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I'm a freelancer right now, and I feel great!

Viewed 1939 times 2017-4-17 15:49 |System category:News| English, Writing

It's April now. I'm sitting at a table in a cafe called "85 degree".  The willow catkins are fluttering in the air, to my screen through an window opened by someone. Several boys and girls from colleages in this neighhood are reading, chatting around.

I quit my last job three and a half months ago, for a lot of reasons, one of which is the most importance that I just can not let myself waste one more minute of my life in chaos of personnel disputes. I entered that company in pursuit of a career. I was impressed by the manager and director who interviewed me and I was deeply believing I could have a bright future under their leading. I didn't care about wages, or even working overtime. I just want to do something real, increasing my own skilles both in language and communication and reach to a high level of life, if possible.

I know a lot of hardworking people would look down upon me being so untolerant. They would say, there is not any company in the world have no personnel disputes. Agreed here, but I am so bad at dealing with it. I would get angry at my project making no improvement just because no one wanted to take responsiblity. That was part of the whole story. But I'm just going to stop talking blars about last failure.

After six months'  hestitation and decision making over and over, I brought my idea of quitting to my boss, who had helped a lot during the whole time. I knew he definitely would make every effort to hold me. After six months' hestitation and communication, he finally let me go. I was relieved and was not happy, knowing the next step of my life will be hard. But, I told myself never regret your own decision but take the responsiblity as the way you expected others to do.

January was the month while my husband and I planned and made the journey to Japan. As the Spring Festival goes, it came to Feberuary so fast that I am unaware of, however I have been realizing the reality of losing a job and taking a risk of hardly finding one at my age, being thirty, married and no kids. I started to torture myself by overthinking and sometimes, I have to confess, regretting, or in another word, imaging what if I never took this choice.

What if...What if...What if...

There is no so much what if in life. How about what if you take some real actions and enjoy another wonderful path of life? I said to myself.

So, I spent a lot to buy jewelrys for myself. And I made up and dressed well in my best clothes, going shopping malls and other fine architures and telling myself I can win all of this life on my own feet with my own hands. Spending is cure, actually, to me. It has always be an effective way of releasing stress. As long as you have hope and something you are in persuit of.

Also, I signed up for IELTS, aiming to improve my decreased English abilities. Writing and speaking exams showed how much I need to improve. I used to be good at listeng and reading, but after several years in work practices, ironically, I failed to acquire a good score from those questions. It did't matter. The real exam would be at the end of April. There would be two and a half months to get prepared.

I can say I never treat learning so seriously, even at colleage. These days I knew exactly the expected destination, I knew nothing about life at colleage nonetheless, for if I knew even a little bit, I would probably push myself harder. But just "probably". No one has an eye that can see future or a time machine that can go back and change oneself.

I read a lot of professional works. I read out loud to correct pronunciation. I watched English news. I tried to write in English. At the very begining, I was so frustrated that once wanted to give up and find a job, sending resumes online but get no answer in the whole March when it turned out, being a condition I'd already presumed ealier and a big factor causing motional vibration. Luckily, I had two friends who were so supportive and positive and optimistic, who had been so believed in me. They told me to persist and ignore my negative descriptions.

I knew compliant is not the best way to solve a problem. Solving it is. I found some platforms proving oppotunities of translating and I took several time to do the trial translation trying to win an oppotunity. Same thing as the IELTS preparation, I found myself performe bad at first.

However, as long as you put your energy into one thing, as more as you gain knowledge about one thing, you would see your reward some day. As my learning going deeper, I found my translation better and more convincing, first by myself and then the platforms on which I started to get jobs.

Back to the scene that I describe in the first paragraph, I am feeling great now. I know theree must be a way in which you can do something without dealing with so many disputes. If you have some talent or maybe just not talent, maybe you have one aspect of yourself better than others, you should do something take advantage of it. Don't be a fool, like me, trying to change myself by doing things that I wasn't good at because I was told I had "a bad personality" and I was so eager to correct it.
A hug with myself. And believe in myself. Let all the self-abasements and despairs disappear through all the improvements and achievements.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)




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    Recent comments

    • Exercises! That's why I feel so energetic now. (1) 2017-4-14 13:30

      hedgehog_run: Wow, Taichi! Good for you~Where do you do the standing stance?

      As for reading, I would recommend it too. A friend of my came up with an idea of readi ...
      One can do the standing stance just about anywhere that is quiet. For me, I often do the exercise out in the open, in the yard, but if the pollution is bad I'll do it in the apartment.

    • Exercises! That's why I feel so energetic now. (1) 2017-4-13 20:55

      Chengking: There are two things I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to anybody, exercising and reading. They are pleasurable and beneficial and one can do it one's  ...
      Wow, Taichi! Good for you~Where do you do the standing stance?

      As for reading, I would recommend it too. A friend of my came up with an idea of reading a book per month this year and I've read not only 3 books. In fact, as I started to gain a sense of joyment from reading, I desired to read more. And I began to realise how little I knew and how arrogant I was before.

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