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I had just replied to your private message, before I had seen that you posted, here.|
I told you that I work with the Washington State Governor's Commission that deals with these problems. The governor of Washinton is Chinese-American. Also, I told you that Seattle, WA is a major destination for Chinese smuggled by snakeheads.
San Francisco, for many years, has had a large Chinese population, and Asia issues are very much discussed and dealt with.
My suggestion is that you and your wife get involved with various Asian social services organizations. San Francisco is the leader, in all of America, in such things.
Have you heard of cross-cultural counseling? I think you should get your wife involved in that. I guarantee that she will meet highly educated Chinese-American women who can help her adjust much better to American life and deal effectively with her fears from her perspective.
I don't know if you are a white American or a non-Asian American, but if you are, you have to realize that you cannot understand your wifes inner-most feelings and fears. That is best left to someone who is of Asian descent, who understands her cultural ancestory, and her fears.
You yourself say that you are fighting with her, and that is not going to make her feel secure and safe--nor closer to you. Don't make yourself a foreigner in her life!
I don't know you, but from what you say here--and from what I see in your private message--you appear to be stubborn and controlling.
So, as I say, San Francisco has tremendously good cross-cultural counseling and social services programs to help people like your wife. And they can help the two of you get past the fighting and improve your understanding of each other.
Same race-culture marriage is difficult enough for many people!
I came back to edit this and add an information source for you. This web site lists a number of very helpful San Francisco Chinatown organizations that can help you and your wife with your problems. Does she speak Mandarin? Cantonese? She can receive help in those or any other Chinese dialects. You can't beat that for help!
I hope things work out for the two of you. Good luck and happiness for both of you!