanxi is the centre of Zhou.""You know it well. The reason I asked the question is I want to tell you that Ji is the surname of the kings of Zhou Dynasty, but it turns out that you don't need to be reminded at all. And I don't even know there are quite some people under this surname in Shaanxi province.""Direct or indirect, people carrying this name are related to each other, like relatives, at least, most of the people are so.""Very nice, very nice. I wish I could be related to many many people in kinship. Oh, by the way, I saw a slogan on the wall. It's something like Vigorously Develop Communist's Advanced Sex Education. What does that mean?""Where is it?""It's painted on a wall at the village I passed by, about ten minutes bike-riding after crossing a railway back there. The paint is discolored and fainted and it must be kind of old. But at least I could still tell the characters.""Old Courier Station?""No, that village is in rural area. Old Courier Station is no longer rural area, it's now urban area. And it's on the other side of the railway.""On the way you come here?""Yes.""Ten minutes bike-riding after crossing the railway, uh, is that the first village after the road-n-railway junction?""Yes. The first village past the railway. And just for your reference, there's a bus stop at the second village past the railway.""It's Li's Village.""Oh yah?""Yah. The second village with a bus stop is Wang's Grange.""I see. Seriously, the road is very good and well paved. I'm surprised that it's only a road linking villages and tiny towns in the countryside.""You know what, it's really much much better than before." He looked pleased."But what's the meaning of that slogan?""That I don't know. Look, I'm not a Communist. But the slogan is quite old now. I saw that slogan before. It used to be hung at the entrance of our town office.""Where's the town office?""Oh, it's actually a sub-town office, quite small, just a 2- or 3-story building. It's not far. About 1 kilometre apart. That small building is not just for our village. Ding's Hamlet also has an office chamber in it. But anyway, it's the countryside here. Everything comes slowly, everything leaves slowly. That's where the difference between urban area and rural area lies.""I guess you are right. What's the slogan now? I mean, on that sub-town office.""Uh, China Dream something. Oh no, China Dream something was also old slogan. There's a new one, it's Four something, wait, uh, uh, how can I not for the life of me recollect what it is? There're also many slogans before China Dream, like Science Development View something, like Three Represents something, like Society of Harmony something, just too many to memorize. It's a slogan country anyway. Look, I'm just a peasant and a peasant is a peasant. Those slogans don't have much to do with a peasant like me.""But, you are no longer a peasant." I tried to remind him."I still consider myself as a peasant." A sincere smile swept over his light brown face."Well said. We are all peasants or peasants' sons or peasants' grandsons. Whose else grandfather or great-grandfather or ancestor is not a peasant in China after all? Even someone like Premier Zhu Rongji, his ancestor is Emperor Zhu Yuanzhang," I explained, "but before becoming an emperor, what was Zhu Yuanzhang? A leader of rebels. Before becoming a leader of rebels? A monk. Before becoming a monk? A beggar and a farmland-lost peasant, right? Like those emperors of the last dynasty in China, their ancestor Nurhaci was a hunter or a herdsman on the grassland, equivalent to peasant. People are proud of being peasant, especially proud of being a peasant carrying the noble Zhou Dynasty's king's name like you.""If you like more chilli sauce, it's on the table next to yours.""Thanks. Oh, I mean, is it possible that you could manage to do a quick job? Because I hardly ate anything for my lunch. And right now, my belly button is kissing my spine.""No problem. You know what, my work is nice and quick, and I can do it so quickly that no one else around can. I won't go pussy even though a whole bunch of guests come."I knew the words he mentioned should mean go sissy, but that's not the one a Shaanxi native like him was using."You see, everything is well taken care of." He added, pulling the dough into noodles skilfully.The noodles were getting thinner and thinner in his hands and between his fingers.Just when I was about to make a great comment on the noodles he pulled, he spoke again in joy. "Almost done. See? You eat, I poo, you eat again, I poo again. Wait. Oh no. Should be, I poo, you eat, I poo again, you eat again. You eat quickly, I poo quickly, you eat slowly, I take time to poo. So don't worry."I wanted to have a word with the first man in China - "President Xi, our political system needs to be reformed, so does our hometown's dialect."(Note: the words poo and pull in English only sound similar and close, but in Shaanxi dialect, they share the same pronunciation "la" and share the same character "拉") The poo-out was now served on the table. I picked up chopsticks.Mmmmmm... Yummy! To quote McDonald's commercial slogan - I'm loving it! "Keep the change." I put the money on the counter."Thanks a lot.""Oh, I saw another slogan on a military freight train when I got across the railway. It's 'born to fight, born to win.'""Yah, I saw that slogan on TV too. On CCTV military and agriculture channel, there are many military exercises and inter-theatre manoeuvres ongoing these days, especially after Xi became the president.""No wonder. Hey, you also pay attention to those things?""You see, I'm a peasant, so sometimes I watch the agriculture channel for certain information I need, but the military channel is bundled together with the agriculture channel. So, it's like, buy one, get one free."We both chuckled."Plus, Affairs of Family, of State, of World, I Am All Eyes. Right?""Oh yah, why did you guys hang a couplet like that on the front opening?""Oh, that's Ming Dynasty scholar Gu Xiancheng's maxim.""Yes, I know that. And the calligraphy is wonderful. I can see that as well. But what does the content of that couplet itself have to do with noodles?""See? It's countryside here, but it's not a place without culture. Many other guests proposed the same question. This is what the teacher we had invited from Northwest University wrote for us. He even helped us create the English name for this noodle restaurant. Did you see it?""Yes, I saw. A very special one indeed. But what's the relation between that couplet and this noodle restaurant?""Look, when you see something some cultured one did, you need to think, need to run your brain.""Sorry, I don't get it.""All right. With what do you hear sounds of wind, of rain, of book-reading? Your ears, right? With what do you observe affairs of family, of state, of world? Your eyes, right? So you use your ears, you use your eyes, and what else sense organ do we have on our head? Mouth, right? And you come here to use your mouth. So it's a metaphor, the answer underneath, to this couplet goes: Pull Noodles, Stretch Noodles, Biangbiang Noodles, I Am All Mouth.""Then what about my nose?""Get out of here! Get out!" The cook jabbed me in the arm, walking back to the wok and laughing loudly.(Note: Biangbiang noodle is President Xi's favourite noodle and was introduced by himself to the honorary chairman of Nationalist Party from Taiwan. In Shaanxi, biang is a very special Chinese character and it can't be typed out on computer) Wang's Grange came into sight. I sped up riding. The roads were new, the houses in the village were new, those small trees were new, everything were new to me. Suddenly, a small ball rolled onto the road ahead. Followed a kid aging around 2 trying to catch up with the ball. At the same time, the chug-chug of a tractor was heard behind me. I looked back. It's a big farming tractor and it's incoming fast. I raised my right hand up high and waved, but the driver wasn't looking ahead and his head was lowering down instead. Was he on Wechat? What the heck! I turned over and pedalled as fast as I ever could. Many thanks to Ling's mount bike. The wheel tyre screeched on the asphalt pavement when I gave a sharp brake 10 metres ahead of the child. I didn't know how I dismounted the bike on the roadside. But I knew I was like a ferocious kidnapper when I grasped the kid to take him off the road and gave a kick to his ball at the same moment. When I turned over, the tractor switched the lane and bypassed my bike - Ling's bike, left on the road, and then switched back to the original lane ahead."Where is your mom?" I squatted myself down. The boy had a pair of big eyes.A woman came out from behind a wall 10 yards away. A very old granny with all grey hairs sitting on a stool against the wall apart mumbled in local dialect, to the woman, something I didn't quite get."Is she your mom?"The boy nodded.At thought of the heart-rending tragedy of Little Yueyue, I really really wanted to yell - "where the f uc k have you been? This is tantamount to committing crime!" But when I stood up, when she got close, and when I found it was a fairly pretty woman, my anger changed into - "we can't leave the underage unattended, especially let him play alone beside the road." And these words were not yelled out, but were spoken out, sincerely.I didn't hear the woman's explanation and appreciation words clearly because I was looking at her and wondering how our country women became prettier and prettier day by day and almost even forgot the bike was still lying there. But at least I got the clear confirmation that I was on the right way heading back to the city and Li's Village was straight ahead.Ling was right. I was such a hopeless weirdo. I didn't know why I was so. But I knew being hopelessly weird was neither core value of socialism, nor core value of capitalism. Change, must be made. When I bade them goodbye, I noticed the boy's cute smile was as impressive as the country woman's prettiness. As I got on the road again, I began to whistle Miss Xiang's favourite singer Willie Nelson's song, the very song. Then, another favourite of hers John Denver's song, the very song, followed. Whistling and humming, I felt as if the kid's smile were mine, fragrance of pull noodles were mine, soft sunshine were mine, light breeze were mine, pinkie-pinky mount bike were mine, hometown's clouds were mine, and after all, the whole hometown were mine. No matter I was weird or not, or how weird I was, no matter which corner I was hanging around in this world, my soul, my very soul, was never a single step away from this land. I took a glance at the clouds in the sky and then raised my left wrist. Four thirty-ish! Looking ahead, I pedalled up - next stop, Communist's Advanced Sex Education! Notes:01. to choose left rather than right - 宁左勿右（毛时期的口号）02. Tanks, self-propelled guns, armoured vehicles, howitzers, reconnaissance SUV's, radar wagons, rocket gun trucks, military helicopters with folded blades, everything and even something I couldn't name.: 坦克、自行火炮、装甲车、榴弹炮、侦察越野车、雷达指挥车、卡车载火箭炮、旋翼已经折叠起来的武装直升机，应有尽有，甚至还有些我连名字都叫不上来的装备。03. caboose: 守车厢（货物列车的最后一节车厢，供列车长或乘务人员使用）04. born to fight, born to win: 能打仗，打胜仗05. there was a couplet hanging on the sides of the front opening, which read Sounds of Wind, of Rain, of Book-reading, I Am All Ears on its right and Affairs of Family, of State, of World, I Am All Eyes on the left. What on earth did that have to do with noodles?: 门面的两侧是一副对联，上联是“风声雨声读书声声声入耳”，下联是“家事国事天下事事事关心”。这跟面条到底能扯上啥关系？06. pull noodles: 拉面07. Vigorously Develop Communist's Advanced Sex Education: 大力开展党员先进性教育08. Old Courier Station: 十里铺09. Li's Village: 李家村10. Wang's Grange: 王家庄11. Ding's Hamlet: 丁家堡12. Zhu Yuanzhang: 朱元璋13. Nurhaci: 努尔哈赤14. I won't go pussy even though a whole bunch of guests come.: 邹思来上乙活坦人，鄂都补怂。（就是来上一河滩人，我都不怂）15. I knew the words he mentioned should mean go sissy, but that's not the one a Shaanxi native like him was using.: 我知道他是说的话应该指“不怂”，但是那不是一个陕西人用的词汇。（另注：陕西人的词汇中的“sóng”字，上面是“尸”，下面是“从”。当中国人用普通话说“怂”的时候，对应的英文是go sissy，当陕西人用陕西话说“尸从sóng”的时候，对应的英文是go pussy）16. Almost done. See? You eat, I poo, you eat again, I poo again. Wait. Oh no. Should be, I poo, you eat, I poo again, you eat again. You eat quickly, I poo quickly, you eat slowly, I take time to poo. So don't worry.: 窟埃号咧。刊？腻齿，鄂喇，腻哉齿，鄂哉喇，欸，补堆，迎改思，鄂喇，腻齿，鄂哉喇，腻哉齿，腻齿得急，鄂喇得急，腻齿地换，鄂颟油油喇。（快好了。看。你吃，我拉，你再吃，我再拉。哎，不对。应该是，我拉，你吃，我再拉，你再吃。你吃得快，我拉得快，你吃得缓，我慢悠悠拉。）17. I wanted to have a word with the first man in China - "President Xi, our political system needs to be reformed, so does our hometown's dialect.": 有句话真的想讲给中国第一先生听——“习主席，我们的政治体制需要改革，而我们的家乡话也需要啊。”18. The poo-out was now served on the table. I picked up chopsticks.Mmmmmm... Yummy! To quote McDonald's commercial slogan - I'm loving it!拉出来的东西上桌了。我拿起了筷子。唔……好吃啊！引用一句麦当当的广告词——“爱我所爱！”19. You see, I'm a peasant, so sometimes I watch the agriculture channel for certain information I need, but the agriculture channel is bundled together with the military channel. So, it's like, buy one, get one free.: 腻刊吧，咱思农民，又时糇许邀个啥心系，鄂酒刊农耶频叨啥地，单思农耶频叨思亘菌丝频叨困邦哉乙块儿地。卧揪湘，迈乙松乙。（你看吧，咱是农民，有时候需要个啥信息，我就看农业频道啥的，但是农业频道是跟军事频道捆绑在一块儿的。那就像，买一送一。）20. Ming Dynasty scholar Gu Xiancheng's maxim: 明朝学者顾宪成的座右铭21. "...Pull Noodles, Stretch Noodles, Biangbiang Noodles, I Am All Mouth.""Then what about my nose?""Get out of here! Get out!" The cook jabbed me in the arm, walking back to the wok and laughing loudly.:“……拉面扯面比盎比盎面面面俱到。”“那鄂鼻子炸班聂？”（那我鼻子咋办呢？）“奏仁！奏仁！”（走人！走人！）那位师傅一边照我胳臂上来了一下，一边笑着朝大锅边走去。22. At thought of the heart-rending tragedy of Little Yueyue, I really really wanted to yell - "where the f u c k have you been? This is tantamount to committing crime!": 一想到小悦悦的撕心裂肺的悲剧，我就想大声骂出来——“你特么的死哪儿去了？！这等同于犯罪啊！”23. Ling was right. I was a hopeless weirdo. I didn't know why I was so. But I knew being hopelessly weird was neither core value of socialism, nor core value of capitalism. Change, must be made.: 阿铃说得对。我是个没救了的怪咖。我也不知道为啥会这样。但是我知道，做没救了的怪咖既不是社会主义核心价值观，也不是资本主义核心价值观。改变，势在必行。24. When I bade them goodbye, I noticed the boy's cute smile was as impressive as the country woman's prettiness.: 当我向他们道别的时候，我注意到那小孩儿笑起来的样子和那农村妇女的美一样的动人。25. Willie Nelson's song, the very song: people know which song as I was on the road again.26. John Denver's song, the very song: people know which song as I was on country roads.

No matter it's a tragedy, it's a comedy, it's a serious drama, it's a frolic farce, it's a hero's no-way-out, it's an indulgency in endless love, all took turns to silhouette against the broad history curtain of an ancient capital.No matter it's a hero, it's a sage, it's a tyrant, it's a bandit, it's a beauty of beauties, it's a talent of talents, all rolled out, rolled in, rolled off, rolled on the huge history platform of this town.Get on the trip of history, unfold the scroll of civilization!Listen, that's careless giggle of Concubine Baosi on the beacon tower,that's the horn call Qin army sounded to unify China,that's the trail-blazer's camel bell ringing and heading to Silk Road,that's Tripi Taka's chanting on sanskrit sutra from ancient India under Wild Goose Pagoda...Look, beside Huaqing Hot Spring, that's half-drunk Concubine Yang's singing and dancing,in front of West Gate, that's the offensive the Solidarity, New Army, and Triod Society launched against Manchurian Eight-Banner Troops for 1911 Revolution,at the foot of Mount Lishan, that's the gunshots the patriotic generals forced Chiang Kai-shek to echo the nation's appeal of resisting foreign invasion,every street corner of the ancient capital, that's the people in the 21st century simmering with new life excitement and passion...This is my hometown Xi'an, a history drama that never ends.无论是悲剧，是喜剧，是正剧，是闹剧，是英雄末路，是儿女长情，都在一个古都宏阔的历史帷幕下轮番上演。无论是英雄，是圣贤，是暴君，是流寇，是绝代的佳人，是盖世的才子，都在这个古城巨大的历史舞台上退进往还。踏上历史的旅途，打开文明的画卷！听，那是烽火台上褒姒无心的嬉笑，那是席卷六国的秦军号角，那是开辟丝绸之路的张骞的驼铃，那是大雁塔下玄奘吟诵天竺的佛经……看，华清池畔，那是醉酒贵妃起舞弄歌的身影；西关门前，那是同盟会、新军、洪门对八旗兵发动辛亥年的革命；骊山脚下，那是张、杨响应国民、要求抗战进行兵谏的枪声；古城内外，那是廿一世纪人民的新生活在沸腾……有一部历史剧永不间断，那就是我的故乡——西安。

“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any change?” A hobo came out from somewhere outside St. Louis Bar and Grill, holding out his hand.I searched my pockets and happened to have a toonie handy. I put the toonie in his palm and said excitedly, “bak choy is on sale today, 99 cents a pound. If I buy two, I can save a dollar twenty cents. My! I’m in the Seventh Heaven!” THE END

The doors chimed close. Finch Station was only two stops away now. My friends were still waiting for me at St. Louis Bar & Grill. I sat down, leaned my body off right to the window side and closed my eyes.“He is really my type, really really the type I wanted. But I screwed everything up.”“Don’t worry too much. He will be back to you if he is very much into you.”It was two girls’ voices behind my back. The voices somewhat sounded as if I had heard somewhere. But my eyes refused to open and my neck refused to turn.“Will he?”“It depends on how much he’s into you. Yes, if you find your type, better cherish the chance.”“I should, but, I was just too moody and accidentally dismantled the bridge between him and myself.”“Stay cool. Everything will be fine.”“Thank you. By the way, you don’t sound like a Manchurian. I mean you don’t have the accent in your Mandarin.”“My hometown is Harbin and I lived in Beijing for quite a long time.”“That explains.”“Hey, did you read any book interesting recently?”“No, but I saw Sarah reading a silly book of Chi Li.”“What is it?”“Uh, it’s called, uh, hold on, uh, oh yah, Moan As You Cum.”Both burbled with mirk.“And I even tried to read the first page. The very first sentence of the whole book goes, Bian Rongda is the name of Bian Rongda. What the hell!”“If any Canadian writer goes, Stephen Harper is the name of Steven Harper, people would think this guy’s head got jammed by the door.”“That’s true.”“Have you read the Four Classical Masterpieces of Chinese Literature?”“Only Romance of Three Kingdoms and Dream of Red Chamber.”“Which chapter do you like best in the Three Kingdoms?”“Hmm, I already forgot a lot, but what still impresses me is Sweet Dew Temple. How about you?”“My favourite one was Tiger Jail Pass.”“Oh yah, I like that too. Hey, how did you feel our hike today?”“The hike was great fun. Right?”“Yes. Good thing is, we didn't drive. But do you wanna try next time?”“Are you serious? You know how bad I’m at telling directions. And literally, I’m a local road driver. So I saved a lot of my energy and I greatly enjoyed eating, drinking, chatting, hiking, and appreciating sceneries all day today.”“Same here. Any boy interested you? Or do you feel any potential dating?”“Things like that take time, sister. It’s my first time to participate into such social activity. I only decided to come this morning. Didn’t get myself well prepared. And yes, just like you said, you’re trying to find your type, so am I to find mine. Type matching is very important. Well, this is like, as you know, when we do cooking, we always go eggs stir-fried with tomatoes, and go bak choy stir-fried with mushrooms, right?”“Right.”“See? These types match. But when we put two unmatched types of people together, then things would be like eggs stir-fried with bak choy, tomatoes with mushrooms, right, Lina?”I opened my eyes and looked back over my shoulder. Notes: 01. Chi Li - Chinese female writer from Hubei province (池莉，湖北女作家).02. Moan As You Cum - Chi Li's famous novel (《有了快感你就喊》).03. Bian Rongda is the name of Bian Rongda - the first sentence of Moan As You Cum (卞容大是卞容大的名字).04. Stephen Harper - current Prime Minister of Canada (加拿大现任总理斯蒂芬·哈珀)05. Sweet Dew Temple - the well-known chapter in Romance of Three Kingdoms (《三国演义》中著名章回“甘露寺”).

Past the parking lot was another trail following the edge on the west side cliff of Tews Falls. The cliff on this side was even steeper. Some cedars grew from crevices of rock strata. This well explained the meaning of life. Sometimes, my steps crunched over pine cones, spruce cones, and branchlets. Surprisingly, a small red berry peeped out of layers of needles on the ground under a tamarack.According to Gracie, all but my group had parked their cars at the lot near Webster’s Falls. I had missed the roll call and one by one self-introduction organized by Gracie at the parking lot. Missing that greatly pleased me! Now, they were trudging along the river in the gorge. Obviously, the river was Spencer Creek though Gracie hadn’t mentioned which river. To catch up with them was literally a piece of dim sum to me. My fellow team mates had got collected by Gracie from around Tews Falls. What a group of hiking snails! But the thing was, as Gracie said, all knew I’d got lost. I turned from a vanguard to a rearguard just because one girl would like to start hiking from Webster’s Falls first. But it was nice, because I had difficulty in finding an outlet to release my energy.Big trees with acorns scattered on the ground were around the lookout for Webster’s Falls. This lookout was fifty metres away from the parking lot where I finally found our car.This was a big one! The water flow was much larger and wider than Tews though it varied with seasons. The air was permeated with moisture. Among the large sound of the falls, I heard kids screaming from the bottom of the gorge and they sounded they were definitely having fun there. Off right in the distance was an arch bridge straddling a river. That’s Spencer Creek, the source of the waterfalls. People around me were taking pictures non-stop. A woman was video-shooting the scenery of the waterfalls and the gorge with her own commentary in French. I shifted aside a bit to room her for shooting a better view.When I was getting across the cobblestone arch bridge, I saw the washroom ahead. Too bad! I didn’t have mood to use it. Suddenly, a number of big water-drops fell on my head and neck.“Who the heck is doing what?” I grumbled and looked back. No one was really right beside. As I turned around back, a skein of Canada geese landed on the grassland on east side of the bridge. In a few seconds, another three flitted over my head and joined the flock, leaving the other two behind in the creek on the other side and leaving me standing behind in wet. I couldn’t remember what Old Captain Haddock did to the llama that had spit water upon him, but I was pretty sure Old Captain wouldn’t let the geese slip unpunished. “Blistering barnacles” would be used to insult them at least.Along the waterfalls was a set of metal and rocky stairs leading to the bottom of the gorge. The Beijing girl was right. The stairs were damp. I walked carefully, holding the handrail on right side.“Oh my God!” A woman behind me shouted. I looked back. The woman's plastic bag dropped and the foods inside scattered. When she was trying to collect the things from everywhere, her kid walked down the stairs toward me, ALONE! Without a split-second hesitation, I stepped up back instantly and got hold of the kid’s hand when he hadn’t completed his third step, waiting for the mum til she got her collection done.“Thank you! Thank you so much!” The mum sounded Slav to me.“You are welcome. Your son is three or ...”“Three, almost three.”“He is a brave kid. But make sure he is not left unattended.”“Da.”Watching the falls from the bottom was a different view, and thus a different feeling too. I didn’t stay long to admire the scenery as I had people to catch up with. The trail along the creek was also wet. In the creek bed laid many cobblestones. A trickle branching off from the main stream came across a big rock blocking its way, but it lapped the rock a bit, turned a swirlpool, and then escaped all the way downstream to re-join Spencer Creek.I was never able to tell what kind of fungi were edible and what not. Along the trail, some grew on rotten trunks lain aside, some at the bottom of trees. I stopped at a riverbend where some reeds and bulrushes were on the opposite shore. I crouched down, cupped my hands to bright up a handful of water. The water was clear. In my hometown, sometimes it was what the industry facilities alongshore produced that determined the color of river water. I prayed for a better ecological environment for my hometown people every day. Here, I didn’t have to worry about things like this.“Excuse me.”I turned around. A couple, both in grey hairs and in their fifties were standing in front of me.“Hi.” I greeted.“Do you know how we can go to ... ” the man pulled out a small piece of paper and continued, “do you know how we can go to these places?”The writing was not very clear, but I could still distinguish the words.“Yes, I do. I just visited Dundas Peak, Tews Falls, and Webster’s Falls.” I replied, pointing at the writing.The man turned to his wife and seemed to explain in Hindu to her.“So you guys came into the gorge or the valley from that side, right?” I asked, pointing the south.“I’m not sure, I guess so,” answered the man.The woman added something and the man explained in English. “Yes, we are from that way. My daughter said these are the ones we should visit. My daughter is in a university in Hamilton. We came to visit her.”“Great. She isn’t with you here?”“She is sick today.”“Oh, hope she will be fine soon. All right. The path is like a loop. So now, you walk upstream along this river and the first waterfalls the trail leads you to is Webster’s Falls.” Noticing a big camera hanging on his neck, I further explained, “you can take pictures at the bottom of the falls, and also, there’s a very good lookout located on the other side of the falls. It gives you both views of the falls and the gorge, and ... ”“How can I find that lookout?” the man broke in to ask.“When you take pictures at the bottom of the falls, you will see a set of steel and rocky stairs nearby. The stairs are wet. Make sure you walk steadily and don’t get slipped. There’s a handrail by its side. It’s safer to hold it while you walk on the stairs. But the handrail is on your left side. So if people come down from upstairs, you may stop and stand by and let them pass, then you hold the rail and move on. Actually, if only young guys come down, don’t worry, guess you can still hold the handrail and walk on because you two are seniors and they are juniors. They can wait aside til you two pass. The stairs will lead you to the top of the falls. You will see a washroom on your left and a cobblestone foot bridge on your right. You get across the bridge and follow the trail, and then you will see a big chestnut tree, no, I mean, a big oak tree, the lookout is right beside the tree.”The man turned and said something to his wife. The wife said something back to him. Then he said, “my wife said, we won’t have to go to that lookout for taking pictures, because we might get lost. We only want to go to the places my daughter wrote on the note.”“But that’s on the way there, I mean, the way you go to Tews Falls. Here,” I pointed to the words on the note, “and then you go to Dundas Peak.”“Okay, so again, how shall I go to the three places? Tell me one by one, one at a time, please.”“Sure.” I cleared my throat. “You walk upstream along this creek. Just follow this trail and it will lead you to the bottom of Webster’s Falls first. There is a set of stairs right beside. You won’t miss it because you will see people move upstairs and downstairs all the time. So you take the stairs to go up to the top, and you will see a washroom on the left and a bridge on the right. Get across the bridge and keep following the trail, then you will get to a lookout point located beside a big oak tree. That’s where you can take pictures.”“What is oak tree? What does it look like?” asked the man.“You will see a lot of acorns on the ground under the tree.”“What is acorn? What does acorn look like?”“Uh, it’s round, flat shell, it’s oak nut. When you are there, you will see a parking lot. On its northeast corner, there is a trail. Don’t go to northwest corner, because there is also a road there, but that’s for cars.”“But I won’t be able to tell which one is northeast and which one is northwest,” added the man, worried.“The trail will be on the right and the road, left. The surface of that trail is neither cement nor asphalt, and the surface of the road is.”“Achia.”“So you follow that trail and it will lead to another parking lot which is for Tews Falls. When you get to the lot, you turn right and cross a truss bridge, no, I mean a bailey bridge, no, that’s not bailey bridge either, what the heck am I talking about?” I shook my head and said, “sorry, never mind, it’s just a bridge, a teenie tiny bridge. So you get across the bridge and turn right, then you will find both a lookout platform and Tews Falls. Actually, you can simply follow the sound of the waterfalls, you won’t miss it. The trail is beside the lookout platform. You keep going along the trail from there and Dundas Peak is about one or two miles farther on. The peak is on the right of the trail. Like I said, the path is a loop. So you guys can move along further from Dundas Peak to where you came into this gorge. Nice and simple, right?”The couple were looking at me, speechless.“Okay, let’s do it again. You go along this river and you will see Webster’s Falls at the end. There is a set of stairs near the falls. Take stairs to go up to the top, you will see a bridge. Get across the bridge and follow the trail, you will find a big oak tree with many acorns on the ground and the lookout point is right beside. From there, you will also see a parking lot. It’s near. On its northeast corner, the trail continues and leads you to another parking lot. From there, you will see a tiny bridge, cross it and you will see another lookout platform and Tews Falls. Keep moving along the trail from there, you will get to Dundas Peak. So, are you Okay now?”“Yes, I’m going to go along the river to find Webster’s Falls at the end. I will see a bridge and cross it, and ... ”“No, you won’t be able to cross it until you see it. There is a set of stairs near the falls. You have to take stairs to go up to the top, and then, you will see the bridge. Right?”“Right. And I cross the bridge, and follow the sound of the waterfalls, I will get to Tews Falls ... ”“No, no, you can’t follow the sound to get to Tews Falls there, the sound you will hear there only leads you back to Webster’s Falls. And after crossing the bridge, you will follow the trail to a lookout point near a big oak tree. That’s where you want to take pictures, right?”“But what does oak tree look like again?”I wanted to take a look at my watch, but I didn’t. It would be somewhat impolite.“Uh, uncle, you know what, let’s put that oak tree aside for a moment. Let’s start over again. You go along the creek to get to Webster’s Falls and take stairs to go to the top; then you cross a bridge, follow the trail, and you will find a lookout point and a parking lot; and then, you follow the trail on the northeast corner of the parking lot to go to another parking lot and you will see another bridge on the right, cross the bridge and you will get to Tews Falls; you keep following the trail along the cliff and you will eventually find Dundas Peak. So, is it clear now, uncle?”“Achia. A, I go along the creek to get to Webster’s Falls and take stairs to go to the top. Two, I follow the trail on the northeast corner of a parking lot to go to another parking lot and will cross a bridge on my right side and I will see Tews Falls. D, I keep following the trail along the cliff and will find Dundas Peak. Am I right now?” The man looked at me, waiting for my answer.I cleared my throat. “One, you go along the creek to get to Webster’s Falls and take stairs to go to the top. B, you cross a bridge, follow the trail, and you will find a lookout point and a parking lot. Pick the trail on the northeast corner of the lot to go to another parking lot, cross another bridge on your right and you will reach at Tews Falls. Four, you keep following the trail along the cliff and the trail will lead you to Dundas Peak.”“Achia, move along the creek to Webster’s Falls, take stairs to go to the top, cross a bridge and follow the trail till I find a lookout point where I take photos, and a parking lot. The trail continues on the northeast corner of the lot and leads me to another parking lot. There is another bridge right beside I need to get across and I will find Tews Falls. If I keep following the trail, I will reach at Dundas Peak. Am I right this time?”Thank God, I finally heft a sigh of relief. I knew everyone including myself would get as old as him one day though.“You said, the path is a loop,” the man asked. “So now, how will I move along further from Dundas Peak to where I came into this valley?”I raised my wrist and looked at the watch. The creek warbled joyfully. I paced up. The woods, the shore, the grass, and the water were all dipped in the air of early spring. Everything was so fresh, as was I myself. I felt like running, I felt like jumping, and I felt like kicking, punching, wiggling my never ever sexy butt, and yelling out a few words of any disgusting song. I was as lunatic as a little bear just woken from hibernation after a long winter. Truly, pretty, as a word, would never be enough to define the season here. But I could hardly afford to appreciate the beauty of nature this moment as none of my fellow hikers was seen yet. I felt a little itchy somewhere on my back. I, however, didn't care to give a scratch. Plus, my hand, very likely, couldn't reach there precisely anyway. It was until climbing a slope that I found Spencer Creek flew into a big hole and turned to subterranean stream. What a change!It was time for me to turn east now. I stepped on the embankment of the railroad the Beijing girl had mentioned, looking around.“Excuse me and good day! Did you see a group of Chinese ahead?” I asked a lady with two kids coming up.“Oh, there’s a whole bunch of them. Yes, that way.” The lady pointed.“I’m with them,” I explained. “I’m the only one lagging behind. How far are they?”“Don’t worry. They are right ahead. In a few minutes, you will catch them.”I lip-synced to her, “Thank you! Have a great day!”Smiled, she did the same back, “You are welcome. You too.”Standing not far ahead was a female. Wasn’t that Gracie? She was waiting for me!High atop a mast was a maple leaf flag flying against the wind in the distance where the town of Dundas stood.“What’s going on? What happened?”“Long story. Actually no, nothing. Thank you so much for waiting for me here,” said I, excited.“Don’t mention it. We’re worrying about you.”“Thank you. My friend told me, you are a very nice person, so is Michel.”“Thank you for saying so.”“Sorry for making you guys worry about me. I wanted to be a vanguard, but it turned out I could only be a rearguard.”Gracie smiled. “I asked Michel to take others to move on while I stay behind to collect you. They aren’t far ahead. They walk and talk and enjoy the weather and the scenery around. Your team mates don’t have your phone number. They didn’t know where you were.”“I was ten or fifteen minutes ahead of them, or maybe more. I walked too fast.”“They sent one to find you, but the search went resultless. Hey, there are many people directly coming from Hamilton, Burlington, Oakville, and Mississauga to join us here.”“They are? Guess they managed to find the community notice. It’s a very nice day for hiking today.” I reasoned.“Yes. Many girls came today. The pity is, you missed the self-introduction.”“That’s all right. I’m here for hiking. By the way, are there any good boys you think I can make friends with?”Gracie stared at me, frowning.“What?!” I asked. Following the path on a slope with shrubs on both sides was a sharp turn. I saw George and all my team mates again.“Hey, thank you guys for not waiting for me.” I gave George a thump on the shoulder and laughed. People turned and looked this side.“Hey, we waited for you and we sent him to look for you.” George pointed to the Sichuan man.“Thank you for not finding me as well, bro.” I waved to him. “No, I’m just kidding. Thank you guys.”“Where did you go?” Jane asked.“Dundas Peak.”“Where is it?”“You will see it soon. I thought you guys were right behind me.”“Is he the lost one?” A man asked George in a low voice.Nodding the head and rubbing the shoulder, George said, “our team had five faces when we set off. Then when you guys met us, our team had only four faces. So, our team lost face.”Was that a revenge for my thump on his shoulder?By the time I came back to Dundas Peak again, the Beijing girl and her friend had already gone. I checked around. The Indian couple were not here yet. The taller Manchurian seemed to have disappeared from the hiking loop. People started to take rest and take pictures.In a sudden, I saw the girl in green I had talked to at Don Mills Station. Her friend Lina was beside. I felt like ask the girl about something, but when I summoned up my courage to go to her, a bald man in his late forties overtook me and walked to the girl. I stopped there, hesitated, and then chose to walk away.“Are you really tired, buddy?” I asked a young boy with a doll face and crew cut hair style sitting on the ground.He looked up and chuckled. “Yes, I’m dead. Just see me dead.” The boy turned and said to a girl sitting close by, “it’s all your fault.”The girl made face back to him.“She’s my colleague,” the boy explained to me. “It was her who pulled me here.”“Your colleague?”“Yes, my colleague in the bank.”“You look very young. Are you sure you are allowed to work at your age in the bank?” said I, trying to tickle him in words.“I’m already twenty-six. You are young too, and you are twenty-?”“Seven.” I joked. I also noticed several girls beside in their early thirties look upset after my answer. But I felt flattered that people still saw me in twenties.“Yeah!” the boy exclaimed and stood up. “We are new generation of the time! High five!” the boy held out his palm high.I gave him a big one.The sky turned between light green and light blue. I rolled up the sleeves to get my forearms exposed under the sunshine. Another skein of geese were flying over. The two legs of the formation were perfectly equal, 7 versus 7. The boy’s colleague counted and shouted, “fifteen in total.”The boy also looked up after collecting the bag of nuts I passed to him and giving me a bottle of water.Strange. The shape of the clouds in the distance reminded me of spun sugar. But it was not uncommon that anything weird hit my mind from time to time. I looked around and tried to spot the garbage bin whereas it took me no more than a minute to dry the water bottle although I had already drunk a lot of water.“What’s the time?” The boy pointed to his wrist.I stretched out my left hand to show him time.“My cell,” he gestured a phone receiver beside his ear first, and then continued with his thumb pointing backward, “is in the car.”“Hey buddy, you are Canadian now.” I yelled.“Oh yah? What made you think so?”“Canadian people like to use gestures and body language so much and they gesture almost every moment. When they ask someone not to forget to call, they gesture a receiver beside ear. Whey they ask about time, they point to wrist. Even when they are talking on phone, they keep gesturing, regardless the one on the other end of the phone can see it or not. See? You did exactly the same as Canadians.”“Haha. When you are in Rome, do as the Romans do.”“Right,” I agreed.“Need another bottle of water?” The boy was shaking the new bottle.“No, thanks buddy. I already drank too much.”The boy turned and put the bottle back to his backbag.“Oh, excuse me,” asked I.“Yes?” The boy turned around. “Uh, where's the washroom?” I pointed to my crotch, trying to be Canadian. When we left Dundas Peak, I walked ahead of all others. This time, I became the vanguard again. I was not tired at all. I could be as energetic as a perpetual motion machine. And I was happy because my hiking distance was 1.5 times others. What a grand day! Notes:01. Old Captain Haddock - the main figure in Herge's "Adventures of Tintin"; the letter "H" in Haddock is silent, just like the letter "H" in Belgium author name Herge doesn't pronounce either (《丁丁历险记》中的“老船长阿道克”，因为源自于法文，所以H是不发音的。就像其比利时作者Herge，中文译名为“埃尔热”，而非“海尔热”).02. llama - 草泥马03. Blistering barnacles - the tag when Old Captain Haddock swears; in the whole world, every one who grew up with Tintin during childhood or teenage knows the taste of "blistering barnacles" (老船长阿道克咒骂时的口头禅，“冒泡的藤壶”或者“臭藤壶”。在全世界范围内，儿童时代或青少年时代与丁丁一起成长的人都明白blistering barnacles其中的韵味).04. Da - a word to express agreement in east Europe like Russia and Ukraine, equivalent to English word "yes" or "right" (东欧俄罗斯、乌克兰人表示同意的词，相当于英文的yes或right，“是”，“对”).05. Achia - a word to express agreement in South Asia, similar to English word "yes" or "right" (印巴人表示同意的词，相当于英文的yes或right，“是”，“对”).06. spun sugar - 棉花糖