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my sadness [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2004-10-29 12:56:44 |Display all floors
hello, everyone. i am a married woman. i have been married for 3 years, but during this time my husband have changed little, which makes me so sad. you know, we both work, after work i need do all the housework, but even i am very tired he would not give a help. once i have a two-month business trip, after i returned home, i found dirty clothes piled . He did not wash any cloth after my left. i am so angry with him,even i criticize him abou it,  he did not make any change. some time i think, i can not bear it anymore,  home is not my own home, we should share the housework, but i donto know how to change his mind. could you give me some good advices on it?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-10-30 07:35:32 |Display all floors

Do your wifely best to help him understand what you need from him.

It was courageous of you to speak out about your marriage. I do observe there are some causes for concern but no need for disappointment. When a couple is first married, they are usually blind to each other’s faults. So did we. We were too much in love to notice the other party’s bad habits in the beginning of our marriages. But after our honeymoons were over or we got familiar with each other, there could be tendency to find faults and criticize each other. If not, we may have learned from our previous marriages.

Per my observation and experience, one of the most important secrets to succeed at our marriages is accepting our spouses exactly as they are. Don’t try to change our spouses and to make them over into second editions of us. Don’t try to find faults with them and to nag at them all the day. The only persons we can ever really change in our lives are ourselves, no ones else. So accept our spouses just as they are and tolerate their habits we used to tolerate when falling deeply in love.

You should take initiative to make things better with the one you picked up for the rest of your life. Being his warm wife, not his boss, talk to him as usual, pay close attention to everything he says or does, praise him for everything he does, and let him be responsible for the family, never criticize. Praise will make him work harder, more effectively, and feel proud of him for what he’s done. As I know, women have more intelligence to communicate with their loved ones than men if they know what they are expecting. Please do your wifely best to help him understand what you need from him and start from there. Sooner or later, both of you will feel how lucky you are by having and understanding each other again.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2004-10-31 22:08:26 |Display all floors

Just a little "suggestion"

I am so highly appreciate that you have courage showed your private life.
Herein, I am not married, But i think love & marriage in matual understanding and attraction..

Give him more chances & reminder. Maybe he can change his fault in the life.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-11-1 02:43:40 |Display all floors

To: coolwitch

Actually,what you said happened in many married families.I can tell that your hushand is a lazy man leaving all the housework to you. If it is the problem between you,I think it is not hard to change it. You'd better change yourself  lazier than him.Don't take what he said seriously. You know,it's easy to do it. Everyone all want to be free from housework, but what I want to tell all the lazier husbands is: You make your wife do all the houseworks, meanwhile you make your wife take all the responsibilities and obligations  of the family. I always think it is a happy and romantic thing doing housework(such as cooking) with your love at times.

Though so sorry to hear your experience,I wrote my suggestion with angry, I am sure It will work, Just do it. I wish that this is the biggest problem between you and your husband, I wish it wouldn't be one reflection of your unhappy family. I hope every family lead a happy and harmonious life,with more mutual understandings through effective communication.

Best wishes and good luck


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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-11-1 09:45:06 |Display all floors

To coolwitch

The first point I want to share with you is ---Never try to change the other one, try to change yourself.
my husband can be lazier and I like every thing to be clean. after so many years of marriage, I found it impossible to change him, he found it impossible to change me. When two people are together, they must try to find what they share with the other.
When you finally find him so unbearable, it's possible that you are unable to overcome yourself.
I understand your situation perfectly and wish you happiness

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-11-1 15:13:06 |Display all floors

Acceptance + Endurance

As I am a young boy, my life experience is less than you. However, My teacher always tell me that if you want to have a better relationship to anyone even if your family. You must give your patient, comunication is the most important in this field, as well as  you need to learn how to accept and endura someone. Just giving your loving and your concern to your husband. Leading him know what are the mistake he made.

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