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Well why does this happen to me again? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-12 04:16:52 |Display all floors
I was so determined to get into a more serious and mature relation, then this girl came into the scene. I had met her at a party in our dorm. She was with some black friends of hers. We talked for a while and exchanged phone numbers.

After a few days she came to visit me. And on just the third meeting, she invited me to visit her apartment. It was already almost 11pm. I went there and we talked well into the night. There was no power that night and we just talked and talked. Then she asked me if I could stay there as she was a little afraid (we had been telling ghost stories... but now i guess she wasn't that scared). And just when I was about to ask which room should I sleep in (she has two rooms), she told me I could sleep with her as it was very cold and she didn't have enough blankets. We slept and I couldn't help but snuggle her. On that night,  I didn't have a rubber with me and so we didn't make love. Honestly, I was not aware that she was gonna ask me to stay overnight.

The next day we woke up very late and then we went to my place. That night when she was about to leave I asked If I could come over and she agreed. We made love but it wasn't really good. She said she didn't like using condoms and so we stopped.

Then she told me some things which I didn't really like. She told me that on that night when I had first met her, a black friend (A) of hers asked her to go to his room and she did. Then the guy asked her to "have some fun together". Then the other black guy (B), who'd invited her to the party, came looking for her. A asked her not to make any noise and when B was gone she came out of the room and joined the party again. I didn't ask her if she did have some "fun" with A though. She couldn't have been so naive to go to his room at midnight and not expect somthing like that.

Then she also told me that she'd been friends with B for two years and asked me if I did not think she might have made love with him. I just dismissed any discussion of that by turning the conversation to something else.

Now after about two weeks, I again went to her place to stay overnight the day before yesterday. She was having her period and so we just talked and watched a movie. Yesterday I went to her place again, after the two of us had spent the whole day in my apartment. On our way she told me, casually, about a common friend (C) who'd slept with a black guy.

C is a recent friend of mine and my girl knew her through me. But these days they are usually together. C even calls my girl to sleep over. C, a friend of mine (a man), my girl, a girlfriend of hers and I went to a Karaoke recently and afterwards went to C's place. We slept there that night after watching movies and eating noodles and gossiping.
She said, with light-hearted humor, that we shouldn't sleep on her bed next time because that's where C had slept with a black guy. I wonder if she brought up all this just to make me think that her relation with B or A, for that matter, is purely Platonic. Then I asked what's wrong with black guys. She replied she would make good friends with them but wouldn't like to sleep with one.

Yesterday night she also said something which I really didn't like. She said her friends think that foreigners are just for fun; one cannot have a true relation with a foreigner. I guess mentioning that HER FRIENDS THINK SO might just have been an attempt to soften the crudeness of the fact that it was her own attitude.

I don't know what to do. I do enjoy my time with her a lot but then I didn't really know she'd been friends with B for a long time. I had never seen her before that party a little more than a month ago. Any suggestions?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-12 05:02:57 |Display all floors

sounds like you are not prepared for this kind of a girl

If you have to ask the question what to do, then you are probably not ready to take on a girl of this complicated nature.

Although some of her techniques lack finesse/experience, her behaviors indicate that she is of a rather complex nature.  Some men revel in this type of relationship, but since you seem to be at a loss, then you are probably not one for this type of games.

Since she doesn't appear to one that's very conservative when it comes to sex, then go ahead and continue to see her if you enjoy a purely physical relationship.  I would suggest that you keep your emotions detached, and perhaps in the mean time seek a girl that you would feel more comfortable with.

Not a very conservative or strictly moral suggestion, but it seems like your relationship is not one to begin with.  You should be careful.  Wear a condom next time, this should be common sense.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-1-12 07:26:53 |Display all floors

xiphoid's right

If you're not comfortable with her attitudes, etc don't make yourself uncomfortable by trying to keep things going.

People should "make things work" in relationships, but there's no point if the other is not to your liking. If you think she's a racist, then stay away from her. You obviously don't like people like that, so don't pretend that you can change her, etc.

Love is special. You don't have to force it. It happens or it doesn't.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-12 09:46:46 |Display all floors


You're a foreigner too right?

It's hard to read between the lines.  My guess would be that she has had something with one of these guys before, which has possibly clouded her view of foreigners and their intentions.
All I can advise is to not think about it too much, don't let it eat you up.  It's impossible to really get inside the mind of a Chinese girl - I know this from experience.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-12 10:21:22 |Display all floors

A game player

I agree with the tenor of the previous posts.

I have met Beijing girls like that.

First, get it out of your head she's some kind of naive innocent. She is mixed-up, I agree, but she is also a game player.

You are probably being maniuplulated more than you think.

There are plenty of good Beijing girls out there with whom you won't encounter this kind of labyrinthine ambivalence.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-12 11:12:51 |Display all floors

ture love is not a cake!

you know, the girl with that attitude is unvaluabe to pay much motion

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-12 11:12:54 |Display all floors

ture love is not a cake!

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