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2007.01.05 Only a Joke
Last night, I was watching TV and waiting for my darling’s call. The TV was not interesting so it seemed that the time went by so slowly. I sent messages to him, told what I was thinking, but didn’t get his any reply. He told me that he had to go out for a supper with his colleagues, maybe they were enjoying the meal. |
When the minute hand past twenty three o’clock, the phone rang. I knew it must be his call. His voice was so quiet and low, he told me the result of his work, which was nothing with me. “I can not understand what you’re saying.” I said to him louder, I thought he would tell that how deep he missed me, but not. He continued to say, “Our leader’s wife complained that he was too busy to talk with her; One guy’s wife was pregnant but he had no time to take of her…” He didn’t know how disappointed I was, maybe he didn’t recognize that I was waiting for his call. He didn’t say some sweet words to me, instead he told others’ things. The call lasted about twenty minutes, he said “ I am so tired, I have to go to sleep.” The voice became lower and lower, what could I say, I said nothing at last, he ended the call.
Even when I talked to him, the tears coming out of my eyes, he certainly didn’t know my appearance. After the short call, I couldn’t help to crying in the quilt. Some dissatisfying feels came to my mind, waiting was too horrible. I’m a person, who has the life by myself, can’t tell the real feelings to others. Crying in the quilt, having some words in my mind, like a poem. I thought I have to write it down the second day. The more I write, the more I feel lonely. Other guys those read my words can not understand completely, sometimes I only want to write down without getting any comments by others.
One of my friends usually tells something interesting around her. But sometimes I really want to tell her that, if you are under the similar condition of me, you don’t know how to smile. You have not experienced, you can’t understand the feelings. Maybe I can end the contact with her, for we’re not the same guy. I like reading the list of my phone, delete the names those not familiar to me, maybe we were once good friends but now we had nothing to say. Just like a road, you chose to walk on the wide one, I chose the narrow one, we will have no cross.
These days I’m thinking what kinds of friends are necessary to be contacted, I delete so many names. Now I even have no friend to send a message to. What’s a joke, there are still so many names in my phone list. A friend can’t share the sad with you, a friend can’t enjoy a happiness with you. He, a joke, can’t tell in some words.