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Humor sentences about women(both in Chinese and English) [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2007-8-26 11:12:56 |Display all floors
有关女人的幽默句子

1 如果一个女人想要一件钻石头饰,她会解释那样会省下一顶帽子钱。
If a woman wanted a diamond tiara, she would explain that it was to save the expense of a bonnet.
创新句子:妻子对丈夫说:我就要这个钻戒算了,我想给你省一副手套钱。

2 我只知道一个女人不想要金子——她拿走了钻石。
I never knew but one woman who would not take gold --- and she took diamonds.
创新句子:我不喜欢钱,喜欢钻石。
朋友请客,让你点菜,你说:来份龙虾,我想给你省盘儿醋溜白菜的钱。
打车时这样劝自己:打车还能省下坐公共汽车的钱。

3 如果你是个女人,你就会知道女人一辈子最困难的五年是从29岁到30岁。
If you were a woman you’d know that the most difficult five years in a woman’s life are from twenty-nine to thirty.
注:女人调侃自己怕老:女人一辈子最困难的五年是从29岁到30岁。

4 女人只能保守一个秘密——她的年龄。
A woman can keep one secret --- the secret of her age.
创新句子:我不愿意告诉你我已经30了。

5 只要女人看起来能比她女儿还年轻10岁,她就非常满意了。
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
创新句子:谁希望比自己的女儿还年轻10岁?

6 不允许杀死伤害过你的女人,但什么也禁止不了你去想她每一分钟都在变老。
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has injured you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
创新句子:我允许你想我一天天变老。

7 “我想知道他是不是知道如何把女人锯成两半,”Larry(人名)沉思着说,“我的意思是,这样你就可以只要有功能,但不讲话的那一半了。”
“I wonder if he knows how to saw a woman in half,” said Larry thoughtfully. “I mean, so that you can get the half that functions but doesn’t talk.”
注:丈夫嫌女人唠叨,女人回答:要不你找个魔术师把我锯成两半,你只要会做饭但不说话的那一半。

8 “你曾经在办公室工作过,是不是,Jill(人名)?”一次一个女权主义者热切地问我,“男人骚扰过你吗?”
“骚扰过,”我回答,“但还远远不够。”
“You worked in an office once didn’t you, Jill?” a feminist [男女平等主义者] once asked earnestly.[热切地] “Did men ever harass[骚扰] you?” “Yes,” I replied, “but not nearly enough.”
创新句子:你骚扰过女权主义者吗?

9 没有什么比女人直接对着坛子喝酒更缺少女人味的了。
There is nothing less feminine than a woman drinking out of a jug.
创新句子:你喜欢直接对着酒瓶子喝酒的女孩儿吗?

10 二十年的浪漫使一个女人看起来象一座废墟,二十年的婚姻使她象一座公共建筑之类的东西。
Twenty years of romance[浪漫] make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.
创新句子:那二十年的浪漫婚姻呢?

11 女人的风流韵事就象乘于洪水的潮汐,流向……上帝知道是什么地方。
There is a tide in the affairs of women
Which, taken at the flood, leads --- God knows where.
创新句子:人生象一条河,人生象一场梦,人生象一杯茶,人生什么都象。

12 世界上还有比给女人号脉更糟糕的职业呢。
There are worse occupations[职业] in the world than feeling a woman’s pulse.
创新句子:女人调侃自己情绪多变:我感到生活枯燥无聊时,就给自己号脉。

13 没有丑女人,只有不会打扮的女人。
There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty.
创新句子:别人都夸我长得漂亮,但从不当面夸我。

14 女人非常敏感,她们甚至能听到和闻到不存在的东西。
Women have such keen senses they can even smell and hear noises that don’t exist.
创新句子:我也是这么敏感,有人说我多疑。

15 女人有一种奇妙的本能:除了显而易见的事情,她们什么都能发现。
Women have a wonderful instinct[本能] about things; they can discover anything except the obvious.[显而易见的]
创新句子:你的观察力不错,除了显而易见的事情,大部分你都能看清事物的本质,

16 女人总是激励我们干大事,又是她们阻碍我们去实现。
It is often woman who inspires [激励] us with the great things that she will prevent us from accomplishing.
创新句子:希望男人成就事业,又希望男人在家多陪她。
我太太一直激励要我做大事,现在我的酒量一天天长起来了。

17 对夸奖没有感觉的丑女人大自然很难造出来。
Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible [无知觉的] to flattery upon her person.
创新句子:别人夸我英俊我也会很高兴,虽然还没人这么夸我。

18女人通常选择愿意选择她的男人。
Generally the woman chooses the man who will choose her.
创新句子:花心男人说:我愿意选择一个感觉我愿意选择她的女人。

19 女人总是在附笔里写出自己的想法。
A woman seldom writes her mind but in her postscript.
创新句子:顺便说一句,你还该我10块钱呢。

20 我妻子有闭月羞花之容,但在这点上我不屑于同别人辩论。
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.
创新句子:我妻子很漂亮,我不想同你们争论。

21 一个女人站在门口谈了20分钟,她没有时间进去。
A woman stands 20 minutes talking at a door because she hasn’t time to come in.
创新句子:我不想占你太多的时间,因为我很忙。

22 大多数女人只是当丈夫在睡梦中嘟嘟囔囔时才全神贯注听他们说话。
The only time most women give their orating husbands undivided [专心的] attention is when the old boys mumble [咕哝] in their sleep.
注:妻子说梦话时,丈夫也很专注。

23 女人唯一不喜欢的金制品是沉默。
The only golden thing that women dislike is silence.
注:沉默是金。

24 她昨天晚上粉擦得太多,衣服穿得太少,对女人来说那常常是一种绝望的迹象。
She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes; that is always a sign of despair in a woman.
注:浓妆艳抹就是对自己没有信心。

25 女人对秘密有两种看法:一是它不值得保存,二是它太好了不能保存。
A woman has two views of a secret. Either it’s not worth keeping, or it’s too good to keep.
创新句子:为什么要保守秘密?

26 男人不应该对妻子有秘密,她总能发现他的秘密
No man should have a secret from his wife; she invariably finds it out.
创新句子:妻子渴望发现丈夫的秘密,更渴望发现没有秘密。

27 女人有时侯对由她无情地引起的悲伤感到同情。
A woman sometimes feels pity for the sorrows that she causes without remorse.
注:先甩了男人,再表示同情。

28 一个女人的姿态是另一个女人的毒药。
One woman’s pose[姿态] is another woman’s poison.
注:东施笑颦。

29 年轻早已经成了她的一个习惯,她跟年轻分不开了。
Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it.
创新句子:我已经习惯年轻了。

30女人的直觉对男人来说通常只不过是透明的东西罢了。
What passes for woman’s intuition [直觉] is often nothing more than man’s transparency.[透明]
创新句子:表达谦虚可以说“我的直觉对你来说不过是透明的东西“;
表达骄傲可以说:“你的直觉对我来说只不过是透明的东西。”

31 女人的直觉是百万年来不思考的结果。
Women’s intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.
创新句子:我的直觉是我多年不思考的结果。

32 女人不是为购买艺术着迷,而是为画廊里嘈杂的声音着迷。
A woman is fascinated [着迷] not by art buy but by the noise made by those who are in the art field.

33 房间里一个男人等于大街上的两个。
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
注:模仿:
一鸟在手等于二鸟在林
A bird in hand is worth two in the bushes.
到手的东西才是自己的

34 女人第一次结婚是为了爱,第二次是为了找个伴,第三次是为了获得供给,剩下的只是出于习惯了。
A woman marries the first time for love, the second time for companionship, the third time for support, and the rest of the time just from habit.
注:有这样的女人。

35 如果有很多人都象她,那点儿库存光环早就用光了。
If there were many more like her, the stock [库存] of halos would give out.
创新句子:如果人人都象她那么成功,成功的光环早就用光了。

36 漂亮女人是眼睛的天堂,钱包的地狱。
A beautiful woman is paradise [天堂] for the eyes, hell for the purse.

37 我非常喜欢和女人在一起,喜欢她们的美丽,喜欢她们的风情万种,喜欢她们的活泼可爱,还喜欢她们的沉默。
I am very fond of the company of ladies; I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.

38 女人会对她的第一个情人长时间地保持忠诚——除非她碰巧弄到了第二个情人。
A woman is faithful to her first lover a long time --- unless she happens to take a second.
创新句子:我会一直忠于你的,如果实在找不到第二个情人的话。

39 你搞不清她这身装束是去听歌剧呢,还是去做手术呢。
You couldn’t tell is she was dressed for an opera [歌剧] or an operation.

40 不管是什么东西只要女人认为商店赔钱了她都要买。
It makes no difference what it is, a woman will buy anything she thinks a store is losing money on.
创新句子:大减价时老太太买了两双旱冰鞋,老头对老太太说:
这回商店可赔惨了。

41 女人的胃口很大程度上由环境决定。
The size of a woman’s stomach depends largely on her surroundings.[环境]
创新句子:我喜欢在干净的环境里吃饭,旁边不能有猪圈什么的。

42 女人有时侯会为她的罪忏悔,但我从没见过承认自己错误的女人。
A woman will sometimes confess her sins, but I never knew one to confess her faults.

43 女人必须选择:和女人都喜欢的男人在一起不安全;和女人不喜欢的男人在一起,不快乐。
A woman must choose: with a man liked by women, she is not sure; with a man disliked by women, she is not happy.

44 美女的窃窃耳语比责任的大声疾呼传得还要远。
The whisper of a beautiful woman can be heard farther than the loudest call of duty.
创新句子:亲爱的,我为了你上刀山,下火海也甘心情愿,你让我把我的旧电视机捐给贫困山区,我也愿意。

45 女人用她们的弱点来武装自己时最强大。
Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness.
创新句子:男人都喜欢怜香惜玉,你也不例外。

46 她失去了贞洁——丢掉的?她带着贞洁在森林散步,遗弃了它。
Losing her virginity[贞洁] --- losing it? She’s taken it for a walk in the woods and abandoned[遗弃] it.
注:她是故意失身的吗?

本人潜心研究幽默英语16年,积累了几万条好玩儿的、智慧的句子和大量笑话,全部中英文对照。如果你英语不错,欢迎指出我翻译中的不妥之处;如果你想学好英语,我们有系统的通过幽默句子学习语法、单词和口语的体系。我们的宗旨是:培养兴趣,持之以恒,掌握英语,创新思维,保持乐观,汲取智慧。请访问www.humorenglish.cn 非常希望与英语爱好者和幽默爱好者交流。

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Post time 2007-8-26 20:13:29 |Display all floors
Haha, they make me feel relaxed. Good job. Thank you.

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Post time 2007-8-26 21:15:40 |Display all floors
哈哈

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Post time 2007-8-27 15:40:15 |Display all floors
Thanks for your sharing.
I'm happy when I read your thread.

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Post time 2010-9-1 13:26:07 |Display all floors
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