Author: celinawang

Over 30 but still living with my parents   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2014-10-28 20:38:46 |Display all floors
Gender plays a part in this. For men in my family it was expected by 18 you were to be out on your own and we were. My sisters were given more time but they all followed much the same. That was 30+ years ago, my daughter who is 32 is still living with us but saving her money to buy a condo in about 5 years or so. Different times so different rules.

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Post time 2014-10-29 09:47:46 |Display all floors
Good or bad who decides? I guess it's a happy agreement at the first thought. However is it not the case whereas the young lady 'the newly invited' daughter-in-law become a house servant. cooking cleaning often attending to the new acquired mother-in-laws needs, instruction and which then usually turn to demands with a show of the melodramatics, [fake faints and chest pains]. Is it not so that most mother -in-laws[ in China] make many high demands for what the daughter should and should not be doing for her son, with the son [your husband]often if not always siding with his precious mother. When in true he should be siding with the woman he is 'supposed' to love. Just how often do Chinese husband side with the wife, when there is some issues between the his mother and wife! 'and there always is'. Then there of course the other new arrival of baby, the baby you were told to have ASAP 'a[as soon as possible] in fact you will have found that the newly acquired MIL [mother-in-law] had been keeping track of your monthly cycle and then reminding you it was time to make a baby. The little bundle of joy to service who's purpose and needs! Though the girl gives birth the baby is often not hers' this is when the grandparents really like to show and enforce that they are in control, for no matter what you do for your baby , in the MIL's eye your doing it wrong. The way you hold your baby, feed your baby and cloth your baby. All the does and don't because your MIL [mother-in-law] know best. Enjoy the time with your parents, although at times it may seem daunting even lonely. but at less you have security and true love. Living with the parents is give and take, more understanding and patience's on your part is required. The grass is not always greener on the other side. This is just my personal understanding from what I see and know from many friends, friends trapped in a bubble of a controlling MIL. It will not and does not apply to everyone, everyone will have their own experiences. I do agree that in China house renting and buying are way, way over the top.

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Post time 2014-10-29 11:05:03 |Display all floors
when i graduate from university, i lived alone for 5 years.
i agreed that opinion if we want keep well relation between with our parents we should keep distance .

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Post time 2014-10-29 11:48:03 |Display all floors
Actually in the west in general children are now staying at home longer than previously. It's not uncommon to see kids staying until their 30s or until married.  This is in part due to the ridiculous cost of housing in much of the developed world as well as the exorbitant rates for house sharing or room rental, coupled with the fact that kids are often so in debt after purchasing a fancy car, paying for their education and splurging on non essentials such as the latest phones (on expensive plans) plus all the gadgets, going out and binge drinking etc that they don't have much in the way of savings.

There's been numerous articles written about this subject in newspapers in the UK, Germany, Australia, Singapore and in parts of the USA.  The times are a changing to quote Bob Dylan.
Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Post time 2014-10-29 14:56:11 |Display all floors
i was sent to board school when 12 years old, back home once a week.when at my high school, back home once every month, and once every semester in university. now working far away from home, only once every year. It feels great for a short period of time get together with families every time, if i am always live with parents, there will be conflicts, and probably can not feel the family love so strongly. but when parents retired from work, it is better to live with them, as they can not get fun from social activities, and need to depend on you.

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Post time 2014-10-29 17:33:29 |Display all floors
If you're over 30 and still living with your parents that's depressing. Grow up and be a man. At least find a friend you can share rent with if you can't afford a place yourself. I feel sorry for your parents!

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Post time 2014-10-29 17:40:24 |Display all floors
This post was edited by SharkMinnow at 2014-10-29 18:19

Only spoiled, coddled children are allowed to live at home in China or the West. These children never become adults, or achieve independence in life.  My wife struggled to think of one Chinese friend who is 30 and still lives at home, but couldn't. So no, it's not that common in China, but yes, it does happen.  It also happens in the West, but it's again mostly adult-children who have been coddled by their parents and don't know how to live in the real world by themself. They remain immature, dependent, spoiled children their whole life. Depressing.

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