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一片中学生作文, 请专家指点 [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-5-4 10:13:41 |Display all floors
Located in the southern part of China, Hong Kong, the pearl of the Orient, attracts many travelers every year.

  With a mild climate, Hong Kong offers many beautiful views such as Kowloon Bay and Victoria Harbor. But the modern city and the nightlife there are more attractive. Known as the paradise of shoppers, Hong Kong is a big shopping center of China. You can buy everything you need and there are all kinds of things to choose from. The Disney land is also a good place to go. You will take a amazing  advandure with Mickey Mouse in this magical land. And at night, bars and cafes are good choices. Have a drink and enjoy the night view of the city, then you can have a glimpes of the mixed culture between west and east.

  It is Hong Kong, a beautiful place where amusing happens.

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Post time 2008-5-4 19:05:52 |Display all floors

总体写的很好!

1\ But the modern city and the nightlife there are more attractive. 这里用but不太好,改用“Whereas/While”更加能体现出前后对比的感觉。
2\You can buy everything (书面写作,这里的that 不要省略)you need.
3\ an amazing
4\ It is Hong Kong, a beautiful place where wonders never cease.  你的句子 where amusing happens 语法有问题, amusing是adj, 不能做定语从句的主语,改成 "the amusing" 或 “amusements” 都可以,但还是不如我该写的意境好。。。呵呵^_^

我也不是什么专家,一起交流,共同进步!:)你满厉害的,小小年纪写的比很多大学生都好,I bet you will have a promising future! ^_^

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Post time 2008-5-5 08:04:06 |Display all floors

Reply #2 omen2008's post

thank you so much  omen2008 !!!

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