Author: wendylanlan

How to choose a marriage mate? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-14 23:55:10 |Display all floors

My further questions and concerns.

1.How to tell if the ''marriage candidates'' are sincere and honest.

2.How to increase and maintain the romantic feelings after marriage?

3.Is the financial status of a marriage mate important? Will the financial status become an obstacle to a happy marriage life?

4.How to tell if a marriage mate (I mean man)  is a virgin?

5.What are the signs of a promising good husband?

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2004-6-15 01:03:05 |Display all floors

I will try to give you good answers

1.  Time is the best way to measure this.  If you rush into a marriage you will not have as much of an opportunity to evaluate his sincerity and honesty.  A man who is truly sincere, will be willing to spend the time you need.

2.  Continue to court each other.  Do the same types of activities you did before you became married.  Don’t lose your sense of playfulness.  Never go to bed angry at each other.  

3.  Financial status is not the most important, but it is very important.  You and your mate should have the same financial aspirations and expectations.  If there is not a good match with finances between you and your mate, it will lead to disappointment and worse.  

4.  The only way I know is to ask him.  However, before you ask, carefully consider how important this really is to you.  If he is not, there is no way for him to change back or erase things he has done in the past.  People do grow and change.

5.  Someone who makes you happy.  Someone who can forego their own wants and desires for you (and future children) without hesitation or resentment.  Someone who is able to compromise.  Someone who shares your dreams.  

Good luck!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-15 03:32:40 |Display all floors

To Wendy

Now you tell us you're a Hakkanin!
This explains your freedom of expression and a bit of overhelming personality. Hakka culture is famous for their  women having high status in the family.
Wayves wrote very fine points, Tianguoren was also wise in his questions except of the last. Virginity is not what everybody considers to be of the most important issue. I do not recommend you to put this item  (i.e. a "virgin"man) high on your priority list.
I estimate you at a bit over 20 years old ,middle slim , a standard figure. Gueilows noses are long for a some reason, aren't they?

What can I say?
1.As long as you look for a partner keep in mind all what these 2 gents above told.
2. Do not keep in mind marriage , once it is done, keep on relations like before marriage ( sex is an issue of a difference if you are against pre-marriage one).
3, Once married , think not if you are happy with your husband, concentrate on asking yourself , is he happy with you.
If he is happy , you get most of a chance you will be happy as well.
If you neglect this , you'll never notice when things go wrong until is't too late.

These words may seem silly at the moment , but some years into the marriage you will surely find out , how much they are true.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-15 16:52:07 |Display all floors

Hakka ? virgin?

I have known wendy is a Hakka woman before because she come from meizhou.but i guess she is not beautiful.as i know,there is no native beauty in guangdong.so this will be a important criteria in a marriage.
it surprise me wendy take "virgin" as the important attributes.funny!hahahaha.she should be a feminist.i suggest you should marry a foreigner who always take the ugly woman in chinese view as the beauty and will not care whether his wife is virgin or not.

Dobridan:you are wrong.Hakka culture is famous for their inimitable language which is so hard to understand.their ancestors migrate to the south from the north china( maybe henan province).

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-15 17:15:13 |Display all floors

Reply to dear wayves.

1. Time is the best way to measure this. If you rush into a marriage you will not have as much of an opportunity to evaluate his sincerity and honesty.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re:Thank you for the warning. I admit that I felt obliged to choose a marriage mate as soon as possible and can risk rashing a wrong decision. Your opinion reminds me a famous saying as" Marry in haste and repent at leisure.(谚)草率结婚后悔多''

2. Continue to court each other. Do the same types of activities you did before you became married. Don’t lose your sense of playfulness. Never go to bed angry at each other.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: :} I know myself well that I can maintain a sense of playfulness and my everlasting sweet nature but I don't have faith in man. They usually become a different person when they got married...SIgh......

3. Financial status is not the most important, but it is very important. You and your mate should have the same financial aspirations and expectations. If there is not a good match with finances between you and your mate, it will lead to disappointment and worse.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: My parents are very conscious about this issue too but I don't want my future husband to be too tired and don't want to burden him with selfish desire for unnecessary material gains. By the way, I think I can be financially independent.

4. The only way I know is to ask him. However, before you ask, carefully consider how important this really is to you. If he is not, there is no way for him to change back or erase things he has done in the past. People do grow and change.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: I think I will be forgiving and understanding on this issue as long as he can grow and change to be a loyal and responsible man. Just feeling a little bit risky to marry someone who has some bad history record. I can't afford to marry a man who plays with life.

5. Someone who makes you happy. Someone who can forego their own wants and desires for you (and future children) without hesitation or resentment. Someone who is able to compromise. Someone who shares your dreams.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: Wow, the person your were describing here sounds truly desirable and brilliant. That's the husband I've been looking for.:) I wonder if this kind of man exists at all? ?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-15 17:15:54 |Display all floors

Reply to dear Dobridan

Now you tell us you're a Hakkanin!
This explains your freedom of expression and a bit of overhelming personality. Hakka culture is famous for their women having high status in the family.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: I think you are mistaken on your understanding about Hakka women. How have you managed to regard Hakka women as the Chinese women with high status in the family? In fact, hakka women have only responsibilities but no rights. Hakka women have been required to be wives, mothers, nurses, teachers, breadwinners, comforters, listeners, consultants and farmers all at the same time. But the Hakka men just take it for granted and they don't even give the Hakka women  their appreciation and praise they deserve?!! I feel all the Hakka men have been badly spoiled, therefore, I refrain from marrying a Hakka man although my parents still fancy a Hakka ''son-in-law'' very much.

........I do not recommend you to put this item (i.e. a "virgin"man) high on your priority list.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: No, Dobridan, I don't make a point of marrying a ''virgin'' man but I guess a virgin man will appreciate his ''first and only lady'' better than other man. I'm just worried some liar will claim that he is a virgin while he's been flirting with every woman he can approach. I despise and try to identify that kind of man. Any tips to detest a bad man? that's why I would like to take Wayves' advice and refrain from making a rash decision.

I estimate you at a bit over 20 years old ,middle slim , a standard figure. Gueilows noses are long for a some reason, aren't they?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: I'm indeed at my twenties but I think I'm not going to be young any more. Many of my Hakka friends and old schoolmates in the village have become wives and husbands, even mothers and fathers.....sigh....Sometimes I feel i'm pressed to consider my own marrige issue. However, I'm not too afraid. I believe I'm not getting older but getting better. My American teacher always uses '' pint-sized'' to describe my figure, my Spanish friends call me something like''wendoline''(don't know if it's correct or not),I'm quite popular among both my friends and older people, they said I'm quite sweet ,cute and funny.... I think I'm not a bookworm although I pay a lot of attention to study. It's interesting to know that you think I've got an overwhelming personality, maybe yes maybe no. I'm not really that aggressive in reality because people somehow like me and enjoy my company. I think I'm smaller than a standard figure...:) he he...what do you mean by ''middle slim''? I'm not very slim I guess because I've got a good appetite and I like aerobic exercise, therefore I actually have  got a healthy and sexy figure. My face features are ''clean and clear'', not really pretty but are pleasant to look at. Now, i think you can get a better picture of me now.

"What can I say?
1.As long as you look for a partner keep in mind all what these 2 gents above told.
2. Do not keep in mind marriage , once it is done, keep on relations like before marriage ( sex is an issue of a difference if you are against pre-marriage one).
3, Once married , think not if you are happy with your husband, concentrate on asking yourself , is he happy with you.
If he is happy , you get most of a chance you will be happy as well.
If you neglect this , you'll never notice when things go wrong until is't too late.

These words may seem silly at the moment , but some years into the marriage you will surely find out , how much they are true."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Re: I think most of your opinions are quite wise and true. I am also convinced of the potential benefits of heeding it and practising it. Thank you very much! I appreciate your advice and suggestions.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-6-15 17:27:08 |Display all floors

Reply to dear falshcom.

I don't know what you mean by ''an ugly woman''.

Is she a woman with an ugly face or a woman with an ugly heart?

A handsome man with an ugly heart is very ugly in my eyes, while a plain man with a beautiful heart is viewed very handsome and desirable for me.

If a man loves me for the sake of nothing but my look, I would rather not have anything to do with him.

How dare you say NO BEAUTIFUL GUANGDONG WOMAN? You must be blind. Women in Guangdong are not only intelligent but also charming! You can be rest assured that women in Guangdong have acquired the most comprehensive and competitive strengths to play a perfect role of wives and mothers.

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