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Give me advice to Love or leave my Chinese wife…I am going crazy [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-8-22 10:25:34 |Display all floors
My story is too long to be fitted in a discussion group so I will try to condense it.
I dated and now married to a Chinese woman from South of China. About four weeks ago I accidentally found out that she had been deceiving me all along and had told me lies about almost everything. She had now admitted that she only married me because she desperately wanted to go to England. She was coached by her dad to do this, so that she could support her father who is asking her to send about £500 a month once she is in England. I had been supporting her ever since we got to know each other and her requirements for money were increased from RMB600 to now RMB3000 a month. On top of this she needed about RMB1500 to RMB3000 a month for a new problem in the family every month. Now she had admitted that she had told me lies about everything. While I had been working hard to support her she had been going to disco 3 to 4 times a week and gambling. She had now admitted that every time I called her (called several times in a day) she pretended to be asleep or at work while she would in fact be at Disco (answered calls in the toilets) or gambling. She in fact had left work ever since I returned to UK. A woman going to disco 3 to 4 times a week and then hiding this from her husband can only mean one thing to me (I may be wrong) that she was up to no good. I was so angry at all these revelations that I told her that I am finishing this marriage. She cried and told me that she only went to disco once, three months ago and was given Date Rape drugs by someone and was taken to hotel and raped. She had been addicted to drugs(Yao Tuo Wan, (SPEED in UK)) ever since, so she had to go to disco to get the fix. I was shocked and apologised to her. Next day, I booked the plane tickets and was prepared to stay with her for two months until she gets off the addiction. She was to be found out again so she then told me that she had told me lies about her addiction just to stay with me. Story goes even deeper but space does not permit. A credit to her is that she had revealed some of the things she could have easily kept from me for at least five years. She was remorseful and told me whatever I decide she will accept it without any complaints. I struggled for two weeks, a love for her on one side and unable to trust her on the other side and eventually decided to end it. Initially she did not complain but after talking to her friend she requested that I help her to build a small business in China, as people will not look at her with bad eyes once she has money. Later she had been crying and asked me to give her another chance. Please help me to decide!!!!

I am not bitter at all and I still love her, so I want to make the right decision. Her lies about money doesn’t bother me at all. I have two major problems. Firstly, I have a trust issue that can I trust her anymore? Secondly, if someone can tell me that, a woman going to disco 3 to 4 times a week can mean only enjoying oneself or it can mean more than that, when she is not addicted to speed?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-8-22 10:43:23 |Display all floors

Poor you

get over her.  People never change.  A liar is a liar is a liar.  Someone goes to discos 3-4 times a week is not a life partner, even if she doesn't take dugs or f*cks someone.  And she has too many "adivsors", the father, and her friends, meaning she is not mature to make decisions or take responsibilities.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-8-22 11:02:59 |Display all floors


Sori to hear yr story, man. As a traditional Chinese guy, I think I would never forgive a gl like u mentioned in yr story, even once. But love is something out of estimation of normal reasons. You could only make the decision as per yr own feeling. But objectively, according to what you said, I do not think yr gf worth any forgiveness. She is a liar, not independant and fooling around in the Disco often. As a Chinese saying says a wolf may lose its teeth but never nature. Wish you good luck!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-8-22 11:15:50 |Display all floors

Wow you got played man.

I vote leave.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-8-22 11:26:56 |Display all floors

sorry,poor guy!i am shamed for your Chinese wife...

For me,a typical Chinese girl,i am astonished to hear your story.I agree the second floor's is difficult for a human to change if those things are inherent in her body.Unless you are confident to change her with your love and sincerity.
Frankly,you are a good man but maybe a little silly.(i am not abusing you.)I can't understand why you cannot distinguish her lies for such a long time.Lies always cannot stay long.
Anyway,i hope you can solve this problem soon.others cannot decide it for you.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-8-22 11:36:21 |Display all floors

Ditch the Bitch

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-8-22 11:43:26 |Display all floors


Your post begs some questions.

You married a woman and then left to live in another country? How can you not know where your wife is that often, I mean it NEVER occurred to you to call her on her landline? You are the first person I have encountered who relies on phone calls only and not internet chatting for a long-distance relationship... but wait, I guess you will tell us next that this disco had internet terminals?

Why would you agree to supply your wife with a monthly allowance? If she is old enough to marry, and speaks English (my guess, sorry if its wrong) why doesn't she work, or where does her salary go?

Why would you want to salvage this relationship? Are you British, your writing suggests that English is not your first language...

Of course I don't know you or your wife but it seems odd in the extreme that you are such a victim when, with only a quick perusal, many posters here have surmised that your wife - as you portray her - is a snake.

It takes two to tango, and you had to turn a blind eye to some bad behavior for awhile before you married her I guess... how long did you know her before you married, and in what way did you meet?

This message board is full of innocent victims who come here to wail about getting played, but I would be willing to bet that most jumped from the cliff, they weren't pushed. Something about this story - especially the part about not caring about the money he lost - is fishy.

Good luck is not needed here, just common sense.

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