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Any opinon or advice, please! [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2004-3-8 22:00:40 |Display all floors
Hi, friends,

If you net friend fell in love with you, what would you do?

You know clearly that it's impossible for you two. You understand that the continuation of the friendship will just get the other party hurted, so  you are considering to stop it, how would you do so that the other party won't get hurted?  

Could anyone shed any opinon or advice? Thanks a lot.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-3-8 22:50:54 |Display all floors

Consider this

You have assessed the situation and see that the relationship cannot go further, and you want to do the right thing, a part of which is to be honest with the person and spare them--and perhaps yourself--of continuing in such a way that will be ultimately more of a sticky situation and more painful.

When a person feels a strong attraction, such that they describe it as what is romantic love, they obvioulsy has a strong emotional attachment to the object of their love.

So, regardless of what you say, that person will feel pain and rejection. Anyone who has been rejected in love will usually question their own attractiveness and disrability, and their self-esteem will be lower.

In situations, such as these, the only wise thing you can do is to be honest--but gentle with the person. You must be honest with them, telling them that the situation appears too hopeless. If they try to counter with what are really impractical, fanciful ideas of how you can be together; whereas, the ideas are obviously unworkable, you must go to the point, with honesty and determination that you won't be talked out of your decision.

It will help if you first thing about how the person will react and know what you will say.

In a situation like this, being direct and honest--yet gentle and understanding of the other's feelings is best. There in never a way to keep the other from their pain and loneliness, but the person will get over it and go on with a normal life.

You cannot be responsible for the person's life and feelings. You are in an uncomfortable position, yourself, and the other person will not feel good--but this is a natural part of life. Most people go through these things, and they cope with them.

This is why I always feel it wise to know your own heart and go into a relationship very slowly to try to avoid creating a situation that will end for one or both in pain.

My own times of pain and my times of helping others through their pain, be it love, a death of a loved one (grandparent, parent, wife, husband, child, etc).

For those of you who are in the position of receiving the pain, use it as a learning situation. This is how you become wise. Wisdom never comes from reading a book, while you drink tea and eat snacks in the comfort of your soft chair and warm room.

Be kind, honest...and firm with that person, and things will be alright.

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Post time 2004-3-9 11:28:19 |Display all floors

oh!

oh, such long reply! Are U a psychologist? I am on your side mostly! But did you think about that feeling is feeling. U cannot put everything on the rational balance! Although rational analyse is very important, yet if you do everything like that you will not real you and also donnot you think its too tired? What i want say is that: Sometime do what you want do!  Like an idiom, "Just follow your feeling"!

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Post time 2004-3-9 21:35:31 |Display all floors

Thank you!

Thank you for your opinon and advice.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-3-9 21:36:45 |Display all floors

eric

My approach to psychology actually frees people from that which hinders and blocks their ability to function at higher levels and to enjoy life more.

I like to impart on others the ability to be free and spontaneous in their lives. In this matter, not knowing how to break off a relationship can be uncomfortable for those who don't know how to do it. I simply explained how to do it, such that any reader might find some useful information for themselves, should they find themselves in that situation.

So, eric, if a girl dumps you skillfully, then you know she read my relply, hehehe!!! Just kidding. :-)

My reply was actually very short. I think quickly and type quickly; plus, my reply might appear long to you, because you are not a native English speaker. The reply took less than 5 minutes.

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Post time 2004-3-10 11:43:58 |Display all floors

blue tiger

yes,  blue tiger, you are right, I am not english native speaker. But i dont consider it will block me express my opinion directly and correctly. Sometime thoughts like you foreign guys are different from our chinese! Did you ever find that? So they will take eachothers wrong, but it doesnot matter, the most important is we can communicate here at any time.

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Post time 2004-3-13 20:30:43 |Display all floors

to summer wind

I understand you. And I believe most people will encounter such a question, for life is so unknown. If I were the person who is carrying a torch, and the man I love does not care me, I will give up, though it's not easy to do so. If I were the person who is loved by the wrong man, I will tell him the truth clearly, It' s good for both. Then both know what each other think, communication will be much pressed.

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