Author: superkylin

Marriage, the horror, the mystery   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-3-28 11:10:09 |Display all floors
"Marriage is the grave of affection",perhaps it's right or maybe not. but there are some sorts of reasons which leads to get married for sure:

1. love-  happy ending but time isnt up yet, please refer to the first sentence I quoted.
2. got pregnant- it could be miserable
3. prolong half and half of your and your partner's DNA- it could be miserable as reason 2.
4. forced by your parents- it could be miserable

Whatever, no matter what your purpose is,  over 75% marriage could be considered a " failure". negative indeed. such a desperate thing !
Let it be...

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Post time 2012-3-28 19:00:40 |Display all floors
This post was edited by messi30 at 2012-3-28 20:28


Everyone has their own perception about what marriage is.
Honestly I think the marriage is the most wonderful thing a person could reach, sure, I am talking about those marriages that were built it and developed it with love, support and respect.


Your idea of a marriage is understandable, I guess you were witness of many situations where you found these sacred relationships failed in a horror situation.

The horror in a marriage is when:
- The person married because parent’s pressure.
- The person got married because felt old or lonely
- The person got married for special and materialistic interests.
- The person got married for pleasing the relatives.
- The person got married for unwanted pregnancy


The horror list of reasons could be long; I just note what it comes to my mind now.
Where I live is a private condominium with parks, water fountains and assorted amenities, most Chinese people who lives there are wealthy, sometimes if the time allows me I take a walk around with my wife, we sit in the bench and I found wives, grandmothers in small groups talking, chatting similar topics as you described above. Some conversations that became in gossips and for sure it’s about the person who is not present at that moment. After I made comments to my wife about what we watched and listened, she told me “same topics happens everywhere, also in small towns or villages”.

Maybe I am going a bit off topic in this point but the preparation and the development of a person counts a lot in all fields. If we as parents teach our children to be more informed, to read more books, to interact with more people and to support them to build their own ideas, for sure we will create children with confidence, with a good self esteem, with strong attitude, under these parameters the youths will be prepared to face their future in better perspective and with a solid family background to success in work, marriage and life, in other words, a person well prepared.

It’s about culture, definitely. It will depend how the person were raised, in what society the person developed. For example in Latin America most people are informed and willing to participate in discussions or debates, since I was a child coming back home from school I remember we used to read the hanging newspapers in the corner news stand, most people buys a newspaper and we discuss the daily news about everything. We got knowledge too, we feed our brains with news and we formed our own ideas and later we discuss about it with parents, relatives, friends, etc. It’s a way to avoid falling in gossips and nonsense conversations.

Back to the topic I don’t find any mystery in a marriage, I found misery in those people who get married being immature. Parents should give same and strong support to their children, male or female as equals. The future of the children start from what they got from their home. Simple.

All people will find problems in a marriage.  An immature marriage won’t surpass easily their problems, things that differ from the ones who got married with true love and will be able to manage the problems in a better way.

There are many ways to solve the problems in a marriage, one of them are the Couples Therapy, services provided by government agencies or private institutions. The services are directed to both, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, husbands, wives, separated and/or divorced by a psychotherapist who are trained and authorized by local authorities. If the couple at least are willing to admit that they have a problem, this is the best option to safe the marriage.



The marriage is like a house, if the foundation is strong there won’t be a lightning, hurricane or earthquake that bring it down

because...

... a TRUE LOVE never expires.

{:soso_e176:}



Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Post time 2012-3-29 23:15:53 |Display all floors
messi30 Post time: 2012-3-28 19:00
Everyone has their own perception about what marriage is.
Honestly I think the marriage is the most ...

messi, You have an analytical mind and this is very well written.
The situations you listed above are well summerized can cover , safe to say at least over 60% of current marriage in China. That might be the reason why I witness so many miserable situations.

And I agree, education and specially learn to debate is very important to form individuality, instead of pushing your children and forcing them into like any others comformists to say so.  Once get stuck in such situation one is not able to feel his self esteem and end up frustrated...
and how do people indentify themselves from others, they do not only think, but have to put into actions..

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Post time 2012-3-29 23:22:11 |Display all floors
joanna_he Post time: 2012-3-28 11:10
"Marriage is the grave of affection",perhaps it's right or maybe not. but there are some sorts of re ...

1. I would think it's more of a way of living-to reduce the cost, rather than love.
2 and 3 a relevant, but women usually turned into their children's slaves after they give birth to them, no matter they love their partners or whether their gene is favourable by them.
4 is merely a continuing desire of 3, parents want their genes exist and last, if you recall some typical chinese sayings when it comes to giving birth to/breeding a baby

~nice to see you here again~

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Post time 2012-3-30 09:27:04 |Display all floors
superkylin Post time: 2012-3-29 23:22
1. I would think it's more of a way of living-to reduce the cost, rather than love.
2 and 3 a rele ...

one question :do we know each other ?
Let it be...

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Post time 2012-3-30 13:59:28 |Display all floors
joanna_he Post time: 2012-3-30 09:27
one question :do we know each other ?

not really

but if i remember correctly you are photographer and took some amazing wedding photos years ago and posted here   i still remember one was taken a church like place with green vine

i have good memory about visual impression

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Post time 2012-3-30 20:12:55 |Display all floors
superkylin Post time: 2012-3-29 23:15
messi, You have an analytical mind and this is very well written.
The situations you listed above  ...


Thanks, sadly my grammar still a bit poor.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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