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10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2010-4-30 16:11:59 |Display all floors
10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn

In the past 10 years, I've realized that our culture is rife with ideas that

actually inhibit joy. Here are some of the things I'm most grateful to have



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1. Problems are bad. You spent your school years solving arbitrary problems

imposed by boring authority figures. You learned that problems—comment se dit?

—suck. But people without real problems go mad and invent things like base

jumping and wedding planning. Real problems are wonderful, each carrying the

seeds of its own solution. Job burnout? It's steering you toward your perfect

career. An awful relationship? It's teaching you what love means. Confusing tax

forms? They're suggesting you hire an accountant, so you can focus on more

interesting tasks, such as flossing. Finding the solution to each problem is

what gives life its gusto.

1. 问题是糟糕的。人们在上学的时候解决那些由令人乏味的权威人事给予的任意问题,人






2. It's important to stay happy. Solving a knotty problem can help us be happy,

but we don't have to be happy to feel good. If that sounds crazy, try this:

Focus on something that makes you miserable. Then think, "I must stay happy!"

Stressful, isn't it? Now say, "It's okay to be as sad as I need to be." This

kind of permission to feel as we feel—not continuous happiness—is the

foundation of well-being.

2. 不停快乐很重要。解决一个困难重重的问题可以帮助我们快乐,但是我们不需要快乐来




3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Painful events leave scars, true, but it

turns out they're largely erasable. Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist who

had a stroke that obliterated her memory, described the event as losing "37

years of emotional baggage." Taylor rebuilt her own brain, minus the drama. Now

it appears we can all effect a similar shift, without having to endure a brain

hemorrhage. The very thing you're doing at this moment—questioning habitual

thoughts—is enough to begin off-loading old patterns. For example, take an

issue that's been worrying you ("I've got to work harder!") and think of three

reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let it go. Taylor

found this thought-loss euphoric. You will, too.

3. 过去给我带来了无法修复的伤害。痛苦的经历留下了伤疤,的确,但是其实它们大部分

而言可以消除。曾经经历了一次中风而抹除了记忆的神经解剖学家 Jill Bolte Taylor将





个想法。Taylor 找到了这种想法失去的快乐。你也会。
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4. Working hard leads to success. Baby mammals, including humans, learn by

playing, which is why "the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of

Eton." Boys who'd spent years strategizing for fun gained instinctive skills to

handle real-world situations. So play as you did in childhood, with all-out

absorption. Watch for ways your childhood playing skills can solve a problem

(see #1). Play, not work, is the key to success. While we're on the subject...

4. 努力工作带来成功。小哺乳动物,包括人类在内,通过玩学习,这就是为什么说“

滑铁卢战役的胜利是在伊顿操场上取得的” 数年为乐趣进行策略化的男孩子们获得了



5. Success is the opposite of failure. Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing,

we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who

worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly

soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.

5. 成功是失败的对立。事实:从戒烟到滑雪,我们取得多少成功在于努力、失败和学习了



6. It matters what people think of me. "But if I fail," you may protest,

"people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide,

homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the

Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some

painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish

came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me

mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't

matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.

6. 人们对我的看法重要。“可是如果我失败了”你也许会抗议“人们会瞧不起我!”这个




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7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Your rational capacities are

far newer and more error-prone than your deeper, "animal" brain. Often complex

problems are best solved by thinking like an animal. Consider a choice you have

to make—anything from which movie to see to which house to buy. Instead of

weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each

option. Pay attention to when your body tenses or relaxes. And speaking of






8. The pretty girls get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned

this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get

preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While

everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous

client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever

noticing her soul.





9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Check it out:

People who have what you want are all over rehab clinics, divorce courts, and

jails. That's because good fortune has side effects, just like medications

advertised on TV. Basically, any external thing we depend on to make us feel

good has the power to make us feel bad. Weirdly, when you've stopped depending

on tangible rewards, they often materialize. To attract something you want,

become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the

thing, is the point.






10. Loss is terrible. Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon

myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to

like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic

if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A

real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've

abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that

pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul

will return home.





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Post time 2010-5-27 11:51:47 |Display all floors

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