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Asking for help [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-11-29 17:37:28 |Display all floors


People in certain time of their lives fall in the need to ask for help for different reasons.

Asking for help for some people or culture could be a shame, for others it could be a bit embarrased and for others could not be a problem at all if the people requested is open minded

Borrowing money from other people can cause discomfort to the person requested because could unveil his/her current  economic status, which is very personal and private stuff.

The following story happened to my good Chinese friend.

He was helping his father to recovery from a health problem, he covered most of the hospital expenses and other stuffs. As a part time worker, he does some export sales. He was suppose to receive a payment  but was delayed, at the same time he had to pay half year of his apartment´s rent. Even he has some wealthy neighbors, he avoided to ask them for help. He tried for other ways with different people but he failed. At the end he tried asking for help to a rich uncle, a very wealthy man but the problem he didn´t contact him for years, so he called him. He told everything to his uncle, about his father´s health, his payment delayed, his rent payment, he told all. The uncle agreed to help him and asked  for his bank account, so he felt the relief for the problem.

The uncle before to send the money called to my friend´s older brother to ask and maybe to verify about the father´s health. The brother said the father is recovering well and all it´s fine, also they don´t need help. So the uncle didn´t help to my friend.
What was the reason of the brother´s attitude? Just to avoid the shame, for the brother, asking for money or help to others is shameful. My friend felt angry and in trouble again.

I´ve heard this kind of attitude happens in China but i don´t know how often. Wondering if it´s part of the Chinese culture not to looks weak and always to looks good. I guess it´s the second thought.

In Latin countries, mostly people from B and C levels when they face troubles and they are in need, they have not fears to ask for help among their circle of friends or relatives without shame. There is a saying ¨Today for me, tomorrow for you¨
also when a family needs money for any reasons they prepare different social activities. Some people prepare a party with music, selling food and drinks and they held renting a party room or in a friend´s house. Other families just prepare beef patties and selling among the neigborhood. Others do a drawing of TV or another electrical appliance among the neigbors and relatives. Such kind of activities works well. The people are able to colaborate between them with good mood and good will and the organizers feel proud and happy for the help, no shame at all and from those activites they got the needed money, problem solved.

There are many ways to solve problems if the people acts with open minded and humble attitude. That´s the way to build a better society,

Always hoping the best for China but to build a better and harmonious society is very important the people should feel part of it with open minded and should feel identified with the other people´s  problems.



Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-11-30 10:10:50 |Display all floors
Messi30, well said.

Why Chinese people don't want say oneself weak? This is so-called “face".

Your mentioned behaviors from Latin countries are really good examples for learning.

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-11-30 10:13:26 |Display all floors
Why don't conside put  this thread at the "Blog section”  of the forum ?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-11-30 11:21:49 |Display all floors
When I ask for help, I will hesitate for a long long time before to make a call. I do not know at that moment how much courage I need ? I found it is so difficult for me to ask for help even among the friends and family members.
LISTEN  TO  YOUR  HEART

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-12-1 01:56:47 |Display all floors
greatlady Post time: 2013-11-30 11:21
When I ask for help, I will hesitate for a long long time before to make a call. I do not know at th ...

In my opinion and habit, if I can solve the question by myself I will never make others feeling bothering.

Borrowing money, as Messi said, is the most embarrassing thing in this world. I had experienced such and the bitter memory is not so sweet at all.

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Post time 2013-12-2 19:08:35 |Display all floors
Perhaps the way parents have raised us determines our feelings about both asking for help and giving help. My parents were always happy to help me. I could see they felt rewarded by it. I've found in my life that most people are happy to help me. It gives them a feeling of usefulness and being appreciated. I also feel good when I help people.
What's on your mind...

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Post time 2013-12-3 18:18:15 |Display all floors
This post was edited by messi30 at 2013-12-3 18:20
snowipine Post time: 2013-11-30 10:10
Messi30, well said.

Why Chinese people don't want say oneself weak? This is so-called “face".


¨Face¨is the worse enemy to improve a society. I wish things change for a better society.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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