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what should i do? I saw my b/f keep another girl's nude picture... [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2004-12-23 09:08:18 |Display all floors
i feel so frustrated!! so sad!! anyone could give me some suggestions on that?

today i happened to use my b/f laptop and see another girl's pix, some of them are nude... they are not downloaded from website, i'm sure of that coz there are some ordinary her daily life photo too.  Photo shooting time said it happened before we met.  and these photoes are saved together with my photoes in one folder!  

my b/f and i are in very good relationship now, we meet each other's parents already, we discussed our future plan of babies, to set up our family, things like that.

i don't know if they are still contacting each other.  i wanna talk with my b/f about that.  but i also think i made a mistake too to get into his privacy. anyway, it is his own personal folder.  i should not open it without his permission.  but i am so unhappy, if it is already history, why he did not delete them? and why he put all those things with mine?

what should i do? please help!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-12-23 10:41:03 |Display all floors

Some perspectives...

1) If she is his ex-gf, the fact that he took naked pics of her doesn't seem that strange to me.  Lots of couples do this.  The photos were all taken before he started his relationship with you, so there's no real cheating or betrayal from that point of view.

2) KEEPING the photos is a little more questionable.  Yeah, I can see why you'd be upset...most women (in China OR the west) would probably be upset.  And he keeps them in the same folder as your pics...which means every time he looks at your pics, he's going to look at hers, too.  All I can say to this guy is, "Not a smart play, dude".

3) YOU were also snooping on his computer, in private files.  Which is ALSO rather questionable.

I guess we have to go to the old saying, "Don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer".

It was your decision to look at private files on his computer; and I guess you've gotta' deal with what you found there.  The main question is for YOU -- what do you want to do?  If you feel that you can accept this, then I'd suggest that you not talk to him at all.  Because as soon as you talk about it, it IS going to affect the trust between both of you -- you can't trust him because of the pics, he can't trust you because you snooped on his computer without his permission.

So if you feel that you CAN trust him now, despite seeing the pics, don't say a thing.

But if you feel that you DON'T trust him any more, and need an explanation, then go and talk to him...maybe he has a good explanation (well...the best explanation I can think of for him to give would be, "I'm really sorry, it was a stupid thing to do").  But be aware that you're likely going to have to give HIM reasons for your actions, too.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-12-23 10:58:24 |Display all floors

stupid guy

i want to say that your bf is quite stupid to keep such pics of another girl while dating with you.

If you trust him and love him still, keep silent is the most sensible choice. Otherwise, you can delete all those pics without permission to show your anger. And dispute is also inevitable...

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-12-23 11:49:21 |Display all floors

bravo! canadianguy

a very well thought out answer indeed.  Maybe we americans don't give you canadians enough credit.  Just kidding.  XD

Anyway, since the pictures were taken before you two met, I really don't think it's  that unusual.  I've been married for 5 years now, and my wife and I both still have all the pictures of the people that were once a part of our seperate lives.  Time, once passed, never comes back.  Photos, letters, and journals are kept so you would always have a piece of the past that made you who you are today.  The only foolish thing he did was not being sensiable enough to keep the old pictures in a seperate folder.

Yes, I can understand why seeing something from his past might bother you a little, but don't you think some of your anger stem not so much from your suspicion of him, as much as you own insecurity of where you are in his life?  Isn't that why you peeped into his computer without his knowledge, hmmm?  :)  Young lovers, aren't they whimiscally grand.

My suggestion depends on what kind of man your boyfriend is.

If he is a mature and understandig man, talk to him gently about it, open the conversation with an apology about looking into his things.  Don't accuse him of anything, just asking nicely about who they are.  He will understand, and explain himself fully as any real man would.  Don't keep the secret inside you, as it will eat at you for a long time and effect your happiness.

If he still an emotional young man (we all are at one point), then I would ask you to suffer a little and wait a while.  If, by the off chance that he is still seeing his ex-girlfriend, I'm sure you'll notice all the signs now.  Other wise, talk to him when the time is right, when he is most calm and at ease.

You said that you two are happy together and want to get married.  It sounds like you two are a happy couple.  If you are to have a happy future together, then the strength of your love should easily pass this little test.  Sorry for my chinese, but isn't there a old chinese saying?  "yi ren bu yong, yong ren bu yi"?  I think it might apply here.

I can't resist.  I must say, what you did got a little chuckle out of me.  So sneaky, but yet so... cute in a girly way, and the reward for your little "covert action" is that you "chi chu".  XD

Sorry about my amusement.  Honestly, my very best wishes to you both.  Cheers.  \(^-^)/

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-12-23 12:24:42 |Display all floors

something similar

This reminds me of when I was about 13 years old and read my sister's diary.  The first line on the first page read, "I hate my brother."  That was a great lesson.  I never did anything like that again.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2004-12-23 13:29:29 |Display all floors

tough for u

yeah, it's troublesome for anyone who meets with that .  from  ur words,  u still love him , just could not accept  the fact .   
    i feel  that if u do not want to leave him away,  keep silent.  if he knows u get the secret, maybe blow a fuse,  ur relationship break possibly. however, u can get a pretty chance to reference sth , which can let him know ur meaning...  
   everyone has his/her secret, maybe it is not harm to others , just  because  sequence is descent, meeting the girl is ahead of  knowing u.
consider it  carefully......

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2004-12-23 15:04:26 |Display all floors

Sometimes Things are better left unseen, left alone. The present is more importa

I think you do not know yr B/F well enough!!! Well enough to trust him!!!

No peeping at the past!!! To be frank & honest is more important!!!
You see,you are so unhappy running into a "closet" which you will be better off if left unseen. I think if you let jealousy gets the better of you, be careful if you wanna ask him. I beleive, if you are not tactful,it will FAIL. & you will be even more Unhappy forever. Why be frustrated!!!

Why let a minor thing crates distrusts? Whose past has no secret???
Of course serious offences one ought to know&accept or agree to disagree.

You are into marriage stage!!! Think carefully after weighing the pros & cons. Think of options or be ready for disappointments if you choose to ask. What i mean is be careful & ask is a careful or open way. Men never like "suspicious" women. It cld turn to instant anger.

Kind regards

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