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i fall in love with a British man. i know some people would laugh at me since i said i've had enough of long distance relationship. but this time, i still fall in love with a man whho is much further from me. he is in UK, and i am in China. keeping a long distance relationship is really hard for me. that's why i was hesited to accept his love. but later, i found that i fall in love with him. i like to be with him, talk with him. i like his voice, making me calm and happy. what's more, he brought a sense of security to me, which is what i want. he is muture, caring, and sexy. anyway, he is a good guy. i thought he was the right one i am looking for. but later, i found that he never trusted me. he was always suspecting i was talking with other men on msn. besides, he didn't want me to go with another man, no matter this man is my friend or not. i thought his over-jealousy was due to his full love to me (and he did love me very much), therefore i didn't care about that. i never expected how serious it is.|
last night, i couldn't fall asleep since i had slept from 7:00pm to 9:00pm as i i was too sleepy then. thus, i was going surfing on line. my msn signed in autimatically when i am on line. i was reading some posts on tianyaclub forum, and later i was playing games on line. playing games is really a good way to kill time. i didn't notice the time until msn informed me that someone signed in. it was already nearly 5:00am. i didn't know who it was at first, since i had never seen this name before. and i greeted him with a "hi". right after my greeting, i checked his email and got excited that it was him! i was really happy to see him at that time. obviously, he got shocked as he saw i was still on line at 5:00am. but he didn't answer me at the first time. thus i turned back to play games. after game, i found he was very angry as i could tell from his message. he thought i was busy chatting with some other men. no matter how i explained to him, he just couldn't believe me. he even called me CHEATER! gosh! i never cheat him a word! he thought he got played. i was really angry then. i don't know why he didn't trust me. in fact, he has questioned my love to him many times. i always believe love is based on mutural trust. since he loved me, why didn't he trust me? one day he told me that he knew he couldn't control me, and said i am a free woman. frankly speaking, i got a little shocked when he used the word "control", i never thought he wanted to control me.
we "argued" (he didn't think it was an arguement, he took it as a talk) about this matter for nearly an hour. and it ended with his words," bye bye, china doll." he has already made up his mind to split up with me. i was feeling rather blue at that time. i cried silently in front of my pc. i told him he is the second man to make me cry in front of my pc. you would never know what he replied: only the second one? what was i supposed to say? i went back to my bed and still couldn't fall asleep. i missed him. i missed him very much.but i forced myself to sleep. i should have some sleep then.
i woke up at 10:30am this morning, and found that he called me at 8:30am. you must know how happy i was at that time. and later i re-installed my pc. when everything was done, i told him i want to have a talk with him by email. later he signed in. but gave me a cold shoulder. i asked him not to treat me like that and he answered he never said anything. i said sorry that i didn't know he called me last night (maybe i should say this morning), and he said he just tested his phone. that's all. nothing sepcial. i said to myself to be strong in mind but i couldn't help tears coming down from my eyes, just like now. i don't know what's going on between us. i never want to lose him.
there's no more contact with him in the future. but i will NEVER remove him from my msn.
i am missing him now.