Author: holidays

Let's talk about international and interracial marriage [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-5-26 11:14:33 |Display all floors

blackazngirl

Originally posted by blkazngirl at 2006-5-23 18:09
"You and I will always be friends but not like young people. you know today they like each other, tomorrow they like somebody else. I don't want us to be like them."   ...


I consider you are very lucky girl. What he had said to you showed precisely how a descent traditional Chinese man would think. He might not be good at saying sweet words but rather showing his love with his commitment to you. Thank you very much for sharing your expereince.
You are right about the similarity of soul food and Chinese food. One of my close freinds is black as well. I remember how we spent hours and hours to brade her hair and one of my Chinese friend was also fond of her too... Anyway, you kind of reminds me her a little bit. :)
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Post time 2006-5-29 06:04:04 |Display all floors

Hidenseek

<<<To all out there who have been in a cross cultural relationship, what problems did you face that were not assosiated with being in a relationship of same cultures...in detail and how did you deal with them?>>>
Like I said it earlier, diat habbit and preference of food. How do we deal with it? Still don't know after 7 years of eating together.

<<<Just in terms of the role of the man and woman! >>>
It all depends on how they meet and what they are seeking in their relationship. I am hesitating to generalize here. I think if the man is westener and the woman is Chinese and they met thru internet services like Chinese bride or similar sites like that, I would assume the woman would be in a submissive role and the man will be in a dominant position. But if they meet in normal social setting and mutrual attraction is the reason the relationship starts, the role of man and woman has no difference with other relationship.

<<<what issues did you and your girlfriend have to sort through to have a successful relationship?>>>
In my case, a lot. But my expereince might not be typical. It might be very likely that I am a difficult person.Or we both are. You see, normal success rate for NORMAL marriage in US is less than 50%. So there is really NO fairy tale. Just lots of hard work.
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Post time 2006-5-29 06:08:54 |Display all floors

Spiritrace

Originally posted by spiritrace at 2006-5-25 17:03
The best way is to talk it out

Good to have a way to deal with it. In our case, we both talk them out too. And way out loud.
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Post time 2006-5-29 06:11:24 |Display all floors

EOS

Originally posted by eyeofstorm at 2006-5-25 22:09
diversity...its a beautiful thing.

My way of looking at it: Enjoy it as much as possible while it is still beautiful.
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Post time 2006-5-29 06:21:29 |Display all floors

I have a question for the men in this kind of relationship

How do you feel if it is the other way around. You live in her country for the rest of your life, Eat local CHiense food most of the time. Leave your parents, relatives, freinds back in your OLD country. Only see them maybe once every other years. Learn Chinese and work like other locals. If you can't find jobs, maybe stay home to take care of the house or your kids. Anybody can tell how would you feel. And please, be honest.
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Post time 2006-5-31 23:10:54 |Display all floors

good question holiday's

Holidays,

I have thought of this question many times and honestly it is difficult.  The only part of China that I have visited is
Guangzhou and I could not live there.  I would give up my true love instead of moving there.  I have really enjoyed my
time there and have met great people that would become my friends.  I would tire very fast of the people staring at me,  
the homeless begging me for money, and the living conditions in general.  I also could not get a job such as I have in the
US.  I actually enjoy the food there and many other things I like in China versus the US.  Not enough to move there though.

I have done many things for my fiance to make her adjustment easier to the US because I have considered the question
that you ask.  I have a computer that can has Chinese language capabilities, a phone service that is conducive to calling China, Chinese TV stations, and an English teacher who is the best.  I know where Chinatown is here and have visited
and explored.  I believe that we can have a better life in the US and not just because of money.

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Post time 2006-6-1 06:57:04 |Display all floors

Tarheel23

Thank you for your sincere answer. I think the fact that BOTH of you believe that you can have a better life in US is very crutial. But I wonder whether your wife to be really know how life in US is. I am not trying to be pessimistic. I just want to look at both parties of a marriage in an equal point of view. Maybe it is more normal for the woman to follow the man. That means the woman in this case will have to comprimise more. Am I right?
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