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the hardest thing [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2004-2-18 23:28:58 |Display all floors
i have ever experienced is being away from my wife.

some of you know about us. we got married recently in beijing and now I am back in the states preparing to bring her here.

I was wondering has anyone ever gone throught what I am experiencing?

thanks


born

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Post time 2004-2-20 22:15:29 |Display all floors

i miss you too

i know it's hard for us ..i've tried my best and i am  really willing do everthing for us.do not worry we will be fine.

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Post time 2004-2-21 08:59:47 |Display all floors

i know

but its just very different this time begin away from you my queen.

the last two times was not as serious. now everything has changed and everything has come with a very serious importance to it. EVERYTHING.
i want it all to work out fast and be perfect!!

guess im asking for too much.

but im glad to see you read this post.

i miss u terribly.

:)

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Post time 2004-2-23 14:11:38 |Display all floors

see this and u know what's the hardest thing

I could show you private messages from very dirty old western men who have asked me how to meet and marry a Chinese girl.

Many horrible western guys want to marry Chinese girls only for sex, thinking they are submissive and dumb!!!

I have very much respect for Chinese girls, and I know that they deserve much better lives than they have had for many centuries!

You need to learn English much better and also that there are many western guys who cannot be trusted, who are very dangerous for Chinese girls...truly dangerous!

Canada is not as well developed as America, and many foreign girls disappear in Canada...murdered and buried in wilderness forrests.

In western Canada were there is a huge Chinese community, Chinese snakeheads will lure young, pretty Chinese girls out of China to sell them as slaves into international prostitution.

The world is not simple and innocent--not in China, nor anywhere else.

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Post time 2004-2-24 15:06:01 |Display all floors

dangerous is correct

this is sad but true.  it happens all the time and sadly also is that it is not dicussed in american public that much. nor is it reported often. i dont know why or how its kept so quietly but it makes me cry for the human race.

i have some friends in china , including my wife, and some friends here in san francisco from korea, china and japan and here in the states that have discussed this horrible problem and it really shocked me when i first heard about it...

My korean friend told me about how the women run from north korea into  china and so forth. and how some women are sold for many reasons.

i know this is a scary thing for any woman contemplating coming to the united states.  i can  understand that for sure.

my two friends, eric and christian, have girlfriends here in the bay area who work with woman from these type of situations and they help them get proper identication, citizenzhip, education and jobs and homes.
theyve told me some pretty bad things.

but just cuz these things happen it doesnt mean all us american guys are bad. i think that this topic sometimes isnt proper to discuss.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I WANT MY WIFE TO MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO TO LIVE WITH ME

sorry im just very angry because she was very upset about this topic and its a concern of hers. i dont blame her for thinking about this but when she cant sleep , gets moody with me and we fight about it.

I will not just sit around and not speak my mind about it.

- born

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Post time 2004-2-24 16:25:36 |Display all floors

bornof_fire

I had just replied to your private message, before I had seen that you posted, here.

I told you that I work with the Washington State Governor's Commission that deals with these problems. The governor of  Washinton is Chinese-American. Also, I told you that Seattle, WA is a major destination for Chinese smuggled by snakeheads.

San Francisco, for many years, has had a large Chinese population, and Asia issues are very much discussed and dealt with.

My suggestion is that you and your wife get involved with various Asian social services organizations. San Francisco is the leader, in all of America, in such things.

Have you heard of cross-cultural counseling? I think you should get your wife involved in that. I guarantee that she will meet highly educated Chinese-American women who can help her adjust much better to American life and deal effectively with her fears from her perspective.

I don't know if you are a white American or a non-Asian American, but if you are, you have to realize that you cannot understand your wifes inner-most feelings and fears. That is best left to someone who is of Asian descent, who understands her cultural ancestory, and her fears.

You yourself say that you are fighting with her, and that is not going to make her feel secure and safe--nor closer to you. Don't make yourself a foreigner in her life!

I don't know you, but from what you say here--and from what I see in your private message--you appear to be stubborn and controlling.

So, as I say, San Francisco has tremendously good cross-cultural counseling and social services programs to help people like your wife. And they can help the two of you get past the fighting and improve your  understanding of each other.

Same race-culture marriage is difficult enough for many people!
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I came back to edit this and add an information source for you. This web site lists a number of very helpful San Francisco Chinatown organizations that can help you and your wife with your problems. Does she speak Mandarin? Cantonese? She can receive help in those or any other Chinese dialects. You can't beat that for help!

http://www.pbs.org/kqed/chinatown/resourceguide/cmmtyorg.html

I hope things work out for the two of you. Good luck and happiness for both of you!

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Post time 2004-2-24 16:50:43 |Display all floors

Oh, my head is beginning to ache!!!

So, this is bornof_fire and Beijinggirl--married?

Now, I am beginning to understand! I see that beijinggirl has posted what I had warned single girls about, when they meet guys over the internet. I could say that the warning can well apply to girls who meet Chinese guys in China over the internet.

My whole point was not to live in a fantasy world, that reality can be horrifying. But it can be great if they are just very patient and take a lot of time to really know the guy.

Beijinggirl, you don't have a thing to worry about. You are married, and San Francisco is a very, very wonderful, beautiful city. It has a large Chinese population, such that--if you feel homesick--you can go be among other Chinese people.

Chinese people are very prominent in San Francisco. They are well-liked and well-respected. You will never have to miss any traditional Chinese festivals.

Go be with your husband and enjoy the beauty and culture of San Francisco. I promise you that you will be as safe there as anywhere else in the world!!!

Uh...just don't cross the bridge into Oakland, hehehehehe!!!

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