Views: 5833|Replies: 11

Shall I leave? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2004-6-19 17:02:34 |Display all floors
I found myself cheated by my husband. Quite a lot of important imformation given by himself, including his education background and age, is false. He is in difficulty now, which gives me the chance to know the truth through others. when together, He was considerate and passionate, but it is really an insult to be fooled. I am in a puzzle. Advice, please!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-19 17:43:31 |Display all floors

I dont know how this happened, but...

I have no idea of how you could end up marrying him with some many details of him kept hidden from you. Do you really know this person well? Is he your husband? I wouldn't say that there should be no secret between couples, but this is certainly beyond what we normal people can take. Lies and cheatings started from the beginning, in other words,  your marriage is not built on trust and loyalty.

If you think he needs help and you want to help him, you can, without the identity of being his wife though, maybe his friend (I strongly doubt if I'd like to choose such kind of people as my friend.) In other case,maybe he had had some undescribable difficulties so he lied to you,you should ask him why... but either way, I suggest you leave him, for the sake of protecting yourself and your ego-respect.

This is probably is one of the evilest thing I ever heard. I have a strong sympathy on you as a woman, but be strong and get what you deserve.

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Post time 2004-6-20 06:14:31 |Display all floors

Should you leave?

You do not give too much information. It is difficult to discern the causes why he lied to you. What kind of lies are these? Are they material? Do they impact your relationship? Sometimes people lie to protect themselves, and some of these lies are immaterial. Some times we try to forget something about ourselves and lie about it.

The question is whether you can trust him in what really matters. Are you Chinese? Is he too? Why did he lie?

All of the above said, the issue is that when someone lies, he/she will probably lie again, unless those lies had a practical purpose at a point in time...

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-20 12:21:09 |Display all floors

First , try to forgive him

It's going to be hard, but take time and try to forgive him......
If you can, that's good.
If you can't , then you need to go your way.....

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Post time 2004-6-21 10:01:46 |Display all floors

I am trying

sometimes I think I do understand him so can forgive him.  other times I just can't stand it.  his educational background is fictional. he even did some illegal things. all these are hidden out of his love to me, according to his own explanation. he knows from the very beginning that he will ruin my life even my whole family's reputation. But he was still determined to run after me and finally marry me. is that true love?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-21 10:27:00 |Display all floors

it is difficult to say. Rational and Irrational response.

it is important to ask for details about the lies before taking any steps, rational and irrational.

Rational:

before that, ask him why he lied, and about what?

then if he said he lied to protect you. is the information important in your love?  if yes, go and ditch him.

Irrational: if i were you, i would quarrel with him, dump him if he lied about love.
we cannot live with a love liar, can you?)

but it is more complex because no enought information is available, the answer should just be that simple.
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Rank: 1

Post time 2004-6-21 10:54:24 |Display all floors

To Hibuddie: details

He is supposed to have a university degree, but he doesn't.
He is supposed to earn money honestly, but he doesn't.
He is supposed to tell me the truth by himself before or after marriage, but he doesn't.
He is supposed to be with me after all those unexpected happenings, but he isn't.
He is supposed to prove his love to me, which will be the only reason for me to forgive him, but he doesn't.

Hibuddie,  are you male? can you help me to understand him on your male's stand?

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