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10 Ridiculous Reports Published by Chinese Media Recently   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:05:48 |Display all floors
This post was edited by Mmmmmoto at 2013-7-18 10:06

According to the Reporters Without Borders Press Freedom Index, China ranked 168 out of 178 nations in 2010. With so many regulations and censors, it’s surprising that the Chinese media still makes so many outlandish comments—shouldn’t there be somebody in Beijing fact-checking sources to prevent them from losing face over such outrageous statements? Apparently not, because during the past year alone the Chinese media has made some pretty absurd assertions that would make even the most indoctrinated comrade blush. Listed below are just ten of the most ridiculous reports published by Chinese media recently.


source: echinacities.com

1) China is the safest country in the world
Monaco, Singapore and Switzerland are probably the first countries that come to mind when considering the world’s safest country. But on February 26, 2013, the People’s Daily reported that in terms of homicides, China is safer than them all—based on its own Ministry of Public Security’s statistics, of course. The People’s Daily even proudly informed us that the closure rate of all investigated murders has reached an astonishing 94.5%. "Oh my gosh! How have I failed to realise that social order [on the mainland] has been so perfect that there's not even room for improvement,” one sarcastic netizen responded (via
South China Morning Post).

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:06:41 |Display all floors
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2) Valentine’s Day causes corruption
China has long struggled with corruption, but the good news is we finally know the source of this major problem—Valentine’s Day. That’s right, on February 14, 2013, People’s Daily proclaimed that Cupid in cahoots with Saint Valentine are the two culprits responsible for the government’s surge in sex scandals, corruption and expensive gift giving to mistresses. Incongruous is certainly an understatement, but the thing that gets me is why isn’t there any fuss about the Double Seventh Festival (aka “Chinese Valentine’s Day”), which falls of the seventh day of the seventh lunar month? Apparently, the traditional Chinese day of amore is much more innocent than the immoral Western equivalent known as Valentine’s Day.

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:07:07 |Display all floors
3) China isn’t hacking other countries
There’s good news for all those who fear the rising military might of China. According to China Daily, China is not engaged in cyber hacking—the future of modern warfare. Despite numerous governmental and private industries in the US and Europe claiming breaches from Chinese hackers, Beijing refuses to admit any involvement while Hua Chunying, a Chinese foreign ministry spokesperson, stated in a follow-up report that China hopes the accusations will stop. If China truly isn’t involved like they swear, it’d probably be in their best interest to step it up and learn how to hack because newsflash, since pretty much the rest of the world is already doing it.

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:07:31 |Display all floors
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4) Xi Jinping took a taxi
Forget the threat of nuclear war looming from Pyongyang, there’s much more important news out there. In the early morning of April 18, 2013, Hong Kong based Ta Kung Pao reported that President Xi Jinping not only took a taxi in downtown Beijing in early March, but also (hold your breath) had a conversation with the taxi driver! Yes my dear readers, I couldn’t believe it either. But sure enough, Xinhua News Agency soonpicked up the story and even confirmed it with Beijing transportation officials, causing it to spread like hotcakes all over the Chinese interwebs. Yet, by that afternoon, the story started disappearing from Chinese media websites, and Xinhua promptly released a statement claiming the story was not true. Shortly after the hoax was unveiled, netizens on Weibo expressed outrage with one screaming, “Please stop tricking us readers and stop making trouble” while another roared that the Chinese media should be “ashamed” of this report, according to Global Times’ summary of the incident. I guess high ranking officials acting like, well, ordinary people is still a very delicate subject.

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:08:06 |Display all floors
5) China is sensitive
Global Times reported in April of this year that Wang Jinn-wang, head of Taiwan’s Coast Guard Administration (CGA), issued an agreement with Japan announcing the expulsion of Mainland fishermen from the Diaoyu fishing waters. According to the report, this action really “hurt” China’s feelings. But apparently China is more sensitive than one may think. In 2008, Danwei.org posted an article called “Mapping the hurt feelings of the Chinese people” (You’ll need a VPN) revealing that the China Daily has reported China getting her “feelings hurt” more than 100 times by 19 separate countries and organizations from 1946-2006. Not surprisingly, much of sentiment derives from discussions related to the “Three T’s”, while Japan is the number one heartbreaker with 47 offenses (after WWII) towards the Mainland.

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:08:28 |Display all floors
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6) Kim Jong-un is the sexiest man alive
"With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman's dream come true." At least that’s what the satirical news outlet known as the Onion wrote about the North Korean Supreme Leader in its “Sexiest Man Alive for 2012” post. However, the People’s Daily didn’t catch the sarcasm and ran a word-for-word report coupled with a 55-photograph slideshow of Kim. Some of the photos included the leader riding a gray and white stallion and inspecting military facilities. After receiving news of the coverage, the Onion in return praised the Chinese paper as “a proud Communist subsidiary of the Onion” and saluted them by saying, “Exemplary reportage, comrade.”

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Post time 2013-7-18 10:08:50 |Display all floors
7) Sex Scandals, Sexy Comrades and Sex
What’s even more dumbfounding is the fact that the People’s Daily didn’t stop with Kim’s “sexiness” and ran two other controversial pieces the same exact day. Edward Wong of the New York Times pointed out that the Chinese press ran a slideshow of a party official who returned to work after an intimate video of he and his mistress leaked to the public, causing the controversial video to go viral and taint the party’s image. The other slideshow was titled “Beautiful Scenery” and it showed the attractive women of the CCP at the 18th Communist Party Congress, subtly suggesting that female comrades are still viewed by many as mere eye candy. And if that wasn’t enough, the Global Times ran an article in May of this year titled “Never Sleep with a Virgin” which ended with the statement, “Condoms are just like women, they can be very annoying sometimes, but you can't have sex without them.” Seriously?!

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