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Tuesday, June 19, 2007 Cloudy|
Just now I was frightened to wake up from a nap. I dreamed of parting with my daughter. I still feel very sad now. Many things appear in my mind’s eye just like a vivid film.
When I was pregnant, I thought I would give him/her much space for him/her to grow up, let him/her have a free and pleasant childhood and treat him/her equally as a friend, not like our parents treating us, though I didn’t know how to be a mother. Since she was born, I’ve tried to do as I thought. I tended her carefully and scientifically according to a Japanese nursing book which is very helpful. As a result, she grew healthy and active, and seldom became ill.
At that time around where I worked are mountains covered with green trees all the year round and rivers which are clean and shallow. It’s very nice for children to have fun. I used to accompany her to play outside as long as she wanted. In winter we often climbed the hills, and flew kites. In summer we usually swam in the small river, so she could swim at 3. Most time I let her play alone or with her little friends to her heart’s content. I seldom limited her to the house and forced her to study as most mothers do at present On the other hand, I taught her to bathe herself, wash dishes and do everything she could before primary school. Since ten, she could wash clothes for all of us with washing machines. Now she has grown up to be a kind, mild, thrifty, outgoing girl. She is welcome wherever she goes. What eases my mind is that I needn’t worry about her living. I’m sure she can take care of herself if she leaves me.
I remember I’ve never whiped her, but I’m strict with her. Sometimes I scold her for her fault (in my eyes). Once she said, “Mom, your voice was so loud that I was frightened.” That surprised me. I’ve never expected that. I’m meditating. What a poor child. She has suffered so in the past years. I can’t imagine how I scared her when she was a little child. I regret so much that I promise not to scold her any more. Why can’t I have a talk with her quietly when she makes mistakes. Am I always right or is she always wrong? I don’t think so.
As we all know, there’s no school to teach us how to be parents. We can only learn by ourselves from practice. Once there’s a common saying: Learn from children. I think it’s sort of right. I’ve realized it. It’s not late.