我编了一篇文章《天地肥皂泡》,有时间者帮我修改,不甚感激!!! - Page 2 - Translation Tips 翻译点津 - Chinadaily Forum
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我编了一篇文章《天地肥皂泡》,有时间者帮我修改,不甚感激!!! [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2018-4-20 20:43:09 |Display all floors
This post was edited by zhihu1 at 2018-4-20 21:09

2.

The earth stared at the sky
The sky stared at the earth
Within sight but beyond reach


The earth looked up at the sky
The sky looked down on the earth
Within sight, beyond reach


The earth missed the sky
The sky missed the earth
Minds acted upon minds

The earth was missing the sky
The sky was thinking of the earth
There must have existed telepathy





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Post time 2018-4-20 20:54:23 |Display all floors
This post was edited by zhihu1 at 2018-4-20 21:48

3.


With goo goo eyes
Minds met minds
Deep love and friendship
Were dead thirsty one


Both were amorous
They're on each other's mind
with deep fondess
pining for each other



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Post time 2018-4-20 21:04:24 |Display all floors
4.
The earth said to the sky
The sky listened to the earth

The earth spilled her guts to the sky
The sky picked up his ears

Comment:
1. In Chinese philosophy, the earth is feminine and the sky is masculine.
2.  There lacks a zing in the OP's translation which is loyal to the original to a fault.




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Post time 2018-4-20 21:14:07 |Display all floors
This post was edited by zhihu1 at 2018-4-20 21:29

5.


If only
We could dine together
How honeyed

If only
We could break bread
How sweet it would be

comment:
1. Honeyed is inappropriate.
2. break bread = dine together, but is more visual.





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Post time 2018-4-20 21:21:24 |Display all floors
6.
If only
We could go to sack in together
How warm


If only
We could share the bed
How cosy it would be


comment:
I prefer "cosy" than "warm".


cosy = to emphasise the comfortness, regardless of seasons.



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Post time 2018-4-20 21:41:56 |Display all floors
That reminded me of a song by "The Who". The song, "Love, Reign O'er Me". My favorite song by this group.
After all, the earth would be barren without the sky.

-----
Only love can make it rain
The way the beach is kissed by the sea
Only love can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers layin' in the fields

Love, reign o'er me
Love, reign o'er me
Rain on me, rain on me

Only love can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high

Love, reign o'er me
Rain on me, rain on me
Love, reign o'er me
Rain on me, rain on me

On the dry and dusty road
The nights we spend apart alone
I need to get back home to cool, cool rain

I can't sleep, and I lay, and I think
The night is hot and black as ink
Oh God, I need a drink of cool, cool rain

Love, reign o'er me
Reign o'er me, o'er me, o'er me
Love, reign o'er me, o'er me
Love
----
If capitalism promotes innovation and creativity then why aren't scientists and artists the richest people in a capitalist nation?

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Post time 2018-4-20 21:42:23 |Display all floors
This post was edited by zhihu1 at 2018-4-21 08:53

7.
If only
We could promenade together
How romantic


If only
We could go for a walk together
How romantic it would be


Comment:
"promenade" is outdated, literal, and very formal. Try to use small words, or you would sound like a stuffy pedant.



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