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Americans and Chinese view dating very differently[2]- Chinadaily.com.cn [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2015-9-3 23:58:20 |Display all floors
Ben and Yang Lidan(Linda) pose for a photo at Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona, US. [Photo provided to chinadaily.com.cn]






Communication style is hardest to adapt to. Americans are honest and open with our thoughts and feelings, but I think many Chinese tend to not say what they think and remain silent if there's a disagreement. I find this very difficult to accept. I want to communicate ...

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Post time 2015-9-3 23:58:21 |Display all floors
maybe it need time talking

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Post time 2015-9-4 07:57:17 |Display all floors
Some Chinese are open and honest though they still cannot talk to you directly...why? ....I don't do indirect communication, because honestly I don't know how to do it. If you want to communicate indirectly, you have to think about how to say it or how to do it, it's a lot of effort....but direct communication is easy...so if I say I prefer direct communication, why can't you talk to me directly?...words won't come out or what?...what's stopping you? I'm so eager to understand. Free lunch for someone who can explain it to me.

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Post time 2015-9-4 08:04:34 |Display all floors
The secret to happiness with another person is honesty + respect. ...I can guarantee you that people who are open and honest to each other are more happy together, than people who need to save face even with the person closest to you. ....I know it, because I have experienced both.

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Post time 2015-9-4 12:13:44 |Display all floors
Dear Stranger123, I look forward to lunch!  Direct communication is not always so easy if you 1) value not offending the other person 2) want to communicate in a way that is "softer" and more peaceful.  Direct Western style communication  often leads to conflict rather than solutions.  So people may live in a culture where the problems are approached and described indirectly, which may make it easier to maintain "face", respect and good relationships.  Living in China, we really can't "demand" others adopt our ways of communicating.  Peace, good luck!

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Post time 2015-9-13 11:32:07 |Display all floors
i think there are lots of difference between chia and western country,but wherever you come from ,i think it is very improtant is really love each other in a couple.if couple don't have really love ,even if you come from a same region,you may divor.
whatever a couple should understand and tolerate .

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Post time 2015-9-13 15:59:14 |Display all floors
PatrickInBeijin Post time: 2015-9-4 12:13
Dear Stranger123, I look forward to lunch!  Direct communication is not always so easy if you 1) val ...

Direct western style communication does not lead to conflicts. You have a western username, but you're not a westerner, I'm sure. Otherwise, you wouldn't reach this conclusion.

Direct communication, done respectfully, resolves present conflict and prevent future ones from occurring. I think you mean, direct communication in China may lead to conflict, because Chinese people expect indirect communcation.

But if I say I prefer direct communcation, you don't need to worry about defending me. On the contrary, I find indirect communication very disrespectful, so if you value not offending people like me, you would switch to direct communication, since I'm being clear about what I prefer.

As for, when in Rome do as the Romans do, but it can only refer to harmless things, such as drinking boiled water...if Chinese people in China say, it's okay for a man to have 3 girlfriends, and it's okay for a man to beat up women, would you still do as the Chinese do?...There are many westerners in China that refuse to learn Chinese, when I think this should be one of the requirements of living in China. But the backward things that Chinese people do, if you expect me to do the same, I'd rather leave. Finally, I'm not living in China, but I'm a guest at this forum.

If I truly believed indirect communication and the face culture lead to a better way of life, you bet I would try to learn it. But frankly, those are the things that hamper progress. ...so, over my dead body: no, thank you.

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