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Why does everyone ask me "Why don't you date one of your students?" [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-2 02:38:29 |Display all floors
I teach at Tsinghua (Qingua) University and it seems like ALMOST everyone I talk to (they all know I am looking for a girlfriend) asks me "Why don't you date your students?".  

First, before I begin, let me say I would never do that.  Yes, when I was 20 years old and was teaching at a University (can you say "ultimate nerd"? hehe - 4 universities degrees but no girlfriend (sad)) I was very lonely - most of my students were older than me, I made the mistake of asking one of my students out on a date (almost lost my job).  But, now that I am MANY years older than them I would never dream of it.  

My question is why would everyone ask me that?  Isn't that illegal here in China?  I mean don't people think that is bad?  Why would they ask me that?  It is soooo strange.

Even though I am not having much luck using asiafriendfinder or that's Beijing, I just can't see myself asking a student of mine out (don't get me wrong they are attractive, but it is soo wrong).  Don't you all think it is wrong?  If you all agree then why do soooo many (I mean MANY!!!!) people ask me, why don't you date your students?

VERY confused!!!

I am trying to learn the culture here in China, so please help me understand why sooo many people (mostly Chinese) ask me this question.

Thanks for your help!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-2 04:23:21 |Display all floors
Hi, Markis,

Let me first ask you which are the people who raised this question to you? Are they Chinese or foreigners?

In China, relationship between teachers and students (at universities of course) is considered very normal. We call it "Shi-Sheng-Lian" here (love between teacher and student). And those involved don't always have to keep it secret. One of my high school classmates went studying at Beijing Foreign Language Institute and went out with one of her teachers openly. In fact, there are many cases in which the two actually get married after the student's graduation.

I know in Western countries this is considered an abuse of position if a teacher dates a student. But in China, I don't know of any regulation which is against it. So any opposition or criticism has to remain on a private level.

But the problem with Chinese authorities is that, they don't always distinguish between private opinion and official regulation. If you happen to have a very "unpredictable" boss, it could be made a case against you if one day he becomes unhappy with you for some reason. So if you do decide to date a student, do try to keep it secret, just to be on the safe side.

that's all i can say, hope it was of some help!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-2 08:37:15 |Display all floors
First, love between teachers and students in university is very normal.
Second, as you are in university, it's the students that you met most often.
Third, you a looking for a gf.
So they aks you , why don;'t u date one of your students?
U mentioned that you are many years older than your students. I think that your students here doesn't only refer to the students you are teaching , but all the students in Qinhua university. So there must be some students , maybe master or doctor, who are near your age.
hi

UL/CSA listed sump&sewage pump supplier

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Rank: 1

Post time 2007-1-2 11:37:48 |Display all floors
Do not worry about that,If you like a student, you may ask her for a date.
But anyhow,I think as a teacher, dating with student is not good for your career.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2007-1-2 11:45:00 |Display all floors
That's interesting that it's normal. I was thinking maybe some rude or suspicious people are trying to "test him" and see how he will respond, and if he will fit the stereotype of foreigners coming here to take advantage of young chinese girls.

If it's normal, then why do so many other people get upset when they hear a teacher is dating a student?

Hmm.
I am not rich.  :L

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Rank: 1

Post time 2007-1-2 12:38:57 |Display all floors
How older you are than your students?  I think if you are much older than your students,people won't ask you that.

In our university, a professor married a girl nearly 20 years younger than him.It is nothing.

If a teacher dates with one of his student,the only idea comes to peoples' mind is "love between teacher and student".That's all.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2007-1-3 14:11:04 |Display all floors
That is weird, I don't understand that either, Maybe because you are foreigner?! but I know, generally, it is not so good that teacher go out with student. but love should be without any restriction, right? I think it is nothing about if they are your students, it is about if you have feelings to any of them, if she worth it, what do you think?

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