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life is unfair, but you'd better keep going
Apparently, the american guy doesn't love you and you don't love your husband. I do feel sorry for him to be involved in this mess. |
First of all, get rid of the american guy from your life and your mind. It will be hard, but you have got to do it. It is for good of everyone.
Second, deal with your husband, for god sake, he loves you, if you don't love him, fine, but don't destory him (you already know love hurts). I scanned throught your posts, I cannot remember where you mentioned about your feeling about him (apart from feeling sorry). I would suggest you free him and yourself from this marriage. Feeling guilty is just not enough to save it (if you want to save it at all). But if you still want this marriage work for whatever the reason (i hope it is the love), keep quite about this mess with your BF. I have got a feeling that he would NOT forgive you if your husband knows about this, even you haven't done much wrong.
Love is great but life is tedious. Most people fight with their 'the other half' at some stages. This is normal. You cannot expect 100% harmony in daily life. Get on with it. As a Chinese, I do hope you can find love with your husband, at least you should try.
It is all about your marriage and happiness, not your past relationship!!