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Real Love Is Only What You Give [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-1-30 15:04:57 |Display all floors
This post was edited by DSseeing at 2012-1-30 15:10

"What my marriage taught me is that real love is only what you give. That's all. Love is not "out there," waiting for you. It is in you. In your own heart, in what you are willing to give of it. We are all capable of love, but few of us have the courage to do it properly. You can take a person's love and waste it. But you are the fool. When you give love, it grows and flowers inside you like a carefully pruned rose. Love is joy. Those who love, no matter what indignities, what burdens they carry, are always full of joy."

- from Recipes for a Perfect Marriage, p. 281

I think it's very true.
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Life is what you make of it

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Post time 2012-1-30 15:36:36 |Display all floors
Running the gamut from mild to wild, romantic love is an emotion hard to describe.

The rainbow of feelings which generate its presence evokes a personal sense of difference in the way one views and treats a particular person from others.

The descriptor 'super-special' fails to do sufficient justice. 'Onliest soul mate' is closer. 'Better half' is still not there. 'Apple of my eye, rose of my heart, melody of my existence' can only be uttered outside Juliet's window.

So how does one describe special love in its deepest and most quavering substance? Alas, Shelley is unavailable today so the question shall remain at the tip of one's trembling lips.

Perhaps that's why in the confusion it can be easy to mistake infatuation for romantic love.

Usually, infatuation happens more to the young. That could be due to their hormones triggering off under life's cycle to start looking for a mate.

Should they later not be with the one who had earned their first earth-shaking infatuation, they may find it difficult to let go their memories of those fatuous moments in subconscious compensation for what they think they see lacking in what they finally have.

But rather than chiding themselves, they should bravely acknowledge it has a biological role which however has been superseded by the reality of who one has been given.

It may seem strange to accept this. How can one in actively looking for a mate be said to be 'given' one? On the same plane of thought, it is also strange to note that some of the characteristics of the children as outcome of the union are not those ascribable to either or both parents.

Thus we have two puzzles here today. And it may perhaps be so that if we can ourselves as individuals find our own satisfactory solutions to these two puzzles, we may then be less adamant that the old ways of looking at romantic love and two-as-one relationships remain the only truism.

In the end, love is like wine. It grows on you with a taste that lingers long after the fragrance has dissipated. That residue of subcutaneous intimacy holds onto life like the warmth of an old glove in the bitter cold of winter.

Then it doesn't need words or touch or other mundane forms of communication. Just the presence of thoughtful affection lightly deposited in every corner in one's heart.

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Post time 2012-1-30 15:46:50 |Display all floors
There is a saying "first you have to love yourself before trying to love someone"

If you find a person who also is and feels as you, that is a perfect match and therefore it will guide you to a happy marriage.

Parents should encourage their children to love themselves first, love with a good heart always must prevail over material things.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Post time 2012-1-30 15:58:09 |Display all floors
markwu Post time: 2012-1-30 15:36
Running the gamut from mild to wild, romantic love is an emotion hard to describe.

The rainbow of f ...

thank you for this long reply.

I'm learning from your input
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Post time 2012-1-30 16:25:59 |Display all floors
I agree
I really    love China,半个 中国 人

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Post time 2012-1-30 16:30:24 |Display all floors
What if you happen to love the wrong person who doesn't care a bit about what you give?
Life is what you make of it

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Post time 2012-1-30 16:43:10 |Display all floors
Abandon ship to give both the chance to be happier with others.

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