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By way of comparison, let me tell you about my western wife. She's Polish, and an only child. (that means something different in western cultures, usually it means spoiled)|
She moved here to be with me, since she's fluent in English, having a mother for an English teacher back in Poland. Her parents did everything so that she didn't have to do things like cook, housework, laundry. All she did was study. Finished medical school, started residency. We met, fell in love, and she moved in with me here. Got her citizenship, which she could care less about. (she was happy enough with Poland)
Here, she started her career all over again, had to study and take many hard tests to qualify to be a doctor here, then, had to work for free a while to get experience so she could get a residency.
She was depressed, being home alone studying while I worked. I called her during the day so she wouldn't be lonely. We go her a little dog to keep her company. (don't laugh, it worked) She felt like she couldn't do it, I supported her, told her she could, just keep at it. Finally, she did; got a good residency.
The first year, she had zero confidence. Afraid of everything. Working 79 hours per week, while I worked 40 and did all the housework, shopping, etc.
The second year, she had some confidence, was getting better. Still working 79 hours per week, on call seemingly all the time. I supported her, she was making it!
End of her second year, we decided to have our first baby, as her third year would be much easier. Through her pregnancy, she did nothing but bitch and moan about things. Pregnant lady, I can understand. I was supportive in every way. Still did all the housework and half of the cooking. She was leaving messes all over the house. Finally, she had the baby, we were very happy. She delivered by C-section, her doctor recommended to stay home for 8 weeks, instead of the usual 6 weeks. But my wife? She said she cannot stand being at home any more. She wants to go back to work 2 days a week.
"OK." said I. "I will take unpaid time off for those two days a week, so that you can go back to work 5 weeks early, instead of spending it with your daughter." So I did. Continued to do most of the laundry and all of the cooking. I'm ashamed to admit it, but we hired a maid I was sick of doing cleaning, and she never really did it.
Finally, our daughter was old enough to go to daycare; 7 weeks old. Some Chinese might think that is terrible, but remember that in the US, the mother only normally gets 6 weeks off for maternity leave. So with a working family, that's how it work.
Then, she was working a lot less. 40 hours a week, max. But I was still cleaning up after her, dropping off and picking up our daughter from daycare, doing most of the grocery shopping etc. Meanwhile, she was becoming VERY arrogant. It seemed to my mother and I that to my wife, NO ONE knew anything about raising babies but doctors. She would not listen to me on ANY topic. Picked up our daughter EVERY time she cried, until now, she is totally a spoiled brat for her mother. (but not for me) Worse, she accused me of not caring about her, because of it.
If we disagreed on some topic, she would ignore me and do it her way anyhow. Started talking down to me, even though she cannot even operate a screwdriver. I was becoming more and more miserable in the marriage, because of that arrogant witch.
Then, I met a Chinese woman, a coworker. She was everything my wife was not. She worked no harder, but she didn't complain about it all the time. She was rational, almost all the time. Insists on doing most of the housework.
I'm sure it will sound like I gave up too easily on my wife, but after 8 years of constant complaining, no matter HOW well things were going, then becoming arrogant and condescending with me, I'd had enough. I decided to divorce her for a chance at long-lasting happiness with a Chinese woman. (no, I never cheated on my wife)
The divorce is still pending, hopefully, we will settle within a month and go our separate ways.
I feel bad that our daughter will have to split her time between us now, but better not to be with us together, if we will always be fighting.
I don't expect her to massage my shoulders every night, as we will be a working couple. We will massage each other every night. Share all the duties and the pleasures.
Maybe it is not ethnic at all? I'm sure there are plenty of bad Chinese wives out there too. ;)