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There are so many cases of disastrous decisions and misappropriation in custody battles involving Chinese parents in America that I have lost count of them. |
Many less ridiculous cases hardly make a dent in the news because they are so common. This instant case here raises concern because it is so plainly ridiculous. It is actually kidnapping by legal means if you think about it. Most Chinese students or new immigrants do not understand the intricacies of laws involving student health insurance, Medicaid, child custody, etc. while overseas.
There was recently a case involving a woman who married a Caucasian and ended up getting divorced because of alleged beatings. Usually the child goes with the mother in most custodial cases but not in this one. The dad was able to obtain sole custody of the child. The mom went to the school and kidnapped the child and brought him back to China.
The father died in a few years and the woman thought the custody battle was over. Little did she know that she's already listed as a fugitive from law. So after a long hiatus she re-entered the States through the Canadian border, and then she was promptly arrested. The child was placed under foster care in a stranger's home. Imagine the trauma induced in the child.
To digress a bit on today's online romances and marriages involving international couples.
In some cases that I knew of, it was the fault of the Chinese woman who married the American man just to get the green card and leave. This happens especially in cases in which the woman has recently gone through a divorce in China, has a child and wants to give the child "a better life" abroad.
So this kind of woman has an ulterior motive from Day One. She leaves China with the foreigner without telling the boy's biological father (yes, some women can do very bad things) on the pretense that the latter is not paying child support. The American guy might be on welfare or permanent workman's comp disability in the States so he doesn't care so long as he could get a young woman to stay with him.
This is especially common in so-called online romances. It would seem that some people go online to fish for a prey and not for a life partner. It's not like in the old days when the families of the two people knew each other from Day One.
When I think back on those days, I can't help but marvel at the wisdom of our ancestors. The so-called revolutionary thinkers of the previous century did away with this tradition because all they saw was how unfair some of these so-called loveless marriages turned out to be.
The dichotomy here stems from the fact that marriage is actually a social function, and the physical part is the least of all considerations. Romances tend to emphasize the wrong things in a relationship and that's why so many romances based on so-called free love end up as tragedies.
While I am not advocating returning to the old days of arranged marriages, I do believe there's a lot of merit in the old system especially the part about knowing the family backgrounds of one other well. One can pretty much gauge what kind of life he or she will have with the potential partner by watching his/her familial interactions. In other cases, it is because the woman was enticed under false pretenses to marry a much older foreign man thinking that he was loaded.
I think the Chinese government has a responsibility towards its citizens by telling them exactly how the economic situation is in America and other places, and not leave it up to false depictions in American movies and TV sitcoms. It should educate the masses through accurate portrayals in the media and then many unfortunate incidents affecting so many women could have been avoided.
Too many innocent Chinese and other Asian women have ended up working in the brothels in New Jersey and Los Angeles simply because they have this false image of America as being the heaven on earth, a place where anybody can get a proper job making several times the income that someone in China does because of the RMB exchange rate difference. They often ended up owing 40K or 50K to the snakeheads who then controlled them as soon as they arrive in American shores on account of those debts, and were then sold into organized crime for a life of prostitution.
Naturally no Chinese woman in her right mind would give up an unexciting but adequate life in China to go to America, Middle East or Europe to work as prostitutes if the facts were presented accurately to them before departure.
That this is happening more and more (especially to Europe) is a problem that I think the Chinese government needs to address and give proper attention by accurately reflecting the dangers of going abroad based solely on the allure that they could find a better-paying job or a richer husband overseas.
In some cases it might be true that this is indeed the case, but in many cases it isn't, and unfortunately in Chinese culture there is a tendency to describe foreigners and foreign countries in larger-than-life depictions, leading many Chinese women to make false presumptions of what life might be in these foreign lands.
You can't believe how many Chinese women from cities such as Shanghai who meet a foreigner online, get married in a hurry, go overseas and eventually end up in bad situations.
That's why I do believe the government has a role to play in all this -- especially in properly educating the public about the dangers of expedient marriages and overseas brothels.