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Essence of Love|
In this article I am hoping ot share some of my personal opinions about essence of love in a narrow sense, between a couple.
I remember my former post and my opinion in the one titled "Source of Attraction". It was not until I began to read some works of Fred and E.Fromm that I began to be really interested in love in its psychological essence.
Of course the name of Fred has been shining through all these years for his attributing love between a couple into sex relevant experience, some of which (the foundamental ones actually as it is according to him) are traced back into one's childhood.
And later E. Fromm went further by developing this theory into a new phase, holding that love is an art rather than a sense of pure excitement. For if it were the latter, it can be a matter of pure accident in the sense that as long as one is lucky enough, he or she is able to meet the right person and further enjoy the happiness of being together freely and without efforts. A word of caution is in this case, love is not a lasting treasure but more an unexpected accident of good nature, and can be broken at any moment once the luck is gone.
My limited life experience and observation on those stories happening on and around me as well as those attained from reading and talking with friends make me believe that love is not only an accident, but rather, as pointed out by E. Fromm, an art. In this way, it explains why it does one no good to meet his or her sweetheart too early in life though in that case they have a longer time of being together. Bumping too early in one's life into one's partner may bring enormous troubles given the premise one is not mature enough to embrace love in a proper manner. An instance in point is the younger love birds. They may not be able to fully develop their potential as being a man or a woman because the time is spent elsewhere rather than focused on cultivating their minds.
Neverthless, meeting too late also spells agony. One may feel time is so limited for the two to spend together and thus suffers. Only the wise can overcome this agony by cherishing every minute spent together, and do thsi with a winged heart. If two are in love, then another theory created by myself can be applied, which coincidently runs into the same name with the one discovered by the greatest Albert Einstein named theory of relativity. When in love, a second spent together outweighs a year spent alone. This theory may well gives explaination to how people can still be happy in a too-late love.
There are other essences of love, the capacity to love one of the many. When people talk about love, their faces glow with delight and happiness, and their eyes brighten with joy. But does it make sense and qualify for the name of love if it is only a sense of being loved rahter than giving love, or does it in case of single-sided? It is common for people to feel they are "in love" because they are being loved. but this alone cannot make a full love if they are not giving out love at the same time. Absorbing love given without giving love is what reflects the selfisheness in one. And if one is careful enough, it is not hard to find that reports are taking a prevailing position in leisure newspapers about stories of someone's giving up all they have to go after another love of theirs. The air is created to make readers believe the more sadistic the outcome is, the better and the more romantic the love story is. Like in one of the local newspaper, a man who fell in love with a married woman and who followed this love till he left his job to the woman's city is reported in a bragging way. Personally I strongly doubt whether this is the right kind of love. Is he trying to meet some profound hidden psychological need in him rather? Forceful love without consideration of the object of love involved can also reflect one's oppressed forcefulness resulted from earlier life experience.
Fromm told us on love in sense of art, it is important to have the capacity to love others first before one can really love his or her partner. It is beyond imagination for one who does not love his or her families or friends can love some specific one as a life-long partner. This is more like a alliance rather than a true love union. The same also applies in maternal love. The wise will not choose those as wife and future mother who fail to love their families, friends, a poor man on street or a kid of the neighbour's. Without the capacity of love in a broad sense,a happy future is much less likely to be reliable.
The last but not least element I am hoping ot highlight is between a couple, a sense of responsibility is as important as the strong emotions at early stage of a love life. It in this sense also has something to do with one's will and determination. For if love is merely a strong feeling of attraction, it lacks the foundation for a long life. Feelings are all changeable and intangible, while a responsibility can tie two people together, both in good and bad times It is the right moment when you find this kind of love in your partner, you can tell yourself joyfully, "This is the right man/ woman with whom I can spend a life time with." For this is the very priceless merit that helps to overcome rainy days when you are experiencing jobless period, a severe disease etc, and leads to a whole new respect of a love life together. No living man will stop grow both spiritually and physically and this makes life even more wonderful, to have a soul mate on a same path.