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What the feeling of loving someone?

Popularity 6Viewed 2458 times 2015-12-5 20:27 |Personal category:feelings in my mind|System category:Life| feeling, someone, loving

Once I thought fall in love  with a boy for me is a long thing for me, but now I am bothered by the strange feeling that I haven't tell it's just friend-like or boy friend-like one. It's like  a haunting ghost in mind and never go away. 
He is one of my high school classmates. When I was in high school, I never talk too much, not even talk to any boys. I was too shy to speak with a boy, therefore, at that time,  study is everything I know there. Because it's the first time I left home for school, I always being homesick while I seldom call my parents because every time I heard their voice I want to cry and I don't want them to know I was  weak to stand the hard life. I was always in a blue mood. Since then, I know what unhappiness and loneliness is. So I always hope there is someone appear in my life and ease my pain. But it is always a dream that never come true. Thus you can feel how jealous I am when I saw intimate couples together in our class. And time goes by, I have just go through my high school life with study stuffs and without boyfriend not even too much friends. 
After I graduate from college, I collect the pictures of my former classmates, I have know the boy again.  He is so emotional, and always writes some bad mood of himself and something sounds philosophical. I have read all of them and want to know what happened to him these years. Gradually I found that he is a really good guy who i s a subtle and refined sensibility and very suitable to be the good friend. So I talked with him. Every time I chat with him on line I feel so happy and never want to stop it . I find I really like him, like his personality. I feel he is boy of many good virtue. Although, we two always quarreled before the class was beginning at high school. And we don't even communicate with each other and know about each other. 
Through many  times chatting on line, I find myself always want to chat with him and think about him, every time he write something about himself I want to read it and even if I know he don't write it for me, I always want to read it and imagine that he is missing me and want to learn about me like I want to do the same for him. Unfortunately, everything is just like a bubble which is easily broken, because he never know the feeling I hold about him. I just pretend not to be so exciting to talk with him and not like  and care so much about him. Because I am not sure he have the same feeling to me like I do to him. 
Sometimes I was tortured by myself. Why can't I be rational enough, and just leave it? Why always let him appear in my mind and let me worried about it and don't want to do anything meaningful? If I was a vampire , that would be great. Because I can lock my emotion and do things without bothering by the unimportant and annoying mind.  


(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)

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Reply Report voice_cd 2015-12-7 11:12
Thanks for sharing your story here, we have highlighted it in our blog homepage.
Reply Report 1397609108 2015-12-7 22:33
voice_cd: Thanks for sharing your story here, we have highlighted it in our blog homepage.
I am really appreciated that I can have this chance. After  reading about other blogs highlighted in the homepage, I thought I have a long way to go to write a perfect one. But thanks. I will try my best to write more excellent blogs .
Reply Report Newtown 2015-12-8 03:19
Why don't you put your cards on the table and tell this boy how you really feel about him ? Doing so you might avoid all of this heart-wringing nervousness and make yourself into a more confident person.
Reply Report Dracarys 2015-12-8 15:51
don't really know about it .. those who don't experienced it may think loving someone is fantastic ..
Reply Report 流苏 2015-12-8 19:43
so emotional and subjective.
Reply Report Joey-k 2015-12-9 20:26
I suggest that you tell him your feelings. If the affection is mutual, then happy ending! If not, you'll get over it.

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