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House is a prerequisite for marriage in China

Popularity 25Viewed 5873 times 2014-8-10 13:46 |Personal category:hot topic|System category:Life| marriagehouse

Nowadays, house means far more than a place for warmth and rest in China, which has become an external manifestation of one's fortune and social status. Most women would find it risky and unacceptable to get married without a flat. What's more, woman would be more interested in where the house locates and how many square meters it is than a man himself. Here are several stories which happened around me.
 
Story 1
Mr J is a handsome man with a well-paid job in Beijing. Two years ago, Mr J met a girl Miss L who just came back after graduation in Britain. They both had a big crush on each other and had a great fun for a whole year. However, Mr J holds that he cann't afford a house in Beijing for Miss L who always has a life of privilege. Hence, Mr J broke up with his lover because he can not have a steady life in Beijing. Now, Mr J's only heed is paid to earn money as much as he can, so one day he will own a big house in a big city , and finally get married.
 
Story 2
Originally, Mrs A rent an appearance house which is to do some business. In order to expand her business, she intends to buy the rent one and purchase another house for her son who just came back from the vet. A few days ago, Mrs A told me that there are many matchmakers introduce girls to her son. I asked " Do you worry that some girls pays much attention to your houses rather than your dear son?" She replied " Well, if you do not have a house, there is nothing to talk about, let alone tie the knot." I'm amazed about her practical but reasonable answer. What matters most in marriage? House or true love? Is this a stupid question?
 
Story 3
After a quarrel, Miss G does not want to reconcile with her boyfriend any more. But all relatives persuade her that she should take the chance and marry her current boyfriend, siince that man has an old house in Nanjing. In other words, she is going to be rich one day when the old house is demolished. Now the wedding day is fixed.
 
I do not want to show you how worldly Chinese girls are! That is not my purpose, period.
Chinese girls may be more practical and mature to choose a guy for getting married in order to lead a better life.
I am stll shocked about the strictly utilitarian role of a house plays, which is beyond the flowing emotion from bottom of hearts.
If you ask me am I willing to get married without a house, I am not sure. WILL YOU?
 

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report SEARU 2014-8-10 16:26
According to Chinese tradition, life should mean clothing, food,housing and traffic.------housing was in the third place;
Modern society has totally changed this order, now the third one has won the championship!
Reply Report 财神 2014-8-10 20:21
In decade 50th only the bed was enough for dowry, in 60th one pack Confectionery was ok, in 70th after cultural-revolution (1966 to 1976?), the Red Book of Mao was compulsory. In 80th while reformation and liberal economic system endorsed, radio, Cycle, sewing machine, and wrest watch are needed. post-90th decade the changing Chinese society got the huge load over marriage ceremony, the 21st century forced the Chinese marriage culture more and more hi-fi and expensive.
Reply Report SEARU 2014-8-10 22:51
财神: In decade 50th only the bed was enough for dowry, in 60th one pack Confectionery was ok, in 70th after cultural-revolution (1966 to 1976?), the Red Bo ...
YOU have drawn a picture-book for Chinese society that is so interesting!
I wonder how about yourself on marriage?
I tell you a joke:
One of my workmates got married in nineteen-seventies and his marriage cost him ONLY three hundred YUAN that meant a lot for a farmer family at that time;
Thirty years later, that amount of money is ONLY for a young pig. --------so he joked his wife: " You were so cheap that you were worth a young pig!"
Reply Report laoren1234 2014-8-11 01:20
Wouldn't be able to afford a wife now.  
Reply Report SharkMinnow 2014-8-11 08:59
It is things like this that make me very angry with some Chinese.  Parents spoiling their child and people getting married based on superficial and materialistic reasons alone.  It makes Chinese look extremely shallow, spoiled and greedy to the rest of the world.
Many young Chinese never become independent adults able to make their own decisions because they expect their parents to give them everything, take care of their baby, and for marriage to be a free ticket to a car and home and nothing more.
The sense of entitlement and coddling is pathetic.
Here's a crazy idea...instead of getting married for a car and a house...how about getting married for LOVE!?
Reply Report SharkMinnow 2014-8-11 09:13
Also, I am married to a Chinese woman, and my family in Canada is wealthy, but my father did not buy us a home or car, because he expects me to BE A MAN and work for my a living to support myself and my family.  It would be extremely RUDE for me to ask him to buy a car, house for me after paying my education and giving me every possible chance in life to be successful.  Had my Chinese wife and her family asked for my family to buy us a car and a house, my father would have disapproved and I would have never married her. I have NO respect for young Chinese who have had their parents buy them a house because they got married.
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 09:29
SEARU: According to Chinese tradition, life should mean clothing, food,housing and traffic.------housing was in the third place;
Modern society has totally c ...
totally right
Nowadays, people already have well-being life in clothing and food aspects, so the housing problem would ensue naturally. I hope one day human beings would lead a life without the trouble of material gain.
By the way, traffic congestion is already a big problem.
I feel that Chinese people are very smart, cause our ancient has figure out and conclude the four main problems which does and will exist for a long time.
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 09:36
SEARU: YOU have drawn a picture-book for Chinese society that is so interesting!
I wonder how about yourself on marriage?
I tell you a joke:
One of my workma ...
That is funny.
Maybe he will contine his joke after many years later, at that time, he even can not buy a pig any more.
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 09:44
财神: In decade 50th only the bed was enough for dowry, in 60th one pack Confectionery was ok, in 70th after cultural-revolution (1966 to 1976?), the Red Bo ...
With the development of economy, our life is better off than before, so the demand of marriage ceremony is more luxury and decorated.
As time goes on, marriage seems a ceremony for material gain, such as emerald, platinum, house, car. People somehow consider wedding as a way of showing off, can human beings just simplify it?
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 09:44
laoren1234: Wouldn't be able to afford a wife now.   
yea, so come on and work hard.
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 10:00
SharkMinnow: Also, I am married to a Chinese woman, and my family in Canada is wealthy, but my father did not buy us a home or car, because he expects me to BE A M ...
Well, I think we live in different culture background.
The thing is that they are our parents, who love us and want to give us everything we want, even the stars in the sky, (if the stars could be picked). Hence, if parents can afford extra flat for their son, they would do it without hesitation, which is a way of expressing love. But here, it doesn't denote that they do not believe their son can afford a car or house by his own effort, instead they consider it as a stepping stone for him to have a better life, due to the high pressure in China. I do not think this is a spoiling or whatever. I just want to say Chinese parents are more greater.
By the way, I think the boundary line among people, even parents and children in foreign countries would be more clear than in China, which is one of the reasons leading us to solve problems in different way.
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 10:30
SharkMinnow: It is things like this that make me very angry with some Chinese.  Parents spoiling their child and people getting married based on superficial and ma ...
I would rather say that Chinese are more practical rather than shallow, greedy or whatever.
When it comes to marriage, Chinese will have a comprehensive consideration instead of love only, of course love is the basic element of all things.
Sometimes, facing major decisions, Chinese adults would CONFER with their parents, which proves a better solution than deciding by themselves.
In order to let sons work in big cities, parents are happy enough to do sons a favor to take care of babies, which is not a burden but a way of feeling young again for parents. This is a wise way, isn't it?
How about getting married is based on love, house and car is the guarantee of leading a steady and wealthy marriage life.
We can not look at things in an independent way. It seems like that house or love, which one do you prefer? What if people say actually we can bond these two together.
What do you think about marriage? It is only related to the couples who are going to be married, or two large families behind them. If your is former one, I think you can not understand this kind of marriage.
Reply Report SharkMinnow 2014-8-11 10:48 (Pending for approval)
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Reply Report 尼色! 2014-8-11 11:23
Ohhhhhhh. Your story is very horrible and terrible to spend life with Chinese girl. So far i have observed about chinese girls' motivation and behaviors but,i never noticed like what you wrote. Don't chinese girls look for love or do they care only for house?
Reply Report Hannah.E 2014-8-11 11:48
尼色!: Ohhhhhhh. Your story is very horrible and terrible to spend life with Chinese girl. So far i have observed about chinese girls' motivation and behavio ...
well, these stories are not terrible.
Of course, Chinese girls are positive, well-behaved, elegant and beautiful, warm-hearted.
Come on, that is just one corner of our life.
Please do not be so extreme and please do not be scarred.
I would say that love is essential imporance of all things.
I just want to show, nowadays, house seems much more in China's society.
Reply Report 财神 2014-8-11 12:35
Hannah.E: With the development of economy, our life is better off than before, so the demand of marriage ceremony is more luxury and decorated.
As time goes on, ...
Marriage Culture is being Tuff in recent China. the ideology of Communism and Chairman Mao described norms are devalued so it Can create Troublesome in future too. marriage institution is not a Transaction of materials but a Combination of dual journey, everlasting Compromise in life. This Arrogance of marriage style could surge ground of domestic violence too.
Reply Report KIyer 2014-8-11 13:42
To the extent this is true, it shows a degeneration in the values of the Chinese society. The consequences of such an attitude and it becoming part of the culture, will show up much later. It will wreck the very basis and unit of family life, even before it starts. While housing might be prized and valued and a great necessity and parents can help their children get one, linking it to marriage is bad, bad thing... If youngsters follow it, it indicates loss of hope for China in the younger generation.
Reply Report KristaChen 2014-8-11 13:56
Good topic but difficult to answer.
Reply Report cody160 2014-8-11 13:57
SharkMinnow: Also, I am married to a Chinese woman, and my family in Canada is wealthy, but my father did not buy us a home or car, because he expects me to BE A M ...
Our parents never let us to be independent. They worry about our marriage more than we do; they could buy us a house if they can afford it. Hence, many Fu'erdai and Guan'erdai.
Reply Report 尼色! 2014-8-11 15:24
Hannah.E: well, these stories are not terrible.
Of course, Chinese girls are positive, well-behaved, elegant and beautiful, warm-hearted.
Come on, that is just ...
ok. Then i can rely on Chinese girls. Though Im one of chinese minorities, i dont have much experiences about dealing with Chinese girls. Maybe many girls are not like what you have said.

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