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Why family members quarrel over trivial matters so much?

Viewed 2183 times 2016-9-18 14:00 |Personal category:Stories from life|System category:Life| attention, situation, recently, contrary, members

I have been perplexed recently by more and more quarrels among my family members, especially after Gaokao.
In fact, our family only consists of we three: parents and daughter.
It would be reasonable to have less things to worry about after Gaokao, but the real situation is contrary.
Before Gaokao, most of our attention and time were focused upon our daughter's study and classes in and out of school, and fewer contradictions occurred then, even we did have different views, we had less time or energy to argue with each other.
Therefore, we can say that life at that time is tight, simple and quiet.
However, after that, as we have expected, we had more time to be together, either in the long summer vacation or at the weekends, and reasonably, we should have enjoyed the gatherings which seemed precious and short before Gaokao, but the reality is not like that: while we have more time to communicate with each other on the one hand, on the other, more problems occurs: instead of urging our daughter to study as we did before, we often fell into disputes over how to allocate the housework among us, or whether agree to pay the on-line shopping items, so and so forth. All trivial matters like these seems continuing everyday, making me headache.
I totally and thoroughly understand that life cannot not be without problems, no matter how rich or poor a family is, and every family has the similar phenomena, but I must find a way out. It has become a big Project for me to solve: can I find a better way to deal with these annoying issues and bring more happiness and enjoyment to my family?
I'd like to hear the suggestions and proposals from our friends in the CD blog who have the similar experiences.
Based upon my situation and analysis by myself, I may carefully observe and improve in the following aspects:
1. Introspect whether I showed enough respects to my family members in the daily life? If not, this is a must to improve, because mutual respect is a key factor for starting and maintaining good mutual communication. This is a common sense both for keeping relations within a family and among states in the world.
2. Introspect whether I have given sufficient patience in listening to their voices?
3.Self-reflect whether I could stand in their shoes while facing disputes, disagreements, or conflicting with them?
I had ever read a very inspiring story and I retell it briefly as follows:
Once there were two neighboring families, one of which was often thrown into serious conflicts between the spouses, while the other was always in peace. One day, feeling very curious about their neighbor's permanent peacefulness, the spouses of the first family went to ask their neighbor about their knack in keeping family peace. The couple's reply was very simple: the know-how to keep good relations between us is that we are always thinking that I myself is the bad person who made the mistake. For example, one day, I held a flower basin and while I turned around quickly without noting my husband was standing besides me and the flower basin fell onto the floor and broke into pieces. At this moment, my husband said immediately that he was very sorry and it was his fault that he did not let me know he was standing near me; and hearing that,  I said it was my fault that I did not pay enough attention while turning around. You see, he said he was the fault or trouble maker, and I said I was, and both of us express sorry to the other party. What would you do if this happened to you? The other lady said that if it happened to us, firstly, I would shout to him and blame him for not opening his eyes while walking around; and it is sure for him to lose his temper immediately and push all the responsibilities to my side, because both of us are always good people and act right without making any mistakes.
Undoubtedly, the story tels us that "bad" couple has peacefulness, and "good" ones has not. Why?
The logic:
Admitting oneself as "Bad"--taking responsibilities proactively--saying sorry--peacefulness;
Labeling oneself as "good" --taking no responsibilities proactively--blaming others -- unpeacefulness.
So, it seems to be an awful conclusion:
Peacefulness can be easily achieved while "bad" people live together;
However, it is difficult to have peace while "good" people stay together.
Dear friends, I am looking forward to receiving your suggestions and proposals for which I thank you very much in advance.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)




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