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Thanks all for your kindly advice!
I appreciate the cheerful words from you..I actually, feel am being speical here, its all because of you guys! I am touched!
I dont know why my life can be so wrong...I just have no idea...and I am sorry that I have brought my trouble here.I shouldnt have troubled you guys, or bring confusions to you guys..Sorry!
I am fine here, I am lost, but I am sure one day I will find my way, it might be few weeks, months or years, but I will one day, so dont worry about me!
Richard, I am not as tough as you thought, I am not a warrior!! I am just a weak-minded person, who wants to run away from the past, however, I cant walk away from the past, its there, and its haunting me, or I am still in love with my past which is pathetic indeed!!! Suicide didnt end my life, its not a bad thing for me, I start to cherish my life, although, at the same time, I start to be a pervert...does sleeping around make me a pervert?? maybe....I am like that poor Lolita..I was a daisy fresh little girl a min ago, but now, I am just as dirty as a delilah...well...whatelse can i say about it?...
Flavie, I will be fine soon, I promise you....about my book...its not the one that you would be interested in...majority about it is sex, betray, flirtatious, blues, depressions..etc...not a nice book i can foretell...quite negative after all...i dont want to bring you down as ur a sweet gal....=)
others who replied to my thread - Thanks so much for your input...with my emotional disorders, i dont really want to take the pills, since i worry i might rely on it later on...about shrinks..i have a friend who is one, so i can counsel him if i want...
about ons, its been part of my life, at least for now, i love it, but i will never let sex override my soul, and my future goals....sex is just a weapon, so is body....i dont know what i can do with those ons guys...some of them ask me out for dinner, coffee, movie, etc...they make me sick...even one of them told me that he wanted to help me to have a more positive outlook in life...bullshit!!.....they feel sorry for me am sure!!...just like i feel sorry for them as well...dont worry....game just starts....i dislike men, i wont let anyone hurt me or bring me down again...no one can ever hurt me so badly again...!!...yea....bodies close, but souls apart.....
hope everyone enjoy the time here in chinadaily...its one of the best bbs i have ever been...i am honored to talk freely ehre..and thanks you guys for listening....=)