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Actually, he is not her cup of coffee, but she still persisted to stay with him just because she had been in love with love itself.|
She is tired and tired of being lonely. Then she found him, the boy who devoted himself thoroughly to her from the bottom of his heart. So it went on, she merrily indulged in corresponding letters and making phone calls. It is a kind of happiness, which can appease her tedious heart and bring her the vanity for being pursued tightly, which she has always longed for.
However, reality is reality. Subconsciously, she herself knew the whole thing was not a love game but a struggle----a struggle against her sense of responsibility. What’s more, she understood the high cost she paid for it----discarding her studies, cheating her parents, disappointing her dear teachers with cherished expectation and faith in her.
‘This is the time I degenerated.’ She said it to herself. Maybe influenced a lot from the settings she was in and companied with her intimate and occupied friends, she chose to have a taste of this kind of ‘degeneration’.
Under the whole process, she knew it’s a deceit to herself. Not doing on purpose, she would avoid seeing him----the face-to-face direct contact. I gather in that way she made it easier and made him ambiguous, so that it could leave some space for her to imagine the very guy she truly loved. Unfortunately, more comparison she made, more defects she found in the present him. What’s worse, this made her miss the former guy more.
Love is something you can’t help and love is something you can’t do with. Now I gradually understand a bit more about it.
During the days of being together, he had exhausted every guts to please her and try his endeavor utmost. As usual, being a perceptual girl as she exactly was, she must have been touched and accept him immediately, but unluckily not this time. The only reason can explain was that he was not her Mr. Right. She located herself just as ‘I’m being loved’ from the very beginning to the end, which is known by every one but she, or in other words, she daren’t confess it.
Once, in effect, she tried to response his passionate feelings and believed one day she would be moved and ultimately fall in love with him. But that’s only expectation. The love world he took her hands, stepping inside, with luxurious dinners, marvelous dating, elaborate gifts, every her favorites…whereas, she stepped back at that moment towards the gate.
This is not just a sad-but-true story, or a story of tiny campus love, nor a beautiful puppy love, yet a shining period of growing effuses through every lines and every words.