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the man i love called me cheater last night [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-13 16:48:02 |Display all floors
i fall in love with a British man. i know some people would laugh at me since i said i've had enough of long distance relationship. but this time, i still fall in love with a man whho is much further from me. he is in UK, and i am in China. keeping a long distance relationship is really hard for me. that's why i was hesited to accept his love.  but later, i found that i fall in love with him. i like to be with him, talk with him. i like his voice, making me calm and happy. what's more, he brought a sense of security to me, which is what i want. he is muture, caring, and sexy. anyway, he is a good guy. i thought he was the right one i am looking for. but later, i found that he never trusted me. he was always suspecting i was talking with other men on msn. besides, he didn't want me to go with another man, no matter this man is my friend or not. i thought his over-jealousy was due to his full love to me (and he did love me very much), therefore i didn't care about that. i never expected how serious it is.

last night, i couldn't fall asleep since i had slept from 7:00pm to 9:00pm as i i was too sleepy then. thus, i was going surfing on line. my msn signed in autimatically when i am on line. i was reading some posts on tianyaclub forum, and later i was playing games on line. playing games is really a good way to kill time. i didn't notice the time until msn informed me that someone signed in. it was already nearly 5:00am. i didn't know who it was at first, since i had never seen this name before. and i greeted him with a "hi". right after my greeting, i checked his email and got excited that it was him! i was really happy to see him at that time. obviously, he got shocked as he saw i was still on line at 5:00am. but he didn't answer me at the first time. thus i turned back to play games. after game, i found he was very angry as i could tell from his message. he thought i was busy chatting with some other men. no matter how i explained to him, he just couldn't believe me. he even called me CHEATER! gosh! i never cheat him a word! he thought he got played. i was really angry then. i don't know why he didn't trust me. in fact, he has questioned my love to him many times. i always believe love is based on mutural trust. since he loved me, why didn't he trust me? one day he told me that he knew he couldn't control me, and said i am a free woman. frankly speaking, i got a little shocked when he used the word "control", i never thought he wanted to control me.

we "argued" (he didn't think it was an arguement, he took it as a talk) about this matter for nearly an hour. and it ended with his words," bye bye, china doll." he has already made up his mind to split up with me. i was feeling rather blue at that time. i cried silently in front of my pc. i told him he is the second man to make me cry in front of my pc. you would never know what he replied: only the second one? what was i supposed to say? i went back to my bed and still couldn't fall asleep. i missed him. i missed him very much.but i forced myself to sleep. i should have some sleep then.

i woke up at 10:30am this morning, and found that he called me at 8:30am. you must know how happy i was at that time. and later i re-installed my pc. when everything was done, i told him i want to have a talk with him by email. later he signed in. but gave me a cold shoulder. i asked him not to treat me like that and he answered he never said anything. i said sorry that i didn't know he called me last night (maybe i should say this morning), and he said he just tested his phone. that's all. nothing sepcial. i said to myself to be strong in mind but i couldn't help tears coming down from my eyes, just like now. i don't know what's going on between us. i never want to lose him.

there's no more contact with him in the future. but i will NEVER remove him from my msn.

i am missing him now.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-13 17:06:11 |Display all floors

Sorry to hear that!

Really sorry to hear that! Many times, the two loved person like to do hatchet job to  each other, especially when off one's trolley. In fact, they're deeply loved. After quarrel, both sides will feel depressed and heartrending, but no one is willing to compromise first. This's a common phenomenon between lovers. So no need to worry about that too much! With time going, you will realize how impulsive you're at that moment! Then just try to find a convenient chance to apologize and explain all the facts again! If result shows still bad, you must consider it carefully! Anyhow, wish you good luck!

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Post time 2005-1-13 17:41:22 |Display all floors

Are you

Are you a cheater?

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Post time 2005-1-13 17:42:25 |Display all floors

i can imagine

i did once fall in love with a guy through the internet.
and i knew it's very heart aching when we fell apart.
i knew the bitterness of this kinda net love.
it's more bitter than the usual ones.

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Post time 2005-1-13 18:52:23 |Display all floors

nothing!!!

recover from it and everything will be ok!!!!

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Post time 2005-1-13 21:43:24 |Display all floors

THe Man You Loved Called you A cheater.

My Dear I am A Canadian Native, and I feel very sad to hear your story, because sometime I feel the same way you are feeling. In my case when I love someone it is from the Heart only, even if she did something wrong, I will forgive that person. We can never know what is in the Heart. The Heart is one of the Most important organ in our body, you may say why. Let me explain, your heart has feeling like LOVE, HATE, Sadness, Pain, Even to Kill someone, so it is made of all the feelings you can muster. I am looking for that special Gir in China myself. And it is sometime very difficult to trust anyone, however if you really LOVE a Person from the AND YOU MADE AN OATH TO THAT PERSON YOU WILL love ONLY YOU AND NO ONE ELSE, THEN YOU MUST MEET THAT REQUIREMENT, I BELIEVE YOUR MAN IS A WEAK MAN. I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS. I am a Businessman in Canada, and very soon I will come to China and set up my Brancg Business over there and Buy a Home so I can stal as long as I like and carry out my Business. Do not worry if he really Loves you from his heart he will not Question you so much and Insult you. My House in Candad is open I am prepared to Share whatever I have with the Woman of My Dream. I wish you Happiness.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-13 23:31:19 |Display all floors

there may be a culture difference

But would someone please explain to me why so many chinese girls set themselves up to be victims? Reading posts like this is.... just a little off putting.

Do they want to be kicked, and then get up, just so they can be kicked again? Is this cycle of self pity and self victimizing a part of chinese culture? Girls in the US rarely behave like this.

I'm sorry, I'm actually very much confounded by some of the things I see in this forum. I came to learn more about the daily life in china, and I am interested in trying to figure this out.

=======================

Anyway, here is my western perspective. A relationship should be a relatively equal one. I have found out that an un-equal relationship, one where one of the partner invests far more than the other, tend to lead to mistreatment and ultimately failure. I know that some of you might think that if you tried harder, you sacrificed more, you can make up for the lack of effort of the other person, and make the relationship work. I'm sorry, but that's not how people operate.

The harder you try, the more desperate you are, the less attractive you become to the other person. This tends to diminish your worth in their eyes, either consciously or sub-consciously. This can lead to the mistreatments. Also, your hunger for them to reciprocate your love and make commitments, also adds a lot of stress to the other person. As a result, the more effort you put into a relationship, the other person often respond by doing *less* for the relationship just to maintain a safe distance, or status quo.

What you want is a relationship where both people invest roughly the same amount, emotionally and physically.   Love is about give and take.  It's the exchange of deeds/sacrifices that moves a relationship forward.

What I'm trying to say is: you are trying too hard. Instead of going out begging for love, and start receiving some. Most guys like to chase the girls a little, instead of having them falling into our laps. This is partly because of western culture, and partly because we want to assure ourselves that we are catching something worthwhile, and it also makes achieving the goal that much sweeter.

Also, if the guy doesn't want you to go out with any other guys or friends, he’s either very insecure or very domineering. If it’s due to insecurity, there has to be a reason. Something to hide? Something he lacks? Something else maybe? Think about it. If he’s domineering and wants total control over you, then staying with him will only spell disaster later. Either way, it’s not looking good.

I hope you feel better. But don't live in self-pity, please, take a moment to learn where things went wrong in all your past relationships.

You are someone special. Let no one tell you otherwise. Grow stronger, and trust in your own worth.

Best of wishes.

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