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not that i'm suicidal,i don't take it as an escape.nor do i believe in after life or heave and hell.i just grew up hearing too much about death from my mother and my aunt,now from my grandma.they are happy people but really don't take life seriously |
to me,death is part of the plan,it gives meaning to everything,including life.since there's nothing we can do about it when it really comes,why waste time worrying about it?
i don't have to live to 100 to realize there isn't much in life any more when you reach a certain age.what i love about death is that it saves us from suffering senility
my grandma is 95 this year,she's been ready for death since decades ago.the white color of the 'death suit' she made at 60 is turning yellow each year,she used to put it under the sun once a year until she reached her 90.at 93,she stopped celebrating her birthday
her health is declining,too.she can barely see or hear,but she is never tired of talking to people even when we are tired from her stories.and her memory,especially of the past is amazingly vivid,i guess the only things functioning well are her brain and her false teeth.
for her age,it's not easy to go with the times even though she does try,no one blames her.but when she feels out of the world,she feels even lonelier.we try to make her feel better by saying 'yes' to everything she says.but i can tell it's not helping
another thing that we try to convince her is that she's not a burden.sometimes she just hates herself for the extra work she creates for her children.but she won't believe me if i tell her we are happy to be needed,as much as she does
every little thing makes her crave for death.but somehow i don't think she hates life,i think it's the aging that is torturing her,which eventually lead to her urges to die
and no,it's not her nature to be pessimistic.it's just something that often happens when you are old and bored of life.