Post time 2010-3-14 22:55:57
An anecdotal story doing the rounds is that following controversy regarding a parliamentary submission, the Institute of Physics should “apologise” wholeheartedly to the Anthropogenic Global Warming (AGWa) community via the following statement. Please pass it on:|
Oh mighty AGWa, forgive me, for I have sinned. I shave my head before you, and kneel at your feet. I have always kept the faith that the works of man will warm this globe, but I have doubted the holy hockey stick and incurred the rightful wrath of your Guardian angel. I flagellate myself, oh AGWa, and beg your blessing. Woe is me, denier that I am, to have harked the siren song of the evil hackers and cranks to place science upon an altar that is greater than your own. I yield to you all my worldly possessions, so that your priests and acolytes might jet to summits to preach your message and build your church.
My disciples shall surrender their grants to yours, and will don the sack-cloths of McDonalds in humble atonement. We shall not worship the false idols of evidence and openness and replication. We shall blind our eyes to overpopulation and pandemic and the rape of the planet. We shall cut down the skeptic jungles of ignorance for your psalms, and we shall cast out the demons of oil and coal and fission and fusion. No longer will we pray to the pursuit of knowledge, no more will we concern ourselves with condensed matter physics or electron spin or the trefoil proton. No longer will we succour the vanities of space and gravity, or the trivia of manned spaceflight and the conversion of matter into pure clean energy.
For your mighty blades will be planted as prayer wheels across our land, and when your heavenly breath does not blow and thy power does not flow, we shall boldly go to huddle in our homes and light a candle in your honour, then read your creed by its shining light. Then we will rise to salute on high your standard of green and gold, and march as square-jawed soldiers to the beat of your drum. We shall tax ourselves to bear your great band-wagen until our backs are broke, for though its wheels have come off, still it carries your gilded saints and their prophets of doom. For the word of your crew is truth, yea verily the only truth, for it has been reviewed by peers and lords, proclaimed by your ill-met office, and verily pronounced by your govern-mental panel.
So save me from the furies, oh AGWa, hallowed be thy name. I prostrate myself naked before your throne. This coldest winter is not a care, for I too am your obedient servant. Forgive me my trespasses, oh AGWa. Thy will be done, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.