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Sel and Xp. You are great with dirary-like ,self made story to tell in true sens
The pratagonist is Xp
You know what? I’ll probably feel stupid or posting this.
But screw it. All of you who are desperate for love might find salvation in this.
I have loved, and I did my best to live up to what I thought it should be.
But at the age of 29, I’m collapsing under my own expectations.
I’m Chinese. I’m American. I’m a confused soul.
Or maybe I’m the bridge that most of you need.
The Chinese ideal of sacrifices and selflessness, plus the American sense of individual and freedom.
Perhaps, I’m the worst of the combination.
I can’t free myself like most Americans would, nor can I free myself like most Chinese could.
Tomorrow, when I wake up from all this hang over, I’ll go visit my wife again.
Maybe I’ll beseech the nurses for any signs of hope.
Maybe I’ll argue with the doctors because I don’t like their realistic views.
Maybe I’ll resign to fate, and crumble.
What am I? Am I Chinese? Am I American?
Am I suffering this because I’m a masochist or am I a good man?
Regrets. Fate. Love. Life. I have spent too much time thinking.
But in the end, there is no real answer. I’m confused as ever.
You can’t help me. Nobody can.
I’ll have to do this alone. Make a decision.
But what would fate have in store for me this time?
Go down with the ship as a good man?
Or be logical as my teachings taught me?
Do I owe her my life?
The decision is always impossible to make, even if everyone tells you one thing.
I’m sorry, I need to vent.
You don’t know me.
I’m a stranger in a strange world.
I just needed to be drunk and vent…
I think I’ll feel better tomorrow. Good night. 6:46 am.
2005-04-10 18:48 Reply
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freedom from the known
People can tell you something what is the true love, but they can not tell what is your true love like, for that is your own thing. We should begin somewhere from knowing ourselves.